One of their current plotlines is the relationship of the main character, Vince Chase, with his new girlfriend Sasha Grey. Sasha Grey is a super popular porn star, the 2008 AVN female performer of the year among other awards, and she plays herself on the show. Vince and Sasha meet at a club, start talking, one thing leads to another and boom they’re dating. Their relationship is actually kind of sweet but also has a dark side.

One of the questions the writers pose is, assuming you had the wherewithal to date Sasha Grey, could you handle the implications of dating a porn star? On the show, Grey is offered a part in an adult film and Vince reacts negatively. He has a minor freak out, eventually apologizes and offers to support her decision, and when pressed by her insistence to do the film, he gets frustrated and tries to manipulate her into not doing it. He even goes so far as to secure her a part in his next film, a mainstream blockbuster type flick. Sasha stands her ground says she is going to do the porn. This is further complicated when Sasha admits that her ex-fiance is one of the co-stars in her film.

So I think there’s a great thought experiment in here. If you had the ability to date a popular and attractive pornstar, could you do it, and would you be okay with her fucking other dudes on camera? Could you be “in a relationship” if you had the knowledge that your chick was having sex with 10 other guys every time she made a movie?

Vince has a pretty uncool reaction and he’s accused by Sasha of trying to control her. Vince plays the love card and insists that he doesn’t want to share her with other guys.

I’ve had a pretty strong reaction to the plotline so far. Sasha Grey is a porn star and that’s part of her identity, sexual and otherwise. She’s perfectly okay with having sex on camera as her livelihood and also having a regular relationship outside of work. She can make that differentiation. On paper, I would like to think I would support that and be totally cool with it. Of course I’ve never been in a relationship with a pornstar, so I don’t know how I would really react. But, I want to say it would be liberating. I would love to date a woman who was that open with her sexuality. I will admit this now, but it’s actually one of my fantasies to watch my girlfriends have sex with other dudes.

But I just don’t know, because I’ve never met someone that far-out and I suspect I might feel intimidated. Women who are more experienced than me make me a little nervous. I also find it exciting/enthralling. I like that edginess in a relationship because it’s a fantastic opportunity to hold my ground as a man and maintain my masculine identity. It’s a daily test to date sexually open and experienced women. Basically, the test is, can you hang? Can you still be the man when you know she’s had many many other men? Someone on the level of a Sasha Grey would be overwhelming.

But holy cow, the sex would be amazing!! I would have to take a shot at it.

Could you date a pornstar? Who’s right and who’s wrong in this situation?

Check out Sasha’s Twitter page, which she updates regularly.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Money quote:

Women’s pendulous breasts, impossible-to-ignore cries of sexual delight, or “female copulatory vocalization” to the clipboard-carrying crowd, and capacity for multiple orgasms also validate this story of prehistoric promiscuity.

Well duuh that’s like in every PUA manual out there, but nice that he pointed out that chicks are designed to be sex machines. On CNN.com. As you can imagine, there were some strongly worded comments following the post.

You’ll love this one, here’s a story about Holly Hill, aka Sugarbabe, who spent a year as a paid mistress to an assortment of sugardaddy boyfriends. Price: $1000/week for the full girlfriend experience, including sex. She was totally cool with this arrangement (I am too) and wrote a book about it. She’s also a proponent of open relationships and calls these “negotiated infidelity.” Personally, I think that has a bit of a negative connotation. Why not just…open relationship? Anyway, she says that her bf can bang other chicks but can’t spoon or spend the night. That would be cheating.

BTW, Sugarbabe posted an ad on an online site specifically for paid mistresses and got 11,000 hits. Damn!! Sister, if you can make a load of dough selling the girlfriend experience, more power to you.

Here’s Sugarbabe on CNN. Not bad for a 40-year-old chick. If I was totally loaded and had zero game, I’d hire her.

