I’ve Had Weird Dating Experiences Lately. But I Think I Have a Girlfriend.

Dating has been a complete adventure the last few weeks. At one point, I had dates lined up with four different chicks, four nights in a row. I declared my undying love at least once. Maybe twice. And now I think I have a girlfriend with a chick who’s unemployed and lives with her parents. I’ll explain.

Here’s a recap of some of the dates. Remember Nancy? I made out with her a bunch and also declared my undying love for her at a recent outing. Well, we had a hell of a night together again, after that. I invited her to come over to my house to watch college football and drink wine. She came over and we ended up spending the entire evening together. It was so totally awesome. We drank FOUR BOTTLES of wine, danced to the music of The Gourds and Yael Naim in my living room. We smoked cigarettes on my patio and talked about life, love, music, religion, and everything in between. We made out for hours on several pieces of furniture. Then we spent the day together on Sunday, attending a food and wine festival. Nancy is, no question, my soulmate. I am tremendously connected to her and I adore her. She still has a boyfriend and that’s not going to change. Obviously, it’s very complicated. So we’re friends. But, what a night. Everyone should have nights like that.


Then I went on this date with a Match.com chick. This girl, Sarah, is two years older than me, recently graduated from Grad School, currently lives with her parents in a town thirty minutes away, and is unemployed. We met for drinks downtown. We bounced to three more bars and ended up dancing to crappy/awesome 80’s music at one of my favorite places. Sarah is really super shy and she didn’t flirt, so the date felt like a grind because I wasn’t getting any feedback. Remember how I talked about how important emotional spiking is on first dates? There was no emotional spiking. I mean, she wasn’t giving me anything until the very end.

At the last bar, I pulled her close and said look, I want you to come over here and flirt with me for awhile. I feel like I’m on an island. Then I took her hand and put it on my ass while Bon Jovi was playing. Then I gave her ass a squeeze. And she laughed at this, and the ice was broken. We made out at the end of the night, so I guess the date went okay, but I didn’t think we had a future because it was so much work. I was worried about the shyness. I am not by any stretch a shy guy and my rambunctious nature makes introverted girls nervous. Or maybe they dig it, it’s hard to tell when they’re shy because they’re scared to take emotional risks.

Then I went on the date with this super cool chick where we dressed each other in crazy clothes from Goodwill. That was so much fun, but it went nowhere because I could tell she wasn’t that attracted. I mean, we had an awesome intellectual connection, but she’s tall for a girl so I think she had a hangup about us being basically the same height or something. Chicks with that hangup are pretty dumb, IMO. Her loss. No makeout. I haven’t talked to her since.

Then I went on another date with Sarah, the super shy girl. We went to the local arthouse theater and saw a Coen Brothers film. We were really comfortable around each other. During the movie, we held hands. I have never held hands on a second date before. But it was great. I think she fell in love with me a little bit there. We kissed after the movie and I felt completely different about her than from our first time together. I thought she was cute. And she flirted with me a lot, so I really enjoyed myself and I was inspired to flirt back, which made it fun.

Then I went on a third date with Sarah, where I taught her how to do my sport that I do, then we had lunch, then we checked out a farmer’s market. And we held hands at the farmer’s market. Now we’re totally into each other, even though that first date was a pain in the neck. Where would we be if I had not made her grab my ass while listening to Bon Jovi? If I hadn’t taken that risk? Maybe nowhere?

She texted me after date #3. It said, “You make me happy.” Now I want to spend a lot of time with her and I might have a girlfriend soon and I feel great about this one.

Been on four dates in four days lately? Ever made a shy girl grab your ass? If so, you might like these posts:

BustedTees Holidays
  • http://runningleap.wordpress.com C

    You think your soul mate is a girl who cheats on her boyfriend and doesn’t like you enough to dump the schmuck she’s using and get with you? Hmmm. If you were a girl, I’d hand you a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

    As for the shy girl that actually cares for you (it seems), do her a favor and don’t f–k around behind her back, k? Because that’s just not the way to treat a person who cares for you. If you like someone else better than her, don’t waste her time and risk hurting her. She’s obviously not a player and not likely to bounce back if you hurt her.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Both Jake and I have cheated on numerous past partners, so it’s not something that I use as a barometer of a bad person. There’s a lot about Nancy’s situation that I am sure we are not getting here (maybe Lance is getting it, maybe not) – so I don’t think we’re in a place where we can judge with any accuracy (and who wants to do that, anyway?).

