1. Avoids coming home (which he does to spare me his moods but which he doesn’t tell me about until the last second, which leads to me preparing intricate home-cooked meals he’s not around to eat, or me passing on invitations to go out with my own friends and then him calling me at 8 p.m. to say he’s going out, and it’s too late for me to resurrect my own plans),
2. Comes home and picks a huge fight with me for basically no reason (like us being out of Propel or me cooking his favorite fish as a surprise for him when apparently he didn’t want fish that day),
3. Plays video games for 5+ hours at a time and doesn’t talk to me (he bought a PS3 recently).

He (almost) always apologizes for these things, but it certainly isn’t stopping him from doing it in the first place.  We haven’t had sex in almost a month and a couple of times I found myself Googling apartments and hotels because I just didn’t know what to do.  (For the record, I still tried to initiate sex – after the fifth or so time he “rainchecked” me I gave up.)

And of course, we had out-of-town guests (his cousin and her boyfriend) for almost a week in the middle of this, and he threw his back out and was in excruciating pain for almost 2 weeks but his doctor would only give him prescription-strength ibuprofen, and no sooner had he decided to look for other jobs than they practically doubled his already terrible workload (he’s been going in on weekends again). 

Then last week, he had a HUGE showdown with his supervisor, who had asked Jake to do something that he felt was really ethically sketchy and lo and behold, legal action was almost taken against them and his supervisor tried to throw him under the bus for the whole thing (fortunately there were email records to numerous people documenting Jake’s objections to his supervisor’s plan, and Jake had also refused to sign off on what was produced so his name wasn’t legally associated with it).  But it’s hard to find the time to look for another job when you’re already working 80+ hours/week.

I’m not really sure what, if anything, I can do – it’s a hard line for me to tow because the only way I know to not be upset with how I am being treated in all this is to completely distance myself from him emotionally, which I don’t think is the best plan.  I already do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking out the trash, and grocery shopping so he doesn’t have to worry about it, and while he thanks me every once in awhile, mostly I think he is too miserable to even notice all the things I do.  Anyone else out there been through this?

The Good News

We went bowling on Saturday for a friend’s birthday and had a great time (and I met someone who might turn out to be a friend for me), and then on Sunday we went to the Chandler Ostrich Festival, complete with petting zoo, ostrich racing, carnival food and rides, etc.  This is apparently his favorite annual event in the area (he used to go every year but hadn’t been since we started dating), and we had actually the best time that we’ve had in a long time, which was a relief.  I also sent him an email last week:

I know that you’ve been in pain lately because of your back and busy because of work, your cousin visiting, etc.  I am really glad that we talked the other night and I appreciated your thanks (for all I do) and your apology (for how crazy it’s been the past few weeks).

But the truth is, that the last month or so I have been lonelier and sadder and angrier than I’ve felt in a long time.  What I really need is for you to take the lead in planning a romantic date for us that is followed by hot sex.  Could we do that?

And he sent me the following reply:

Absolutely baby.  Not a problem.  It probably won’t be within the next two days because 1) I was super tired this morning and think a day of rest is in order (I have worked the last 6 days straight – remember I went in on Sunday), and 2) tomorrow is the Ostrich Festival, so that probably won’t work either.  But early next week looks good!  Sorry if I’ve been neglecting my Honey lately…

Love, Jake

So we’ll see how that pans out.  In my own personal news, due to not adjusting my withholdings last year when I had furlough, I got a $1500 tax return.  I am going to buy a bike (finally!) and a couple of other things I have been putting off (spending probably $350 total), but mostly I threw it at my debt.  I finally paid off the only cash advance I ever took out (in 2003, to pay the movers when I came out to AZ because they wouldn’t take a credit card and held my stuff hostage until I brought them cash) thanks to the new CARD act dictating that my payments would go to the highest interest balance first.  It also brings my total credit card debt to to just over $2K, so I’m on track to be credit-card-debt-free by this summer.  I’m totally stoked!

Also, the Fiji thing fell through…because they are sending me to London for a week instead!  It is a four-week study abroad, and I am teaching one of the four weeks (the other 3 folks teaching are tenured faculty, so I’m totally stoked about being asked to do this).  I get to determine all the readings and assignments myself, and they are paying for my travel, accommodations, and a $50 per diem for food (and breakfast is covered as part of the accommodations, so that’s only for lunch and dinner).  For my portion of the trip/course we are going to Stonehenge, Bath, Oxford, the Wellcome Museum, and the Science Museum, none of which I’ve been to despite having been to London before, so that’s pretty fantastic, though I am a bit nervous about trying to teach undergrads Foucault!

Plus it looks like if Jake wants to go, he can probably stay with me at my accommodations for no extra cost, so for him it would just be the plane ticket and food.  Next on the list is seeing if we can fly in early or stay late and spend a couple days in Amsterdam.

