About the Author

Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Central Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at life. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.

How To Have Better Experiences

I’ve been having some great experiences this year in every aspect of my life, from relationships to sports to business. One thing I’ve noticed is the more interesting experiences I have, the more chances there are for detracting from those experiences or otherwise ruining them completely. I find it difficult to live in the moment and maintain the integrity of the present experience because I have so many things going on that encroach on each other.

Here are a couple of examples. When I go to the gym to workout, I will occasionally bring my phone with me and text or even take phone calls from people. I’m sure you’ve seen people who do that! That detracts from the experience of having a great workout, and may even negate some of the benefits of exercising, such as stress relief. My other relationships are now infringing on living in the moment.

If I’m dating around or working several prospects for future dates, I’m constantly running text and Facebook game to progress the relationships. Managing all of this is a huge distraction and sullies the present moment experience, whatever it may be.

Another example, and this is a bad one, is that I’ll actually run text and Facebook game on other girls while I’m on a date with a girl. That’s horrible, because the present moment date should be an exceptional experience, a real highlight. How many people have you seen doing this, texting other people while they’re on a date? There should be some kind of man law against this.

I went on a solo trip recently and explored the West Coast, and what I discovered was that there was no pressure to stay plugged in and connected with my other relationships, be they work or personal, because I was in vacation mode. Thus, my present experiences were purer and memorable. I recall I spent the entire day exploring a SoCal beach town and walking on the beach and I didn’t make a single call, send a text, or think about work. It was awesome.

There are a couple of things I’ve done to preserve my present moment experiences. First, I’m framing time around the experience as a “no contact zone” and I’ll make an honest effort not to communicate with anyone but the folks who I’m present with. If I’m going to play sports, I’ll not use my phone for the 20′ drive there and back, and leave the phone in my car during the play time. I’ll even go so far as to turn off my radio and drive in silence so I can get psyched up.

Taking it a step further, I’ll actually police my thoughts so I’m focused squarely on the experience at hand. I find it unacceptable that I’m thinking about chicks when I’m competing, so I’ll put in a strong effort to shove those thoughts to the background. This has been the biggest difference maker for me in staying in the moment, something I don’t think I was mentally agile enough to compartmentalize my thoughts in this way until recently. Clearing my thoughts and focusing on the competition allows me to perform better and enjoy the experience fully.

Try it and see how it affects your experiences. I’m a big believer that interesting experiences make up the fabric of our lives, so it’s important to live in the moment and soak in our experiences fully. Don’t let the other things you have going on in your life detract from the present moment.

Also, I deleted Facebook and other social media apps from my iPhone. That’s helped a lot.

  • http://theelffingtonpost.blogspot.com/ Christina

    This is so true, and so hard to do, with all of the distractions that seem to be built into modern life. There seems to be this need to maximize every moment of every day, and that we’re somehow slacking off if we’re constantly involved in some sort of communication, superficial though it may be.

  • http://www.hammer86blog.com Hammer

    This is a really interesting piece. I know that some of the people who I consider to be the most happy in my life tend to go off the grid a lot, leaving their phone various places by accident or on purpose and not really caring. I find that this tends to be more a function of their popularity than anything else though. They are in high demand, so they don’t need to check their phone or anything like that.

    I’ve started intentionally leaving my phone in another room so that I don’t have to worry about it when I’m not expecting someone to get in touch or respond. This morning, I texted three women. One I have a date with tomorrow, and I was finalizing the location and time; one I was out with last night, and was not 100% whether she’d respond or not, the date didn’t go super well; and another who I was out with Monday, and had talked to since. It’s amazing how easy it is to get stressed about the fact that you haven’t heard from any of them in 3 hours, even though I was sure that I’d hear back from two of them and didn’t really care if I heard back from the third. I’ve heard back from all three now, but it was just funny that I couldn’t help but stress about it without taking specific action like putting my phone somewhere that I knew I wouldn’t be able to feel it vibrate and waiting until lunch to check it.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Hammer, thanks for commenting. Yes, I’ve noticed that running game on several chicks at once stresses me out and totally distracts from the other cool experiences I have going on. I found myself checking texts and facebook ALL the time, like in my car, at work, hanging with friends, working out, at the movies, etc, and it became ridiculous. I was also getting addicted to the feedback. I came to a decision point and started consciously scheduling my flirting time or removing it entirely and now my daily experiences have improved significantly.

