I’m a lover, not an assclown

Hey everyone! Honey here. Lance is a douchebag! Got it? Though I’m sure you figured that out without any help from me. We have known each other a long time and have been e-mailing each other about relationships, sex, and the like for years. When Lance decided to start blogging about it, obviously I had to get involved because someone has to keep the record straight, and Honeyandlance.com was born. And since I’m the one getting laid on a regular basis here, you might be better off directing any questions about the sexy my way.

I love surfing the internet, television (I watch almost everything), politics, beer (God, I love beer), and my absolute stud of a boyfriend, who I’ve been dating for almost two years. Before I met him, though, I was on one of the big dating websites for about 4 years (at the recommendation of Lance, as I recall). Since my average interaction on those sites was 3 dates or less, and I was typically e-mailing or dating at least 3 people at once, I’m not totally stuck in the 1950’s. However, I’m a firm believer that the best, most adventurous sex happens when you’re with someone you know and love. Remind me to tell you about our trip to Amsterdam sometime!

Anyway, after many years of dating the wrong people before finally finding someone that works for me, I’m basically here to share my wealth of knowledge on all of the things that you’re probably doing wrong. I know it sounds harsh. I also know that it’s almost certainly true. And don’t (as Lance did) confuse magniloquence with accuracy. I study rhetoric in school–and rhetoric, of course, is a fancy way of saying “the means of persuasion.” Basically this means that I’ve got more than enough theory (rhetoric got its start in ancient Greece–dig this Wikipedia article) to tell you when Lance is full of crap. And as far as my own experience, I can not only tell you what works in a relationship (or a pickup situation), but also give you some idea why. Sadly for all of you who couldn’t wait to be done with school, there’s a huge intellectual component to dating and relationships. You can’t do it all by instinct…not even the parts that come instinctively (wink). However, acing this subject has somewhat more tangible reward, so get motivated!

Anyway, if you can get past his personality, Lance is a pretty awesome guy. And while some of the stuff he says ties my Tubes without anesthesia, he often has a point. Okay, I’m signing off before I barf.