Honey
Lance
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Michael
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Shannon
publius5 Ways To Be More Attractive, Stop Sucking, and Dominate Your Life
By Lance on Mar 4, 2008 in Relationships
o I’ve been thinking a lot about what advice I would give people if I had to write one post on being attractive and improving your life. And not just advice, but some really solid mind epiphany type stuff. If guys and girls both worked on their games, there would be less sour grapes, better relationships, and we all would have more fulfilling lives. Sounds like a worthy endeavor to me.
There’s a hundred things you can do to make yourself a better and more attractive person, but it’s a good exercise to drill it down to a few core points. If you keep reading, you’ll also see my single best piece of advice at the bottom, which also happens to double for the meaning of life. Not bad for a random Tuesday.
(Hey, fellas….can you point me in the direction of Douchebagville, population you guys?)
For My Homey’s
1. Inner game. Start here and work on this until the day you die. Stamp out insecurity and realize that rejection is nothing. If you’re alone, it’s your choice. Feed your head. Talk to people and grow. Endeavor to gain valuable experiences. Travel. Learn how the world works. Pursue happiness and live life with a passion. Dominate in everything you do.
That’s a mouthful but it all needs to be in there. If you’re a n00b, start with the insecurity bit; pimps go straight to world domination.
2. Learn to socialize. If you don’t know the technical aspects of socialization, ie “game,” then at least go out and talk to strangers, men and women. This means NOT facebook and myspace. If you have business interests, network like you stole something. Contact your peers and offer value. Increasing your social intelligence can’t be over-emphasized. It enriches your life and opens doors.
3. Be Masculine. A lot of dudes, especially younger ones, have trouble with this one, but it’s absurdly important. Probably nothing is more attractive than a man who is competent at being a man. Be a leader, learn to take charge, and be the alpha dog. Have ambitions and lofty goals. Never settle for mediocrity. Be honorable, truthful, and kind. When you’re good at being a man, you’ll radiate confidence, power, and sex appeal. Speaking of sex, when you’re having it, screw like a champion. Don’t forget to be vulnerable and show emotion, otherwise you’ll come off as a robot.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, consider reading some David Deida.
4. Don’t be a douchebag. This means don’t treat people like shit. Don’t hate on chicks when they won’t sleep with you. Don’t punk out on your guy friends. Value intelligence, critical thinking, and character. Quash ignorance and hate. Freely offer value to the world.
5. Find a mentor! This, in my opinion, is the hardest part of the whole deal, and a reason why we’re sucking so much ass. Most of us are going it alone and learning via the School of Hard Knocks. We have no mentors teaching us the way!! Who do you look up to in the real world? Who gives you the straight dope on life and love? Importantly, who calls you out on your bullshit?
A mentor will help you avoid the path of douchebaggery and move towards becoming a man of high value. If you don’t have no one, then get thee a mentor! The process of finding a mentor is a whole post in and of itself, but suffice it say, to truly find success in life, you will need a mentor to show you the way. This applies for business, dating, and any other aspect of your life.
For My Honey’s
1. Develop a rich inner life. Most young chicks aren’t very interesting. Fun party girls? Doable? Check and check. Hey, I hear you sister, young guys are jackasses too. I’m just saying. Ditch the Cosmo subscription and go read some books. Travel and meet interesting people. Think critically and develop opinions on stuff. Be able to hold a conversation. Put yourself on the Path of Enlightenment, just like you would want your partner to be on. Don’t merely be the drunk chick who dances on bartops and trades on her looks. Don’t get me wrong, I love party girls. I love them. But I’m not going to get into a relationship with one.
(Excuse me, ladies…but do either of you read Camus?)
2. Open yourself to men of character. If a guy approaches you, give him 90 seconds to prove he’s a man of substance and value. Don’t be a bitch, unless you’re approached by a douchebag, chode, or wussy boy. Then it’s perfectly acceptable to be a bitch. Otherwise, talk to us because we want to talk to you.
Oh yeah, stop hanging out with douchebags. If your boyfriend is a douche, ditch him.
3. Develop hobbies. What do you do in your spare time? Are you a rock climber? Are you a Jazzercise instructor? Are you an artist? Find interesting things to do and be good at them. Your hobbies shouldn’t be texting your friends and getting free drinks on Friday night. Hobbies will give you stuff to talk about on dates 3-5 and beyond.
4. Be passionate. Find something to be passionate about that has nothing to do with your boyfriend, husband, children, or relationships in general. If someone asks you what you’re passionate about, you should have an answer. A woman who is passionate about something is someone worth giving up bachelorhood for.
I know a girl who is passionate about running and trains as a marathoner. Hot. I also know a girl who is a passionate about music and plays violin in a local rock band. *Uuuhhh* That sound was me making an involuntary sex noise. Animal magnetism.
5. Find a mentor! Same problem that guys have. We all need strong, experienced figures to show us the way and women should have successful women to guide them. Mentors will give you guidance, help you cut down on your fuckups, and call you out when you’re acting dumb.
Okay, so there you have it, 5 points for guys and girls. You’ll notice there’s a lot of overlap and each one could be unpacked and written about for another 1,000 words. That’s for another time, although the information is out there if you want it.
As promised, I want to share the #1 very best piece of advice that will make you powerfully attractive and improve your life. For me, this is basically the meaning of life (aka the shit).
Help Other People Improve Their Lives
At the end of the day, nothing will enlighten and enrich you as much as helping other people achieve better lives, and when you’re on your deathbed, nothing will count as much. Money, jobs, notches on your belt, material possessions, all pale in comparison. When someone says, “You’ve truly changed my life,” you know you’ve done some good.
Helping can take on many forms: the coach, the teacher, the mentor, the friend, the giver of value. If you have knowledge, teach. If you have students, mentor them. If you have a ton of money, start a foundation. Even if you’re young and you don’t think you have any value to give–you do–find it, and give it away. Helping and giving value is good for your soul, and nothing is more attractive or says as much about your character. (Much love and credit to Tyler Durden for crystallizing this for me, see his post here.)
This post is part of a roundtable series on attracton with a group of fellow bloggers. The blogs range from career development to dating advice to pickup. The original subject was, “what is your best advice for being more attractive?” See the other great posts below, and watch this space as more get published in the next few days. I’ll also do a roundup of all the posts for my regular weekly roundup on Saturday.
Honey: What Women Are Looking For…Hell, Men Too!
Monica O’Brien: What Women Really Want In A Man
Nick Sparks: Blogger Roundtable
Hot Alpha Female: The Power of A Magnetic Personality
Lisa Q: How to Get the Girl…Advice for Men
Lisa Q: How to Get the Guy…Advice for the Ladies
Natalie Lue: 4 key things that make you attractive…or unattractive
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[...] Lance follows suit with a guy’s perspective. [...]
Excellent and well put!
Especially the #3 for your Homey’s…honestly, there aren’t enough ‘real men’ out there, and any guy who doesn’t know what that entails, look it up, hang around someone you think has that quality. See that real men aren’t cave-men but they aren’t these flaky, metrosexual punks either.
And definitely ladies, stop watching the bloody Hills, reading Cosmo for sex tips and just being general PH’s (paris’s)…I know that 90% of you doing that are so much smarter than that, so just stop it. It’s annoying and demeaning to all women.
I find it amusing how there are two different things that guys and girls need to do to be attractive.
But I can totally see where you are coming from. Because the one thing with guys is that they need to build up their own self confidence and then learn the skills of attraction.
With the girls well they have to build up their own self confidence as well and that comes from spending time with themselves and enjoying life. That is what gives me that magnetic personality. No real skills required.
But back to the guys. There would be one thing I have to add. I have a couple of friends that are leaning the whole “game” thing. And it really is quite amusing with the trouble they get themselves into. But that’s the thing. Everyone wants the end result without all the effort. I say to all the guys trying to learn this stuff .. to enjoy the challenge .. its all part of the journey and its what makes it fun.
Great post lance
Hot Alpha Female
Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..Why Don’t You date Youself?! – The Power Of A Magnetic Personality
[...] cheekie: Excellent and well put! Especially the #3 for your Homey’s…honestly, there aren’t enough… [...]
Excellent lists… the last paragraph really is the best advice you can give anyone, because everything else falls into place behind it.
Men: “Be honorable, truthful, and kind”.
The men I’ve been involved with pay lip service to this, but rarely follow through. Listen guys, here’s a secret: if you want to end a relationship, your character will be called into question by the woman your are letting go (that’s putting it politely), and what you don’t always realise is that we WILL forgive you for dumping us (in time) if you treat us with dignity and respect. I try to be like this in my relationships with men, too. But I’ll be damned if I’m treated/spoken to like a beyatch and then expected to be nice and understanding about it! Do unto others…
Honey and Lance, have either of you ever read ‘The Bitch Rules’ by Elizabeth Wurtzel? The advice you have for the ladies really reminded me of that, and it’s a book I recommend to whoever has ears (don’t be put off by the title!).
Which brings me to number 4 for ladies – Be Passionate. While it’s great advice (echoed in the book I mentioned), there’s a fine line that both genders need to be aware of: I have cultivated hobbies that fill my time and bring me so much joy. Would I let those take over my life to the point where I’m alienating a potential partner, or making an existing one feel like I have no time for them? Hellemphaticallyno. Find a passion and pursue it, but not to the detriment of what could be a great relationship.
china blue’s last blog post..‘If You’re Not Going to Play With Me, I’ll Just Play with Myself’
China, thanks so much for reading. Great comment. You raise some interesting questions. The honor, truth, and kindness line is of ultimate importance, but it’s something that many men have to work on their whole lives, including myself. We’re always tested, and unfortunately sometimes we fail. You just have to try your best and learn from mistakes.
The line where passion alienates relating is a blurry one. I’ve gone back and forth over it myself. It’s better to be passionate and learn moderation than the other way around, where you’re too scared to let it all hang out. That’s my take.
I haven’t read the Wurtzel book, but I’ll check it out.
Lance’s last blog post..The Move-In Dance Part 1: The DVR
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Nicely put Lance. You’ve hit upon great advice for all of us…being a person of substance and value. Bravo!
lisaq’s last blog post..How to Get the Girl…Advice for the Men.
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China Blue: your last post name is freaken hilarious i love it!!
Lance: Fab post. I actually learnt a couple of things from it! LoL
But like you said i think the inner game is one of the most important starting places for guys and girls.
I think guys need to focus more on building their confidence and then learning the skills
And girls, just really need to get their own lives .. so that they have the esteem and self confidence to attractive more appropriate guys into their lives. LoL
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
[...] Lance: 5 Ways To Be More Attractive, Stop Sucking, and Dominate Your Life [...]
[...] Hot Alpha Female: China Blue: your last post name is freaken hilarious i love it!! Lance: Fab post. I actually learnt… [...]
Great post… their is a saying a friend told me recently “build it and they will come” talking about your ideal life. Once all of the peices of your ideal life are in place… it will be much easier to find the right girl to join you for the rest of your journey
Bobby Rio’s last blog post..WWE Diva Maria in Playboy Magazine
[...] Bobby Rio: Great post… their is a saying a friend told me recently “build it and they will come”… [...]
Good post. You make some great points that most people do not fully understand.
“Be Masculine. A lot of dudes, especially younger ones, have trouble with this one, but it’s absurdly important. Probably nothing is more attractive than a man who is competent at being a man. Be a leader, learn to take charge, and be the alpha dog. Have ambitions and lofty goals. Never settle for mediocrity. Be honorable, truthful, and kind. When you’re good at being a man, you’ll radiate confidence, power, and sex appeal. Speaking of sex, when you’re having it, screw like a champion. Don’t forget to be vulnerable and show emotion, otherwise you’ll come off as a robot.”
I like how you explained that. Very helpful. Thanks.
chiz’s last blog post..what to do when trapped in an argument
Very sound advice, concise and should be valued.
http://attractiontheory.blogspot.com
Attraction Theory’s last blog post..Creating an Aura (Part II) – Your Actions
Good post. You make some great points that most people do not fully understand.
“Be Masculine. A lot of dudes, especially younger ones, have trouble with this one, but it’s absurdly important. Probably nothing is more attractive than a man who is competent at being a man. Be a leader, learn to take charge, and be the alpha dog. Have ambitions and lofty goals. Never settle for mediocrity. Be honorable, truthful, and kind. When you’re good at being a man, you’ll radiate confidence, power, and sex appeal. Speaking of sex, when you’re having it, screw like a champion. Don’t forget to be vulnerable and show emotion, otherwise you’ll come off as a robot.”
I like how you explained that. Very helpful. Thanks.
Evaine’s last blog post..what to do when trapped in an argument
Hey there mate,
Love your post, Finally found someone I can relate to. The thing about a mentor–hell it’s even hard enough to find people of the same values to be friends with, much less a mentor. That’s why I’ve been alone for the past several years. Can’t find anyone who thinks and values the same stuff as me. So instead of hanging out with people who aren’t the same as me, or even superior to me, I’ve chosen to go it alone. Though when I do find people of value, I cannot be close to them for some reason, they seem to have agendas of their own. Oh well, that’s the way things are I guess right?>
Wow, it looks like someone gets it! Don’t forget that although women like to be treated with respect we don’t find it attractive for men to put us on pedestals…
Marlene H.´s last blog post…Passion Parties Consultants Needed in Canada
You are right about doing more than getting drunk, this applies to everyone. Getting drunk is The British pastime sadly. The dominance thing I’d have to disagree with. Only those who have a deep insecurity feel the need to dominate everyone and everything.
[...] How to Get the Girl…Advice for the Men Lance: 5 Ways to Be More Attractive, Stop Sucking, and Dominate Your Life Honey: What Women Are Looking For…Hell, Men Too! Monica O’Brien: What Women Really Want In A [...]
[...] 5 Ways to Be More Attractive, Stop Sucking, and Dominate Your Life Honey: What Women Are Looking For…Hell, Men Too! Monica O’Brien: What Women Really Want In A [...]
#5 for women is great. I have a male mentor, but he’s WONDERFUL and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Women mentors for women, however, are just as good.
Good blog entry overall. Too bad I didn’t find it sooner. Better late than never.
I really like your post, best of luck with you to keep on dominating! You are so right with how woman are attracted to leaders and take charge, masculine guys who have good character. There is no better way then defining yourself with passion to attract good things (including an awesome partner into your life)… great advice.
well said, well written, loved it. Set me back on track. Was like reading how i used to be. thanx x
Those tips are really helpful, I like them
I also love the Fight Club reference
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What’s wrong with a pedestal from time to time?
Lance- picked out for you…
3. Be Masculine. A lot of dudes, especially younger ones, have trouble with this one, but it’s absurdly important. Probably nothing is more attractive than a man who is competent at being a man. Be a leader, learn to take charge, and be the alpha dog. Have ambitions and lofty goals. Never settle for mediocrity.
** Be honorable, truthful, and kind.
Don’t be a douchebag. This means don’t treat people like shit.
honey has it right when she says that the lists are similar. But where Honey offers actionable advice in her topics and then sticks to the subject in her descriptions, Lance has compiled a list of bumper stickers that and ends each “illuminating” paragraph without regard for where he started.
One example: “Don’t be a douchebag” includes “Don’t hate on chicks when they won’t sleep with you.” and “Freely offer value to the world.” Impeachable advice, certainly (although the latter is a bit, uhm, fuzzy)…but in what taxonomy do these do these two thoughts nestle? As for “Quash ignorance and hate” (under the same topic) what can one say other than that Lance needs to look up the $2 words before he uses them?
