Our First Kickass Contest

Oh, wow, this is right up my alley. I will definitely be participating in this. Thank you for telling me about it, Lance.

Good question, one I have struggled with for years but I think things are coming clear to me as what I see a successful relationship as:

Part 1:
I define a successful relationship as one that can sustain it past the gogo/gaga phase for starters.
After that, It comes down to compromise and choosing ones battles.
Understanding that we are both human and have mental urges we can’t control, but as long as we don’t act on those urges, that’s ok. But understanding it!
TEAM! Being a team player and helping each other out in our lives. At times, letting one person be right even if they are not! (choose battles)
One I still have issues with, Listen to your partner and reinforce your feelings. This is more on the men’s side, you have to demonstrate you feelings to her, women need to see and feel your love, not just hear it.

To achieve this success?

Patience, Understanding, Letting your guard down, risk, and Time are all qualities and actions you must take or possess to make this happen!

My thoughts anyway!

Mike Stoute

Mike Stoute’s last blog post..Going Caveman on Women

Okay, here’s my contribution!

http://www.phantasmagoricdreams.com/2008/04/my-idea-of-successful-relationship.html

Becca aka Chaotic Kitten’s last blog post..My Idea of a Successful Relationship

Dear lord you have no idea how much i love competitions. lol.

I’ll have a post out soon

HAF

Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..Does Being Challenging Lead To Ultimate Defeat?

Oh you know I’m in! Thanks for the invite! Will post my link when it’s up!

lisaq’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday Eye Candy-Reader Edition

As I watched relationship after relationship of all my friends fail, even marriages, I think I have at least a hypothesis on what defines a successful relationship, at least at the level where we have enough free will to do something about it.

Society has the mindset that all the work is over when you’ve exclusively scored your ideal partner. After a period of time both partners are used to the other and lax up on the courtship, unpredictability and excitement that caused them to be attracted to one another in the first place. They get lazy and contented. When the mind is no longer stimulated by that partner, then it starts to wonder, stray and doubt.

I think a big part of a successful relationship is one that both partners are always willing to work hard for.

The Virgin’s last blog post..The Art of Conversation: 2nd Edition

Lance …. Man I’m tired!! Just finished my response!! Enjoy =)

HAF

Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..What Defines A Successful Realtionship? Its Not What You Think!

N just pretend that i spelt relationship correct ok?

Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..What Defines A Successful Realtionship? Its Not What You Think!

[...] my mail and lo and behold, Lance had actually emailed me and asked if I’d give a shot at the contest as well.  Let this be a lesson to you, folks:  call me out directly and I find it hard not to [...]

I believe this is your gauntlet, sir!

Heh. Seriously, I saw this on Becca’s blog earlier and thought how cool it was, only to find your email. I’m in. Here’s my answer.

TB

Taoist Biker’s last blog post..Successful Relationships

As anyone that’s ever been in a relationship will tell you, the definition of a successful one is where she dies before you do. I could easily give 40 different esoteric answers on how to fix/develop/find decent relationships. But that’s useless. So I’ll give you a single answer that will keep you and your partner together forever. The key to any good relationship is to know when to shut. the. fuck. up.

I already know what’s happening. Every single woman reading this just dropped an ovary because you think I’m perpetuating the stereotype that men don’t like to open up to you and talk. In as much as that’s true, that’s not the point I’m making here. How many relationships could be fixed if one person would just shut the fuck up? That’s right. Damn near all of them. But, instead, every single person reading this has said to themselves, “This stupid douche canoe actually thinks they’re right! Fuck that!!” then continues into a witless barrage of pedantic insults designed to push buttons but inevitably are more irritating than hurtful.

Men and women are different. Relationships are, by nature, designed to fail. I know. I know. I’m about to get razed to the ground by neo-conservatives that believe I’m the devil. But I challenge you to… challenge me. Think about it. We’re inherently polar opposites. I’ll give you some examples.

Women want guys to be hyper-emotional. They want us to be so effeminate to where we cry as soon as you leave us. Instead, we will try to go fuck your best friend. Men flirt. It’s what we do. But before we go to sleep, we always think about the one we truly care about. However, most of the time, it’s the whore we just picked up at closing time. Women want men to notice how beautiful their smiles are. And, ladies, we do. Especially when you’re looking up from our penis.

Guys, it isn’t entirely their fault that relationships fail, though. I was out at a bar the other night (I say “night” but it was probably around 11 a.m.) and these words were actually uttered by some cockwaffle talking to a girl near the pool tables, “A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.” And ladies, this is absolutely true. Because he’s psychotically possessive and will stalk you all day just to make sure he’s the only one you talk to. People like this should go stick their dick in an oven and stop trying to breed.

Men are typically over-thinkers. If a woman does the smallest little thing guys will think about it for hours trying to figure out what it meant. However, a few shots and a lap dance later we’ll forget what the hell we were thinking about. But, inevitably, if we happen to make a mistake we will think about it for a very long time. However, since most men don’t have a fucking clue when we do something stupid the fact that we recognize it and understand that it was a fuck up, it must have been pretty big. Like hitting on your mom. Just a tip, ladies: You should probably call and remind us when we mess up. We love that.

