How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive

There were some good comments on my post When I Act Dumb Chicks Want To Sleep With Me More, so I thought I’d write a followup and dive into how acting dumb makes you more attractive.

When I said I acted dumb what I  meant was I act tactically dumb, that is, I might purposefully act clueless, shallow, jackassey, or not have an opinion on something in order to generate attraction. At first blush this might be perceived as being dumb, but if you unpack it this is what you get:

* I’ll act clueless about a subject in order to draw out conversation or pump up her enthusiasm about something. Honey mentioned this tactic in her comment. An example might be acting clueless about a genre of music so that she’ll get fired up about explaining it to me, even though I know tons of stuff about that genre. Everyone I know does this, knowingly or unknowingly.

* She might ask me a serious question about a serious subject and I’ll blow it off with humor or a witty response. So here I might give the impression of not having an opinion or not being a deep thinker, when in fact I’m dodging a sensitive subject because I know following the conversational thread will destroy attraction. If she asks me about politics or kids on a first date, I’ll use this tactic. I use this tactic a lot on early dates and it helps to shape the conversational flow in the direction I want it to go in, which is usually sexual. Who doesn’t do this?

* I’ll act like “party fun guy” on an early date and avoid all types of deeper conversation in order to steer towards kino and create a sexual aura. For me, this only works when we’re in a party setting, such as a loud bar or club. I’m not good at pulling off party-fun guy mode at a coffee shop, which is why I avoid coffee shops like the plague on early dates.

To extend the thought above, I will drop some hints or fire off a couple of nuggets of intellectual richness and high intelligence, just so she knows I’m not a complete vacuous idiot. My overall strategy always on early dates is go sexual, build tension, be mysterious, and allude to a lot of possibility. It’s to my advantage to reveal my brainy side down the road. ;)

* I’ll act shallow or overly dude-ish in an over-the-top way in order to certify that I am, in fact, a sexually healthy guy. Example: if I’m on a date, I’ll remark that I’m attracted to blondes with big boobs and act totally shallow about it in a wink-wink way. I do this all the time because the women I date usually go out with guys who are complete pussies and won’t admit to having sexual urges. I find this incredibly liberating for me and her, because what I do is followup by asking her about her fantasies or what types of guys she has urges about. One girl I dated I asked if she fantasized about huge black guys with horse cocks, and she admitted that she did have a thing for that. So then it was totally out in the open and I knew we could talk about sex freely.

Just be careful not to turn her off and shade it with humor and you’ll be just fine with this tactic.

* Sometimes I’ll do something dumb on purpose in order to create a takeaway and generate laughs or create an interesting point during a date. This one is complicated, but here’s an example: let’s say we go on a date to a hockey game and it’s going really well. I can tell she thinks I’m high value. I might act extra belligerent and get us reprimanded by the ushers simply so the date becomes memorable and also as a takeaway to my value. Why would I do that? Because I never want to come off as too high value because it would overshadow her and also I want to set an expectation that if you hang with me, crazy shit can happen, which is an absolute reality. Perfect dates are boring. I did this with my current girlfriend once and nearly got us kicked out of a bar. This worked awesomely, because now we have a cool story to laugh about and her expectation, which she’s completely accepted, is that I’m a little bit crazy.

Those are just some ways to act dumb and generate attraction. I like what Matt Savage said in comments about how acting a little dumb steers you towards quick lay and short term attraction territory, that sounds about right. I also agree with Kiera about chicks who act dumb to get drinks and smokes, that works too.

You know what’s really effective? I mix in some of the tactics above with tactics that make me look really smart, and that package explodes the attraction. Seriously, chicks eat it up. Honey can probably blog about the smart stuff since she’s a super brainy Virgo ;) But basically if I pontificate on books and art and stuff and then get us kicked out of a bar in the same night, it’s game over. I’m getting the girl.

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Lance – very thoughtful post on being dumb! I agree, playing dumb lets you ask questions and be funny and draw the conversation out in a more fun way. Acting like a know-it-all, serious-all-the-time authority is a total turn-off to people you meet. Great post!
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog …Jesse James, Tiger Woods – Why Should We Care? =-.

