How Do You Deal With A Bratty Girlfriend?

Here’s a situation I came across that I wanted to share and get some opinions. Check it out:

My work friend Bill and I knocked off work on Friday and planned to hit happy hour. Bill had to check in with his girlfriend before going. He called her, had a long call and ended up getting into a fight, apparently because he asked about going out. He went out anyway. We had some drinks and yukked it up, then Bill and I went our separate ways.

The next day, I found out that when Bill got home, he and his girl had a MASSIVE fight that lasted all night and ended with him sleeping on the couch. True story. Here are additional points:

  • Bill and his gf didn’t have plans that night.
  • Bill was nice on the phone.
  • Bill offered four options: he would go out without her, he would meet her out, he would go home and pick her up, he would go straight home. By my accounting, that covers all the options.
  • She got upset even though he offered to not go out at all.
  • They almost broke up.

Guys, have you heard this story before? Has this happened to you? Girlfriends act bratty when their guy does an innocuous thing and when the guy capitulates and offers to not do the thing, it worsens the situation. Pretty much every girlfriend I’ve had likes to play this game.

What is going on here is this. The gf doesn’t give a crap about the happy hour or hanging out with her or not hanging out with her. She understands guy time and she understands it’s no big deal. She knows she’s acting like a brat.

What the gf actually did was test Bill’s manliness. She deployed the test by acting bratty to provoke a response from Bill. When Bill responded the wrong way, which he did by being a nice guy and offering her all these options, he failed the test in epic fashion.  He kept failing and they ended up having a galactically huge bitch fest, with Bill crashing on the couch.

Let’s put aside any judgments about the gf’s behavior for a second. On one level, I think it’s totally gay, but on another level, I recognize it’s chick game and I’m totally cool with it.

How Should You Respond?

Here is what I would have done. If I wanted to defuse the situation, I would have text messaged my plans and not asked for permission. A simple “yo I’m hitting happy hour, c u in a couple” suffices. If she gave me grief, I ignore it completely. If she wants to join, that’s cool, but she has to drive herself out. I never check in with my girl or ask for permission. I just do my thing.

If she pitches a fit when I get home, that’s when the fun starts. I will follow one of two paths:

1. I let her test me a couple of times (ie keep arguing) and fail the tests on purpose. I try to reason away the argument like a regular dude and tell her she’s being irrationale. What I’m doing here is creating attraction spikes and getting her all amped up. She is provoking me, I’m playing along, emotions are getting spiked, sexual tension is ramping up. Then, I’ll go to #2…

2. …Spank her and then bonk her brains out. My line here is something like: “If you don’t stop acting like a brat, I’m going to spank the shit out of you.” I will literally bend her over, pull her panties down, and spank her ass until it’s red. Then I’ll nail her from behind and from there the sky is the limit. Monkey sex ensues.

Usually I’ll do option #1 because it creates more sexual tension and we end up having what’s essentially make-up sex. #2 is fine also and can be just as good if she’s been fuming for a couple of hours. Either way, she’s getting spanked and screwed for misbehaving. Which, in a massively roundabout way, is what she actually wants!

I ain’t gonna lie, I actually like it when chicks play this game.

So WTF is going on?

What’s going on is Bill has been a wussy lately and his gf needs a good hard fuck by a horse-dicked stud. You see, she was okay with Bill doing his guy thing as long as she got the emotional spike and some rocking sex. The question is, does Bill figure it out? Sounds totally retarded, I know, but that’s chick game for you.

Let me say this again. When your gf misbehaves and gives you shit about doing something that is perfectly normal, it’s probably because you’ve been a huge pussy. Give her attention, act like a man, bang her regularly and this all goes away.

Hell, let’s be honest. Most bf-gf fights are over bullshit reasons. Just apologize for being a douche then have a great bang session and you probably won’t even remember what the fight was about the next day. I’ve found that every time my gf gets bratty what she really wants is for me to man up and fuck her brains out.

  • kiera

    I like this post and all but this is just encouraging me to be a brat. How can someone skip the bullshit and get to the good stuff?

  • Lance

    Kiera, I prefer my girlfriends to act a little bratty and test me from time to time. If they don’t, then I know something is actually wrong. To be honest, I act like a douche on purpose just to give her material to get upset about so we can keep amping each other up. It works great.

  • Hammer

    One word for this post:


  • Honey

    No spanking, and no sex before apologies :-)

  • Nellie

    Your advice to men is to hit their girlfriends in the middle of an argument and then force sex upon them? That’s not hot, that is rape.

  • Lance

    Nellie, my girlfriend is a ninja.

  • Jill

    I can’t decide if I’m disgusted or turned on by your post.

  • Sarah

    A relationship shouldn’t be a prison. He offered his girlfriend reasonable choices, she didn’t want to participate, so unless she had a very good reason for him not going out (such as him sleeping around) she should just let him do what he wants.

    My opinion: she should grow up!

  • Ashleigh

    I should be disturbed but I find it slightly arousing.

  • Andy

    way to go!!!!

  • Carla

    This post rocks!!!!!

  • Amee

    GREAT post! The idea of the fights leading to hot sex & spanking is such a turn on! Of course it shouldnt be like that EVERY TIME u have sex though.

  • Sophia Chang

    Laughing my ass off. Shit sounds horrible…because it totally works.

  • brittny

    i love this. my bf spanks me when i lie to him. then we have really HOT sex!

  • John Pretzel

    Spanking is a regualr part of our lives. My wife is rude to me or mnisbehaves I spank her naked butt and it hurts. Rukles are it is done in private and is not associated withsex.

  • kavita

    I got a spanking once for fighting with and cursing at my now husband. Because of that one spanking, I have never cursed at him again and he has never had to spank me again. But, sometimes I actually fantasize about him spanking me again! I feel funny telling him this though. Sometimes I want to test him to see if he will do it again. Is this weird?