Hookers, Scandal, Money, Tiger Woods

tiger-woodsI’m not even sure where to start with this. I’ve followed the Tiger Woods scandal only passingly via ESPN.com, which is sanitized compared to the dirt that’s flying around the general Internet. I read Dad’s House post on the Tiger Wood’s affair and followed a bunch of links. And then I got totally immersed into the depraved and ridiculous saga. This thing is so otherworldly and beyond the scope of a normal person’s experience that it blows me away. It reads like a Hunter S. Thompson novel but with way more sex and money. I don’t even feel like I can properly judge it because the game these people are playing is stratospherically above my head.

Recap in nutshell. Tiger crashed his Escalade and his hottie wife Elin bashed in the window. Allegations fly about extra-marital affairs on Tiger’s part plus speculation that wifey was bitch slapping Tiger around after he got busted for cheating. He abstractly apologies for transgressions on his website. We all know this.

Digging around, you’ll find that allegations abound of Tiger’s affairs, with 10 or more alleged mistresses. See this post on Lalate.com for picture galleries and some biographical info. Some of the chicks are fairly hot. Naturally, the grouping includes porn stars, a bevy of Las Vegas bimbos, and a waitress.

Then read this post from Yahoo where the author asks the question what is next for Tiger and Elin? Also, she gets bashed for suggesting that swinging golf clubs at an unfaithful hubby is okay.

Now it starts to get weird. See this post where the talking heads discuss re-negotiating the prenup agreement and some of the huge dollar figures that are involved. Too, Nordegren reportedly moved out of the house (in the same report the NYDailyNews breaks done a lot of the afffairs).

Where it gets really fucked is in this video, where they talk about a $80M arrangement for Elin to stay with Tiger for PR purposes for two years. The marriage is called a pure business arrangement.

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And for the coup de grace, try this awesome blog post on Deadspin.com about the sexual habits of extremely rich pro athletes. The picture that is painted includes VIP parties, hotel hookups in presidential suites, a never ending parade of big-titted call girls, event planners who double as madams, private jet trips to Las Vegas, porn stars, and Tiger’s freaky sexual appetite. Yes!!! Epic stuff! I love it.

I mean, what are we talking about here? We’re talking about the greatest golfer in the history of the sport, a world famous icon who speaks at the inauguration of Presidents, his Swedish supermodel wife, their two kids, probably dozens (hundreds?) of sexual liaisons with skeezy chicks over the course of years, and an $80 million offer for the Swedish hottie to continue to pretend to be a wife. These people are totally fucked.

For me, what this boils down to is this. Tiger Woods was a huge choad when he was a kid and he couldn’t get laid. Yes, he could golf, but if you ever watch him do a press conference, you can see how awkward and insecure he was. Now he’s loaded and a celebrity and an elite athlete and he can buy whatever he wants, including women and friends. He’s still an insecure little geek on the inside and if you take away the money and the status, he can’t get laid. Which is why all this happened, because Tiger Woods has no game and he had to make up for not being able to get laid. This is why I’ve never been a fan of his.

It’s fucking sad, because if he had read a little David DeAngelo and worked on being a good person early on, he wouldn’t be out a hottie wife, $80M, and reviled by everyone on the planet. But maybe now he’ll figure it out.

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Great write up, Lance. I agree Tiger has no game. I read in the SJ Mercury News about how he’ll come back next year and make a statement on the golf course. And I’m like – who cares? The guy has some major life shit to work through. Major. If he wants to become a decent person, he’ll be in therapy for years.

    That video you found is compelling. It reminds me of Silicon Valley stock options back in the day. Vesting and buyouts and renegotiations. And here I thought Tiger and Elin were married. It’s just a business.

    I think maybe I’ll go vacation in Sweden this summer, see who I can bump into. Maybe I’ll meet a hottie single mom…
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog …Tiger and Elin – Can Marriage Survive an Affair? =-.