Lastly, Sugarbabe references her BF sleeping with the Australian women’s basketball team so I thought it was necessary to post a pic of Erin Phillips, who plays for said team:

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

This is a guest post from Kiera, who blogs at My Secret Hobby. I’ve been reading Kiera for awhile now and I love her stuff. What does she blog about? SEX and more SEX. Raw and unfiltered. I totally love this chick, she gets more play than a bar full of PUA’s. Her tagline is real simple: “The pursuit of cock.” What more is there to say? Enjoy this erotic encounter and then head over to her blog for more goodness.

While I was writing this guest post for Lance I received an drunken offer at 2:30 in the morning to meet up with an old fling… specifically, the guy whose virginity I took about two years ago. I rarely see him in person since he moved so we keep in touch through chat and webcam. Our conversations are always explicit and we always throw out offers to meet up but it never works out.

But this night, I really, really wanted it. I was amped up and ready to go. I’ve always wanted needed another go at his monster cock. He used to be quite the delicious mouthful and I wanted to show off all the talent my tongue had acquired.

So how could I pass up his offer?! Forget the fact that I’d have to sneak out of my house while my parents slept and drive their car 20 minutes away. Being the cockwhore that I am, I jumped in my car without hesitation, picked him up and had the best car sex of my 22 years of life. It was 2 hours of raw, sweaty and animalistic fucking. Even though I didn’t get spanked, he roughed it up enough. A few hard cockslaps to my face, the hair pulling, biting, and face-fucking, were all punctuated with huns and sweeties and I ate that shit up! And his hands…wow. I’d like to thank the girl that taught him to carry on no matter how much shaking and thrashing he’s causing. We were all over that car, so I’m sure there are ass prints on the dash, a sweaty body print on the ceiling, as well as jizz all over the back seat (sorry car, even when I beg for it, sometimes I just can’t catch it all). I still can’t find my underwear.

Why am I telling you this? I’ve got an usual hobby. I like to spend my free time in pursuit of cock. Yep that kind of cock… dong, wang, schlong, elephant trunk or whatever you want to call it. I’m not sure why I am so fascinated by them. They’re sexy, mysterious, powerful, masculine and addictive. I have little self control when it comes to matters of cock. I imagine it’s close to a nicotine or caffeine addiction. It’s just something that is always on my mind and something I have to have.

This pursuit of cock also means I’m unable to be physically monogamous. I can’t do it. I don’t believe in it. I believe sex can be unattached, care-free fun. That doesn’t mean it can’t be crazy and passionate, but there doesn’t have to be romantic or long-term feelings attached to it. Sex is like hugging a friend. You can hug your friends without romantic intention, so why not fuck them too?

My strong dislike of monogamy makes it difficult for me to maintain relationships with men. I simply cannot be monogamous for extended periods of time. Once the craving sets in, I have to go find a new cock to please. Since I know I’m eventually going to wander, it makes it even harder to emotionally settle into a relationship I know will fall apart.

But Kiera, you say. Just tell the guy, he’ll love it! As much as men think banging other people is conceptually fucking-A, I don’t think most guys can handle it. It’s cool when they get to bone all the girls but as soon as their lady has a turn it becomes an affront to their masculinity and they feel inadequate on all counts. I don’t get it. Why can’t I be in a trusting, respectful, sexually awesome relationship with a plaything or two on the side? Okay Kiera! Why not keep it a secret? Because I don’t want to have to lie. I’d rather be honest.

For me, it basically boils down to being a control thing. I don’t want my choice of who I sleep with made for me. The option to sleep with additional partners should always be available in any relationship. And maybe, just maybe, if I ever feel so committed and satisfied with one man, I’ll settle down and technically be monogamous with him, but it will never be a steadfast rule.

Am I just selfish? Am I a greedy cock hoarder?  Am I lazy? Emotionally insensitive? Have I just not met the right guy? You tell me.

