About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

Honey, Wingwoman

So I was put in the somewhat strange position of acting as a wingwoman for a friend while out on a date with the BF.  As I think I mentioned, I won $440 at the casino and had decided to use some of the money on a Roku (which works exactly as advertised and we absolutely love it), some on my hair (which looks fabulous–the cut was just a trim but the color is probably the best I’ve ever had it done), and some to take the BF out to dinner at Stingray Sushi in Scottsdale.  This was since he a) loves sushi, b) just spoiled me for my own birthday not long ago, and c) he bought a new Blackberry for work and it’s left him a little strapped.

Dinner at Stingray is excellent, and then on the way back to the car we’re debating the various merits of staying out for a few drinks since we’re in a nicer area of town and we don’t go out nearly as often as we used to (not because of lame-couple-itis, but because of having-a-job-and-getting-old-itis).

(Photo Credit dosgringosaz.com)

We end up at Dos Gringos, partly because it is a fun bar but largely because our car is parked right in front of it, and decide to text some friends and see if they want to come out.  We employ the last-minute text quite a bit because a) you look like you have an awesome social life and those at home feel lame, b) hardly anyone ever comes because they are all getting old and have jobs too, so you don’t have to be as “on” as you think you will, and c) you get friendship bonus points for thinking of them.

The BF’s friend Susie had called him earlier in the evening to say that she was on a nightmare-worthy date with a guy she’d met online, so she was the only one to respond to our call and come out.  Some quick stats: Susie is about 27, has a 4 year old daughter, makes about $40K per year as an insurance adjustor, is very shy, not very bright, and kinda boring, but is very cute, short, and extremely slender (a very pixie/gamine type look). 

We’re having some drinks (my official drink of the evening was Tom Collins–delicious, if not widely known) and looking around the club, but although Susie has no problem talking about which guys she thinks are hot, she can’t bring herself to approach any of them.  I try to get a conversation going by tapping a guy on the shoulder and asking him and his buddy if there’s a point at which breasts are so large they are unattractive.  We spark up a bit of a conversation but then the guys wander off.  Susie and the BF agree that the guy that I started talking to was interested in me (which I honestly didn’t even notice, how sad is that) but this may have been because Susie was sitting next to the BF and I was on the other side of the table.

So we switch seats and try again, but nobody’s really walking by our table.  The BF says that guys like girls who play video games, so Susie and I start playing a round of Big Buck Hunter, but Susie isn’t very good and soon quits.  It is starting to become apparent to me that every time I start talking to a guy and bring him over to her so we can all have a conversation, she bails and then I have to eject because I’m not trying to pick anyone up.

Finally I walk up to a guy who is with two friends, compliment him on his outfit, and then introduce him to Susie.  She doesn’t like him (and he and Buddy #2 are both too drunk to really make a lot of sense) but does start talking to Buddy #3.  Meanwhile, the BF and I feel obligated to keep up conversation with Buddies #1 and 2 so that they don’t drag away Susie’s prospect.  It ends up that the BF is mainly talking to Buddy #2 and I am mainly talking to Buddy #1, but then he puts his hand on my thigh.  I remove it and say something about my boyfriend (you know, right there).  In what was perhaps an attempt to salvage our interaction, he asks how long we’ve  been dating (in the maybe I can still snag her way), but he gives up when I’m like, two and a half years and then take the BF’s hand, which I continue to hold for the rest of the conversation.

Susie ended up grabbing a snack at a nearby Philly Cheesesteak place with Buddy #3 and the BF and I extricated ourselves from the other two and went home.  Talking about it later, we agreed that the BF can also function as a wingman if the need ever arises, since we trust each other (I’d felt a little weird throughout the evening because we hadn’t talked about it beforehand, but it seemed pretty obvious to me at the bar that I was flirting on Susie’s behalf and hadn’t done anything inappropriate, and the BF agreed).  Hopefully things go somewhere with Susie and Buddy #3, though she does seem to be a magnet for losers.  Here’s a snippet of a conversation from a month or two prior to this night:

Me: Susie, you should really have stricter criteria for the guys you date.  Like, they should have a steady job and make at least as much money as you (thinking, she makes $40K which isn’t a ton so that’s doable enough and will keep her away from single 40-year-olds with three kids who don’t work because their band is “gonna make it big”)

Susie: But that would rule out, like, every guy I’ve ever dated!

Me: <Raise eyebrow.>

What do you guys think the groundrules are for someone trying to be an effective (yet relationship-respectful) wing?

  • http://www.tsbmag.com Bobby Rio

    haha… I love the last minute text too. It shows your friends you were thinking of them… but you know they ain’t coming… although if they do.. more the better.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Pixie/gamine look? Seriously? I think you should send me her picture and have her email me immediately.

    Good game there…that’s textbook. There are really no issues with wingwomen…girls who go out together basically wing for each other naturally, although it often turns into cockblocking if the guy is douche. Just introduce, entertain, and socialize, and you’re gold.

    BTW, women who wing for guys are called pivots.

  • Jonsi

    Nice work. I think Suzie needs to reframe nights like this as just having fun and being social. It sounds like the anxiety gets to her a bit.

    I won’t touch the money bit as a broke graduate student, but being more selective in your criteria is a good thing. On the other hand, I think you should go out with anyone you feel may bring a positive social interaction. That does not mean continue to go out with them past 1-3 dates! So date the losers…just do not get quasi involved with them.

    And I’m willing to bet Suzie is equally as responsible for lame dates. Doesn’t sound like she pulls her weight. Which is why she should reframe the experience.

  • http://20-forty.com/ lisaq

    I think it’s awesome that you were playing wingwoman though I agree with Jonsi about Suzie needing to make some changes. It changes the whole atmosphere of the evening and makes it more enjoyable when you think of it as just being out having and good time.

    lisaqs last blog post..Can This Relationship Survive the Distance?

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Wingwoman rules – don’t drag her away just because you’re bored, if she’s got a good connection going. That happens way too much when women are out together. Sounds like you didn’t do that – you took one on the thigh for the team!