Lance’s First Date Checklist

Last time I checked in I mentioned how I met this cool girl at a 4th of July party. Well, we communicated over Facebook this week and set up a date for drinks this evening. Whoa!! That’s right, an actual first date with a perfectly normal girl that I met not in a bar, club, or crappy dating website. I was starting to think that wasn’t possible. Anyway, I’m pretty psyched because I think we’ll get along great and have a blast.

I was thinking about the psychology behind first dates and the right way to frame the interaction and I came up with this first-date checklist of sorts. When you think of first date checklists you’re probably thinking: bubblegum, cell phone, cash, condoms, etc. This list isn’t like that (not that I don’t have those things). This is my inner game checklist and it helps to get me in the right frame of mind for a first date.

  1. My primary goal is to make sure we both have a good time and get to know one another a little better.
  2. My secondary goal is to generate attraction and create sexual tension.
  3. My baseline goal is to go for an extended makeout at the end, but I’m open to anything, including nothing.
  4. I might grab her ass if I get the chance and/or have enough to drink.
  5. Creating tension is another way of saying, “we have chemistry,” so I’m looking to develop chemistry.
  6. I will exist in the present and enjoy the experience.
  7. My timeframe for the date is 2-3 hours, but I’m open to anything happening, including it ending early.
  8. I’m looking forward to talking about the things I’m interested in talking about.
  9. I have conversational topics queued up: books, travel, sports (we share a primary sport), current cities we live in. I’m expecting a bunch of threads to open up.
  10. Testing new material
  11. One routine I want to run is my Nerd Routine. Basically, I establish that she’s a nerd/dork via teasing and then I launch us into trying to one up each other on who’s the bigger nerd. This is loads of fun. I did this a bit over Facebook earlier in the week and it worked great. Adult nerds are generally high value (intelligence, good jobs) and I’ve noticed that projecting an image of a confident, cool nerd generates strong attraction in intelligent women because of the inherit nerd vs. cool guy conflict. Conflict equals sexual tension. I haven’t field tested this fully, but I feel pretty good about running my Nerd material. Will report back next week.
  12. I have no expectations and there is zero pressure. If she thinks I’m a douche and wants to throw a martini in my face, that’s totally fine. Actually, that would make a really funny blog post.
  13. Getting rejected is fine.
  14. If she flakes, which is totally possible, I’ll take it in stride and go hang with my boyz.

That’s basically it. To summarize, I want us both to have fun, there won’t be any pressure, I’m looking to develop chemistry, the convo will be good, and I want to test new material. I think with an open mind and a goal or two, you can really improve the experience of your first dates. What’s on your checklist?

  • Tiffany @ E101

    This is pretty funny and strangely spot on, especially about the nerds. These days every guy *swears* he’s a nerd at heart just because he browsed through a book at Barnes and Noble.

  • Girlwithnoname (Jackie)

    my checklist?

    1) get him to pay… make sure its expensive and I go home full and drunk… alone!!

    LOL!! I am soooooo joking!!!

    my checklist? pray he doesn’t have some deep-rooted emotional issue that I’m only going to learn about for the first time tonight… have at least one good laugh.

    Vancouver is brutal.

    loved your post. keep ’em comin’!
    .-= Girlwithnoname (Jackie)´s last blog …uStream Redeemed =-.

  • used tires

    Definitely a good list haha. Definitely loving the nerd routine. You are right adult nerds definitely are high value. Good plan at number 14, always good to not let things get to you.
    till then,

  • Hammer

    Lance, you and I do totally different things when we date I think. When I date, I screen for LTR potential, and constantly note in my mind whether she has disqualified herself or not yet, but at the same time my primary objective is to get to sex as quickly as possible, for reasons that I’ve mentioned many times.
    My checklist:
    1. Hip venue that is cheap but amazing
    2. Activity for later
    3. Decent and cheap bar near activity venue
    4. Decent and cheap bar near her/my house for afterward, preferably with couches for escalating
    5. Excuse to get to said cheap venue
    6. Interesting story about something that happened to me within the last two days
    7. Excuse for why I/she can only stay for a few minutes when I invite myself/her in
    7. Screen for logistics prior to date to make sure that there are not time constraints on the night.
    .-= Hammer´s last blog …Soapbox Issue: Slut vs. Hedonist and Sexual Liborator Game =-.

  • lisaq

    Certainly not your typical 1st date checklist, but definitely a lot more valuable. I think I’ll wait until I have a first date lined up to work on my own list…or maybe I’ll just modify yours a bit. 😉
    .-= lisaq´s last blog …All About Calling-Paige Parker Answers 5 Burning Questions =-.

  • Kip

    Great checklist Lance

    the top priority has to always be to make sure the both of you are having fun. that really is number one.

    Because if you’re having fun everythign else will follow.
    .-= Kip´s last undefined …(Enjoy 10 returned posts for 2 weeks) =-.

  • Lance

    Hammer, I would recommend switching from “getting laid as quickly as possible” to exchanging/sharing value…it’s a much better way to go about your business, and, frankly, a better way to live. Getting sex isn’t a big deal to me so I don’t think about it on a date. Just to clarify, when I party I sometimes do want to get laid asap, so I’ll put on the full court press at that point.

    I do a lot of my screening pre-date so that if we actually make it out I can just relax, have fun, and share. I DO make it priority to develop sexual tension, since that’s part of the experience of a good date, but it’s not my goal on a first date to get laid.
    .-= Lance´s last blog …Obama and Sarkozy Staring At Hot Chick’s Ass =-.

  • Jonsi

    I’d say that thinking “I want sex, so I am going to try this on her” isn’t a good place to be. That doesn’t exclude routines if they are stories congruent with your personality, but the best lay reports I’ve read have always been when the guy was actually connecting with a girl and describing all the fun he had in hanging out with her. It comes of as bragging, common, and contemptuous when the focus is mostly on sex and it’s not as entertaining unless it is some crazy story. But you should certainly have it in your mind to develop sexual tension, to express a sexual interest in her, and to push a little and see where it goes; and if rewarded, repeat. I think the goal should be to have a kick ass date even if there is not a love connection, but part of a good date and being a good dater is to establish those other frames. You should be able to have a good date, not get any action, and her not go out with you again, but still enjoy the experience, not feel bad about yourself or rejected, and not spend too much time afterwards analyzing what you could or should have done. Breaking things down is useful, but not all the time.

  • Eric

    Great list Lance. Making sure both parties are enjoying themselves is high on my list. I also do want to exchange at some level some value with the girl, so she feels like she got more out of the date than just some free food and drinks. Lol
    .-= Eric´s last blog …soulbone0521: About to go buy this PS3 finally. Can’t fcuk with Ebay no more. =-.

  • antonia

    i am antoniarandy by name i am 32yrs old i am here looking for a man who is lovely,honsty,carreering and loyalty………..
    get back to my personal mail or add me to my messenger list

  • Janak

    Hey Hammer. Seen this?
    .-= Janak´s last blog … review =-.