I nailed this chick the other weekend who wasn’t my girlfriend. I couldn’t help it, I needed to have a killer bang session, something I haven’t had since I started dating Heather over six months ago. This was an all-time showstopper, a 20 orgasm affair that was basically an unfilmed porno, that lasted until early in the morning, and left both of us exhausted. I loved every second of it.
Here’s how it went down. I’ve been stringing along this mediocre chick, who I referenced in this post here, via text message for a couple of weeks. Well, Friday night rolled around, I was already out with my boys, and I texted her to see if she wanted to meet for drinks. No problem, she was at a bar with friends, come on over. I showed up by myself, socialized with all of her friends (and hit on the female ones), flirted with her the appropriate amount, then took her home at the end of the night and fucked her silly. Except for a couple of text messages, I haven’t talked to her since.
My feelings about Heather remain completely unchanged after this incident. We went to dinner two nights after the pickup and had a great time, as usual, and our connection and our vibe was good as ever. The sex was the same, too, pretty vanilla.
What does this mean? I’ve been analyzing this a lot since it happened. It feels like this: it feels like I met a crazy club chick while on vacation, got drunk, fucked her, then flew home the next day and never talked to her again. Came back to reality and everything was completely normal. It’s possible only the men in the audience will understand this, but it’s like the 500 mile rule. Lots of guys joke about the 500 mile rule (aka the international rule). If it happens outside of 500 miles, it doesn’t count. If it happens a state away it doesn’t count. If it happens overseas, it doesn’t count. Ever heard of that? This incident felt exactly like the 500 mile rule, except without the inconvenience (or convenience) of the distance.
I already knew this, but I’ll say it again. I am fully capable of having sex with someone other than my girlfriend who I’m in love with and not have it take away from my relationship. There is a complete separation there. In fact, after this happened, I was left thinking, what’s the big deal? It’s just sex. Why get all bent out of shape about it?
Interestingly, I’m completely incompatible with the Mediocre Chick, even repelled by her, especially in a relationship sense. I don’t even like her very much. But the sex was EXTREMELY awesome. This had the weird side affect of making me appreciate Heather more because of her extraordinary qualities as a companion. It also gave me this insidious thought: perhaps being great at sex also means you’re only okay (or worse) as a relationship partner? Is there something to that? Does having a high sex drive and prioritizing good sex prevent us from being great companions?
The conclusion I’m drawing from this latest experience: No one person can or should be everything for you. I think that’s a ridiculous notion. I think it’s absurd that the social norm is monogamy, especially at my age. We will always have fantasies and desires and needs that one particular person can’t fulfill. There’s plenty of great sex partners around. If it’s safe and consensual, I don’t see a problem. I say have two (or more) girlfriends, one who is a great companion, and the other who is a great sex partner. Ladies, I think you need to get over the fact that your man needs to occasionally fuck other chicks. In return, we’ll let you have other partners and sexual experiences in order to fulfill your fantasies.
I know I can’t fulfill every need for my partner(s). I’ve proven that several times over and it’s even true at the sexual level. I’m certain I don’t fulfill all of Heather’s fantasies, and it could very well be part of the problem why she doesn’t orgasm from sex. Her unconscious notion of a deeply erotic partner isn’t Lance, for whatever reasons. BUT, I’m a great companion for Heather and we get along splendidly. Do you throw that away because the sex isn’t good? Or do you come up with a solution?
I’d be totally okay if she wanted to bang some other dudes to fulfill her fantasies. In fact, I want to encourage that. Now I just have to figure out how to set this up so we can both get what we want.