Our First Kickass Contest

Update: A couple of bloggers emailed us and said they wanted to participate but were traveling thru the weekend…this includes Honey and myself (not that we’re eligible for prizes). Thus, we’re extending the contest deadline until Wednesday, April 9. Feel free to jump in.

Okay, people, here’s the deal. We’re holding our first contest. I’m holding the 1st place prize in my nimble little fingers:


Yes, that’s a $25 gift card from Borders. Redeemable at any Borders Store or online. Modest, I know, but that’s what we got. Pick up that new Eckhart Tolle book you’ve been eyeing.

Second prize is a $15 amazon.com gift certificate, which gets emailed to you.

So the contest is really simple. We’re looking for your take on a relationship question. Respondents can leave their advice/take/perspective in the comments section of this post. If you’re a blogger, feel free to post the response on your own blog and drop the link in our comments. As always, we’re looking for real deal advice, interesting perspectives, and the straight dope. Any embedded stories of wanton sex and extraordinary jackassery will, of course, get special consideration.

Feel free to respond to the comments by using the reply to this comment feature. The point of the contest is to get a bunch of different perspectives in one place and get people flaming communicating with one another. We’ve invited a number of our blogging colleagues to join the fray, to include dating advice columnists, married folk, social artists, and regular people who have interesting opinions.

Honey and I will judge. And by judge I mean pick based on a purely subjective basis. Contest closes on Monday, April 7. We’ll announce a winner next week.

Here’s the question:

“How do you define successful relationships, and what does it take to achieve that success?”

Fire away!!!

  • http://www.phantasmagoricdreams.com Becca aka Chaotic Kitten

    Oh, wow, this is right up my alley. I will definitely be participating in this. Thank you for telling me about it, Lance.

  • http://theseductionbible.com Mike Stoute

    Good question, one I have struggled with for years but I think things are coming clear to me as what I see a successful relationship as:

    Part 1:
    I define a successful relationship as one that can sustain it past the gogo/gaga phase for starters.
    After that, It comes down to compromise and choosing ones battles.
    Understanding that we are both human and have mental urges we can’t control, but as long as we don’t act on those urges, that’s ok. But understanding it!
    TEAM! Being a team player and helping each other out in our lives. At times, letting one person be right even if they are not! (choose battles)
    One I still have issues with, Listen to your partner and reinforce your feelings. This is more on the men’s side, you have to demonstrate you feelings to her, women need to see and feel your love, not just hear it.

    To achieve this success?

    Patience, Understanding, Letting your guard down, risk, and Time are all qualities and actions you must take or possess to make this happen!

    My thoughts anyway!

    Mike Stoute

    Mike Stoute’s last blog post..Going Caveman on Women

  • http://www.phantasmagoricdreams.com Becca aka Chaotic Kitten
  • http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Hot Alpha Female

    Dear lord you have no idea how much i love competitions. lol.

    I’ll have a post out soon


    Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..Does Being Challenging Lead To Ultimate Defeat?

  • http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/ lisaq

    Oh you know I’m in! Thanks for the invite! Will post my link when it’s up!

    lisaq’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday Eye Candy-Reader Edition

  • http://www.vcarded.com The Virgin

    As I watched relationship after relationship of all my friends fail, even marriages, I think I have at least a hypothesis on what defines a successful relationship, at least at the level where we have enough free will to do something about it.

    Society has the mindset that all the work is over when you’ve exclusively scored your ideal partner. After a period of time both partners are used to the other and lax up on the courtship, unpredictability and excitement that caused them to be attracted to one another in the first place. They get lazy and contented. When the mind is no longer stimulated by that partner, then it starts to wonder, stray and doubt.

    I think a big part of a successful relationship is one that both partners are always willing to work hard for.

    The Virgin’s last blog post..The Art of Conversation: 2nd Edition

  • http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Hot Alpha Female

    Lance …. Man I’m tired!! Just finished my response!! Enjoy =)


    Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..What Defines A Successful Realtionship? Its Not What You Think!