  • http://www.mysecrethobby.blogspot.com kiera

    Even if Tiger had stellar game, I think he’d still be banging every woman he could get his hands on. It’s either in your nature or it’s not.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Kiera, I have to disagree with that somewhat. The further you get with game, the closer you come to realizing you don’t need to bang a 100 chicks to be fulfilled. In fact, after awhile, the sex becomes not such a big deal. It’s a bit of a paradox, but the better you get at getting sex the less you want/need it. Part of the journey of having good game is improving every other part of your life, and that very much includes who you are internally. Tiger strikes me as a man who is really a bratty child on the inside.
    .-= Lance´s last blog …Hookers, Scandal, Money, Tiger Woods =-.

  • Offwinger

    From what I’ve read – both recently and in the far decent past – Tiger had absolutely no trouble getting laid and banging chicks all the time, well *before* he was really Tiger (i.e., “The Greatest Golfer who Ever Lived”). Though maybe the issue is when you’re considering this to have happened. Remember, Tiger was a minor celebrity BEFORE puberty. Reports indicate that at least by the time he was in college, while his image was all geek, his sex life was doing alright.

    In fact, it was only his desire to be the corporate shill representin’ for all people at the 4 PM dinner buffet & make a fucking Buick size boat load of cash (on top of the golf winnings) that forced Tiger to take his bangin’ life and trade it in for the “normal” fixings of a Swedish super model wife, 2 kids, and the appearance of monagamy.

    So I’m not sure what age Tiger you’re basing your theory on that he’s really an inner choad and geek who can’t get laid. From when he was 14 years old??? Who isn’t??? Otherwise, your analysis doesn’t seem to match the reputation and sex life he allegedly had long before he was a totally loaded A-list celebrity. If anything, Tiger is more akin to a child star who never had a chance to experience a normal dating or sex life at all, because there was always someone willing to fuck him for being Tiger.

  • http://www.mysecrethobby.blogspot.com kiera

    In general I think some people are more prone to promiscuity than others. If that was in your nature before a life improvement with game, it would still remain. So does that mean people are inherently more monogamous if they’ve been successful at getting sex their entire lives? I don’t know.

    Tiger may only be playing a numbers game because he can finally reach the cookie jar but I’m sure he would have anyway.
    .-= kiera´s last blog …Cock Is In My Immediate Future =-.

  • http://www.truelove.us/ True Love

    It’s all money, greed and craziness of somebody who thinks he is invincible and can do whatever he wishes do to. In short the higher you get the bigger the possible fall and he is experiencing it now. Not too smart on his part.

  • angie

    So you’ve never been a fan of Tiger’s because he has no game (with women)? Does this mean you can’t be a fan of any athlete unless they meet your standards of “having game”? Maybe I’m reading that wrong…

    The whole explanation seems much simpler to me than “not having game”… it has all the hallmarks of addiction. Taking unreasonable risks, feeling invincible like you’ll never get caught, the need for whatever the drug of choice is (sex) overrides all common sense. Texts and emails? There’s no other explanation for that kind of stupid behavior.

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    I just wish Tiger would realize/admit he’s a person. i.e. he’s not above the rest of us. He can’t buy everyone off. At some point, he’ll have to face himself. And that’s when his real work will begin.
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog …ABC News Interview – When Moms Flip Out =-.

  • http://katwilder.com Kat Wilder

    Well, the Woods prenup, as weird as it seems, isn’t really all that weird when you think of the kind of arrangements people that wealthy make.

    All marriages are financial arrangements; that’s how they began way back when, and that’s how they continue today (even under the “soul mate” facade).

    If you don’t believe that, try getting divorced; you’ll understand …
    .-= Kat Wilder´s last blog …Children get cheated, too =-.

  • http://casualencounters.com/blog/ Janak

    I can’t really disagree. Arguably the best golfer of all time, but a miserable failure as a human being. If only there were a next time for him to have better luck at.
    .-= Janak´s last blog …“He’ll never guess it’s your bleeding vagina!” =-.