About the Author

Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Central Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at life. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.

Help! I’m Getting Laid Too Much!

Dear Lance,

I’m 34 and a working professional. I have a great career, a nice house, a Lexus, and everything that I want at this point in my life. I also have a great girlfriend. We’ve been seeing each other for almost a year and she’s absolutely great. Smart, sexy, terrific sense of humor, active, and we share the same values, religious and otherwise. I think the world of her and we’ve even talked about marriage as a possibility in the not-too-distant future. She’s slightly younger than me, age 28.

The problem is this. I’m getting laid way too much. My girlfriend wants sex constantly, like every single time we hang out, which is like 4-5 times per week. And it’s not just the frequency that’s a problem, it’s the length of the individual sessions…sometimes she’ll want to go for hours, with her getting off 6-7 times, and then another 2-3 times in the morning. As you can imagine, this is exhausting work, and I don’t get to sleep much when we spend the night together.

My career is super important to me and I work long hours to make it happen. I probably work 55-60 hours in a week and I’m passionate about my job. I love my girlfriend, but her sex drive is insane and it’s having a real affect on my work performance. I’ve tried paring down our meetups to just 2-3 times per week, but this really hurts her feelings, and it actually exacerbates the problem because when we do finally see each other she jumps me for double triple the amount of time. I can barely keep up!

The sex thing is getting to me, because she’s so hellbent on getting into my pants that we don’t talk as much, we don’t cuddle, and don’t just hang out. I see it as a respect issue. I don’t think she’s respecting my time as a man and a working professional.

Honestly, I think part of the issue is that she works at a gym as a physical trainer, so she works less hours and she’s pretty fit. I’m not lardass, but I’m not an Olympian either. I’m seriously thinking about breaking up with her so she can find a guy who has the time to to have sex with her and I can do my thing. Is that the right thing to do? Also, is my girlfriend a sex addict?

Guy With Normal Sex Drive, New Hampshire

First off, GWNSD, you are a lardass, you need to hit the gym, you need to manage your time better, and your problem of getting laid too much makes me super pissy. If you worked out regularly, you’d actually have more energy and last longer in the sack. With that being said, having a mismatched sexual drive is a legitimate issue and one that breaks up plenty of couples.

Let’s start with the work thing. You’re a working stiff and you’re putting in 50-60 hours per week, which is getting to be standard for guys and gals climbing the corporate ladder. I feel that. Once upon a time, I was that guy, too. It’s no secret that overworking and lack of sleep is a sex drive killer. If you can’t cut down on work hours, you’ll have to make some decisions, which I’ll get to below.

I’m going to assume that you’ve already tried to talk to your girlfriend about the sex problem and about time management in your relationship. Obviously, that’s the first step, and you’re a dope if you haven’t talked to her before emailing me. EVERY couple has time management conflicts. It’s pretty much at the top of the List of Things You Will Compromise On At Some Point.

The talk won’t do much, though, except keep everything aboveboard. You can’t logic or reason your girlfriend into reducing her sex drive, and she can’t appeal to you to screw her more often.

Here’s what I think. I have a lot of choice with the women I date, so the player in me says dump the high-sex drive girl and get yourself a gf who matches you. (Dismissing her frees her up to find a young, lusty stallion, so she wins too.) Simple. But, I know how challenging it is to find highly attractive women with high-sex drives. So part of me says that you need to man up and make your girlfriend happy. Oops…didn’t you say she might be your future wife? Those are pretty big stakes. I’ll take your word for it that she’s attractive, intelligent, and generally super duper, so what’s the reason for ditching her? Because she wants too much sex? Stop acting like a starchy collared, Lexus-driving pussy and count your blessings.

The businessman in me has a conflict with this, though. I believe in blind ambition, filthy lucre, and success-at-all-costs, and I believe that life game is WAY MORE important than getting laid. To put it another way, I can always get chicks, so I choose the almighty dollar first. Love is replaceable. I have good game, though, and I’m betting you don’t…

If you dump her and get back into the dating pool, can you handle long stretches without love and sex? If that doesn’t scare you, go for it and do the sexless 60-hour-work week and get your dollars up. Fair warning, you may get to a point in your life (and you will) when you wish you had the high-sex-drive girlfriend back and she’ll be long gone. Get ready for some hard times.

Also, your girlfriend isn’t a sex addict. She just likes to have sex with her beloved. I can’t even say that her sex drive is unusual for her age, because it’s not. I’ve met plenty of girls with her libido.