Men can be altruistic when the time calls for it, though. I’ve seen it time and again. Guys will sacrifice sleep, food, health and sports to be with the woman (or other guy, I’m not judging) that he loves. Unfortunately, this will last about a week. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get used to this.

But ladies, please don’t try and fool yourselves into thinking that if you break up with us that we sit around wasting away and waiting with bated breath for your return. Fuck that with a blow dryer. We’ve moved on. He and your ex-best friend are doing well. She actually lets him do it doggy so they can both watch wrestling at the same time. And she doesn’t nag him about hitting on your mom.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

John’s last blog post..You?re an idiot. And so are your stars.

Well, here we go then…successful relationships…despite the fact that I am still without one (to quote a famous movie saying ‘well, have you been in a relationship yet that hasn’t ended?’) I do believe I know what it takes.

So, thanks for the invite Lance, and hope you enjoy…(it’s long, so I hope you appreciate the fact that I used up all of my home page and not yours dammit!)

http://cheekiebacktalk.blogspot.com/2008/04/what-defines-successful-relationship.html

bye for now!

Cheekie

Thanks for telling me about the contest! I don’t publicly post my email address for privacy reasons so I suppose I will participate in this contest via comments. I have been brainstorming your question and I will regurgitate something for you before Monday!

I think it’s a need for each other.

Successful relationships take a lot of work on both sides, and in order for each partner to put that work in there has to be an incentive.

After the butterflies go away you have needs. A need to be comforted, to be loved, to love someone. The need could be money, sex, status too; but if you don’t need your partner, or if the need you once had goes away, the relationship falls apart on one end and leads to an eventual collapse.

Not romantic, I know. But I’m trying to pinpoint the very core of what makes a successful relationship.

Monica O’Brien’s last blog post..Women MBAs Should Consider Hiring a Cook. Or a Maid. Maybe Even a Nanny.

Hmmm sounds good I’ll try and get something written out soon before the deadline…Dang I’ve got to write stuff coming outta my ears! I swear if I compile everything I’ve had to write this semester I’d be able to make a book of it!

*rubs hands together gleefully* this should be fun though!
fingers crossed I find the time.

Vness’s last blog post..One Breast?

Love the contest idea. I’ll weigh in with a post this weekend.

dadhouse’s last blog post..Bringing Up the Bottom of Alltop

[...] The Dateable Dork: Hilarious, and so true. Love it. : ) The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..This is what… [...]

[...] reason is that Honey and Lance, owners of a very excellent blog, have invited me to participate in this contest.  With a $25 gift certificate on the line there’s no way I could say [...]

Love the idea for the contest guys. Here you go, fresh off the presses:

http://justlivingthedream.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/what-is-love/

here’s mine!

http://tinyurl.com/5jdyvr

lisaq’s last blog post..Success in Relationships

Dating advice from a single girl (ha!) - read at your own risk:

http://thedateabledork.typepad.com/thedateabledork/2008/04/successful-rela.html

Enjoy. : )

The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Successful relationships: just make sure you have a good raincoat

Happy Relationships and Bitches

In Devon’s Dreamworld, A successful relationship = teamwork + laughter + fabulous sex. Sounds easy enough.

Sadly, this equation is missing one key element to achieve the greatness of dysfunctional success that truly defines today’s relationships: a greedy bitch, who takes all the love, gives nothing back, and subsequently ruins all good men for the rest of us. (Note: the sexes can easily be interchanged…just insert “douchebag” for greedy bitch.)

Does that sound cynical? I’m a cynical bitch, so I guess the description is fitting. However, look at the relationships that you envy. In every good relationship, there is the giver (me, me, me) and the taker (douchebags, greedy bitches, and the like). The giver happily sacrifices to please the taker. The taker happily takes, because it’s what they do best. It is the perfect balance. You see a man longingly looking at his wife as she dances around the room flirting with every guy. He’s the giver. You see a woman suffering through another night at the bar, while her drunk husband laughs along with his buddies. She’s the giver. Balance is everything.

Don’t worry, takers. I’m not knocking you entirely. You definitely give back to the giver. You give them grief, you give them drama, you give them pain, suffering and the eternal threat of being left and cheated on…and yet, you always get the guy. You have beautiful weddings, flowers every Valentine’s Day, and perfectly adjusted children.

Suddenly, I’ve grown tired of giving. I’m switching teams. So long sacrifice, hellllo life of guilt-free luxury!

P.S. I’m now accepting applications for givers.

[...] perversion. I don’t mean that kind of relationship. I just figured when Honey & Lance asked, What defines a successful relationship? And what does it take to achieve relationship success? the focus was meant to be on relationships of the sexual kind. For me, it’s not so cut and [...]

A single dad weighs in: http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/04/07/bringing-order-to-a-single-parents-relationship-universe/

Look forward to checking out everyone’s posts/comments. This contest was a great idea. Thanks for putting it together!

dadshouse’s last blog post..Bringing Order to a Single Parent’s Relationship Universe

Ok, here we go!

