About the Author

Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Central Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at life. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.

I PWNed this Blog, Bitchez!!

What’s up BITCHEZZ!?! Its Lance Jr in the hizzy and I just blogjacked this frickin blog. Honey and Lance you got pwned noobs. LOL!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xdkkf6Wbe-A[/youtube]

Yeah I play WoW and I’m a big pimp too, suck it.

OKay so here’s the durty durty. First off, I’m 12 and I totally kick ass. You better recognize, fool. I shred on my sk8board and I’m Slater at the beach. The girlies love me, I’m basically the hotest piece of a55 in my middle school, and i get more booty than a toilet seat at fat camp. Yeah, i said it. Plus i’m sick at Rock Band and Halo 3 (level 36 strike commander, that’s RIGHT uhh suck it).

Oh yeah, almost forgot to mention…my game is retardedly good. LOL. I’m like the best PUA in my middle school, all the girly’s love me, and I’m going out on a limb but that probably makes me the best pickup artist in the world age 12 and under. Mystery Method? Mehow? Sinn? I friggin pwn those systems. I can k-close in 15 seconds and get girly’s to buy me extra pizza at lunch–

[beep beep beep]

Excuse me for a second peeps, I just got a txt message. I get about 200 of those a day. Mostly from chicks. Dude, that’s how it is when ur a serious playa.

Oooh barf!! It’s Miley Cyrus again, I wish she would leave me alone. I bumped into her at the mall once and ran my horsegirl opener and the October Man Sequence and she like totally fell in love with me. Dude, seriously, I don’t even think ur that hot Miley. Get a clue, I’m just not that into you!! Ur friend Vanessa Hudgens is SOOO much hotter (plus she’s a durty little girl heh heh), so why don’t you go play with ur dog and forward me Vanessa’s number m’okay?

Miley Cyrus with her dog, Roadie.

[beep beep beep]

Ugh! Here’s another one. Oh crap, it’s Miley again, what a crazy little stalker she is.

Yeah yeah, gross, go do your uber-gay slumber parties and hang with your A&F bf. Get a life Miley. LOL, see peeps that’s how I roll. Life of a pimp right?? That’s what happens when you live in abundance, you can blow off the lame ones.

[beep beep beep]

If this is Miley again I’m gonna shit a brick.

OMG, I just threw up in my mouth. It’s friggin Natalie Dylan uuugh! so gross sooo gross! She’s trying to sell her vcard but duh everyone knows she’s a crazy skank ho. Hey Natalie, how’s that auction going? Anyone offer you the quarter mil yet?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I didn’t think so, better go work at Wing Shack instead sistah.

Dude, keep this on the DL, but Natalie tried to pawn her V on me for a thou but I told her my dad only gives me $20 a week in allowance and oh btw I’m 12. 12! I don’t plan on ditching my vcard until at least 15, and it’s going to be with an uber-hot chick, soooo much hotter than you. As if. Dood, ur 22 and old. That’s like the same age as my dad’s girlfriends. Cougartastic.

[beep beep beep]

Crap, who is it now?

LOS ANGELES - DECEMBER 10:  Actress Jamie Lynn...

Oh cat balls, it’s Jamie Lynn Spears. She keeps texting me and wants me to come over and “hang out.” Hey, Jamie Lynn, here’s a message from Lance Junior: STOP TXTING ME U CRAZY SKANK IM NOT UR BABYS DADDY!!! dood so grooosss! I bet she’s done like 50 guys already. Here’s some advice: USE A CONDOM.

Crap, the old man just came home. i gotta get off the computer and hide this blog post. Oopsie, I accidentally hit publish. Oh well! i guess i pwned this frickin blog. Peace out, I’m gonna go play some halo now.

ttyl bitchez,

Lance Jr

Yo, if you want to read more about Lance Junior, check him out at the Dad’s House Blog.

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  • http://www.idatewhite.com Eathan

    Ok.. should i take this serious lance? Do ya really have a Junior running around? I’d recommend Biaotch slappin him. hmmmmm

  • http://tsquest.blogspot.com T

    Whether you actually have a 12 year old or not doesn’t matter. If you did, I could TOTALLY see this as him.

    Freakin’ made me spit out my drink!

    Too funny.

    T´s last blog post…Music to make you feel sexy

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Dad’s House Jr isn’t hanging out with Lance Jr right now, is he? Cuz DHJ isn’t home…

    dadshouse´s last blog post…How to Pickup Women, Dad’s House Junior Edition

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    How do you think I should break it to the BF that Lance and I have a 12 year old, Eathan?

    LOL, as the kiddies say.

    Honey´s last blog post…I PWNed this Blog, Bitchez!!

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    What?! Lance Jr. said he was hanging out with DHJr. at YOUR house?! I think we’ve been round-robin-ed.

    Honey´s last blog post…I PWNed this Blog, Bitchez!!

  • http://www.yankeeinnewworld.com NewWrldYankee

    You guys are rediculous! Add a BURN and you’d get the 12 yr old slang down, as in “Would you like some ice with that burnnnn?!!”
    I had to hear it all last summer.

    NewWrldYankee´s last blog post…EF College Spring Break…You Know You Want to Go!

  • http://20-forty.com/ lisaq

    OMG! That is too damn funny!

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance Jr

    Dood, you just jacked my line. LOL.

    Lance Jr´s last blog post…I PWNed this Blog, Bitchez!!

  • The Dateable Dork

    OMG! That is like, totally the funniest shit I’ve read all day. Lance Jr, come fool around with me in the backseat of my daddy’s beamer and I’ll let you touch my boobies. : )

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance Junior

    Sweeeet. The dateable dork is totally cougartastic, but I’d still go to second base with her!

  • http://www.vcarded.com The Virgin

    (raises hand)

    Lance Junior. Does a person’s XBox 360 achievements and gamerscore have anything to do with the quality of women that can be attracted?

  • http://www.angeleyesdevilsmile.com Brad

    “Cat balls”

    Totally using that for the next month fo sho

  • http://www.edumckaytion.com Scot McKay

    ROTFL, Lance.

    Maybe it’s because I really do have a card-carrying “Jr.” around the house who already has a penchant for flirting with 12-14 y.o. girls at age 11 months.

    I promise I’m not making this up, as Dave Barry would say. In fact, thanks for the idea for my next blog post.

    Seriously, though, I love stuff like this. Not nearly enough creativity in the dating advice world.

    And no doubt…awkward turtles with Miley there, Jr.

  • anonymous

    haha

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