The expert sexologist stated that party girls and gymnasts aren’t nearly as good in bed as smart girls (though “college-educated” was their definition of smart and I’ve taught too many courses at the university level to buy that).  Woo-hoo, Dateable Dork, Vix, and me are all phenomenal in bed!  As if you all didn’t know that.  I did think it was funny that the show didn’t mention whether the same was true for fellas (though the BF pointed out that such claims might alienate the majority of the Manswers demographic).

But then I read this article about a dating/social networking site exclusively for smarties that just launched in the UK called IntelligentPeople.com.  Now I’ve long believed that the ability to approach relationships from an intellectual standpoint is crucial to their success (pure emotion only gets you so far…maybe 6-8 months in, if you’re lucky…) and I would have killed for something like this when I was on Match.

The idea of a website just for people in the upper 15% of IQs is an interesting one, though you have to wonder whether it’s just an excuse for everyone to act like an asshole and try to one-up the next guy.  Unfortunately, I do have to say that the color scheme and utter lack of graphics on all IntelligentPeople’s public pages does seem to suggest that smart people are pretty boring.

I wonder how many people qualify to be on both IntelligentPeople.com and BeautifulPeople.net?  Like BeautifulPeople, there is a test to gain entry to IntelligentPeople–an IQ test, in fact, complete with an activation code that expires after two attempts.  I find the idea of all these niche dating sites interesting, as I never ventured much beyond the one-size-fits-all sites like Match and MySpace.  Anyone ever been a member of a niche dating site?  How is it different?

My best friend often says that my ability to pursue the path I think is right for me regardless of whether it’s easy or not is one of the qualities she admires the most about me.  However, I have to admit that this move has been fucking tough. I could really relate when I read Holly Hoffman’s post on Introducing a New Person Into Your Life, but I couldn’t help but think–what about when you’re the new person?  Because although we’ve been together over two years, I haven’t been trying to incorporate my man into an existing routine.  I’ve completely changed everything about my life and have been trying to build a new routine–in some ways an easier thing, but in other ways much harder.

The Problem

When I lived in Flagstaff, I had a totally cute apartment walking distance from practically everything.  I had a great group of women friends who met for brunch every Sunday.  I had job security (if you can call $12K a year secure) with supportive colleagues and supervisors.  Now admittedly since I started the 260mi/week commute in September (that’s roundtrip, thank goodness) I had to give up some of those things.  I worked only 3 days/week so that I could spend 4 days in Phoenix, so I had less contact with my colleagues.  In spending the weekends in Phoenix I had to give up Sunday brunches, so I didn’t spend much time with my friends.  But still, overall I was spending 3 days a week living on my own (without even my cats, which had moved to Phoenix when the BF did), walking over 2 miles on each of those days and eating fresh salads and dinners from an independent grocery store 2 blocks from my house.  Then I moved to Phoenix.  Full-time.

Phoenix is HUGE, and while freeways certainly beat surface streets, it’s been a tough switch for someone who was used to walking everywhere.  Plus it’s WAY hotter in Phoenix than Flagstaff (108 isn’t unusual here) so even driving somewhere I have to steel myself to get into the car.  I’ve been alone at my house applying to jobs all day and so don’t see anyone.  It’s very lonely, which has made it difficult to be sympathetic to the BF’s desire to go upstairs, play with the dog, and decompress from his day at work (spent around tons of busy professionals) before hanging out with me each night.

When I was single I was never clingy around a new guy (ha! the opposite), and in fact despised those girls whose self-worth depended upon being in a relationship and who were clingy to the point of annoying when they were with a guy.  And while I intellectually understood that moving to a place where I didn’t have a job and didn’t know anyone but him were part and parcel of the decisions I needed to make to move our relationship forward, I didn’t realize at first how much this was going to affect me–and thus, our relationship–in a negative way.  Not only was I depending on him for entertainment and intellectual validation (since looking for a job provides neither of those things), I was becoming possessive, needy, and moody.  What to do?

