I’m 34 and a working professional. I have a great career, a nice house, a Lexus, and everything that I want at this point in my life. I also have a great girlfriend. We’ve been seeing each other for almost a year and she’s absolutely great. Smart, sexy, terrific sense of humor, active, and we share the same values, religious and otherwise. I think the world of her and we’ve even talked about marriage as a possibility in the not-too-distant future. She’s slightly younger than me, age 28.
The problem is this. I’m getting laid way too much. My girlfriend wants sex constantly, like every single time we hang out, which is like 4-5 times per week. And it’s not just the frequency that’s a problem, it’s the length of the individual sessions…sometimes she’ll want to go for hours, with her getting off 6-7 times, and then another 2-3 times in the morning. As you can imagine, this is exhausting work, and I don’t get to sleep much when we spend the night together.
My career is super important to me and I work long hours to make it happen. I probably work 55-60 hours in a week and I’m passionate about my job. I love my girlfriend, but her sex drive is insane and it’s having a real affect on my work performance. I’ve tried paring down our meetups to just 2-3 times per week, but this really hurts her feelings, and it actually exacerbates the problem because when we do finally see each other she jumps me for double triple the amount of time. I can barely keep up!
The sex thing is getting to me, because she’s so hellbent on getting into my pants that we don’t talk as much, we don’t cuddle, and don’t just hang out. I see it as a respect issue. I don’t think she’s respecting my time as a man and a working professional.
Honestly, I think part of the issue is that she works at a gym as a physical trainer, so she works less hours and she’s pretty fit. I’m not lardass, but I’m not an Olympian either. I’m seriously thinking about breaking up with her so she can find a guy who has the time to to have sex with her and I can do my thing. Is that the right thing to do? Also, is my girlfriend a sex addict?
Guy With Normal Sex Drive, New Hampshire
First off, GWNSD, you are a lardass, you need to hit the gym, you need to manage your time better, and your problem of getting laid too much makes me super pissy. If you worked out regularly, you’d actually have more energy and last longer in the sack. With that being said, having a mismatched sexual drive is a legitimate issue and one that breaks up plenty of couples.
Let’s start with the work thing. You’re a working stiff and you’re putting in 50-60 hours per week, which is getting to be standard for guys and gals climbing the corporate ladder. I feel that. Once upon a time, I was that guy, too. It’s no secret that overworking and lack of sleep is a sex drive killer. If you can’t cut down on work hours, you’ll have to make some decisions, which I’ll get to below.
I’m going to assume that you’ve already tried to talk to your girlfriend about the sex problem and about time management in your relationship. Obviously, that’s the first step, and you’re a dope if you haven’t talked to her before emailing me. EVERY couple has time management conflicts. It’s pretty much at the top of the List of Things You Will Compromise On At Some Point.
The talk won’t do much, though, except keep everything aboveboard. You can’t logic or reason your girlfriend into reducing her sex drive, and she can’t appeal to you to screw her more often.
Here’s what I think. I have a lot of choice with the women I date, so the player in me says dump the high-sex drive girl and get yourself a gf who matches you. (Dismissing her frees her up to find a young, lusty stallion, so she wins too.) Simple. But, I know how challenging it is to find highly attractive women with high-sex drives. So part of me says that you need to man up and make your girlfriend happy. Oops…didn’t you say she might be your future wife? Those are pretty big stakes. I’ll take your word for it that she’s attractive, intelligent, and generally super duper, so what’s the reason for ditching her? Because she wants too much sex? Stop acting like a starchy collared, Lexus-driving pussy and count your blessings.
The businessman in me has a conflict with this, though. I believe in blind ambition, filthy lucre, and success-at-all-costs, and I believe that life game is WAY MORE important than getting laid. To put it another way, I can always get chicks, so I choose the almighty dollar first. Love is replaceable. I have good game, though, and I’m betting you don’t…
If you dump her and get back into the dating pool, can you handle long stretches without love and sex? If that doesn’t scare you, go for it and do the sexless 60-hour-work week and get your dollars up. Fair warning, you may get to a point in your life (and you will) when you wish you had the high-sex-drive girlfriend back and she’ll be long gone. Get ready for some hard times.
Also, your girlfriend isn’t a sex addict. She just likes to have sex with her beloved. I can’t even say that her sex drive is unusual for her age, because it’s not. I’ve met plenty of girls with her libido.
Here are a couple of solutions and ideas:
1. Tell your soul sucking boss that you’re going to telecommute from home one day per week because that’s fair, just, and will contribute to your health. On that day, practice excellent time management, get all your shit done early, hit the gym. Bang your girlfriend in the morning and in the evening. I promise you, it’ll be the best day of the week. Also, stop going to the office on Saturdays, dumbass, and try taking a vacation.
2. Get your GF some good sex toys and tell her to go to town on the days you’re too pooped to play. She can even diddle herself in front of you, if that turns her on.
3. If you’ve got the stones, stick with your girl and let her date another guy while you’re going out with her. I’m talking about polyamory here. It works. With this solution, you’re getting laid the 2-3 times per week that you want, she’s getting laid the 6+ times she needs, and some other dude is getting laid with your hottie gf. It’s win-win-win. Be sure to do extensive research on open relationships before embarking on this.
4. Get married. It’s no secret that marriage is a major sex drive killer. You’ll be down to a once-a-week bang session before you know it and your career will positively take off.
One last thing to think about. If you’re still single and still working for the man at age 45, the women you date will have even higher sex drives than your 28-year-old hottie. This will come up again, so be prepared to deal with it.
Any other suggestions for GWNSD? Leave in comments.
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