I’ve Had Sex With Three Virgins And I’m Gonna Tell You About It

I’ve had sex with three virgins and I’m going to tell you about it. Don’t worry, this isn’t a filthy sex post as is my usual wont, it’s an insight and epiphany one.

(Looks delicious, eh?)

Virgin #1, aka My First Girlfriend

I went out with a lovely Columbian girl my senior year of high school and, despite her raging Catholicism and some silliness about sex-until-marriage, she let me slip her the Love Lance about six months into our relationship. We were both virgins and both the same age, 17. It was in the bedroom of my house, I think a pretty random week night. We’d gone to third base many times prior to the big finale, so we both had a pretty good idea it was coming. She asked me to “make love to her.” I put on a condom, we had sex for  10 minutes, and that was that. Neither of us orgasmed. We had sex three nights in row–she complained that we were having too much sex!–and it got a little better. I remember those nights fondly.

We dated for another year after that and broke up at the end of our freshmen year at college (we went to different colleges, so it was a long distance thing). The relationship was sometimes affectionate but more often than not a rocky one because of basic compatibility and value conflicts, which I won’t list here. Suffice it to say we weren’t meant to be.

The big problem is this. I was a total chode back then and I couldn’t envision myself dating in college, nor did I have the skill or alpha personality to attract quality girls at the time. I mean, girls in college were so HOT. So, I was on-again-off-again with my high school girlfriend for like two years, with me obsessing and doing a lot of stupid things to stay connected to her when we were WAY past our time. It lead to a lot of negativity and bad emotions. I probably never went lower than when I was pining for my Columbian girl, despite the fact that we were a terrible match.

Conclusion: Being a chode is a horrible thing, and in true chode fashion I thought love and sex were inextricably bound and that life was a big romance movie. This is not the case. I’m a realist, IMO love and sex are separate entities, and sex is a dirty dirty act and that’s the way I like.

Virgin #2: The Red Head Who Diddled Herself

I had a brief flirtation with a young red headed beauty one summer way back when. We were both pretty young, I think age 20 and 22 respectively. We hooked up at a couple of parties and fooled around, never dated. After a party at my house, we did it on the floor off my living room, totally sober, and I distinctly remember the sex was clinical and lame. It was so bad, I couldn’t stay erect, and neither of us got off. I also remember she was really “loose” and I couldn’t feel much…my pal Eathan says it’s like “a hotdog in a hallway,” which is about right.

I remember two other things about this girl:

1. She had gi-normous boobs, the kind you want to bury your face in and growl like a bobcat.
2. She admitted that she diddled herself with an empty champage bottle, frequently. She actually showed me the bottle. I was pretty ambivalent about it.

Conclusions: I’m no match for a champagne bottle. Big boobs are a hoot. Girls masturbate!

Virgin #3, The Triple Virgin

When I was in graduate school I dated a triple virgin:

1. She was Jewish and had never dated a non-Jew
2. I was older (five year age gap) and she had never dated an older guy
3. She was a virgin-virgin

She had absolutely zero dating experience, like never kissed a guy, never done oral, nothing, so I was the first everything. We dated for a summer and did the dirty deed midway through. The sex was terrible the first time, but got better rapidly. I think we had sex five nights in a row after the kickstart and everything was flowing smoothly by the end. In fact, I found it incredibly erotic because I knew it was such an unusual experience for her. She was the first partner I ever felt comfortable talking dirty to.

We lasted only for the summer and strategically fizzled after that. She actually called the shots about where our relationship was headed, which I thought was amazing considering her lack of experience, and it worked out very well. There were no estrangements, no one fell in love, and it ended just fine. We had a great time.

Conclusions: I asked her why she chose me, and she told me she wanted a guy that was “safe” and knew what he was doing. When she said safe, she meant someone that would NOT fall in love or get clingy. Pretty cool, huh? I really respected her for keeping it real. I think me being her first partner worked out as good as it can. Also, embracing the dominant role and talking dirty really opened up my bedroom game.

Final Thoughts On Virgins and Pulling V-Cards

Virgins aren’t so bad. They’re people, too, and they need to get laid…when they’re ready. Sure, the sex will probably suck, but you know what, just suck it up because someone has got to pull their vcards. I don’t seek virgins out, but if a nice virgin girl came up and asked me make sweet lovin’ to her, I’d probably do it. Why? Because it’s my job as a red blooded, straight male to satisfy chicks. And if a virgin doesn’t want to get it on, that’s his/her bag.

Rock on, virgins and non-virgins! And thanks to everyone who added to the dialogue!

If this post made you want to deflower a virgin, you might also enjoy reading these fine bloggers:

• Hammer - Blogger Roundtable: Virginity
• Matt Savage - The Dilemmas Of Male Virgins
• Beauty of the Year - Virgin Vendetta
• Effy - Why Wait? An argument against saving yourself.
• Hot Alpha Female - Let’s Talk About Sex…Baby
• Evil Woobie - Why is Virginity a Big Deal Among Filippinos?Honey and Lance › Edit — WordPress
• Project Infinity - The More “Touchy” Part of Dating: Sex & Virgins
• The Quest for T - Virginity: A Girl and a Mom’s perspective
• Lisaq - The Value of Virginity
• Kira - Losing Your V-Car: Big Deal or Big Whoop?
• Bobby Rio - Virgins For Sale
• Holly Hoffman - How my mom helped me lose my v-card
• Single Mom Seeking - Why I’m aspiring to be a virgin again
• I Date White - The Brotha Virgin
• Dad’s House - Virginity? It’s So Overrated
• My Secret Hobby - Virginity, what’s the deal?
• The American Virgin - Let’s Talk Virgins
• New World Yankee - You Dragged A Rampaging Virgin Out Of Me!
• The Virgin - Roundtable: Virginity
• Honey - Was Losing My Virginity Worth it?