  • http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Hot Alpha Female

    N just pretend that i spelt relationship correct ok?

    Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..What Defines A Successful Realtionship? Its Not What You Think!

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  • http://taoistbiker.wordpress.com Taoist Biker

    I believe this is your gauntlet, sir!

    Heh. Seriously, I saw this on Becca’s blog earlier and thought how cool it was, only to find your email. I’m in. Here’s my answer.


    Taoist Biker’s last blog post..Successful Relationships

  • http://www.sparksofsanity.com John

    As anyone that’s ever been in a relationship will tell you, the definition of a successful one is where she dies before you do. I could easily give 40 different esoteric answers on how to fix/develop/find decent relationships. But that’s useless. So I’ll give you a single answer that will keep you and your partner together forever. The key to any good relationship is to know when to shut. the. fuck. up.

    I already know what’s happening. Every single woman reading this just dropped an ovary because you think I’m perpetuating the stereotype that men don’t like to open up to you and talk. In as much as that’s true, that’s not the point I’m making here. How many relationships could be fixed if one person would just shut the fuck up? That’s right. Damn near all of them. But, instead, every single person reading this has said to themselves, “This stupid douche canoe actually thinks they’re right! Fuck that!!” then continues into a witless barrage of pedantic insults designed to push buttons but inevitably are more irritating than hurtful.

    Men and women are different. Relationships are, by nature, designed to fail. I know. I know. I’m about to get razed to the ground by neo-conservatives that believe I’m the devil. But I challenge you to… challenge me. Think about it. We’re inherently polar opposites. I’ll give you some examples.

    Women want guys to be hyper-emotional. They want us to be so effeminate to where we cry as soon as you leave us. Instead, we will try to go fuck your best friend. Men flirt. It’s what we do. But before we go to sleep, we always think about the one we truly care about. However, most of the time, it’s the whore we just picked up at closing time. Women want men to notice how beautiful their smiles are. And, ladies, we do. Especially when you’re looking up from our penis.

    Guys, it isn’t entirely their fault that relationships fail, though. I was out at a bar the other night (I say “night” but it was probably around 11 a.m.) and these words were actually uttered by some cockwaffle talking to a girl near the pool tables, “A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.” And ladies, this is absolutely true. Because he’s psychotically possessive and will stalk you all day just to make sure he’s the only one you talk to. People like this should go stick their dick in an oven and stop trying to breed.

    Men are typically over-thinkers. If a woman does the smallest little thing guys will think about it for hours trying to figure out what it meant. However, a few shots and a lap dance later we’ll forget what the hell we were thinking about. But, inevitably, if we happen to make a mistake we will think about it for a very long time. However, since most men don’t have a fucking clue when we do something stupid the fact that we recognize it and understand that it was a fuck up, it must have been pretty big. Like hitting on your mom. Just a tip, ladies: You should probably call and remind us when we mess up. We love that.

    Men can be altruistic when the time calls for it, though. I’ve seen it time and again. Guys will sacrifice sleep, food, health and sports to be with the woman (or other guy, I’m not judging) that he loves. Unfortunately, this will last about a week. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get used to this.

    But ladies, please don’t try and fool yourselves into thinking that if you break up with us that we sit around wasting away and waiting with bated breath for your return. Fuck that with a blow dryer. We’ve moved on. He and your ex-best friend are doing well. She actually lets him do it doggy so they can both watch wrestling at the same time. And she doesn’t nag him about hitting on your mom.

    Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

    John’s last blog post..You?re an idiot. And so are your stars.

  • http://cheekiebacktalk.blogspot.com cheekie

    Well, here we go then…successful relationships…despite the fact that I am still without one (to quote a famous movie saying ‘well, have you been in a relationship yet that hasn’t ended?’) I do believe I know what it takes.

    So, thanks for the invite Lance, and hope you enjoy…(it’s long, so I hope you appreciate the fact that I used up all of my home page and not yours dammit!)


    bye for now!

