About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

Honey’s Perfect First Date

As Lance says here, the perfect date is indeed a blog-worthy subject. I’ve been on many first dates myself (in fact, that was practically all I used to go on) and while I have to agree with Dadshouse that most online daters aren’t terribly original when it comes to first dates, I thought I’d put in my two cents as part of my entry for his First-Date Contest.

I have to agree with Lance that what makes a first date stand out isn’t typically the venue, it’s something electrifying about the company that you’re with. However, it’s hard to be electrified if you don’t craft the scenario at least a little bit to your liking. The anticipation begins before the date. Obviously my best first date in theory was with the BF, since it led to our fantastic relationship. And there were good things and bad things about it–so here I’ll list the good things and the bad, thereby serving as an object lesson in what to do and what not to do, simultaneously.

Getting Ready

For me, that’s always meant a long shower with freshly shaven legs, blow-dried hair (my hair’s curly, so I don’t have to do this, though it does make my hair look extra nice), and special attention paid to my makeup. I also pick out my favorite panties of the moment–usually lacy boyshorts and a matching bra, something comfortable but cute as far as clothes, and something extraordinarily uncomfortable but fantastic as far as shoes.

Generally speaking, I will masturbate at least once as I am getting ready–nothing like getting off to take the edge off any tension and make me feel relaxed and sexy. If I’m feeling especially optimistic about the date, then I’ll make sure my house is spotless and that all the tealight candles are fresh, in case I want things to get romantic when/if we head back to my place.

When I went to meet up with the BF, I wore a loose green shirt with a built-in necklace, my cutest jeans (my butt looks awesome in them), and brown sandals. As I’ll discuss later, however, I was not expecting the date to go back to my place, which was sort of a mess. I was mortified in the morning by the state of my apartment, which I attempted to conceal by having sex with him one more time before he left. It must have worked; he said that he never even noticed.

Meeting Up

I hate to have the guy pick me up at my place–feels to formal and, well, ewwy. I also like the sort of mystery of trying to find someone that you’ve never met at a bar. When I met the BF, we went to a microbrewery walking distance from my house (my suggestion) which was nice because even if I got plastered I wouldn’t need to accept a ride home from him if I didn’t want to, plus the beer is excellent. I have to say that he was much cuter than his online picture, which was 5 years old and had him holding a Corona and wearing a lei:

(Honey’s Tip: If you want to GET a first date, don’t wear one of these!)

He told me later that he wore lifts on our first date because it was his first date since he and his girlfriend had broken up and he wanted to be self-confident. He also told me that his first thought when he saw me was that I was too gorgeous to be his date. We had beers outside on the patio and talked about everything. They didn’t have a server which was nice because when he went inside for beers, I called my best friend and said, I think he’s a keeper! We had everything in common from the dorky (we both love Robert Jordan books) to the lifestyle (we’re both vegetarians) to the religious (we’re both atheists) to the future goals (we don’t want kids). It was the kind of conversation that I don’t even remember in retrospect because it was so absolutely easy.

The End of The Night

After bouncing to a party at his friends’, which he drove me to since I felt comfortable around him and he didn’t have a car, I asked him to come inside when he got to my place. There was a look of shock and awe on his face that said he wasn’t expecting that at all, and that he was amazed at the opportunity. That kind of look will get a girl in the mood, and we moved from my couch to my bedroom pretty quickly.

He actually ripped the necklace off of my shirt, he was so eager. I still have that shirt and have had to finagle the necklace precariously back on, which is a great permanent reminder of how animalistic that first night was. I was so wet from making out on the couch and the display of utter manliness that was him ripping my necklace off my shirt that there was no foreplay at all, just him plunging into me. That first moment that a guy enters you is so fantastic, especially if you’re turned on enough to be wet but not too wet–that way, you’re perfectly sore the next dan and can’t sit down without a pleasant ache as a reminder of the night before.

I didn’t know this, but I found out later that I was his first date after ending a 4-year relationship, and that one of the reasons that he and his ex-gf broke up was because they hadn’t had sex in something like six months. And this date was a month and a half after they broke up. He says the thing that he remembers most is how I used my fingernails on his back–he was covered in scratches the next day, and he still ranks that as one of the reasons it’s in his top five Best Sex of All Time. The thing I remember the most is how he held perfectly still when he came, and how ravenous he was for more. I lost track of how many times we had sex, but he fell asleep in my bed, which was a rarity because he’s a terrible insomniac, so I must have worn him out but good πŸ˜‰

What Next?

Neither of us was expecting much out of our first date, and in retrospect I think that’s one of the reasons that it went so well. I didn’t expect much because I’d been on too many dates with guys that I’d met online. He wasn’t expecting much because, well, he’d just gotten out of a LTR–what were the odds he’d find someone perfect on his very first date in four years? Plus he was moving 100 miles away less than a week later.