Sidebar: If you don’t watch a lot of Internet porn, these sites are great. They’re totally FREE and no sketchy downloading bullshit. You simply click on a video and start watching, just like YouTube. There’s no virii and, besides some annoying pop-up windows, no danger to your computer. Everything is user rated (one to five stars) and commented on, you can do searches on your favorite festishes, and there are literally thousands of videos, with dozens added each day. It’s completely absurd. The days of trolling torrents to find a decent video without a virus are totally over. The other great thing about these sites is you can consume many videos in a short amount of time. Most of the vids are less than 10 minutes and I will usually have 2-3 going simultaneously for maximum absorption.

So, since I’ve been watching a lot more porn lately, I’ve noticed that my bedroom game has improved. I’m trying more cool moves and chaining together moves to create what I call “scenes.” Scenes are basically multiple moves and ways of screwing that make an interesting and unique sex scene, sort of like you’d see in a porn video. My dirty talk is increasing in range also.

Here’s an example of something I tried the other day:

1. She started off by blowing my cock with me pulling her hair pretty tight.

2. I dirty talked that I was going to blow my load and that she was going to swallow it, which got her excited.

3. I didn’t blow my load, and instead put her in a girl-on-top position where she was basically kneeling on my cock with feet flat. I had to sort of support her by holding her ass while she was perched on my dong. I looked this one up and apparently the position is called Asian Cowgirl (see below), although the variation we tried had her arms behind her instead of on my chest…

Courtesy of SexInfo101.com.

4. Nailed her from behind in front of a big mirror with her ass angled up in the air and arms held behind her back. Pretty hot.

5. Flipped her over, kneeled over her head at an angle and “fed” her my cock while I fingered her. Also had her play with herself. This seemed to get her pretty excited although she was weirded out somewhat by the position.

6. Kept doing #5 above until she came, which took forever.

7. Fucked her missionary with her legs up in the air until just before I popped.

8. Pulled out and blew a huge Ron Jeremy manload into her mouth for the grand finale. Ridiculous orgasm from me.

That whole little scene basically came from two porn vids I watched on xhamster earlier in the week that I thought was super cool and worth trying. I mean, there wasn’t anything there super far-out, but the sequence and the moves had just enough variation to be unique for us.

What’s the moral of the story? Watch more porn to improve your bedroom game! Seriously, though, for the guys out there I really do recommend watching a shitload of porn and searching around and identifying stuff that looks cool and turns you on. Build up a database of moves, scenes, lines, and full-on fantasies that you can bring into your own sex life. I recommend doing this *without* your partner because you won’t be self-conscious about the porn you pick (“Wait, why did you pick the one with the teenage redhead gangbang?”) and you can surprise your partners with the new stuff you learn. The more you watch, you more you identify what your fetishes are and the more you can embrace who you are sexually.

Lastly, when trying new stuff, be bold and assertive and just go for it. Don’t ask to try a new move or scene, just execute the moves, dominate verbally, and own that shit. It’ll get her super hot.

What are you doing, reading, or trying to get better in the sack? Leave in comments.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

One of my favorite sections, called Talk Dirty to Him:

Tell him that you’d like to share him with another woman. Tell him every man deserves to have his cock sucked by two women at once. Tell him these things and more, and better yet, tell him when you’re in bed together and you’re whispering in his ear.

He’ll probably try to crudely and quickly make this happen. Not so fast! There’s a catch, ain’t no double standards here. Let him know if he wants one of the top male fantasies to come true, it’s only fair that you get two men at once. Chances are he’ll try to argue this point, saying he doesn’t want to share you or whatever. Hold your ground. Fine, you don’t want to share him, either.

After enough discussion you’ll be ready to add others to your sex lives, and guess what? It’s way easier to snag a second guy than it is to find that elusive holy grail hot bi chick. And when you do finally get that mff (male-female-female) threesome, you win again. You get to watch your man do what feels so good on you, see it from a different perspective, know how much pleasure he is giving your guest. You get to play a part in one of his hottest fantasies. If he’s a decent fellow, he’ll be forever in your debt and regard you as a goddess for being so generous, confident, sexy, and adventurous.