Here are a couple of solutions and ideas:

1. Tell your soul sucking boss that you’re going to telecommute from home one day per week because that’s fair, just, and will contribute to your health. On that day, practice excellent time management, get all your shit done early, hit the gym. Bang your girlfriend in the morning and in the evening. I promise you, it’ll be the best day of the week. Also, stop going to the office on Saturdays, dumbass, and try taking a vacation.

2. Get your GF some good sex toys and tell her to go to town on the days you’re too pooped to play. She can even diddle herself in front of you, if that turns her on.

3. If you’ve got the stones, stick with your girl and let her date another guy while you’re going out with her. I’m talking about polyamory here. It works. With this solution, you’re getting laid the 2-3 times per week that you want, she’s getting laid the 6+ times she needs, and some other dude is getting laid with your hottie gf. It’s win-win-win. Be sure to do extensive research on open relationships before embarking on this.

4. Get married. It’s no secret that marriage is a major sex drive killer. You’ll be down to a once-a-week bang session before you know it and your career will positively take off.

One last thing to think about. If you’re still single and still working for the man at age 45, the women you date will have even higher sex drives than your 28-year-old hottie. This will come up again, so be prepared to deal with it.

Any other suggestions for GWNSD? Leave in comments.

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  • http://www.idatewhite.com Eathan

    Let me start out by saying.. HAHAHA… wait.. omg! ROFLMBAO!!! ok. I’m finished.

    Let me admit that I work off of limited sleep on occasions. If you want the girl and she wants sex. Give it to her. If not she will find it from someone else. Even if you get married, she’ll end up on Ashley Madison looking for a quickie.

    Honestly, a power nap works wonders for the working professional. 15 minutes during lunch does the trick.

    And if she’s really good looking and you can’t perform.. you can always dump her and send her to Texas. I’ll take her out. ;)

    Honestly, I’ve never got laid too much in my life. I’m like Richard Pryor, I don’t want to have to think when the last time was.

    Eathan´s last blog post…When Sex Is Bad

  • papi

    this is the best problem to have in the world

  • Me Thinks

    Oh this is awesome. Lance, you hit the nail on the head warning him it’ll get worse when his dating pool gets a little older.

    I gotta say… WTF? Hell, I work 55 hour weeks all the time AND I’m single parent most of the time AND I still manage to get laid at least 6 times a week. Lack of sleep? No problem, I’m a parent and we never sleep! My BF is master of the power nap and he voluntarily sets the alarm early on workdays just so we can get some nooky.

    This “going for hours”, I gotta call bullshit on that. If he’s truly that reluctant/tired/lame-ass then theres no way he’s banging his girl for “hours” every time he sees her. If he knew what he was doing, she’d be having those 6-7 orgasms a whole lot faster and everyone would be happy.

    One thing though, I can’t help but wonder if she’s demanding all this sex b/c she wants to nail a husband or if she truly wants it. He needs to grow a pair and have “a talk” pronto, he may find she really doesn’t want it as much as she wants him to think.

    So my advice? Man up, discuss the issue, get good in the sack and meet her needs OR admit you can’t keep up and set her free.

  • http://www.projectinfinity.me/dating Infinity

    This is a problem? Wow. It baffles me that there are guys out there who are struggling to get laid and then you have these guys that get laid too much and complain.

    Listen, like Lance said, you are going to have to make a decision and be time-sensitive about everything.

    Keep banging your girlfriend and bust ass at work. Sleep in the office during lunch. Get one telecommuting day and never work Saturdays. Have one day for just the two of you.

    Have the desire to succeed in all aspects and never think that one situation (that is good) is going to compromise anything.

    It’s all about the will. You clearly WANT her. You clearly want to SUCCEED in your job. But at the same time, you should sleep every so often.

    Start game planning and make it happen. If you can’t hold up then you need to re-prioritize.

    Either that or I’ll take care of your GF on the days you can’t. Just trying to help you out…

    Infinity´s last blog post…What an Interesting Way To Make A Difference

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Ironic, eh? I’ve met and talked to a couple of chicks like this, where the guy just doesn’t put out as much as she wants. I actually think mismatched sex drive is way more common problem than we think.

  • http://www.idatewhite.com Eathan

    It’s a very common problem. I know plenty of married people, men & women, who complain about this. Everything clicks except the sex drive. I’m always surprised when I hear someone admit this.

    Eathan´s last blog post…Crossing Paths

  • http://mysecrethobby.blogspot.com/ Kiera

    He should just suck it up and take it like a man. Although new sex toys and an extra man on the side would certainly do the trick!

  • http://20-forty.com kira

    I’m with everyone else…I am confused as to why this is a problem, in fact, I envy this chick and her incredible sex drive.

    NEVER have I EVER heard a “man” be such a pussy when it comes to sex. Most bitch that they don’t get enough and you wanna get less? What kind of back ass-ward world are you living in?