A successful relationship is one that can survive past the initial stages of lust and evolve into a more mature form of both people liking each other of some sort (I am hesistant to call it “love” but that’s another story). In a successful relationship, both partners learn to compromise on divisions of labor issues to reach a happy medium. The unfortunate truth is that a successful relationship is run like a business, where efficiency and a division of labor are the name of the game to going the distance. A successful relationship is not one where the other person sweeps you off your feet and rides into the sunset with you, but one where both of you can live together for an extended period of time without wanting to defenestrate each other, one where both parties can agree on who does which chores, what position the toilet seat should be left in, and who gets to watch Battlestar Galactica at what time.

How to we get there? To achieve that success, we must fail many times. Ok, we don’t necessarily have to, but I suppose that each failed relationship teaches us a lesson about what goes into a successful one. It is critical to find a compatible person, I suppose it’s like looking for a roommate, but you’re required to have sex with the person. Theoretically, one should have a list of ideal qualities in a roommate. The same list applies for a significant other. We just add more qualities to the list after each failed relationship. But no one ever said this stuff would be easy.

[...] friends over at Honey and Lance are doing a contest about successful relationships and this is my answer to the burning question: “How do you define successful relationships, and [...]

I’ve posted! Was juuuuust about to go to sleep when I realised that I didn’t want to miss the deadline again! http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/getting-real-about-successful-relationships/

Great posts by the way Thanks for a cool contest x

NML’s last blog post..Getting real about Successful Relationships

I hope I’m not too late for the deadline but I just wrote a post that I think would be very relevant to this.

It’s called Choosing Intimate Partners: To Repeat or Not to Repeat?.

The post describes various views on why we attract the partners and patterns that we do and what to do about it once we become conscious of it. In other words, you could say the post looks at two different views of strategy to attain success through relationships. I hope you find it worthwhile.

SystemsThinker’s last blog post..Choosing Intimate Partners: To Repeat or Not to Repeat?

Thanks, SystemThinker! It’s something I have often thought about in the past myself, but I always appreciate new insight.

Honey’s last blog post..Honey’s Take: The Key To Successful Relationships

Welcome Honey. I like your post, but I tend to think much of attraction is far more unconscious than conscious. So just agreeing consciously on what you want is not enough since we bring to relationships tons of baggage we ourselves may not even know about. In fact that baggage often determines who we attract and are attracted to.

I tend to think if I had to boil it down to one thing, it’s communication. If you can communicate, you will eventually work through issues and find the common goals and purpose of the relationship. If you can’t communicate in that open and generative way, then you will have a difficult time being truly intimate for a long time.

SystemsThinker’s last blog post..Choosing Intimate Partners: To Repeat or Not to Repeat?

SystemsThinker, I agree wholeheartedly about communication. I think you could plug it in where I say “honesty” in my post and not be too far off what I was talking about. You have to admit what you want to yourself, and then be prepared to a) let someone else in, and b) talk about the process required to let someone in (because it’s never that simple).

Absolutely things are more unconscious, at least in the beginning–I knew my BF was “the one” on the first date, and here we are two years later seeing a financial planner and saving for a wedding. On the other hand, I never would have been able to sustain that early, easy momentum if I hadn’t been able–and willing–to talk through the rough spots. And there have been MANY.

Honey’s last blog post..Honey’s Take: The Key To Successful Relationships

Well, then communication it is - the golden key! In a manner of speaking, there really isn’t anything BUT communication in relationships. Whether verbal or non-verbal, a relationship really is nothing but an endless series of communications between people. That’s really it, there is nothing else. So from that standpoint, optimizing how you communicate with each other is the single most important thing you can do.

Then comes the question of how do you optimize communication. It’s no surprise that every relationship-related field from pickup arts to traditional marriage counseling is mostly focused on teaching healthier ways of communicating and resolving conflict.

The only other thing I’d add is that it’s also important to look at how you communicate with yourself when certain issues come up in the relationship as your inner and outer communication may mirror each other. But that’s a topic for another time.

SystemsThinker’s last blog post..Choosing Intimate Partners: To Repeat or Not to Repeat?

This one came in late last night from 30+ over at the Reality Method blog:
http://realitymethod.com/2008/04/on-the-difficulty-of-defining-the-succesful-relationship/

Check it out…

Lance … you know if you took that picture you can actually see your own reflection in the card.

LMAO

hmmmm small things amuse small minds … but ohwell

HAF

Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..Why Sometimes Its Good To Be A B*TCH!

No i was just making an observation.

Dont flatter yourself =)

HAF

Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..If You Look Up To Me Then I’ll Look Down On You

[...] Does a Divorced Single Parent Know About Successful Relationships? In their first kickass contest, Honey and Lance asked the question: How do you define successful relationships, and what does it [...]

[...] What Defines A Successful Relationship? Its Not What You Think! posted by hotalphafemale “How do you define successful relationships, and what does it take to achieve that success?” [...]