How Often Should You Have Sex If You’re Busy?

I thought about this question after reading two posts:

Pavlina’s point #6–Re-channel sex energy–struck a nerve. If you’re a busy creative dude, my recommendation is to only have sex once per week. Here’s why.

I’ve realized in the last few years that sex drive and creativity are intertwined. They may, actually, be one in the same. The more I’m getting laid, the less creative fuel I have for other projects. To put it another way, if I’m chasing tail and getting laid a lot, I’m usually in a work lull phase. The emotional and physical output of really excellent sex drains my creative fuel tanks.

Like most other creative people, I work on projects besides my day job: writing gigs, freelance projects, athletic endeavors, business stuff. All of these require a high degree of attention and creativity. The chase for booty puts the brakes on all that.

Ideal Frequency

If I’m in a serious work phase, my ideal frequency is doing it once per week. That one session I qualify as a blow-out, wildebeast style cannonade session.

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A quickie doesn’t take much energy, so I don’t count it.

What I’ll do is a Saturday night thing with my girl and a followup in the morning. The rest of the week, I avoid poon and channel the sex energy into my other projects. It’s possible to break this into 2-3 smaller sessions during the week, say a couple of quickies and a more intense, longer session, but that is dicey. Athletes in training have been doing this forever, even going so far as to abstain from sex during a competitive season.

This may sound douchey, but it’s legit. Our sex drive feeds our creativity/ambition/motivation, so the more we get laid, the less driven we are is to accomplish cool shit. And I don’t mean ordinary stuff like going to the gym for a workout or a 9-5 job. Those things you can mail in. I mean working on high level creative projects, doing deals, running a business, dominating at life.

This is why you hear girlfriends grumble that they want sex more frequently than their boyfriends, because the boyfriends are expending all the sex energy on work.

If you’re single, I recommend identifying when you’re going into a work phase and simply cut down the number of chicks you’re dating. Game it so you’re only getting laid once per week. I’m okay with only getting laid twice per month if I’m in a particularly intense work/training phase. Let’s be serious here, what’s more important? Dominating at life or getting tail a few more times a month?

Once you’ve completed your project, take some time off, get a girlfriend, and make sweet lovin’ like rabbits. Manage this in cycles.

What About The Ladies

Ladies, is your sex drive tied to your creativity? Does it make you less motivated, ambitious, and creative to get laid constantly? Or, is it the opposite, where getting laid constantly revs up the creative engine? I suspect that it’s the opposite of a guy’s sex drive, where women gain more creativity if they’re getting laid often. Which is totally ironic.




  • Christina

    This makes a lot of sense. In fact, I was reading one of the old-school self-help guys not too long ago (I think it was Napoleon Hill) who stressed how important *properly channeled* sexual energy was to creative and successful people. I guess it’s got to be enough to keep the juices flowing, but not too much to sap all of your energy. Kind of like Baby Bear’s porridge- just right. :-)

    As a woman, I like sex two or three times a week when I’m working hard. It does seem to help with the creativity, but any more than that is a drain on energy.

  • Honey

    Jake’s job is definitely why we don’t have sex as frequently as we did when we were both in school. He’s frequently there until 9 at night and it’s not the kind of job you can phone in.

  • Hammer

    Even when I’m only having sex once or twice a week, I’m still masturbating at least once a day, and I haven’t found a substantial difference in the amount of creative energy diminished from one versus the other. On the contrary, I find that if I don’t have that kind of sexual activity, I get seriously distracted and cannot focus on anything for more than a few minutes.

  • Lance

    Hammer, you’re just not whacking off enough. IMO moderate amounts of masturbation has little to no effect on your creative energy. The kind of depletion that I’m talking about only occurs with serious multi-hour, multi-orgasmic sex sessions with a partner…the emotional and mental toll of doing great fantasy with another human is critical. It’s possible to blow your proverbial creative nut via whacking off, but it would take addict levels to get there. To extend that thought, I do think you could have minor sexual encounters with a minimal impact on creativity more frequently, but it’s risky.

  • Lance

    @Christina, thanks for commenting. Hill does indeed have a chapter on sex energy that is really the original thought on what I’m blogging here. Pretty amazing considering the book was published in 1937! I highly recommend it.

  • DamnTheGods

    Hey, if you are really busy.. you wont have time to read this shit. Have sex whenever you and your partner want to. Have fun 😉

  • Marco Lee

    When I was in my very productive state. I didn’t had sex…nor masturbated. My energy was so focused on what I was doing. Indeed it helps to channel your focus.

  • melon

    masturbation is a time saver people.

  • Rod Rodriguez

    Very cool article, Lance! This is a question I’ve been asking for some time now, so thanks for providing realistic answers. I have never really scheduled when to have sex or how frequently I should engage in it with my girl. Mainly because it is usually spontaneous for us, so sometimes we go at it three times a day or once a week. We take turns initiating it, and rarely turn each other down. Sort of like how DamnTheGods put it on his comment. I do live a semi-active lifestyle and this article is very helpful to me realizing that our sexual activity affects our creative drive. My question is, how do you think my lady will take it if I told her we have to schedule our intimate encounters?

  • Jun

    Me and my girl usually meet once a week. I work in a city far from my home, and we only date every Saturday or Sunday. Things are actually great for me and I agree with Lance. More energy for me during work days and great long sex on weekends.

  • Jun

    I think its great you and Mr. T have agreed on something. I agree with Kat Wilder and I am not sure why you don’t want to move into his house. I think it’s right for your child to complain and you did the right thing in making things easier her. Well, hope you can work things out in the future.