The Solutions

1.) Working out. We’d joined LA Fitness together in January but hadn’t been going very regularly.  And, to be honest, the gym had kind of become one of the sites of my neediness–doing all the same machines whenever we went and making excuses for not going if he wasn’t with me.  So I kicked that in the butt and started going to some cardio classes.  The Latin Dance class was a bust, but the Cardio Kickboxing was awesome, and they offer that class 4x/week.  I’m definitely the sort of person who needs company to exercise, but I’m realizing that there was no reason to put that need on him.

2.) Networking. My sorority alum club (go Kappa Delta!) has movie nights every couple of weeks over the summer while the club is on hiatus.  I’ve already met some women and seen The Happening (horrible movie–do not see!) and have plans for Wanted next week.  Usually the BF has to drag me to movies (I’m a tv girl) so he’s been kinda jealous that I’ve been making plans without him to see movies that HE was interested in.  Nice!  Beats him coming home and feeling sorry for me.

3.) Blogging. Lance and I have been brainstorming ways to move the site forward, keep a great experience for you all, and keep challenging ourselves.  Plus I love the virtual community we have going on.  Ironically, it’s a faster way to meet people I have a lot in common with than any in-person way.

4.) Otherwise getting out of the house. I had a job interview last Thursday that went well (I have a second round interview last week) and getting out of the house improved my mood so much that I have tried to run some errands every day that lead to me getting out of the house.  Whether it’s running to the bank to drop off my stimulus check, picking up the dry cleaning, or buying a new purse, anything that gets me showered and out of my pajamas is a good thing.

5.) Lowering my expectations. It’s one thing to have high expectations for his intellect, sense of humor, professional ambition, and talent in the sack.  It’s another thing entirely to expect him to acquiesce to my every whim, never do anything without me, and respond to my every story and statement in exactly the way that I wish he would.  I’ve been making an active effort to do things on my own and reach out to other friends for some things so that the burden isn’t all on him.

Perhaps it was the jump start I got when I finally had a job interview last week, but I’ve been happier, busier, and more independent in the last 6 days than I had been in the previous 6 weeks.  Lately I’d forgotten to decide to be happy, but now I have high hopes about what’s to come.

Obviously, you’ll want to watch this video first:

The Pickup

First off, here’s how I met the girl. I was having dinner with a bunch of work friends at a Mexican joint on Thursday night. My work friends are all nice but kinda lame (AFC) when it comes to socializing, so I rarely try to game chicks when I’m with them. I’ve actually been cockblocked by my friends before while doing a pickup, which is what happens when you roll with AFCs. Anyway, while I was in line ordering food, a 2-set of cute girls opened me. They thought I worked there and asked if I could get them a table. I played along for a minute then finally busted on them about mistaking me for an employee. I acted all hurt and stuff. They laughed and I was hooked in. After another minute, I went back to my friends.

I let ten minutes go by, went back inside and re-opened the set. By this time, the girls were seated and eating their food. I brought my margarita with me and offered up an Irish drinking toast that I’ve been testing out as an opener. It worked great. I sat down, threw in a time constraint (“I can only stay for a minute, but…”) and got down to business. It turns out one girl was single and the other was married. Both were around my age and super cool. Their names were Gina (single) and Buffy (married).

I chatted them up for a bit and centered the convo around travel and birth places. Gina, the single girl, had a sarcastic sense of humor, which I picked up on immediately. Here’s a sample exchange:

Lance: “I was born in California, but we moved when I was really little.”
Gina, barely cracking a grin: “Yeah, because you’re such a big guy now.”
Lance, looking at Buffy, winking, and then looking back at Gina: “I know, I’m totally huge. So, let me guess, you’re the sarcastic one?” (Credit Brad P for the absurdify technique.)
Gina: “Hahaha!”
Lance: “You’re from Wisconsin. Have you ever eaten a bratwurst?”
Gina: “Yeah, I’ve had one or two of those.”

She would pick out things I said and bust on me, which acted as a shit test. The way to pass the test was to either a) acknowledge her rip as a good one, or b) bust back. What I could NOT do was avoid the testing, or try to use phrases that had no testworthy elements. That would have been a fail (and no fun). So I deliberately set her up and even got to the point where I had counters queued up for her ripostes (as in the example above). It was a blast and we really vibed trading cracks. Sarcasm isn’t my strong suit, but I’ve gotten to the point where I can hang.

