Is Sex a Distraction or Should We All Just Get Laid?

Yo, wanted to respond to Holly Hoffman’s excellent post, News Flash: Sex is a Distraction. She’s got a lot of great stuff in there and I suggest you pop over and read it. Here are some points I picked out:

  • Holly pooh-poohed her old fuck buddy relationship.
  • She got laid on New Years Eve via a bar pickup. No, it wasn’t me. It looked suspiciously like a two-day stand, which I have zero problem with–go Holly!
  • Relationships and sex are distractions.
  • Women spend too much time getting made up for dates.
  • She suggests it’s okay for women to focus on their careers and not have sex even though it might be socially unacceptable.

My perspective is yes, dating, relationships, and the pursuit of poon (dick if you’re a straight chick) can definitely take away from reaching your potential in many other areas of life. Hell, it definitely screwed me up for a good portion of my 20’s! Balance is important and so is being able to identify those phases of your life when you have time to date and when you have to put your nose to grindstone, get work done, and sacrifice getting laid. I don’t think it’s a good sign if you’re always chasing skirts, because you’re holding yourself back in some other area of life. You become obsessed with getting laid.

My solution for those work phases is to get yourself a fuck buddy (or two) and get the sexual healing you need during the tough times. The key there is to establish fuck buddies during the down phases, ie invest in potential FB relationships when you have time to date. I recommend investing in several possible buddies, because some of them will fall by the wayside. I think fuck buddies are the best invention since sliced bread and should be embraced as a viable relationship type. They play an important role, especially to hard working career folk who don’t have time for dating.

Lance’s rule of thumb: Invest in fuck buddies during down phases, ride out the work phases, never go without poon.

Unlike Holly, I wouldn’t ever ditch sex entirely, even for only a month, definitely not for 3+ months. It’s just not healthy. My sex drive powers my creative motor and is part and parcel of my masculine identity. If I have the right amount of quality sex, I’m a more creative, masculine person. No sex, and I can’t get shit done and I feel like a pussy.  I’ll never understand people, especially women, who swear off sex for lengthy stretches. I think that’s the opposite of what you want to do. Everyone needs to get laid. It’s a basic function of life.

Lastly, I think it’s becoming more and more acceptable for women to eschew relationships while climbing the career ladder. Hell, we live in tough times. Everyone has to make sacrifices for career and financial security. Like premium cable, dating is a luxury item. Find a fuck buddy and get it for free.

If you haven’t gotten laid in a month, you should read these posts:

  • Me Thinks

    This is classic Lance gold right here: “I think fuck buddies are the best invention since sliced bread” Ha!

    I’m with you 100% but the issue here is a biger one: most women have trouble with the FB relationship. Holly sums it up
    “Unfortunately (or fortunately), I don’t really have it in me to sleep with someone I’m not romantically interested in, or rather couldn’t be romantically interested in.”

    That’s not to say there aren’t plenty of women who can and do have FB relationships that work great for them, but I would venture that its the dividing line why women will go without sex longer than men. Then there is the whole factor of some women not really liking sex (I’m still convinced they are doing it wrong), lets not even go there.

    Anyway, your approach is perfect if you can handle this type of relationship.

  • Eathan

    I never liked slice bread anyway… so I’d go with a fuck buddy. I have to admit that establishing relationships during down time is the way to go… I always call it pre-planning.
    I’m like you & Richard Pryor..I don’t want to go for extended periods of time with out sex. 2-3 days is a lifetime to me.

  • Holly Hoffman

    Me Thinks is spot on I think. That really is the crux of it for me. On one hand, I can sleep with guys I’m not interested in, but not repeatedly. Eventually they do something that turns me off, and its done.

    On the other hand, if I go sleep with a guy I could be interested in, it’s just too tempting to turn it into something more. And that’s *precisely* what I don’t have time for. It’s not like good men are strewn all over my little, uncultured city, so it would be pretty tough for me to pass one up, especially if we happened to be having hot sex.

    What’s a girl to do? Swear off sex, buy some new batteries, and wonder how long she’ll last…

  • T

    I love this…

    I was actually talking with my FWB the other night and we were both saying how our relationship seems healthier than dating someone right now. I don’t know why? Maybe because we’ve laid everything out there (pardon the pun). We both talk about our feelings and dating and how we feel about each other openly and honestly. There are no games. Its interesting and new for me. Now, we haven’t had time to get together lately but that’s a whole other story…

    Maybe I do need another one?

    I would like a relationship but if I’m not connecting with anyone now, I don’t want to go without sex. But I’m with Holly. I can’t seem to sleep with just anyone simply for the sake of getting laid. There has to be some connection, even if it is only friends. I need a level of trust. However, there are dry spells when I can’t even focus because I need sex so badly! What’s a girl to do?!?! (Holly I agree!)

    My solo sex is pretty primal so… I’ll just fuck myself senseless and get on with life!


  • dadshouse

    FB’s rock. Sex is healthy. Something ongoing is better than a string of one-night stands. Can you tell, I miss my f-buddy? She drifted away before the holidays, and we haven’t reconnected yet. I’ll proabably have to find a new one. One that’s not an “arrangement”!

  • Lance

    @T: Hot!

    @Everyone: Sorry there was no commentluv on the last few posts, I was testing another plugin and it conflicted. If you want some commentluv for your latest posts, leave a comment with “I want some luv!” in the body and I’ll run it. No spam please.

    Lance´s last blog post…Is Sex a Distraction or Should We All Just Get Laid?

  • kiera

    FBs are saving the world one noncommittal fuck at a time.

    kiera´s last blog post…R2 Wednesdays

  • JR Moreau

    I enjoy Holly’s writing a lot, but I disagree with her on this. I wouldn’t give up sex purposefully. Sometimes you have dryspells, but going into one on purpose doesn’t make sense to me.

    JR Moreau´s last blog post…Generation Y’s Student Loans

  • Lance

    That’s pretty funny. IMO it’s not about being noncommittal, as in I don’t like my FB enough to do a LTR with them, it’s more like I/we don’t have time or resources to develop a healthy relationship so instead we’re having fun and enjoying each other sexually. Ideally, you would have two FB’s who are in similar busy situations, eg two career-focused professionals.

    Lance´s last blog post…Is Sex a Distraction or Should We All Just Get Laid?

  • single mom seeking

    If I hadn’t known any better, I would have thought Holly had interviewed me for her post. Wow.

    Holly has described me word for word here (you go Holly!!)

    “On one hand, I can sleep with guys I’m not interested in, but not repeatedly. Eventually they do something that turns me off, and its done.

    On the other hand, if I go sleep with a guy I could be interested in, it’s just too tempting to turn it into something more. And that’s *precisely* what I don’t have time for.”

    During this current hiatus from sex, I’ve made big strides in my career. Too bad I’ve spent all my extra cash on sex toys…

    single mom seeking´s last blog post…Is it okay to ask a man out on a second date? I need your advice.

  • The Dateable Dork

    I heart fuck-buddies and agree with Lance and a lot of the commenters above. What’s not to like? Free, awesome sex with someone you like but have no obligation to. Often my FBs are in the same situation as me – busy professionals who just want to get laid on a regular basis. One time a FB gave me awesome tax advice WHILE we were having sex! Dudes, it doesn’t get much better than that. : )

    The Dateable Dork´s last blog post…Bracing myself

  • dadshouse

    Tax advice during sex? Um… okay. Whatever floats your boat!

    dadshouse´s last blog post…Discreet Affair

  • Not A Goody Goodie

    Dudes, I was getting fresh with my GF last night when she stopped to watch overtime of the Cavs-Bulls game. Bizarre role reversal. I had to decide between being pissed and amused. I chose amused.

    Not A Goody Goodie´s last blog post…Is Sex a Distraction or Should We All Just Get Laid?

  • Ellorie

    I think FB would be ok if there still wasn’t a sexual double standard when women are actually ready for a LTR. I just read a study a couple of days ago that indicated 51% of men still prefer to date a woman who has less sexual experience than they do. Yes, even in 2009, women are penalized for fucking like a man.

    The way I see it, the FB relationship primarily benefits men in the long run. Men are much more valued for how much sex they can get regardless of where it comes from. Women are the other hand, are more valued when they can get a man to commit. So for every FB relationship a woman is in, it’s basically the man saying — you are good enough to fuck, but you aren’t good enough for anything else. Deep down no woman wants to a man to regard her that way. I tried an FB thing and ultimately I just felt used so I had to end it. It’s not even that I wanted to be in a LTR with the guy, but I just knew that at some point, a woman that he did want to commit to was going to come along and that was just going to make me feel like dirt. So, I got out and decided for myself that if I wasn’t in a commit relationship, I prefer self respect over sex any day.

  • Lance

    Ellorie, you make some good points. You should ALWAYS choose self-respect, no matter what relationship you’re in. Don’t sacrifice that.

    My take is that a man (or woman) isn’t always looking for a relationship, and in fact that we go through phases where we’re simply not looking, interesting, or ready for an LTR. We’re just in a single phase, and often times that’s caused by a focus on career or job or whatever. So, if I’m fucking a chick and I don’t want to have an LTR, I don’t want to have an LTR with anyone and not just her. So the casual sex just works provided both parties as in that same phase.

    Also, yes, it’s more socially acceptable for a guy to have sexual experience and not socially acceptable for a woman to “fuck like a man,” but that social value is fluid. I personally value women with sexual experience because I know they’re better in the sack and typically more open minded and interesting with everything else in their lives.

    Lance´s last blog post…Is Sex a Distraction or Should We All Just Get Laid?

  • Thug~Lovin

    I go with Fifty Cents quote :Homie, you’re hustlin’ backwards if you’re chasin’ a bitch, chase the paper, they come with the shit!”

    Not that you should be planning on using money to get chicks but you do need to get your life & finances right & women can get in the way of that. One of the biggest failures in peoples lives is choice of wrong spouse. If you’re unhappy with that prson it will flow into other areas of life.

    Swearing off sex??? LOL that’s girl ridiculousness. Everything in moderation is fine, but when something consumes you it’s time to evaluate the situation.

    Great post Lance, just thought I’d add my 2 cents =)
    .-= Thug~Lovin´s last blog …Little Deeper Sex Furniture / Sex Wedge / Sex Pillow! The Reviews Speak For Themselves! =-.