Two thoughts on this. First, I would be *totally* cool if my chick wanted to have sex with another dude or another woman. I know she’s got some kinky hot fantasties in there (e.g. getting nailed by a huge black guy) and I absolutely want her to fulfill those fantasies. Not only that, but I’ve participated in a male-female-male threesome. It’s not so bad. Just don’t cross the streams and you’ll be okay.

The second thing is, I love dirty talk. I tried doing some dirty talk once with my vanilla gf where I described her getting bonked and spunked on by two dudes, and she completely didn’t dig it. Like, it blew up in my face. Which I think is bullshit, because what chick doesn’t want to get spunked on by two hot dudes?

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

This may be the best Stallone yet. This makes “testosterone fueled” look like a day at pilates. Bros, break up with your wives and girlyfriends if you must. There is nothing more important than making the correct choice that day:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Corporate douchebags took the above video down!!

You can at least watch the official trailer, which is totally BA:

Click here to view the embedded video.

It’s Good To Be A Bro. Hat tip tsbmag.com and hammer86.com.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Since we’d known each other for some time, and also because he knew I was moving, it was pretty clear (even without telling him all the deets of my recent breakup) that this was a pure hookup situation, NSA sex.  We used a condom, it didn’t break, nothing weird about the encounter at all except he did speak Portuguese fluently and there was a lot of sexy talk I didn’t understand but which turned me on pretty effectively.  A couple of weeks after our date, I moved to Arizona.  Then he called me a month later,

“Is there anything about your sexual past you need to share with me?” were the first words out of his mouth.

“Ummm…no, but I am guessing there is something you’d like to share with me?”

“I have herpes and you’re the only person who could have given it to me.”

Since it had been less than a year since my annual exam and full STD workup, and since Lance was the only guy I’d been with during that time prior to Evan (I slept with the third guy after Evan), I was pretty sure that I couldn’t possibly have given him herpes.  However, now (apparently) there was a pretty significant possibility that he’d given it to me.  After some awkward back-and-forth where I denied having herpes and he insisted that I had diseased him, the phone call ended.

I went to the student health center the very next day, only to be told that if I was not exhibiting any symptoms (which I was not), then I needed a blood test and I would have to wait at least 3 months after my possible exposure before they could be certain that the results were conclusive.  So that pretty much put the brakes on any immediate dating in my new town.  Lame.

But I waited (or, I should say, freaked out on a daily basis and subjected my lady parts to near-constant scrutiny with a hand mirror) and then went in for the blood test after the appropriate amount of time had passed.  The result: I have the cold sore version of the virus (which I knew), but not the genital herpes version of the virus (um…which I also knew).  So, armed with clinical evidence that I was not a dirty whore, I called Evan back.

“Hi, Evan, it’s Honey, I was just calling to let you know that my herpes test came back negative.  I don’t know what to tell you except that it couldn’t possibly have been me that gave it to you, so I guess you’ll have to think a little harder about your recent activities.”

“Oh, that!”  Chuckling.

“Um, WTF do you mean ‘oh, that’?”

“It turns out I was allergic to my detergent.  No worries!”

I spent the next ten minutes reaming him out.  For, you know, not calling the person he accused of diseasing him to let her know she could have sex again.  For self-diagnosing his “herpes” instead of going to the doctor (which it turns out is what he did, because he was “embarrassed” – um, dude, I think you should be embarrassed about being a complete fucking douchebag idiot). 

He had no excuse for the self-diagnosis (though I did offer the helpful judgment that if he was too embarrassed to go to the doctor and be honest about his sexual history, then he probably would get herpes or something worse at some point).  As far as not calling me, he said that he’d had “a lot of family stuff, you know, drama” going on and just couldn’t spare ten goddamn seconds to leave me a phone message, pencil-dicked bastard.  Then I did the only thing any self-respecting 24-year-old girl would do in that situation:

I called my close friend, Jana, who worked at the same publishing house as him, told her the whole story, and suggested that she feel free to pass along to anyone who might be interested that Evan had recently had a herpes scare.  I’d just moved across the country, after all, so the liklihood of me working there or meeting any of those people was slim to none.