Anyway, after a bunch of bantering, I was fully hooked into the set. My friends bounced to a bar down the street and I left with them, but not before inviting Gina and Buffy to join. I had strong rapport by this point, so I was 70% certain they would join us. Good enough.

Next bar. The girls show up with Buffy’s husband and he was totally cool. We all partied together. It was awesome. It turned into one of those magical nights where everything went right and everyone had a blast. Won’t get into all the details, but by the end of the night there were three couples from our mixed up party making out in separate corners of the bar. I pulled Gina back to my house. We had drunk sex and it was pretty damned good. Not off the chains good, but good good.

Marathon Gorilla Sex

We slept and woke up around 10:00 am. What proceeded was the most mindblowing day of sex EVER. We tacitly decided to spend the entire day in bed screwing, which is what we did. The session lasted for five straight hours, with her coming 20+ times and Lance shooting his wad FIVE times. Keep in mind, this is on top of the several times we did it the previous night. We parted ways for four hours early evening and got together for dinner at a cool restaurant at 9:00 pm. Then back to her place and another two hours of killer sex. I was friggin pooped by the end of it. Also, my abs were sore from having a cute mid-western girl bouncing up and down on them all day/night. Oh yeah, we did it once more on Saturday morning too.

I can’t remember the exact order of events, but here are the highlights:

• Bar makeout and bar fingering. To my delight, she was wearing a sundress and no panties. What a naughty little girl.
• She drove us home in her convertible Honda. More fingering and nipple suckage.
• A half dozen bouts of Lance oral spread liberally throughout the marathon session. One oral session included three orgasms in a row. I got her into the multi orgasmic state.
• Liberal butt spanking and hair pulling.
• Having her masturbate and beg to be fucked (credit Sinn on this move). I also had her suck my weiner while doing the move. DURTY. I’m pitching a tent just thinking about…
• I lost count of how many times I called her a “dirty little girl” and “my dirty little slut.” She loved it.
• 69.
• Missionary fucking, shooting a load on her chest, finishing in her mouth.
• The shocker, per her request.
• Pooper sex.
• Three facials.
• I came the last time during the day session at the exact moment my roommate came home from work. This included wall pounding and name screaming. My roommate is a chick. Sorry!!
• She wore another dress w/o panties to dinner. Good lord. I had her ride me once while she was still wearing the dress on Saturday night. Then we did it on the floor, the couch, the bed.
• A couple of the bonkings were so retardedly intense that I nearly passed out. I didn’t, but I started laughing spontaneously.

Afterwards, I was so de-hydrated and low blood sugar that I started shaking immediately after she left. I pounded some food and drank a bottle of Gatorade. With marathons like this, it’s important to eat and hydrate properly or else you’ll bonk for sure. I took a three hour nap prior to dinner.

I’ll go ahead and say it now: Gina is totally awesome. She’s a girl I would get into an LTR with. She’s smart, funny, a working professional, and has a great sense of style. Most importantly, our rhythms are exactly in alignment. Our give-and-take during conversation is balanced, and we unlock each others fantasies intuitively.

My bedroom game has increased appreciably in several areas:

1. I’m well calibrated and can pick up on my partner’s likes and dislikes quickly. Example: Gina likes having constant pressure against her pelvis during penetration. Once I figured this out, it was off to the races. IMO, this type of calibration comes from having a fair amount of experience with both partners.
2. She’s got an inner slut fantasy, which is fairly common, but I immersed her fully into it. Once she was there, I was able to make her come with constant pressure, a dirty talk escalation, and verbal commands. Like, I would say, “Okay baby, I want you to come NOW,” and she would. First time I’ve pulled that off.
3. I’ve noticed the more dominant I am during the bonking, the longer I last. It seems like the psychology of the sex has a physical effect, but I have no evidence to support this. I’ll research it and see if there’s a link…

Best sex I’ve ever had. XOXOXO baby!

I feel it’s my job as a (potential) parent to teach my kids the birds and the bees. I would introduce the concepts, talk long and hard about safe sex and pregnancy, and make birth control available. I definitely wouldn’t have a problem giving condoms to my kids. I would address the subject with humor and make all involved as comfortable as possible about the subject. Since I’m a social artist, I think I could make this conversation happen pretty easily.

I would make it known that if they wanted technical knowledge about how to do it properly and well, I’d be up for that discussion. I would also have books, ebooks, and even decent adult videos at their disposal so they can broaden their knowledge base.

Why? The first reason is so they can avoid unwanted pregnancy. I absolutely don’t want them getting into any pregnancy pacts or pulling a Juno on me at age 15. This doesn’t mean they can’t have sex…but it does mean they have to use condoms/birth control.

Second reason is health and avoiding disease. Obvious.

Thirdly, because sex is absolutely a skill that is learned. Good sex is integral to having a good LTR, and further, it’s at the core of who we are as men and women. When we have sex, it epitomizes our masculine and feminine natures, and doing this skillfully and without confusion affects the rest of our lives in positive ways. What it boils down to is good sex makes you a better person, but it’s a lot more than that. It’s an expression of who we are. I want my kids to have good sex.

Personal Example of Poor Sex Fucking Up My Relationships

Here’s an example where me being a lousy sexual partner fucked up a relationship. There was this girl Rita, who I dated for a year in college. She was like my third sexual partner. She was more experienced, very athletic, and she had a high sex drive. I thought I was king shit in the bedroom until I met this chick. Boy, was I was wrong. I found out pretty quick I was lame and I felt intimidated by her sex drive. The result was that I got laid, but I never screwed her like a champion.

Long story short, she cheated on me a bunch because I wasn’t getting the job done. Yes, there were other problems with the relationship, but what it boils down to was I wasn’t masculine enough for her, and at the core of this was my (lack of) sexual maturity. She needed a man when I was merely a boy (incidentally, this is one of many reasons why women go out with older guys). If I had the knowledge and the skill I have now, things could have worked out differently. Even if we still had only gone out for a year, that year would have been a lot better. And hell, maybe we’d still be together.

My point here is if you don’t have the skill/knowledge/experience in the bedroom, it’s going to affect your overall relationship. You’ll lose your partner because he/she is de-attracted by your sexual style. If you’re a guy and you can’t play the dominant role and satisfy your woman, she’s going to find someone who will. If you’re a chick and you can’t satisfy your man and play the feminine role (ie be dominated), the guy is going to cheat. Not only is it a skill issue, but you need to have the OPEN MINDEDNESS to explore, read, research, and experiment with new things. You can’t be intimidated by sex or embarrassed to ask questions. Of particular importance is that you can’t let your ego get in the way of improving your bedroom game, ie thinking that you’re already awesome when in fact you’re totally mediocre. I think this is a big problem and a source of much of the relationship conflict we see today, especially among younger adults.

Where does this start? It starts with you, the parent, talking sex and being open.

Class Is In Session With Lance

Heh heh, here’s an interesting situation. About a month ago I was in a hookah bar around midnight with some friends. In the booth next to me was a 3-set, two girls and a guy. They looked young, but since they were in a bar I figured it was game on. I pulled into their booth, opened them, hooked, and proceeded to hang out until closing time. They taught me how to smoke hookah and I regaled them with funny Lance stories. We also had a brilliant, deep conversation about sex, which spanned technique, losing virginity, gay sex vs. straight sex, deep spot, g-spot, clitoral vs. vaginal orgasms, multiple orgasms, Kegals, safe sex, and a ton of other stuff. Well, it turns out the guy was gay and in the closet (his parents didn’t know) and he could only talk to his platonic girlfriends about the subject. The girls were sexually active but didn’t know anything, like they didn’t know where the g-spot was (I described it). They kids were smart, responsible, and intelligent. The gay guy said I was the first male figure he ever felt comfortable talking about his sexuality with. All three of them were 18 and had just graduated from high school, like a week prior. At the end on our interaction, I advised them to be critical thinkers, not to get knocked up, and always use protection.

