Honey, I love how you define intimacy: “a living, evolving, ongoing process.”

Right on. I’m so there.

single mom seeking´s last blog post…What does it really mean to be intimate?

Good point, DM–a relationship should not only be about making sure that you constantly grow and change, but about being present and noticing and appreciating the fact that your partner is doing the same.

Lance, the argument that I am making is that by defining intimacy simply as the trust necessary to share one’s emotional terrain, it becomes a finite process. Finite processes become less interesting the moment they are complete, because there is nothing else. This is part of the reason many couples have such a crappy relationship–it’s like a video game.

The woman is like, “we achieved this final level, game over, let’s get married,” and the guy is like, “we achieved this final level, game over, let’s move on to the next relationship.”

By defining intimacy in a way that makes it a living, evolving, ongoing process–by making it something we can never achieve once and for all–I am creating a relationship with the BF that is sustainable long-term. And that’s a wonderful thing.

Honey´s last blog post…Into-Me-See: A Couple’s Guide to Intimacy

For me, intimacy is not strongly connected with maintaining zing or a vibrant sexual connection. IMO intimacy simply means knowing someone deeply, particularly on an emotional level.

My question then is being an emotional intimate with someone the end goal of a good relationship? I mean, is that it? Let’s talk about our feelings after a rough day at the office? What are your hopes and dreams?

I think a relationship is MOSTLY about experiencing things together. I think that’s why people get married (“yea, it’s our BIG day!”), have kids (“the joy of parenthood”), travel together, have sex in weird locations, go socialize together. I mean, if all you do is explore each other’s emotional terrain, that’s seems pretty mundane and not sustainable. Also, is my emotional terrain interesting enough to explore?? I guess that’s the issue I have with intimacy…and it may be the problem that many male players have with LTR’s. They’ve seen all the emotional terrain you can imagine because they’ve been with all the women. So intimacy is not very interesting to them.

Not sure where I’m going with this argument, or even if it is an argument, and I have to admit I’ve had a couple of jack-and-cokes tonight so I might be a little more prickish than usual.

The same can happen in a relationship. Even if your partner changes, if you aren’t present and really watching and listening and noticing when they share their new awarenesses and thought patterns with you, then you resort to a stale image of them.

dadshouse´s last blog post…Physical Intimacy

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