Though, ironically, Lance’s next girlfriend after me also worked there and was also friends with Jana…Jana gave her my contact information and the girl either called or emailed me to ask about why Lance and I broke up and if I would recommend dating Lance.  Lance, do you remember who I am talking about?  In a spectacular show of goodwill considering the circumstances of our breakup, I told her that Lance was a great guy and that I highly recommended him.  Which is I think why he took me out to dinner that December when I flew back to Florida for the winter break, and also probably why it wasn’t a date.  So, karmically, I think I emerged even from that one

What’s the worst scare you’ve ever had?

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

• There are more women than men in the workforce for the first time.
• More women are getting college degrees than men.
• More chicks in the workplace boosts the performance of a company.
• Women are valuable because they’re socially intelligent and have strong intellects (agreed)
• Men are weanies (also generally agree with).

So that’s the gist of it. Thought provoking article, I do recommend checking it out.

I will respond with a couple of personal anecdotes.

My Former Boss Thinks Women Make Better Employees

At my last company, a web design firm, the majority of the employees were women. In fact, at one point during my years there, there was a low point of four dudes (one was the CEO) and the rest chicks (over a dozen). All of the designers and coders (except for one) were dudes. Every other position was held by a woman: front desk, project manager, marketing, business development, sales, accounting, etc. It was the reverse of a sausage fest, whatever you call that, and we cracked jokes about it all the time. Coincidence or not, it was a nice environment to be in and it was clear to me that part of that was the skewed ratio.

Anyway, why? I had a couple of bar conversations with the CEO and this is what he told me: women make better employees. They’re more loyal, they stick around longer, they less frequently look for other jobs, they don’t rock the boat and give the boss shit, and for the coup de grace, they’re easier to manage. Not long before I joined the company, it had been predominantly male with male VP’s and male managers and he described that time period as sheer hell, because all the dudes were busy trying to tear each other apart. It was a lousy drama-fest that ended with restraining orders and lawsuits. He eventually got rid of all those guys and hired women in their places. It’s been harmonious ever since.

So I think there’s this insidious thought out there at the C-level that women are easier to control/manage, so it’s wise to stock your low and mid level positions with chicks because they’re better employees. Agree or disagree?

Also, is it a compliment to call female professionals better employees and easier to manage? It seems like it should be but I’m not so sure. It makes them seem…docile?? If someone called me easy to manage I’m not sure I would like that.

I Work At A Sausage Fest

At my new place, a technology firm, it’s a total sausage fest. At our low point there was precisely one woman (marketing) and the rest dudes, which was like 15. All of the developers, coders, and designers are guys and it’s worth noting that the fellas are brilliant at those roles. We have since hired more women: front desk, accounting, executive assistant, sales, a couple of manager positions.

This company is vastly more volatile than the one described above. There were several weeks there in the beginning of the year when I didn’t know if the doors would be closed because something fucked up happened over the weekend. Thankfully, we’re on more stable ground now. The company culture is harmonious and I attribute much of that to our CEO who is a brilliant relationship builder but also to our recent (female) hirings.

On the flipside, we’ve had a revolving door of dudes leave the company since I started, perhaps a half dozen. Guys will just do that, it seems, they get antsy and look for other jobs. I know I’ve done that a lot. In fact, that’s why I left company A above and moved to company B, because company B was totally lame (and stable).

Touching on the last point from the Atlantic article, almost to a man, the dudes in the company are weanies. You know that guy you have pictured that’s a total computer geek, and not in a nerdy cool way? That’s these guys. They’re all brilliant and good peeps, but damn. So I have to generally agree with the main points of The End of Men.

