How to Act Girlfriendy and Get Guys

So I wanted to write a post that was sort of a wrap-up of a flirtation I had almost a year ago. In this post, where I made out with my co-worker and said the worst line ever, I described a bar makeup with a friend of mine who I had amazing chemistry with. When I say amazing, I was like declaring my undying love inside of 15′. Sure, I was a little drunk, but that doesn’t matter. I completely stopped blogging about her shortly after and she fell out of my real life around Christmas of 2009. I haven’t seen her since. So what happened? As you’ll recall, at the time, she was in a LTR and basically living with her man.

Since our flirtation, she got married and got pregnant!! So that really put the skids on whatever we had.

Anyway, what I wanted to circle back to was this. Nancy had incredible social and emotional intelligence and she had the best natural game of any woman I’ve ever met. She knew instinctively how to behave to attract guys and make them feel awesome, and she knew when to use her skill to get what she wanted. I call this “chick game.” Let me explain.

When I’m out and hanging with girls and I know they are into me, there is a certain set of signals that are the easy tip-offs. Guys, you know what these are. Chicks will grab onto you, hold your arm, hold your hand as you walk through a crowd, maybe grab or feel your chest if you have a nice chest, even brush their boobs against you. In pickup parlance we call these IOI’s, for indicators of interest. These physical IOI’s are like a flare gun to the face. Very obvious, very powerful. Less obvious IOI’s would be the verbal kind, like when chicks throw you compliments or say things that otherwise make you feel good about yourself. Basically, when a chick does all of this stuff, it makes you feel like the man. She’s hot and you’re the center of her attention, which in turns boosts your social value.

When chick acts girlfriendy, 90% of guys will respond positively. Basically,  chicks can get what they want if they play it right: sex, boyfriends, money, drinks, etc. In fact, chicks have to be really careful when they act girlfriendy because the guy will try to hook up with her. If that’s not she wants, she needs to cut it out.

Nancy, my co-worker from above, was a master at this kind of chick game. My Kung-Fu is pretty strong against chick game, but like any other red-blooded male, I respond to the right stimulus. Nancy knew, instinctively, how to push my buttons just right to get me to fall for her. And she could do it quickly, like in minutes. I knew she had a boyfriend and lived with him, but I didn’t care, because she made me feel awesome. I felt like the man. And besides that, the conversation with her was always deep and wide ranging, and we would frequently smoke cigarettes and have these cool little sidebars. So she appealed to me on an intellectual level and I also felt like I was on the “inside” whenever we were together, like we were sharing something apart from the hubbub of the party scene. It was a powerful, irresistible package. It took me from zero to “head over heels” like that.

Our Last Encounter: So, for our last encounter, we were hanging out at a holiday party and Nancy pulled me outside for a smoke. She bounced us into a bar and we did a shot together, which she paid for. She was acting girlfriendy the whole time. I was having a blast. Then, she wanted me to leave the party and go home with her. I completely wanted to do this, had done it before, but couldn’t. I blocked her chick game because I was supposed to meet another girl I was dating and some family members for another party. I just couldn’t ditch the other girl, although the temptation was massive. She told me she respected me for sticking to my guns.

I haven’t dated in awhile, but when I do date, part of me wishes that women would act girlfriendy, because then the dates would be so much more fun. Guys would feel awesome and we in turn could act like men and make you feel awesome in return. But, I get it why chicks can’t act girlfriendy. The guys will fall in love with you and get douchey or try to sleep with you too fast, which you don’t like/want (most of the time). So then we have dates that are super boring or full of gamesmanship. This is one reason why I think players and highly skilled social artists have a big advantage, because women can feel free to run their game without the guy really falling in love. The player will recognize it for what it is, which is a flirtation that’s part of a great evening. If it goes somewhere, fine, but if not, the player can shrug it off.

I miss Nancy, don’t regret a thing, and I’m glad she’s married and has a kid. Here’s to you, Nancy.