I think it’s important to be financially compatible. This can mean so many different things, that it’s hard to really make a hard and fast rule. If you have a financial plan in mind, though, you should not choose a partner who would sway you from that path.

Cathouse Teris last blog post..This…

This raises another thought in my mind, but can/should we value our relationships in terms of dollars? Just as a thought experiment, how much money would it take for you to end your relationship with your BF? I would say I can put a definite dollar value on ALL of my past relationships, and unfortunately the numbers aren’t all that outlandish.

I’m saying which would be worse: to get married, find out you’re not as sexually compatible as you thought, struggle for 5 years, get a divorce and find someone you are compatible with or

Get married, find out you’re not as financially compatible as you want after your partner steals $40,000 of your savings to buy fancy clothes while you’re at war in Iraq (as happened to another friend’s brother), get a divorce and have to move in with your parents because you don’t have enough money for a place to live while your ex lives in your old house with your two kids?

I’d pick option A any day…

Honeys last blog post..Finances and Dating

What I wouldn’t do is disqualify someone right off the bat based on finances, just like I wouldn’t automatically qualify someone because of them, but once you’re in deep, you have to talk about it. Also, I don’t think financial compatibility is more important than sexual compatibility, that metric is a little too clinical for me. I’d go in this order: mental-emotional-sexual-daily rhythm-Gator Fan-financial-spiritual.

When it comes to relationships, it seems like money doesn’t get discussed in a serious way until you’re living with someone, engaged, and/or married. It needs to happen WAY sooner than that because as LisaQ notes, differences in spending habits (not to mention dishonesty or outright theft) are one of the biggest causes of relationship problems.

If I had known that the BF had $60,000 in credit card debt and $100,000 in student loan debt and planned on renting a house outside his means as soon as he graduated (these are fairly accurate numbers, btw) I may have made some different decisions. As it is, I have every faith that we can get our finances under control, but I don’t think we should get married until at least 50% of his credit card debt is paid off.

I have a friend whose husband was in a similar amount of debt (both credit card and student loan) when they got married, and she never found out until after they were married. Fortunately for her, his credit card debt was accrued as part of his chemistry PhD and post doc, but what if she’d married him and found out that he had spent all that money just because he was a big spender?

One of my friend’s friends married a guy and he stole like $30,000 of her savings to buy a FORD F150. The BF’s dad took the money that his mom gave him for the express purpose of depositing into her retirement account and deposited it into his account instead and she didn’t find out until 20 years later.

Not only do we need to have a more structured way of informing our citizens about money, there should be a way of initiating these conversations in the initial stages of a relationship so you can write off people who are too great a financial risk. It’s as important, if not more so, than sexual compatibility.

Honeys last blog post..Finances and Dating

I’ve learned a thing or two as a result of my marriages/divorces. Kira will tell you the one thing she has learned from my marriages/divorces is to keep finances separate…separate bills, separate checking accounts, etc. etc.

lisaqs last blog post..I’m From a Map Dot…

Many women who I in complete honesty, hardly talk to and definitely have not been hitting on, have asked “when will you be done with school?” “1-2 years, why?” “Oh, because we couldn’t date, because you don’t have a job and make money.” It’s insulting. They really do say that when NO NO NO I was not hitting on them. The reality is: there are plenty of times I have to tell my friends “no, I can’t go out this weekend” because I’ve already exceeded my budget for the month. The alternative is to not have credit card debt. It does make dating tough. Forget taking someone to dinner, dating multiple people: it’s damn tough.

On the other side, I am around young people, have freedom, and have lots of positives, but it pretty much limits me to dating other graduate students who understand the situation, but if they have the option — all things being equal — of dating a guy making $80k a year versus my $18, I come in second.

So I am a little bitter, but that is because I am tired of being poor.

Regarding women: the amount of money they make does not bother me as long as (1) they don’t have debt unless it is student loan debt and they can make payments on it and (2) they have a passion in life. Meet those criteria and I don’t care. It’s nice dating women who earn more, but it’s rare to find ones who don’t expect me to take them to nice restaurants, etc. I can’t blame them for wanting a guy who makes as much as them. I had a good thing with a woman last fall, but we basically broke up because she wanted me to commit $1500 to a vacation with her several months in advance. I couldn’t do it. Her attitude was “if you really wanted a future with me, you could find a way to make this happen.” But no, I couldn’t, not unless I took a second job, and that’s not a healthy expectation to put on a guy trying to finish his dissertation.