How are things in your neck of the woods?

If you enjoyed this post on the ups and downs of dating, you might also enjoy:

• Emotional Intelligence and Promises to Myself
• Pick Your Path and Take it to the Max
• Sexplorations in 2010
• 7 Ways to Destroy Creepiness and Improve Your Life (Part 2)

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

See for yourself.

Click here to view the embedded video.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

It goes without saying, these are NSFW. Enjoy.

The Dateable Dork

One of the first blogs I really got into when we launched H&L, The Dateable Dork is a hot/dorky chick in New York City who blogs about her life, her relationships, and her sex life. She almost always spills the beans when she gets laid and it’s usually shit hot. A couple of her posts gave me full-on wood. Try one of her recent posts where she hooks up with an old flame for a drunken screw session: One of the sexiest nights of my life.

DD may be going to graduate school soon, so who knows what drunken collegial shenanigans she’ll get into. Stay tuned and give her some love.

AWESOMENESS and The Good Girl

The bedroom adventures of Missy and B, two D/s freakz who are hot hot hot. I love their blog and they don’t even know it. Reading their perspectives on sex has been enlightening and has actually improved my own sex life after I implemented some ideas I got from them. Check out their latest post, Branching Out Into Our D/s World, where B writes how D/s has seeped from the bedroom into the rest of their lives. This one is controversial and some people may disagree. The pics are rad and absolutely NSFW.

Then check out The Story of My O, where Missy explains how she went from being a one-orgasm-with-lots-of-work woman to a multiple orgasm body rockin’ banshee. Good advice in this one. Where can I find a chick like this?

Then check out Tazmanian Pussy, where B describes a recent fuck where Missy journeys through all these crazy levels of agony/ectasy before he finally impales her with his man stick. Pure poetry I say.

Exploits of a Supposed Innocent Girl

There’s something about a 21-year-old hot chick who gets drunk and then get her brains fucked out and then blogs about it that gives me a good old fashioned American hard-on. That must make me a pervert. Oh well! Try Lally’s blog on sexforums.com, where she describes her drunken adventures of meeting dudes in bars and screwing them silly. Tons of core shaking orgasms, tight cooters, and rock hard stiffy’s. Lally claims to never want a boyfriend, at all, and she prefers to just screw. Awww, isn’t that cute? I’m not even sure “Lally” is a real chick, but if she is, props to her. Also, fair warning, the writing is crappy as hell…which has the odd effect of enhancing the blog for me. Weird.

Sample either He pounded me hard or A sleepover with no pajamas. There’s also something about a hairbrush in there which is pretty ridiculous. See if you can find it.

Pieces of Jade

This one is super duper kinky and phreaky, I alternate between being disturbed and massively turned on. About a poly chick named Jade who’s got two horse-dicked boyfriends and a bunch of absurd genital piercings. If you think you can handle it, try the recent post Ferocity which has some serious pooper sex and skull fucking going on. Also, for you literary types who like your sex writing to be all good and stuff, Jade is a pretty solid writer. Pornerific.

Tenin’s Guy Blog

Another blog on Sex Forums, this one is written by a 58-year-old dude who has some ridiculously good sex with his wife. In fact, I’d say this is required reading for any of you long-term and married types out there…Tenin describes a sex life that has gone through all the stages, from young/hot/lusty to clinical to non-existent to deeply spiritual and off-the-hook core-shaking O’s and multiple orgasmic states and tantric stuff. He describes the turning point and summarizes his entire sex life in Fucking and Making Love. Sheer brilliance. Also check out Female Orgasm which details three techniques for getting your lady off. Tenin is the pimp.

Fair warning for the fellas, there is a picture of Tenin with his erect johnson in the sidebar. Just saying.

My  Secret Hobby

Another crazyass college chick who loves to screw and get slapped around, Kiera is one of my favs. And she’s Canadian. From her blurb:

I seem like an innocent college girl upon first glance but I’m far from it. Only a select few know that deep down I’m just a cockwhore.

Ookay, what else is there to say? This chick is horny and she loves to fuck. Pretty much every single post is a sexual encounter, but try Hotel Rendezvous and Hotel Rendezvous Continued for a good duo. It’s a good thing this chick lives in Canada or else I’d be all over it.

Kiera also does this thing on Tuesdays where she posts a cool porn vid that she digs and encourages everyone to touch themselves vigorously. Cool. See this example from Thrilling Tuesday #4. Not even remotely SFW.

The Beautiful Kind

Duh, obviously I couldn’t make a list of sex blogs without including The Beautiful Kind, which is like my all time fav kinky blog. Blurb lifted from her site:

TBK is a 30-something bisexual atheist vegetarian sex goddess located in St. