o I’ve been thinking a lot about what advice I would give people if I had to write one post on being attractive and improving your life. And not just advice, but some really solid mind epiphany type stuff. If guys and girls both worked on their games, there would be less sour grapes, better relationships, and we all would have more fulfilling lives. Sounds like a worthy endeavor to me.
There’s a hundred things you can do to make yourself a better and more attractive person, but it’s a good exercise to drill it down to a few core points. If you keep reading, you’ll also see my single best piece of advice at the bottom, which also happens to double for the meaning of life. Not bad for a random Tuesday.
(Hey, fellas….can you point me in the direction of Douchebagville, population you guys?)
For My Homey’s
1. Inner game. Start here and work on this until the day you die. Stamp out insecurity and realize that rejection is nothing. If you’re alone, it’s your choice. Feed your head. Talk to people and grow. Endeavor to gain valuable experiences. Travel. Learn how the world works. Pursue happiness and live life with a passion. Dominate in everything you do.
That’s a mouthful but it all needs to be in there. If you’re a n00b, start with the insecurity bit; pimps go straight to world domination.
2. Learn to socialize. If you don’t know the technical aspects of socialization, ie “game,” then at least go out and talk to strangers, men and women. This means NOT facebook and myspace. If you have business interests, network like you stole something. Contact your peers and offer value. Increasing your social intelligence can’t be over-emphasized. It enriches your life and opens doors.
3. Be Masculine. A lot of dudes, especially younger ones, have trouble with this one, but it’s absurdly important. Probably nothing is more attractive than a man who is competent at being a man. Be a leader, learn to take charge, and be the alpha dog. Have ambitions and lofty goals. Never settle for mediocrity. Be honorable, truthful, and kind. When you’re good at being a man, you’ll radiate confidence, power, and sex appeal. Speaking of sex, when you’re having it, screw like a champion. Don’t forget to be vulnerable and show emotion, otherwise you’ll come off as a robot.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, consider reading some David Deida.
4. Don’t be a douchebag. This means don’t treat people like shit. Don’t hate on chicks when they won’t sleep with you. Don’t punk out on your guy friends. Value intelligence, critical thinking, and character. Quash ignorance and hate. Freely offer value to the world.
5. Find a mentor! This, in my opinion, is the hardest part of the whole deal, and a reason why we’re sucking so much ass. Most of us are going it alone and learning via the School of Hard Knocks. We have no mentors teaching us the way!! Who do you look up to in the real world? Who gives you the straight dope on life and love? Importantly, who calls you out on your bullshit?
A mentor will help you avoid the path of douchebaggery and move towards becoming a man of high value. If you don’t have no one, then get thee a mentor! The process of finding a mentor is a whole post in and of itself, but suffice it say, to truly find success in life, you will need a mentor to show you the way. This applies for business, dating, and any other aspect of your life.
For My Honey’s
1. Develop a rich inner life. Most young chicks aren’t very interesting. Fun party girls? Doable? Check and check. Hey, I hear you sister, young guys are jackasses too. I’m just saying. Ditch the Cosmo subscription and go read some books. Travel and meet interesting people. Think critically and develop opinions on stuff. Be able to hold a conversation. Put yourself on the Path of Enlightenment, just like you would want your partner to be on. Don’t merely be the drunk chick who dances on bartops and trades on her looks. Don’t get me wrong, I love party girls. I love them. But I’m not going to get into a relationship with one.
(Excuse me, ladies…but do either of you read Camus?)
2. Open yourself to men of character. If a guy approaches you, give him 90 seconds to prove he’s a man of substance and value. Don’t be a bitch, unless you’re approached by a douchebag, chode, or wussy boy. Then it’s perfectly acceptable to be a bitch. Otherwise, talk to us because we want to talk to you.
Oh yeah, stop hanging out with douchebags. If your boyfriend is a douche, ditch him.
3. Develop hobbies. What do you do in your spare time? Are you a rock climber? Are you a Jazzercise instructor? Are you an artist? Find interesting things to do and be good at them. Your hobbies shouldn’t be texting your friends and getting free drinks on Friday night. Hobbies will give you stuff to talk about on dates 3-5 and beyond.
4. Be passionate. Find something to be passionate about that has nothing to do with your boyfriend, husband, children, or relationships in general. If someone asks you what you’re passionate about, you should have an answer. A woman who is passionate about something is someone worth giving up bachelorhood for.
I know a girl who is passionate about running and trains as a marathoner. Hot. I also know a girl who is a passionate about music and plays violin in a local rock band. *Uuuhhh* That sound was me making an involuntary sex noise. Animal magnetism.
5. Find a mentor! Same problem that guys have. We all need strong, experienced figures to show us the way and women should have successful women to guide them. Mentors will give you guidance, help you cut down on your fuckups, and call you out when you’re acting dumb.
Okay, so there you have it, 5 points for guys and girls. You’ll notice there’s a lot of overlap and each one could be unpacked and written about for another 1,000 words. That’s for another time, although the information is out there if you want it.
As promised, I want to share the #1 very best piece of advice that will make you powerfully attractive and improve your life. For me, this is basically the meaning of life (aka the shit).
Help Other People Improve Their Lives
At the end of the day, nothing will enlighten and enrich you as much as helping other people achieve better lives, and when you’re on your deathbed, nothing will count as much. Money, jobs, notches on your belt, material possessions, all pale in comparison. When someone says, “You’ve truly changed my life,” you know you’ve done some good.
Helping can take on many forms: the coach, the teacher, the mentor, the friend, the giver of value. If you have knowledge, teach. If you have students, mentor them. If you have a ton of money, start a foundation. Even if you’re young and you don’t think you have any value to give–you do–find it, and give it away. Helping and giving value is good for your soul, and nothing is more attractive or says as much about your character. (Much love and credit to Tyler Durden for crystallizing this for me, see his post here.)
This post is part of a roundtable series on attracton with a group of fellow bloggers. The blogs range from career development to dating advice to pickup. The original subject was, “what is your best advice for being more attractive?” See the other great posts below, and watch this space as more get published in the next few days. I’ll also do a roundup of all the posts for my regular weekly roundup on Saturday.
Honey: What Women Are Looking For…Hell, Men Too!
Monica O’Brien: What Women Really Want In A Man
Nick Sparks: Blogger Roundtable
Hot Alpha Female: The Power of A Magnetic Personality
Lisa Q: How to Get the Girl…Advice for Men
Lisa Q: How to Get the Guy…Advice for the Ladies
Natalie Lue: 4 key things that make you attractive…or unattractive