Sports and Women

For a good chunk of years I coached sports professionally, both men’s and women’s team. People asked me this question all the time, “What’s the difference coaching men and women?” That was often followed up by a statement about how coaching women must have been more difficult, they tend towards more drama, they socialize more at practice, they break down and cry more, etc.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Coaching female athletes is significantly easier than coaching men. This was the dirty secret in the coaching fraternity…we knew that easy street was had by coaching the women’s teams. In fact, we used to joke that we could bust our balls for a few year coaching guys and then “retire” by moving over to the women’s side.

The hardest, most drama-filled seasons were always the ones with the guys, and the more talented the male athletes, the harder they were to manage. If things got tough (ie we were losing), guys would tend to quit, or bitch incessantly, or fight with each other, or question the coach’s authority. Sometimes they would physically fight…no joke.

I rarely had these problems with the women’s team, and if I did, it was at such a low level as to be barely noticeable. The female athletes got along better, they never quit, they were mentally tougher, they were grinders, they supported one another. For me, sports coaching is like real life but at the social, emotional, and physical boundaries of team dynamics. Competition reveals individual character, and the more demanding the competition, the more it reveals.

So yeah, I think women do make better workers in at the workplace. I don’t think it’s good or bad, I think it is what it is. I also think the overwhelming majority of guys are beta and have below average social intelligence, which is a big reason why there are more chicks than dudes in the workforce now. Basically, guys are too jackassey and they’re getting passed over for jobs. But part of me likes it this way. As an alpha dog, I want to be a team player but I don’t want to be known as being unambitious or docile. I stand out because I’m edgy and I rock the boat just a little bit.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

It goes like this. I’m in this relationship for half a year and everything is great EXCEPT the sex is lousy. Every commenter suggested the first step towards dealing with this dilemma is to talk with her and communicate what I’m feeling and thinking. Great. In my mind, what exactly does that talk accomplish? I see three scenarios: A) The talk is going to accomplish nothing and possibly lead to breakup (possible), b) She acquiesces 100% and somehow lets me do whatever I want sexually (highly unlikely), or c) we compromise and meet somewhere in the middle (likely).

When I hear compromise, I think that we’re changing for each other. I’m all about change. I love change. My question is this: how much responsibility should we have for changing our partners, or perhaps a better way to phrase it is how big a part do we take in the change process? Should we even be trying to change our partners at all, or should we simply move on and find someone more compatible?

Her sexual values are different from mine. They’re not better or worse, they’re just different. I call it vanilla, she calls it normal. She thinks my sex values are freaky and a little weird. I think she’s immature sexually and unawakened. Who’s right? Is it my job as her boyfriend and her loved one to make her see the light about what my perception of great sex is? Is it her job to convince me that anal sex and money shots are disgusting and disrespectful? Should we be compromising on these issues or just agree to disagree, which is what we’ve been doing.

That’s a huge dilemma I have. I want this relationship to work and I want to have rockin sex with Heather, but how far do I go to bring her to my side. Or, perhaps I should just stay on her side and live in the realm of what I consider boring sex. I mean, the relationship is great and maybe that’s a worthy tradeoff. I’ve had several people, offline and online, suggest that I just live with the boring sex because excellent companionships are hard to find and sex is transitory. That to me is a shitty compromise. Sex to me is like eating and breathing and I refuse to have a shitty diet and breathe bad air. There’s something fundamentally wrong with that.

I think I can have a talk and tell her about my experiences and what I think is great sex. I can show her the porn I like, the books and blogs I read (except this one), and buy us sex toys. When is it too much? When does it become her responsibility to figure out how to orgasm from penetration and not just masturbation? If I draw the line somewhere, and it’s not enough, then what? We break up and maybe that trauma becomes a change agent for her to find better sex, but maybe it doesn’t.