Do you want your 18 year old kids learning about sex from Lance, or should you be doing it?

Parents and non-parents, I’d like you to wade with your perspectives. How did you learn about sex, and what are you going to teach your kids?

Check out these two ebooks

I mentioned two ebooks that really pumped up my bedroom game. Both are written for guys. Here they are:

• The Sex God Method, by Daniel Rose
• Masterful Lover Foundations, by David Shade

The sexgodmethod website is currently down, but you can find the ebook on scribd.com. Shade’s site starts with an opt-in page, so you’ll have to enter an email address to the get to the product. Disclaimer: We’re not affiliates of either of these companies. I’m just telling you what I’ve read and what’s helped me. Take that for what it’s worth.

This is part 1 of 2. Tomorrow I’ll blog about a possible model for sex ed that combines a variety of resources, and what some alternatives are if you’re totally squemish and can’t stand the thought of your 17-year-old son sticking it in his gf’s pooper.

This article on NationalPost.com explains that with a 1-in-10 acceptance rate, this site has stirred up controversy wherever it goes.  The pragmatist in me has to point out that, according to conventional wisdom at least, everyone ends up with someone within 2 points of themselves on a 1-10 scale anyway (unless you have some mad social proof or monster insecurity pushing the scales unduly in one direction or the other).  So a site like this doesn’t change how attractive you are (or aren’t), it merely cuts out the riffraff for the already attractive and lets them find that special someone without weeding through all the normal people (or the ugly ones).

(Greg Plitt from Season 3 of Work Out on Bravo, and the guy I thought of in my Dating Ugly post when I said I’d blow out someone too good-looking for me)

The bitter ravings of those who have been turned down for the site remind me a little bit of the people who try out for American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance? when they know for a fact that they are completely talent-less and would never qualify.  I mean, who wants to use sites like Ugly People Dating or Marry An Ugly Millionaire?  (Although I have to say that I think both of those sites are cruel jokes.) I always wondered why anyone would want to be formally judged by their “peers” when we are so obviously judged by our peers every day.  What do you guys think?

Watching seven dirty words now is just as funny and just as brilliant. His stuff ages very well.

I haven’t thought about Carlin in a long time, but after watching a handful of Youtube clips and going back into my memory bank, I know realize that my own sense of humor was hugely influenced by Carlin’s brand of intelligent but raw humor. My debts are obvious now.

Rest in peace, George Carlin.

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A drink for you—and another one!
–Old Irish toast

(His life’ll be short all right, when his wife sees that collar…)

The aspect of this article that really made me think is Penner’s claim that most couples don’t think about what cheating is or come up with a common definition until one or the other of them cheats (and, presumably, is caught).  And we’ve all read the internet stories about how emotional cheating is different from physical cheating, which is different somehow from online cheating, etc.  This raises a TON of questions:

• What is cheating for you?  Why is it bad?
• Are certain kinds worse than others?  Is it ever forgivable within a relationship?
• Have you ever thought about constructing a definition of what constitutes cheating with your partner, or do you just assume that they know what it means?
• Have you ever found out that your partner had a different definition than you?
• If you have cheated/been cheated on, how have you taken steps to avoid this in future relationships?

Both the BF and I have done our share of cheating (and being cheated on) in the past and agree that it’s a relationship-wrecker.  However, I don’t know that we’ve ever had a conversation about what cheating is exactly. I do know that I have never told a boyfriend that I cheated because it seemed irrelevant in the face of the breakup, I’ve never had “an affair,” and I haven’t cheated in over four years.  Because of these factors, I have a tendency to consider my own cheating not a character flaw but rather the stupidity of youth, which I hope I’ve overcome.

I think that for me, I always cheated because I felt alienated from my significant other at the time.  My pattern was that it always began as emotional cheating as a result of that alienation, which became a sort of gravity well that led to the physical cheating.  However, at that point I would wake up, smell the coffee, and break up with the boyfriend at the time.  Now my communication skills are developed enough (as are the BF’s) that I don’t think I’d be in that situation–and after all my experiences I think it’s easier to just break up than it is to cheat and break up.