    Ok so let’s say you leave her because you can’t keep up. Next thing you know you’ll be beating off to women in a magazine and wishing that you could just bang the hot piece of ass that you used to have and now some other dude gets the pleasure of enjoying.

    Ever consider the fact that she likes having sex with YOU and that is why she wants it so much? Ever thought about the fact that it is YOU that fuels her sex drive? You’re a lucky bastard and you need to wake up and smell the KY.

    Your job is important and rightfully so but to be successful in life you need to learn how to balance your life, sex included. Get a calender and map out your days if you have to. Get your work done promptly, get your ass to a gym and eat a little healthier for an energy boost, and spend just as much energy focusing on your girl as you do focusing on your job.

    Everyone has said it and I will too, quit being a baby, learn some time management skills, and give your girl what she wants.

    kira´s last blog post…Why Men Cheat

  • http://www.vcarded.com The Virgin

    I’m not going to say anything that anyone else here has already said, but I would trade half my career success (not all, gotta pay the bills somehow) for a life where someone cares so much for me that they couldn’t keep their hands off.

    BUUUUT…guys do need their space too sometimes, and on the other hand, it sounds like this guy is an introvert and they recharge their batteries a little differently, so I can absolutely relate. I would simply talk to the girl about it.

    The Virgin´s last blog post…Eighteen days after…with The Therapist

  • http://whatmenthink.wordpress.com whatmenthink

    I understand what you mean. I have way too many hundred dollar bills and my penis is way too large… No, seriously. You should realize that this is a good thing and the only bad thing is your lack of energy. My suggestion? Switch to a low fat diet and eat lighter meals. Heavy and fatty meals make you feel lethargic. Unfortunately, most hard workers are famished by the time they get home. Try to snack often and keep your “Fullness Level” down. Exercise should be okay cause you are getting enough Sexercise as it is, but try to train your body for high levels of activity even when not having sex. Lastly, replacing half your water intake with a light iced green tea mixture has been shown to increase energy levels without messing up your ability to fall asleep.

    Happy Humping.

    whatmenthink´s last blog post…WMT: Dating in a Financial Crisis

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I have a higher sex drive than the BF…I’d still love to get laid more, but learning that it wasn’t personal went a long way toward me accepting getting it slightly less often.

    Though my next blog will be about an evening-morning back-to-back session, so sometimes I do get just what I want!

    Honey´s last blog post…Falling Asleep While Having Sex?

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I’m with Lance and Kira…one of the ways that I deal with the difference between me and the BF’s sex drive is using a vibrator. If he’s home, I let him know that I’m going to use it if he wants to watch…this often leads to me getting laid afterwards because it’s so hot! If he’s not home, oh well…he missed the show.

    Honey´s last blog post…Morning Sex (And Other Sex)

  • http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Hot Alpha Female

    Great advice lance.

    Personally I think this chicks needs to find a man with a high sex drive.

    This man needs to find a woman with a normal sex drive.

    And therefore everyone is going to happy.

    Now was that so hard?

    HAF

    Hot Alpha Female´s last blog post…Five Minute Find A Woman Wednesdays – Why Women Date Bad Boys And Marry Nice Guys

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Honey, your comment touches on a related issue. Some folks flat out have different sex drives naturally, and some folks have different drives BECAUSE of the life stuff they have going on, such as a long work week. Which is what this guy was talking about. I’m sure if he had all the free time in the world the sex thing wouldn’t be an issue. Like, if they go on vacation, they’re fine.

    But he chooses to live a certain way, and so does she, and it creates a conflict. Is that worth breaking up over? That’s for the couple to decide.

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    I take a lot of time to recharge from extended sex sessions. Not recharge like I can’t get it up again, but recharge emotionally and creativity because it’s such an intense experience. I think of it exactly like playing a sport really intensely…you have to wait 24, and sometimes 48 hours before you can get into the zone again.

  • http://killer-dating.com Morgan

    A problem most men would love to have. Still when you have stuff to do that’s a tough one. I guess you could ask a few readers in this place to help you out with your problem. Something like car sharing… just give it away when you can’t use it ;) Just kidding…

  • hunter

    He promised her marriage,(the “magic” words) so, she maybe telling him,(with all that sex) let’s hurry up and get married!….Its been my experience, women that want lots of sex, are, not that good in bed.(terrible)

  • hunter

    ‘Then again, on the other hand, he may be done with her…..and wants to know how to get rid of her, gracefully….

  • sexsolobo

    man if you dont want her ,.. i dick her down all she want lol……sound to me you dont have what it take to meet her needs.

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