  • http://themodernsavage.com/ Matt Savage

    This is definitely an interesting concept and I’d have to also agree with Keira that the “acting dumb” thing is more used by women. For example, I have some very smart female friends who are certainly capable of having deep intellectual conversations (which they do), however some nights when they are out, it’s like they transform into the stereotypical dumb cheerleader type. It’s amazing because it actually works; guys flock to them, buy them drinks and basically do the usual beta male orbiting type stuff. They trick guys into thinking they are “easy” prey, yet they are really quite cunning.
    .-= Matt Savage´s last blog …Preferred Signs of Attraction in Men and Women =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I do or have done almost all of these things, but only when interacting with people that I’ve already decided I am not at all interested in (friendship or otherwise) as techniques to pass the time until I can escape and never have to hang out with them again. Like, I’d do it if a date was going really badly (or if like Matt Savage says, I wanted guys to buy me drinks or something) but not if it was someone I wanted to see again. It’s a last-ditch resort for when you’re trapped in a situation where you have to interact with the person regardless.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Yeah, but if you’re trying to attract someone, do you “dumb it down” or otherwise do things that might be considered not-so-smart in order to heighten attraction? Drinking and partying immediately springs to mind…I do this and I think a lot of other people do to in order to establish a connection. We’re all smart, but we don’t want to let our towering intellects and massive egos get in the way of connecting with our dates.
    .-= Lance´s last blog …How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    When I’m partying at the Lodge, my favorite party bar, I survey the room and think to myself that every single person in the joint is acting like a dumbass, especially the women, but that every single person in the room is actually smart as hell and doesn’t let on because intelligence isn’t sexy in that environment.

    I tend to think that most people are pretty smart, even brilliant at something, and tend to dumb themselves down on purpose in order to fit in.
    .-= Lance´s last blog …How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Maybe in my early 20s, but not in order to generate attraction – it was because I had low self-esteem. Once I felt confident in myself, I stopped doing those things around people I didn’t know well. Now I definitely drink/party with my close friends and with Jake, but the attraction’s already there and the fact that I can act like a dumbass around them shows how much I trust them. I don’t think I’d do it around someone I didn’t know well, especially if I was attracted to them.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Well, now that I think about it – maybe to generate attraction because I wasn’t confident that I had anything else that would?

    Jake says that the thing that he likes about me more than anything else is my competence.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I am going to ask Jake what he thinks of this.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Sure, competence and obvious intelligence are attractors for LTR’s no doubt, acting dumb works for quick attraction, bars, clubs, partying, etc. You should blog about how intelligence makes one attractive and why.
    .-= Lance´s last blog …How to Act Dumb (Or Smart) And Be More Attractive =-.

  • http://katwilder.com Kat Wilder

    Wait, Lance — since when is humor or a witty remark acting “dumb”? Everyone enjoys some humor and wit.

    But, when I’m reading this, I can’t hep thinking — Lance, why aren’t you just being you, no games, no manipulations, no prethinking and planning.

    Just be genuine.

    Or, will being who you really are turn a gal away?
    .-= Kat Wilder´s last blog …Someone to watch over me =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    When you blow off a serious question–“Do you want kids”–with a joke, it could be construed as being dumb, or at least not having an proper opinion.

    Kat, tactical dating is exactly who I am. That’s as natural to me as playing soccer is to a trained soccer player. Plus, there’s no such thing as zero thought or structure to a social interaction. Everyone operates within these structures and engages in a tactical exchange whether they embrace it or not.

  • http://www.travel-europe-hotels.com Euro Boy

    Most of them are just pretending to be dumb. But in most cases beauty and brain never go together

  • http://www.grooveshark.com guest BITCH!!!!!!

    FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • C.J.

    Right on, guest BITCH! No one should EVER “dumb down” or pretend that they’re anything less than what they are. As for “revealing your intellect later down the road,” I’d have to say that tactic works better for men. If a woman tries that, her intellect is NEVER taken seriously.