Last time I checked in I mentioned how I met this cool girl at a 4th of July party. Well, we communicated over Facebook this week and set up a date for drinks this evening. Whoa!! That’s right, an actual first date with a perfectly normal girl that I met not in a bar, club, or crappy dating website. I was starting to think that wasn’t possible. Anyway, I’m pretty psyched because I think we’ll get along great and have a blast.
I was thinking about the psychology behind first dates and the right way to frame the interaction and I came up with this first-date checklist of sorts. When you think of first date checklists you’re probably thinking: bubblegum, cell phone, cash, condoms, etc. This list isn’t like that (not that I don’t have those things). This is my inner game checklist and it helps to get me in the right frame of mind for a first date.
- My primary goal is to make sure we both have a good time and get to know one another a little better.
- My secondary goal is to generate attraction and create sexual tension.
- My baseline goal is to go for an extended makeout at the end, but I’m open to anything, including nothing.
- I might grab her ass if I get the chance and/or have enough to drink.
- Creating tension is another way of saying, “we have chemistry,” so I’m looking to develop chemistry.
- I will exist in the present and enjoy the experience.
- My timeframe for the date is 2-3 hours, but I’m open to anything happening, including it ending early.
- I’m looking forward to talking about the things I’m interested in talking about.
- I have conversational topics queued up: books, travel, sports (we share a primary sport), current cities we live in. I’m expecting a bunch of threads to open up.
- Testing new material
- One routine I want to run is my Nerd Routine. Basically, I establish that she’s a nerd/dork via teasing and then I launch us into trying to one up each other on who’s the bigger nerd. This is loads of fun. I did this a bit over Facebook earlier in the week and it worked great. Adult nerds are generally high value (intelligence, good jobs) and I’ve noticed that projecting an image of a confident, cool nerd generates strong attraction in intelligent women because of the inherit nerd vs. cool guy conflict. Conflict equals sexual tension. I haven’t field tested this fully, but I feel pretty good about running my Nerd material. Will report back next week.
- I have no expectations and there is zero pressure. If she thinks I’m a douche and wants to throw a martini in my face, that’s totally fine. Actually, that would make a really funny blog post.
- Getting rejected is fine.
- If she flakes, which is totally possible, I’ll take it in stride and go hang with my boyz.
That’s basically it. To summarize, I want us both to have fun, there won’t be any pressure, I’m looking to develop chemistry, the convo will be good, and I want to test new material. I think with an open mind and a goal or two, you can really improve the experience of your first dates. What’s on your checklist?