We went out again a day later (first date Friday, second date Sunday) and decided that we’d just had too good of a time together (read: amazing sex) to call it quits so quickly. We’d drive back and forth to visit each other over the summer until he moved back for the fall semester. I later found out that he has a terrible (if rational) fear of STDs, and figured that by sleeping only with me until he figured out what was up he’d be getting some for the first time in basically years but staying safe by minimizing his numbers. Not the most romantic reason, but after I jumped his bones 8 times in one day the first time I visited him, I think he knew I was a keeper, too.

What Makes A Date Great?

Here’s what I think made the date with the BF so memorable, and what I’d try to recreate if I ever go on a first date again:

  • Don’t go into the date expecting too much–statistically speaking, you’re better off, and it makes it all the more amazing when you’re pleasantly surprised.
  • Take your time getting ready. Savor the knowledge that you’re going to knock their socks off. Or their boxers. Whichever.
  • Jack off. Get yourself in the mood.
  • Retain control of the situation, but get spontaneous if things are going well. Spontaneity is hot.
  • Don’t put a pic of yourself online wearing anything goofy like a lei.
  • File your fingernails so they’re smooth, but don’t cut them because scratching is awesome.
  • If possible, sleep with someone who hasn’t had sex in awhile. It ensures you’ll get it more than once πŸ˜‰
  • Don’t end the date expecting too much–enjoy the great time that you had, but don’t put pressure on it to become more. If the sex is good enough, it’ll all fall into place. (Oh, fine, you romantics out there, you have to be compatible, too…)

Like me, my first date is a delicious combination of strategic planning, thinking on your feet, witty conversation, and natural sexuality. Making rules and not being afraid to throw them out the window. Taking something that was born to be a cliche and making it your own.

Excuse me, he’s going to be home any minute, and I need to masturbate to rev my engine before he takes me out for a drive…

  • http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk NML

    You’re lucky that you had a good first date AND a great shag out of it too! My perfect date was when I guy *didn’t* badger me for sex!

    NMLs last blog post..Coping With and Moving On After a Break Up Commandment 10: Thou must close the door and move forward

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    That’s a pretty cool date, definitely right in my wheelhouse. I like the simplicity (meeting for beers) and the spontaneity (party, your place), and of course the chemistry sounds perfect.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Well, the good thing was that the shag and, indeed, him coming inside at all, were MY idea and at MY request. He was quite surprised (if pleased!) by it all. Events would have worked out quite differently if he had tried to pressure anything.

    Honeys last blog post..Paul Janka: Cool Guy or Douchebag?

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Coming inside my house, that is…it read a little dirty after I posted it πŸ˜‰

    Honeys last blog post..Paul Janka: Cool Guy or Douchebag?

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    That’s so hot that you masturbate to get ready for a date. Honey, you have game.

    dadshouses last blog post..Scarlett Johansson in a Sexy Threesome

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Well, I guess I can see why some guys would rather not…but if you’re lucky enough to be a lady, then it’s the ONLY way to get ready…


    Honeys last blog post..Paul Janka: Cool Guy or Douchebag?

  • Pingback: Great First Dates and Horror Stories – CONTEST WINNER « Dad’s House()

  • http://katherine-claire.blogspot.com/ katherine.

    well deserved first place.

    katherine.s last blog post..commenting back

  • http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/ lisaq

    Congrats girl! Rockin’ story full of tips we can all use! Lovin’ the pre-date masturbation thing! Nicely done.

    lisaqs last blog post..The "Mr. Big" Syndrome

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Thanks, Katherine!

  • http://happyhealthyhip.blogspot.com Single_M0M

    I so loved your first date entry. It sounds like the first date I had after my husband left me, an entire two weeks after he moved out but two LONG, DREADFUL months after filing for divorce.

    I SO needed to get laid that I spent more time cleaning up my house than I did getting myself ready…worked like a charm. He ended up cooking me breakfast in the morning and we spent the entire day together, walking around the house in our underwear since we were in and out of bed so frequently!

    The hot & heavy sex lasted only two months but it was great fun and a wonderful way for me to get “back in the game” after my separation.

    Congrats on first place. This was a nice trip down memory lane for me. I’ll be sharing more details over at Dad’s House – I can’t believe I forgot about that night.

    Single_M0Ms last blog post..My Baby Loves Disco

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Glad I could help you trip your brain circuits to that happy memory, Single_M0M!

    Honeys last blog post..Congratulations to Me!

  • Pingback: Taking Third-Date Sex to a New Extreme « Dad’s House()

  • http://tsquest.blogspot.com T

    I loved this post!

    Great ideas and sex on the first date is even better when its unexpected!

    Ts last blog post..The Case of the Missing Vibrator

  • http://simonandcole.com Simon

    Who are you, Chris Elliot from “There’s Something About Mary?” I think jacking off is the last thing I’d do before a first date. Although now that I think about it, it’s never gone well for me. Never mind.

    Simon\´s last blog post…A Pitcher’s Count: I’m Down 0-2 by Simon

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Well I can see why a guy wouldn’t do that. But if you’re a girl, it just gets your motor revving…

  • http://www.ambiencechat.com Chat Lines – Ambience Chat

    Right. First dates is not eing expensive or even perfect. It is the ambience or the romance each other is in. Love first dates as well.