    I’ll be very interested to hear what comes next with Sarah! Your “what-if” moment is something I replay all the time in my head about Jake. What if I hadn’t slept with him and he’d moved to another city without another date? In retrospect, happiness is based on some very tenuous things, but you can’t worry about that in the present, so enjoy!
    .-= Honey´s last blog …I’ve Had Such Weird Dating Experiences Lately. But I Think I Have a Girlfriend. =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    What’s wrong with having a soulmate that currently has a boyfriend? A connection is a connection. And we just kissed, no sex.

  • http://www.thedateabledork.com The Dateable Dork

    This post totally made me smile. Lance, I love how your date recaps are so brutally honest and somehow bold and vulnerable at the same time. Curious to hear how things go wtih Sarah – your recap gives me the warm fuzzies. Very cute. : )

    P.S. – Shame on me for being light years behind on your and Honey’s updates. I’m trying to catch up!
    .-= The Dateable Dork´s last blog …Are you “miserable” being single? =-.

  • http://runningleap.wordpress.com C

    Right. So she has a boyfriend but she hangs out with you all night making out? Assuming she ever gets with you, how might you feel when you’re at home and sh’s “just making out” with some other guy?

    Just sayin’

  • http://blogs.marinij.com/katwilder Kat Wilder

    First of all, I’m totally bummed no one ever took my hand, placed it on his butt and made me squeeze. Oh, yeah, cause I probably beat him to it …

    I think it’s cool you went on date No. 2 and 3 even though you were unsure on date No. 1; sometimes, you just need a little more time.

    I’m not going to chime in on the GWB (that’s girl with a boyfriend) who has a boundary issues. Or did I just do that?
    .-= Kat Wilder´s last blog …Sometimes, luck needs a little help =-.

  • Maria

    Lance, I love how you assess and tune in acutely to your own social and sexual chemistry with others. Social chemistry involves a lot of “relax” and positive self talk,while sexual chemistry just kind of happens by itself ..or so I thought. Then you helped it along a bit. What made you ask Sarah for a second date when the first was not really doing it for you ? An unusual Lance move, methinks. As for Nancy..she sounds awesome in every way for you, your connection with her sounds very intense. Is it possible to sustain such intensity…do you evn want to? There is something about your thing with Nancy that screams “crash and burn”. You don’t need us to tell you to be careful there. Thanks for sharing with us. We do love to add our $0.02.

  • http://casualencounters.com/blog/ Janak

    Yeah getting into it like that with a girl who has a boyfriend would make me pretty uncomfortable unless I knew he was fine with it, which maybe you do; I don’t know.

    Shy girl sounds like fun, though. Glad you’re getting you some happiness; regular readers will know that certainly isn’t always the case in Crazyworld, Lanceville.
    .-= Janak´s last blog …Sexual positions for the lonely and loveless =-.

  • http://tsquest.blogspot.com T

    And this is why you should always go on more than one date with someone if the first date wasn’t awful.

    You just never know.

    I like Sarah but I’m really interested in Nancy. Connections are nice…
    .-= T´s last blog …The Affair, part 10 =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Funny how dadshouse mocked me for suggesting a farmer’s market as a date idea…
    .-= Honey´s last blog …I’ve Had Weird Dating Experiences Lately. But I Think I Have a Girlfriend. =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Funny how dadshouse mocked me for suggesting a farmer’s market as a date idea…
    .-= Honey´s last blog …I’ve Had Weird Dating Experiences Lately. But I Think I Have a Girlfriend. =-.

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    I love the “you make me happy” text. As long as it’s not after date number one, I eat that stuff up. Too soon? Oy. Sounds like you’re having a rockin’ time!
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog …Breaking Up Just Before Things are Perfect =-.

  • http://www.singlemomseeking.com/blog Single Mom Seeking

    Ditto on that one, I also love the “You make me happy” text. Sweet!

    Here’s to hand holding and being really kind to each other.
    .-= Single Mom Seeking´s last blog …Remind yourself that everything will work out =-.