  • http://fearthattheoilsfromtheirskinwillgetintomyporesandthusmakemehavebadskintoo Trixie Firecracker

    Thanks for telling me about the contest! I don’t publicly post my email address for privacy reasons so I suppose I will participate in this contest via comments. I have been brainstorming your question and I will regurgitate something for you before Monday!

  • http://twentyset.com Monica O’Brien

    I think it’s a need for each other.

    Successful relationships take a lot of work on both sides, and in order for each partner to put that work in there has to be an incentive.

    After the butterflies go away you have needs. A need to be comforted, to be loved, to love someone. The need could be money, sex, status too; but if you don’t need your partner, or if the need you once had goes away, the relationship falls apart on one end and leads to an eventual collapse.

    Not romantic, I know. But I’m trying to pinpoint the very core of what makes a successful relationship.

    Monica O’Brien’s last blog post..Women MBAs Should Consider Hiring a Cook. Or a Maid. Maybe Even a Nanny.

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance


  • http://virginess.wordpress.com Vness

    Hmmm sounds good I’ll try and get something written out soon before the deadline…Dang I’ve got to write stuff coming outta my ears! I swear if I compile everything I’ve had to write this semester I’d be able to make a book of it!

    *rubs hands together gleefully* this should be fun though!
    fingers crossed I find the time.

    Vness’s last blog post..One Breast?

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadhouse

    Love the contest idea. I’ll weigh in with a post this weekend.

    dadhouse’s last blog post..Bringing Up the Bottom of Alltop

  • http://thedateabledork.typepad.com The Dateable Dork

    Hilarious, and so true. Love it. : )

    The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..This is what happens when I’m not getting any

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  • http://justlivingthedream.wordpress.com/ Nick Sparks

    Love the idea for the contest guys. Here you go, fresh off the presses:


  • http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/ lisaq

    here’s mine!


    lisaq’s last blog post..Success in Relationships

  • Selena

    Interesting post. Last week my sister (married 23 yrs.) asked our aunt (married 51 yrs.) what she thought made for a long lasting marriage. Our aunt’s reply was, “Knowing when to keep your mouth shut”.

    You’re not alone out there John.

  • http://thedateabledork.typepad.com The Dateable Dork

    Dating advice from a single girl (ha!) – read at your own risk:


    Enjoy. : )

    The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Successful relationships: just make sure you have a good raincoat

  • http://www.fanfrickingtastic.net Devon

    Happy Relationships and Bitches

    In Devon’s Dreamworld, A successful relationship = teamwork + laughter + fabulous sex. Sounds easy enough.

    Sadly, this equation is missing one key element to achieve the greatness of dysfunctional success that truly defines today’s relationships: a greedy bitch, who takes all the love, gives nothing back, and subsequently ruins all good men for the rest of us. (Note: the sexes can easily be interchanged…just insert “douchebag” for greedy bitch.)

    Does that sound cynical? I’m a cynical bitch, so I guess the description is fitting. However, look at the relationships that you envy. In every good relationship, there is the giver (me, me, me) and the taker (douchebags, greedy bitches, and the like). The giver happily sacrifices to please the taker. The taker happily takes, because it’s what they do best. It is the perfect balance. You see a man longingly looking at his wife as she dances around the room flirting with every guy. He’s the giver. You see a woman suffering through another night at the bar, while her drunk husband laughs along with his buddies. She’s the giver. Balance is everything.

    Don’t worry, takers. I’m not knocking you entirely. You definitely give back to the giver. You give them grief, you give them drama, you give them pain, suffering and the eternal threat of being left and cheated on…and yet, you always get the guy. You have beautiful weddings, flowers every Valentine’s Day, and perfectly adjusted children.

    Suddenly, I’ve grown tired of giving. I’m switching teams. So long sacrifice, hellllo life of guilt-free luxury!

    P.S. I’m now accepting applications for givers.