Hello Fun Loving Online Daters!
I get emails every so often from women asking for pointers on their online dating profiles. These are coming from random women who find honeyandlance.com through my post, How to Spot a Fake Match.com Profile, which is decently ranked in Google. Who would have thought the term “match.com scam” was so highly searched for, but it is, to the tune of 2900 searches per month. The post is third in the Google results.
So, when ladies ask for pointers, it usually goes something like this:
Hi Lance. I know you’re a pimp when it comes to online dating and dating in general. Could you please look at my profile and see what I’m doing wrong? I never get emails from guys and people rarely reply to my messages.
Sure thing, let’s see what we can do. Advice is free of charge, all you have to do is email: email@example.com.
If you’re an inveterate online dater like me, you’ll be familiar with the tools to do power searches on an online dating site. It’s worth covering here because the tools change every so often and it also gives some insight into why certain profiles work and others don’t.
First, let’s look at a typical guy-looking-for-girl search using the interface on Match.com:
1) My search is a pretty typical broad-range search for a guy, with a few personal preferences thrown in.
2) I always start with a large search radius in order to see what the market is like. I prefer searches within the 5-10 mile range, but I start large and drill down.
3) Notice I didn’t select “About Average” for body type. I want to see my preferred type first.
4) Notice I didn’t mess with any of the Marital Status, Faith, or other qualifiers. Those are secondary to me.
5) Goes without saying photos only.
This returned 366 results. This is exactly the starting number I want. Why? Because Match.com is a huge numbers game, especially for dudes. The more chicks I email, the more connects I make, the more chances I have for getting dates.
After I do my broad range search, I will do a fast browse through every page of profile summaries, sorted by activity date. Further, I will only browse profiles that are active within one week or less. Why? Because if a chick hasn’t been active for over a week, chances are she’s going on a ton of Match dates already and won’t check her account or won’t reply. Yes, I’m disqualifying some potentials, but it’s simply an efficiency judgment on my part. The cool thing is if a chick flames out on her latest batch of dates, she’ll get back on Match and show up in the latest active results. So, I’ll get to see her when the getting is good. See below for how I have my search results dashboard set up:
My results sorted by Activity date:
Okay, now we’re in business. Here are my next steps:
1) I’ll browse through every page until I hit profiles that are one week active or less. In this case, that was 10 pages deep. With 18 summaries per page, that’s 180 profiles, a pretty manageable number. If I’m really in a hurry, I’ll only browse profiles that have been active 3 days or less, because these have the greatest chance of a connect.
2) I click on every profile that catches my eye. Obviously, the biggest factor here is PRIMARY PROFILE PICTURE. Ladies, can you see how this is critical to online dating success? If you want dudes emailing you, have must have a picture that puts you in a good light and compels guys to click on your profile. You are literally a face in a crowded sea of profile pictures. The advice is the same for dudes. In fact, it’s even more important for dudes, because there are more guys than gals on Match.com.
3) Once I click a profile, I’ll read the headline, read the age/location information, browse through the other pictures, and then maybe (although not always) do a super fast scan of their actual profile description. If things are holding up, I’ll BOOKMARK the profile as someone I want to email later. I never email someone right away unless I fall in love right off the bat, which doesn’t happen that often 😉
And that’s how you do a power search. After my initial broad range search, if I have the time, I’ll do followup searches where I add more qualifiers (marital status, drinking etc) just to see what the results are. I might add “About Average” for body type if I’m in a small market or I’m seriously down on my luck. Since I live in a big city, I rarely do that.
After all the searching is done, I’ll go back to my bookmarks, do some further qualification, and email every one that moves me. I have email templates saved for this but I’ll customize each message. On my initial round, I may email dozens of girls.
Using this system is good for weeding out fake profiles also, because you catch trending among the fakes.
Spend time, even money, getting good pictures. You don’t necessarily need Glamour Shots, but if all of your pictures suck, then procure a decent digital camera and get a friend to snap some cool pics. Make a weekend out of it.
Put up pictures in a variety of settings and make sure they’re all compelling. Try a few dressed up, going-out shots. Then outdoor shots. Then a shot with your pet. Then a headshot. Then a shot of you in your work clothes. A shot of you playing a sport. Shots of you in a group of people. Keep in mind, if you put up your crazy party pics that you normally have on
MySpace Facebook, you’re going to have douchebag guys emailing to ask if you want to bang. Avoid the party pics if that’s not what you want.
Make a good, compelling headline. I like ones that are fun and not too serious. I don’t like headlines that say things like, “Just trying this online thing for the first time…” or “Hopefully Prince Charming is out there”. Yuck. Admittedly, though, I would only disqualify a person based on headline if the headline contained a strong qualifier. A headline with qualifiers is something like “I’m a Super Christian looking for Prince Charming.” Moving right along.
Write a solid, descriptive profile description, but don’t tell your life story. It’s too early for that. In the sales world, they call that “spilling the candy.” You don’t want to spill the candy too soon. That’s what your first couple of dates are for. Write enough so that if I linger on your profile, I’ll hook onto something to write in an email.
Here’s An Example Of A Bad Primary Picture
Check out these pictures from my search above:
What jumps out to you but in a bad way? For me, it was chocolate928, who’s profile pic is too dark. Since I’m blowing through hundreds of these pics, I would tend skip her profile. Don’t mess around, use a great primary picture in the best possible light. Of the four, I like the headshot of the gal to her right because I’ve got a great look at her features and she’s got a nice smile.
Hope that helps. Happy power searching!
- How to Spot a Fake Match.com Profile
- I Want A Tall, Handsome, Ambitious Man To Sweep Me Off My Feet Because I Love To Laugh!
- Interview with Gary Stock, author of “Bad Match” (Part I)
- I Met My Girlfriend on Match.com