For me, there’s no question that I’m more attractive, a better lover, and a better boyfriend because the breakups I’ve had have caused me to change. Those change agents were powerful and I’m glad they happened, but goddamn they were painful and it took YEARS. Can I in good conscience inflict that on her or would it be better to let her be and find her own path, whatever that is. I know she thinks fleetingly about having multiple orgasms and about getting fucked by a huge black guy, but will she ever go for those things unless I push her? Is it right for me to do that pushing in the first place?

One last thing. I’ve been re-reading Way of the Superior Man, which is like the best book on the planet, and our sexual polarity is screwed up. I’m hyper masculine in the bedroom and she’s neutral, like vacillating between fem and masculine, and I’ve noticed that her neutral vibe has the effect of moving me towards neutral. When that happens, no one gets off. How do you even talk about that kind of shit? How do you talk about any of it and not have it be bullshit?

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Here’s how it went down. I’ve been stringing along this mediocre chick, who I referenced in this post here, via text message for a couple of weeks. Well, Friday night rolled around, I was already out with my boys, and I texted her to see if she wanted to meet for drinks. No problem, she was at a bar with friends, come on over. I showed up by myself, socialized with all of her friends (and hit on the female ones), flirted with her the appropriate amount, then took her home at the end of the night and fucked her silly. Except for a couple of text messages, I haven’t talked to her since.

My feelings about Heather remain completely unchanged after this incident. We went to dinner two nights after the pickup and had a great time, as usual, and our connection and our vibe was good as ever. The sex was the same, too, pretty vanilla.

What does this mean? I’ve been analyzing this a lot since it happened. It feels like this: it feels like I met a crazy club chick while on vacation, got drunk, fucked her, then flew home the next day and never talked to her again. Came back to reality and everything was completely normal. It’s possible only the men in the audience will understand this, but it’s like the 500 mile rule. Lots of guys joke about the 500 mile rule (aka the international rule). If it happens outside of 500 miles, it doesn’t count. If it happens a state away it doesn’t count. If it happens overseas, it doesn’t count. Ever heard of that? This incident felt exactly like the 500 mile rule, except without the inconvenience (or convenience) of the distance.

I already knew this, but I’ll say it again. I am fully capable of having sex with someone other than my girlfriend who I’m in love with and not have it take away from my relationship. There is a complete separation there. In fact, after this happened, I was left thinking, what’s the big deal? It’s just sex. Why get all bent out of shape about it?

Interestingly, I’m completely incompatible with the Mediocre Chick, even repelled by her, especially in a relationship sense. I don’t even like her very much. But the sex was EXTREMELY awesome. This had the weird side affect of making me appreciate Heather more because of her extraordinary qualities as a companion. It also gave me this insidious thought: perhaps being great at sex also means you’re only okay (or worse) as a relationship partner? Is there something to that? Does having a high sex drive and prioritizing good sex prevent us from being great companions?

The conclusion I’m drawing from this latest experience: No one person can or should be everything for you. I think that’s a ridiculous notion. I think it’s absurd that the social norm is monogamy, especially at my age. We will always have fantasies and desires and needs that one particular person can’t fulfill. There’s plenty of great sex partners around. If it’s safe and consensual, I don’t see a problem. I say have two (or more) girlfriends, one who is a great companion, and the other who is a great sex partner. Ladies, I think you need to get over the fact that your man needs to occasionally fuck other chicks. In return, we’ll let you have other partners and sexual experiences in order to fulfill your fantasies.

I know I can’t fulfill every need for my partner(s). I’ve proven that several times over and it’s even true at the sexual level. I’m certain I don’t fulfill all of Heather’s fantasies, and it could very well be part of the problem why she doesn’t orgasm from sex. Her unconscious notion of a deeply erotic partner isn’t Lance, for whatever reasons. BUT, I’m a great companion for Heather and we get along splendidly. Do you throw that away because the sex isn’t good? Or do you come up with a solution?

I’d be totally okay if she wanted to bang some other dudes to fulfill her fantasies. In fact, I want to encourage that. Now I just have to figure out how to set this up so we can both get what we want.

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