Howdy Sex Panthers!
Lately I’ve been talking about sexual compatibility and we have a roundtable in the works on the very subject. This post is my kickoff entry.
I’ve established that sexual compatibility is super important in a relationship, so when I’m dating, I want to know as soon as possible if I’m sexually compatible with a woman. Ideally, I would get this information within the first hour or two of a first date, but occasionally I can establish sexual compatibility prior to the first date, like in the email stages. I believe this is something that most people skip over or assume will work itself out during the relationship building process, which is a huge mistake. It’s often too late when you find out if you really connect in the bedroom and this leads to all sorts of problems, not the least of which is an unfulfilling sex life.
What I use is a simple conversational ladder technique to get from point A to point Z, where point A is “hello” and point Z is talking about the nitty gritty of knocking boots. Convo ladders are an often used tactic in pickup and anybody can take advantage of this fun and easy technique.
Here Are 4 Easy Steps
1. Open with funny stories about online dating. “So, what online dating horror stories do you have? Anything totally crazy? Have you met any weirdos?” Obviously, this works best if the date originated from an online dating site, but you can also go with regular dating stories. EVERYONE has crazy stories if they’ve done online dating.
2. Tell a story of your own and introduce a sexual frame. Queue up a great story of your own as a response and include a sexual element to it. I have several:
- I Got A World Beating Hummer And Then Pulled A Muscle To My Right Nut
- WTF!? She Stole My Watch!
- I Woke Up Next To Two Dogs, A Cat, And A Hot Chick
I also tell stories from my high school days and these always go over well.
3. Share stores back and forth, escalating each time. Sometimes it takes a couple of rounds, sometimes it takes only one. 90% of the time, your date will follow suit and include a sexual component also. This will give you a gauge on the person’s comfort level talking about sex. If your date buys into the sexual frame, then go to the last step.
4. Ask about sexual values and compatibility. You could ask directly, “So, what do you value in an intimate partner? How do you know you’re compatible with someone?” OR you can go indirect and do a values illicitation:
“Do you consider yourself adventurous?” “Wow, you strike me as being super kinky, is that true?” and prompt your date to expand.
BOOM. That’s it! Once you’ve established the sexual frame and swap stories for a bit, you can flat out ask someone about their sexual values and style. Not only is this easy and painless, it’s also a hell of a lot of FUN. I mean, who doesn’t like talking about crazy sex stories?
Now you’re talking about stuff that *really* matters in a potential relationship, such as how good you are in the sack and what kind of companion you are. It’s all out on the table and you can make good decisions moving forward.
Go forth and bang with abandon, ye beasts of pleasure!
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this one thing. If you really want to know if you’re sexually compatible with someone, sleeping with them will also do the trick 😉
Early returns are in! First posts in the roundtable published today:
- Honey: Honey on Sexual Compatibility
- The Beautiful Kind: The Key to Sexual Compatibility
- Hot Alpha Female: The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility
- Single Mommyhood: The 3 Best Ways to know if you’re ready for single parent sex
- Thoughts From a Soldier: Sexual Compatibility
- My Secret Hobby: Are You Wearing A Belt?