Hookers, Scandal, Money, Tiger Woods

I’m not even sure where to start with this. I’ve followed the Tiger Woods scandal only passingly via ESPN.com, which is sanitized compared to the dirt that’s flying around the general Internet. I read Dad’s House post on the Tiger Wood’s affair and followed a bunch of links. And then I got totally immersed into the depraved and ridiculous saga. This thing is so otherworldly and beyond the scope of a normal person’s experience that it blows me away. It reads like a Hunter S. Thompson novel but with way more sex and money. I don’t even feel like I can properly judge it because the game these people are playing is stratospherically above my head.

Recap in nutshell. Tiger crashed his Escalade and his hottie wife Elin bashed in the window. Allegations fly about extra-marital affairs on Tiger’s part plus speculation that wifey was bitch slapping Tiger around after he got busted for cheating. He abstractly apologies for transgressions on his website. We all know this.

Digging around, you’ll find that allegations abound of Tiger’s affairs, with 10 or more alleged mistresses. See this post on Lalate.com for picture galleries and some biographical info. Some of the chicks are fairly hot. Naturally, the grouping includes porn stars, a bevy of Las Vegas bimbos, and a waitress.

Then read this post from Yahoo where the author asks the question what is next for Tiger and Elin? Also, she gets bashed for suggesting that swinging golf clubs at an unfaithful hubby is okay.

Now it starts to get weird. See this post where the talking heads discuss re-negotiating the prenup agreement and some of the huge dollar figures that are involved. Too, Nordegren reportedly moved out of the house (in the same report the NYDailyNews breaks done a lot of the afffairs).

Where it gets really fucked is in this video, where they talk about a $80M arrangement for Elin to stay with Tiger for PR purposes for two years. The marriage is called a pure business arrangement.

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And for the coup de grace, try this awesome blog post on Deadspin.com about the sexual habits of extremely rich pro athletes. The picture that is painted includes VIP parties, hotel hookups in presidential suites, a never ending parade of big-titted call girls, event planners who double as madams, private jet trips to Las Vegas, porn stars, and Tiger’s freaky sexual appetite. Yes!!! Epic stuff! I love it.

I mean, what are we talking about here? We’re talking about the greatest golfer in the history of the sport, a world famous icon who speaks at the inauguration of Presidents, his Swedish supermodel wife, their two kids, probably dozens (hundreds?) of sexual liaisons with skeezy chicks over the course of years, and an $80 million offer for the Swedish hottie to continue to pretend to be a wife. These people are totally fucked.

For me, what this boils down to is this. Tiger Woods was a huge choad when he was a kid and he couldn’t get laid. Yes, he could golf, but if you ever watch him do a press conference, you can see how awkward and insecure he was. Now he’s loaded and a celebrity and an elite athlete and he can buy whatever he wants, including women and friends. He’s still an insecure little geek on the inside and if you take away the money and the status, he can’t get laid. Which is why all this happened, because Tiger Woods has no game and he had to make up for not being able to get laid. This is why I’ve never been a fan of his.

It’s fucking sad, because if he had read a little David DeAngelo and worked on being a good person early on, he wouldn’t be out a hottie wife, $80M, and reviled by everyone on the planet. But maybe now he’ll figure it out.