    Managing my thoughts was the tougher part of the equation…even if I wasn’t checking my phone constantly, I was thinking about relationships to the point of distraction, so I’ve been practicing better in-the-moment focus and clearing my thoughts via writing them down. This has also helped a lot.

  • http://www.hammer86blog.com Hammer

    I get more hung up on when/if they are going to respond than I do on the mechanics of the relationship for the most part. It’s so ridiculous to me how much my subconscious perceives response time as an indicator of interest. In my experience, it is just generally not a very good predictor, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling, even if I don’t give a shit if I hear back from them or not. Being incapable of checking whether or not someone texted seems to alleviate the anxiety.

  • Honey

    I try to never look at my phone when I am out with other people, or at work unless it’s my lunch break. I do FB at work, though.

    I definitely don’t text certain people back right away, because they are chatty and I don’t enjoy the back-and-forth. Texting is for setting up plans to see someone in person, for the most part.

  • Daniel L.

    I always carry my phone wherever I go so that I could be able to keep in touch with anyone. I only do facebook and twitter at home because it is related to my work and I could be able to contact my former colleagues through social network. Good luck on gaining more experiences and thanks for sharing the wonderful post.

  • Amenda Winter

    Hi…For me, I always make the most out of it…For sure, I will have better experience and won’t regret it…

  • Sheila J. Hill

    It is good to know if you have more good experience than bad ones…Thanks for the inspiration…

  • hannamay

    Yeah, I agree with Sheila, it’s better to have a good experience rather than bad..

  • Stephan Hilson

    This post reminds me to prioritize more on gaining better experience with the things that I usually do rather than turning my attention to my phones or facebook. I have to admit that Facebook games could be entertaining and addicting. But I only used Facebook to connect with friends and if it is work-related. I am not sure if I am going to delete my Facebook but I don’t use it on my phone, which could lessen my dependency on it. Thanks for sharing the wonderful post.

  • http://datinganders.blogspot.com Sandy

    When I lead a conversation with friends or with my partner, I never watch mobile phone, or write to FB. I find that very rude.
    This is still enough time later.

  • Helen Chris

    We cannot prevent bad experience to happen in life…But we have to take it positively…

  • Robin

    It is not easy making good experiences because sometimes, it is bad all the time and it makes lie challenging…Be positive always…

  • Cher Shives

    Bad experiences just happen…It is how we face it that matters…

  • Robin

    We may have more bad experience that good ones but we have to remember that sometimes, it is a blessing because it makes us a stronger person in return…

  • http://www.blackmoldremovalproducts.com Helen Chris

    Your post really inspirational.. I will always keep this in mind that I should not let bad things detract my present.. Thanks again!

  • Lola T

    I really know this is something really inspirational. To value a relation ship and to make it a really valued relation their needs to some kind of realization or change from the holders as well. This is some thing interesting about bad experience being shared.

  • Sally Thompson

    Experience make us who we are.. So it it so important to have a good experience.. Nice tips by the way..

  • Kimberly

    This is so true, Thanks for the tips! really appreciate it. Thanks for sharing!

  • Victoria Taylor

    Great tips! Your a guru to have a successful life.. Thanks for the post!

  • Emmalyn

    i always get advice from my friends…do whatever you love to do and have a great experience because one day you will just realized and regret things you haven’t done at all.

  • http://privategirls.com.au/sydney_escorts.php Sydney Escorts Sydney

    Great Read. For me. Their is no such thing as a good or bad experience.

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