Thoughts?

Okay, on to the link love. Big ups to David Mott at dadshouseblog for putting in the good word with the Alltop.com folks. We are now officially a part of the Alltop community. Awesome! You can find us at the very bottom of sex.alltop.com. If you haven’t checked out alltop and you like reading good blogs, go there immediately. They aggregate a zillion cool blogs.

I found this New York Times article via Alltop. The article is written by Andy Newman and he posits that all straight women are aroused by the sight of other women in erotic situations. Well duh, I could have told you that! All straight chicks are actually bi, heh heh.

Evan Marc Katz asked whether a girlfriend should stay with her guy if the guy is an aspiring pickup artist and wants to start a coaching business. Naturally, I had to wade in with my two cents. The commenting got pretty heated between EMK and Mike Stoute, one of the owners of the awesome men’s site, The Seduction Bible. Check it.

One of my fav hottie bloggers, Dateable Dork, has some reasonably spank-worthy photos of herself cavorting around in a bikini. Check’em out here. Here’s a nice little sample:

Here’s an awesome forum posting by AFC Adam, one of the top PUA’s in the world, about social proofing. In the post, he describes the Benedict Jones test, which pretty much proves that women are attracted to men who are pre-selected by other women. He uses the word propinquity a bunch and I had to look that word up. Very interesting. Honey blogged about social value in her post entitled Dating Ugly.

On the savvymiss.com women’s portal, there’s a interview with Candace Bushnell. Fairly stock questions, but she talks a lot about her writing process, and it’s worth a look if you’re inclined towards writing, as all bloggers are.

Finally, the Asian Rake wrote an amazing post about social value and how to deal with high status women. His stuff is GOLD. There’s also an awesome tip buried in there for increasing your conversational range. I’ll be utlizing it posthaste.

Post Edit: Just read this awesome post on Scot McKay’s blog where he addresses a) why marketing for pickup stuff is so skeezy, and b) monogamy vs. polygamy. We’ve touched on all of those things recently and it’s absolutely worth reading Scot’s take. Scot is a married dating coach and his site totally rocks…subscribe immediately.

1. Excitement

When I was dating and getting ready to sleep with someone for the first time, the thing I wondered the most was whether the other person was going to be any good.  I would say about a fifth of the people I’ve ever slept with have been any good at all (probably less), so it was a valid worry.  Once you’ve found that special someone, then you can get excited not about the potential that you’ll be sexually compatible and have a great time, but the certainty of it.  Nothing gets me hotter than that certainty. It increases my (already impressive) sex drive and serves as automatic foreplay.  And believe me, nothing gets a guy harder faster than knowing you’re already wet at the mere thought of sleeping with him.

2. Spontaneity

Here’s where the no-condoms thing really comes in handy.  If the woman’s on the pill and everyone’s been tested for STDs, then that means that anytime the BF wants to bend me over the bed, slip my bikini bottom off in the pool, or pull me down doggy-style on the living room floor, he can do it. And once the FDA gets off its butt and the pill for men is introduced, then it’ll become even more possible for spontaneity to take the forefront in monogamous relationships. Being monogamous also means that you can participate worry-free in sexual activities that would otherwise be riskier, like oral sex (especially after you’ve already had sex) and pooper sex.

3.  Variety

Okay, obviously if you’re going to be monogamous then you don’t get variety in the sense of sleeping with different people, but that’s hardly the only definition of the word.  When you’ve got a steady partner then you can stop worrying/wondering if you’re going to have sex and start focusing on where and when you’re going to have sex, as well as what it’s going to consist of.  I have a list of locations and positions as well as ways to incorporate the wide variety of vibrators, lube, warming lotion, and Viagra in our possession, and that doesn’t even take into account the sexual position cards and other erotic “board games” in my goody drawer.  And of course, if you’re traveling with your partner then that opens up not only the new locations, but as the BF says, an ability to shed any inhibitions or routines associated with your home and breathe new life into your relationship.

4. Fantasy Fulfillment

Perhaps the biggest benefit to monogamous sex is trusting someone enough to tell them the fantasies that you’ve always been too shy or embarrassed to share with more casual partners.  After we’d been dating for about a year, the BF wrote me a letter about his sexual preferences and fantasies, and after reading it, I was thrilled to reciprocate with a letter of my own.  Obviously the details of those letters are too personal to reveal, but let’s just say that they were each five single-spaced pages long.  We’ve had the opportunity to take steps to fulfill those fantasies that we never even came close to achieving in previous relationships. Plus, any time our sex life is in danger of getting stale, we revisit the list and find something new to incorporate or strive for (see variety!).

5.  Emotional Fulfillment

So, despite the fact that (for me at least) simple companionship isn’t enough for a relationship to be considered a total success, it is definitely an important part.  With all of my previous partners, during sex I always wondered–do they feel what I feel?  Does what feels good for me feel good for them?  Similarly, whenever the sex was over I always wondered–did they have as good time as I did?  With the BF, I never have to wonder–he’s the only person I have ever felt so connected to during sex that I know we feel the same things, or at least as close as two different people can feel.  I love laying next to him when we’re both sweaty and sticky from various fluids but still kissing, and running our hands over each others’ bodies, and knowing that we’ve managed to shrink the whole world to the size of our bed and shut out everything and everyone that might distract or stress us out.

Conclusion

Of course, truly achieving the benefits of monogamous sex means that you have to put sexual compatibility high enough on your list of priorities in finding a mate that you have that certainty.  Shockingly, the BF told me once that before dating me, he’d never thought about whether or not his girlfriends were any good in bed.  In retrospect, he realized that was because none of them were.  He literally had never had sex that was good enough to set it apart from the rest of the pack, so he figured that sex was pretty much the same no matter who it was with.  Now his standards are permanently high–which, even if we didn’t end up together, means that I added value to his life.  And now that I know how good it can be, I could never settle for anything less.  Fortunately, we’re monogamous, so I don’t have to.

My take is pretty simple. We’re humans, humans are sexual creatures, and it’s okay to let others know that you’re a sexual being. In fact, it’s more than okay, it’s healthy. I talk about sex all the time with my friends (shocker right?) and I project my sexuality to a lot of my co-workers. I want people to know that I’m single, straight, and looking. With work friends, I’ll keep it humorous and light. An example would be if I’m having lunch with co-workers and I see a cute girl in the restaurant. I won’t go on and on about how much I want to bonk the girl, but I’ll point out her out. Simple.

What brought me to this realization in a real life way (ie not reading books) is that I coach a women’s sport in my free time. The athletes are college age. The athletes KNOW I’m single, so I let them know via light small comments that I find OTHER women MY AGE to be attractive. What I’ll do here is tell them that I had a date or something on Friday night (skimp on details). That communicates to the athletes that I’m off limits to them, and it also communicates that I’m a regular, healthy guy and not a purveyor of kiddie porn. In other words, it establishes a common sexual ground and at the same time sets the boundaries. The result is that everyone is comfortable with each other. Further, this helps me because the athletes feel comfortable enough to talk about their personal problems, which are often boy problems. If they’re talking to me about personal problems, I can be a more effective coach.

Back to my original question about parents letting kids know that mom and dad are doing it. Parents, would you let your kids know you have sex, and if so, at what age and to what degree? If you ARE talking to them about the bird and bees, are you teaching them anything…I mean, really teaching the down and dirty stuff? If you’re not, what are your expectations for them once they start having sex?

POST EDIT: Just thought of a few more edgy questions to get you thinking. Okay, if you’re down with teaching your kids about sex, would you teach a daughter how to properly give a blowjob? Your son how to give head? Where the g-spot is and how to stimulate it? If you don’t do this, is okay for them to learn via books or the Internet. Or porn? Hey, it wouldn’t be our blog if we didn’t push limits.

This post was inspired from reading these blogs, check’em out:

• You-Know-What-us Interruptus
• Ms. Single Mama
• Sex and the Single Mom