It’s actually sort of interesting. If you take the time to pick these lists apart, you’ll see that Lance’s “advice” is presented in two colors: a) Listen to me and you, too, will be a big swinging dick and b) Pseudo-compassionate disingenuousity.
The perfect example: “pimps go straight to world domination.” and “Contact your peers and offer value.” What is this? A checklist for the kinder, gentler nazi?
Honey, in the meantime, does better. So much better, that it has nothing to do with sex (as in what sex you are. I’ll not say “gender”. Words have a gender. People have a sex.)
Develop hobbies. It’s a quaint word that conjures needlepoint and thimble collections… but combine it with “Be passionate” (about something that [to paraphrase] is about _you_) and you can dispense with everything else. You want to be attractive, as in have the ability to attract? Attract yourself. Do things that you honestly enjoy, and enjoy nearly to distraction. This has nothing to do with whether you’re a guy or a gal, a douchebag or a slut. If your mind can’t be amused by something other than your “game”, then good luck to ya.
(And, no XBox doesn’t count as a hobby. Neither does porn.)
The “open yourself to men of character” thing had promise, but it went nowhere. Still: it’s 40-love in honey’s favor.
(Wait, no, 30-love. The “mentor” thing is just silly.)
But…both lists leave out what I consider to be the most important thing in _any_ sort of relationship (although, who cares what I think?). A sense of humor, a flexible wit, the ability to go “off-script”.
You’re stuck in a traffic jam. Nothing’s moving. It’s hot, you’re in a foul mood. Who do you want to be with? The guy with the smooth moves when everything is under control and working according to plan (or, from the other side, the girl who looks hot in the right setting), or the person who keeps you on your toes and thinking, keeps you in stitches regardless of the situation, who is able–through an inexplicable symbiosis–to make you funnier, calmer, more impetuous–screw the $500 opera tickets; go, hop out of the car and use your charm to halt the two right lanes so we can cut through, drive on the shoulder, get off at the next exit and do…whatever.
Feed the ducks.
Whatever.
This is one of my older posts. Also, I have no problem admitting that Honey is a better writer than me. She is, after all, a doctor of it. Also keep in mind, I write with a strong focus on the male half of our audience and I prefer blogging with more of a comedic, less serious (and I supposed less writerly) angle. So this is what you get.
Damn it. Can we have an editable blog, please?
“and ends” -> “ends”
“Impeachable” -> “Unimpeachable”
“do these do these” -> “do these”
Coincidentally, I read a study, recently, that showed that men are turned off by women who are “funnier” than they are. (Sorry i can’t find the link–it has to be here somewhere.)
This really bugged me. Is it true? Do men think they have a corner on wit? Should I smile at his dumb-ass pun so he’ll like me? Maybe I should just show more cleavage.
The men that I’ve met and rejected immediately are those who can’t “play” while they talk. “Wit” isn’t a one way street, it’s not a performance. It’s a conversation that lifts you above facts, that sparks you to _want_ to listen and respond, to play, and, most important, to know that your interlocutor is going to understand that the gentle rib is just that–gentle. There’s a trust there.
It doesn’t happen often enough. I’ve had it a few times in my life and, honestly, pathetically, I’m still looking for it to combine with the other attributes that accumulate to a complete relationship.
I love wit! I can’t imagine being attracted to a chick who wasn’t proficient in wordplay. The best sex I’ve ever had, bar none, was with a chick I picked up who was excellent at verbal wordplay. I blogged about it here: http://honeyandlance.com/dirty-filthy-sex
I would be curious to read that study if you can dig it up…
Terri,
I’d like to introduce you to a friend. Your writing style is similar to his, your ‘manner’ (as it reads to me) is also very like. Oliver_Landau@yahoo.com
~Jax