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Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Central Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at life. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.

Happy Valentine’s Day from Recondo

By on Feb 14, 2011 in Dating

I was going to put together my own top 5 tips for Valentine’s Day, but I simply couldn’t top this. Also, I think Valentine’s Day is uber lame and I try to ignore it completely, or break up with my girlfriend for the weekend, whatever is easiest.

#1: Shave your balls. It’ll make your junk look bigger, and it’ll let her know you took the time to risk your life just to do her.

Brilliant.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OypNQ61ysE[/youtube]

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  • http://social-masters.com/blog/ Preston Blain

    I am not a fan of Valentines either. So impersonal.

    However if it wasn’t for Valentines we wouldn’t have this video :-) . The bit “That tight halter top? really makes me want to pull over and sodomize yer front-butt” made me laugh big time.

  • Honey

    The vast majority of folks who say Valentine’s day is lame because you should be showing your appreciation every day, quite simply, DON’T show their appreciation every day. I think it’s a nice reminder of the standard you should always be setting in your relationship.

    Jake got me the next two books in a series I have been reading…I had finished the first book in the series literally earlier that day (and he’d gotten me the first book for Christmas). So thoughtful all around, and less than $20 since he got me paperbacks. He got hand-enameled cufflinks because 1) he wears a suit every day, and 2) he really likes cufflinks, and recently got a nice cufflink box for his collection that he is trying to fill.

    We also ate dinner at this amazing restaurant, Wildfish. We had top-shelf cocktails, oysters on the half shell, lobster bisque, sole, and snapper. Amazing! Plus of course hot sex – it was probably one of the top 5 most intense orgasms I’ve seen him have (and boy was I not neglected!).

    Anyone who thinks that doesn’t sound awesome is kidding themselves, IMO :-)

  • Honey

    He also gave me a card…generic message on the card itself, but the note he wrote said that I was like a work of art that he could admire forever. You can’t beat that ;-)

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Honey, a lot of people (and couples) don’t like Valentine’s Day because it’s a pain in the ass to get reservations, the date is a huge consumerist marketing campaign, and can be expensive. The worst part is that it makes a lot of singles feel like crap.

  • T

    Reservations? Learn to cook.
    It is consumerist, but, like any other consumerist holiday, there are DIY methods that anyone who is actually interested in you and not your money wouldn’t think less of you for.

    As a single I just feel sad to miss out on the guaranteed sex. But am comforted with the knowledge that chocolate is going to go on sale tomorrow (well, today).

  • Honey

    Yeah, Lance, I totally see how my $20 gift broke the bank ;-)

    And for the record, I did offer to cook together at home so we could save money, he offered to take me out. I would have been fine either way.

    Singles feeling like crap has nothing to do with the holiday. They feel like crap because they’re bitter and insecure…which is the very thing holding them back from finding someone in the first place.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    @T and Honey: Who are you two talking to? I spent $50 for VDay. I’m talking about the masses who actually stress over this stuff, like all of my friends.

  • Honey

    I don’t think I’ve ever stressed about Valentine’s Day whether I was in a relationship or not. It’s pretty easy to make other people feel appreciated, which is the whole point.

    I did throw away a dozen roses once, one of my college boyfriends deliberately gave them to me at a point in the day where I’d have to carry them around all day. Which doesn’t sound bad, but in context 1) I had to go so many places they would’ve wilted anyway, and 2) it was really just another manifestation of how insecure he was in our relationship.

    Fortunately, I believe I was living in the sorority house at the time, so he couldn’t go into my bedroom anyway and see I didn’t have them anymore.

  • http://social-masters.com/blog/ Preston Blain

    Assuming that the vast majority of people don’t show appreciation the rest of the year because they don’t like Valentines day is a little judgemental. PLus they say that “Assumption is the mother of all…” well you know.

    Some might say that those who like Valentines like it because it’s the only time of the year they feel they get shown any real appreciation.

    Some might say it but I won’t cos’ I am not judgemental :-)

  • http://social-masters.com/blog/ Preston Blain

    Was suppose to add at the end of that comment:

    It’s horses for courses in the end.

    * Those who like it great.
    * Those who don’t like great.

    It’s all good in the end :-) .