Similar to dadshouse’s entry on how a woman he met online didn’t want to meet up for a hike on a first date, Lance’s date refused to come over and let him cook dinner for her at his house. Like DM, Lance is frustrated by the fact that women feel unsafe in their initial encounters, largely because it either leads to “sipping Bud Lights while we stare at each other across tabletops and play word games and play dress up” (Lance) or “coffee dates, those fact-finding information exchanges that modern singles embrace as necessities like college-bound kids taking the SAT” (DM).
Where do you, the readers, draw the line?
As I said in the comments to the Brazen Careerist convo, when I had my first date with Jake, he didn’t know my last name, phone number, e-mail addy, or physical addy. We had first names and met at the bar (well, actually I think I might’ve known his last name because it was part of his MySpace URL, which is a mistake I don’t think a woman would ever make). Although I did end up going to a party with him and then we had rockin’ sex back at my place, I had set things up so that if he gave off a creepy vibe, all I’d have to do was leave and block his profile – he wouldn’t have been able to find me again.
Now, he and I met on MySpace, but back when I was doing the Match thing I set up a new e-mail account with none of my personal information that I used when people wanted to move communication off the site. Even though I never dealt with anyone that I thought was super creepy online (well, maybe one…or two…wait, I actually have another story that’s pretty great although I might not have the e-mails anymore – I’ll check into it for you guys), I did grow a lot more cautious as I got a little older, and especially once I was living by myself and didn’t have roommates that would worry about me if I didn’t return.
So I do also get my hackles up when guys belittle the safety concern. I was date-raped by my first college boyfriend (the same jerk I lost my virginity to), and there were definitely times that I had sex while technically too drunk to give consent and deeply regretted it afterwards (though in those cases the solution lay as much in drinking less as it did in blaming the guy). I understand how totally awesome, trustworthy guys would get frustrated by women’s need to protect themselves – it’s gotta be like getting searched at the airport because of your race. But the danger is real (Well, the date-rape danger. I don’t know anything about terrorism or criminal profiling!). Lance says, “If you want to get to know someone, you break bread with them.” Suppose you go to a guy’s house and he rapes you – what are you supposed to say to her afterwards – “well, now you know”?!?!
Ladies, what steps do you take to ensure your safety? Fellas, what’s it like on the other side of those precautions? Is there any way to feel safe and get to know someone, or is it just an inherently risky activity?
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