My last post got so many comments that I thought it would be easier to address them in another post. I want to say that I appreciate everyone’s concern and support – just don’t be offended that I’m not taking any of your advice.
Yes, the BF’s had a pretty shitty pattern of drinking lately. Remember, last year his pattern was to not eat or drink, which is how he got his kidney stone. Personally, I think that a kidney stone is a way worse health consequence than being hung over, and the fact that last week was almost one year to the day as the kidney stone just goes to show how specific his stress is to the summertime. He hasn’t had any alcohol since, so we’re both monitoring the situation and going from there.
I’m not calling the AA police just yet, though what is clear is that we need to anticipate how stressful summer will be next year, and put some kind of plan in place before he’s so stressed out that he makes poor choices (because he doesn’t make the same mistake twice, so I can’t even predict what next year’s would be). This will at least entail scheduling some vacation before his boss takes off so that he’s not left holding the bag.
We have talked about things a little bit and I have stressed several times that I feel depressed and angry and that this will take some time to get over. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to spend really any time together – he worked 15 hours on Saturday and 8 on Sunday, and didn’t get home last night until almost 8 o’clock. But he’s scheduling time off for August and we’re also planning on some more official “date nights” (which we’d been avoiding to try and save some money, but given recent events decided to make a priority). I think we’re also going to try and make more concrete plans (i.e., set deadlines) for him to get a state or federal job in his field which will have much better hours.
After talking with my best friend, I am thinking that I might get some counseling (we can see them for free through our work) which will simultaneously help me and show him how horrible this whole thing was for me – and maybe we’ll decide to go together a few times. Or not. I have to think about this a little more, though.
And he thinks that he’s over the hump at work because the project he was working on all weekend got turned in on Monday, and now he’s making plans to distribute some of his projects to some other folks and give himself a more manageable workload. They do billable hours at his job, and he has almost twice what he’s supposed to for the month of July, so even if he does pass off some projects there’s no way it’s going to count against him.
I agree with what everyone said that we (since IMO we both do) need to start working out more. I’m asking for a bike for my birthday and actually live close enough to work to bike in, once things cool off a bit. He got some bloodwork recently when they renewed his Ambien prescription and his doctor has numerous minor health concerns, so he’s had the official warning to work out more. He is actually afraid of those pills, but his sleep cycle is so demented he has to take something and that’s the only thing that gets him to sleep…we’ve also tried melatonin, Rezoram, Tylenol PM, Simply Sleep, and Xanax, and none of them even made him feel relaxed, let alone sleepy.
As for me, today is my one-year anniversary of having a “real” job, so that’s exciting. It’s also my supervisor’s birthday (I missed last year because I was being brainwashed indoctrinated informed about the mission of our university at an HR session for new employees) so I brought in a cake and we’ll do that this afternoon.
Any more advice for me? I’d love to hear it! Leave it in the comments below, and then check out these fine posts: