I’m back! After acting like a monumental pussy on my last date, detailed in this post, I made some adjustments and got my swerve in working order. Here was my Monday night…
I met my co-worker, Nancy, and her best friend, Liza, at a downtown sports bar for Monday Night Football. I had absolutely no expectations about this evening and was simply going to watch the game and enjoy the company. The bar was packed. During the course of the game, the three of us opened every set within eyeshot. I’ve hung with Nancy and Liza a few times before, both are very attractive mid-20′s professional gals, and the cool thing with them is that they will socialize with every warm body in the house. I mean, they can’t sit still for more than five minutes without talking to some dudes. So, when I hang with them, it makes it very easy for me to open sets because I’m socially vetted by hanging with the two hottest girls in the bar who are friends with everyone.
We got ripped, had a great time, talked to everyone, and did shots of Patron that were bought for us by guys who were hitting on the two girls.
As the game was winding down I suggested we bounce to another bar within walking distance for more drinks. On the way out, one of the girls recognized a former member of ‘N Sync (not Justin Timberlake) who happened to be a big Steelers fan. He was there with several friends. The two girls opened and hooked. I opened a dude at the bar just to disappear for a few minutes while the girls did their work. We all left and they got the guy’s phone number. Apparently he was really nice. See what I mean? I will talk about this in a future post, but Nancy has the BEST game of any chick I’ve ever met. Her social and emotional intelligence is off the charts.
The next bar wasn’t terribly busy, although there were a dozen or so 20-somethings hanging out together on the outdoor patio. They worked for the same company and were in town for a convention. They were all mega-dorks, like pocket protectors and crooked eye glasses type of dorky, not cool dorky. Nancy and Liza were like heat seeking missiles and opened the set immediately. I waded in and chatted up the females of the group, none of whom were remotely hot but that didn’t deter me in the least. I felt so awesome I didn’t care who I talked to. I opened a fat Indian chick and found out she lived in a tiny studio in Manhattan where her rent was $1800/month. I told her my rent was $550 and I lived in a phat house. She said she wanted a dog, which I thought was totally ridiculous considering her place is tiny, and I insisted she get a small cat instead or a gerbil.
We closed out the bar. Somewhere in the middle there Nancy wrapped herself around me and we made out at the bar in front of everyone and it was smokingly hot. We did this several times. I’ve made out with her on one other night, which was the Hottest Kiss of My Life. I professed my undying love for her, as is my wont when I get drunk, and it went over pretty well. I told her she would probably be an amazing girlfriend and it’s true. She would be.
Before we left, I had an conversation with Liza that got me in trouble. We were discussing family and it turned out that both of her parents passed away a while ago. Which is absolutely horrible, of course, and I empathized with her to the Nth degree since I know sort of what that is because my dad passed away about 10 years ago. As we were leaving, I turned to Nancy and asked, a little too cavalierly, “if she knew that Liza was an orphan?”
Do NOT call someone who has lost their parents an orphan. That line went over in the worst way and it was like a hand grenade exploded in my face. They were both pissed at me, and Nancy even mentioned that what I said was a really creepy thing to say. Ggaaarrrraaaahh!! So. Stupid.
We walked Liza to her car. There were these two big wicker chairs against a wall with a waterfall behind them in a breezeway in the plaza and I suggested to Nancy that we go sit in the chairs and have a smoke before calling it a night. She agreed. We sat in the chairs and smoked and held hands and talked about our lost parents and lost loves and how sometimes we feel like utterly lost children and how mixed up and weird things get. We both cried and I never felt more connected to someone in my life. She was like my love and soul mate from a past life. We kissed again, very deeply, emotionally, in the breezeway with the waterfall babbling in the background. It felt good to be close to someone. It really did.
Then I patted her on the butt and sent her to her boyfriend’s house for the night.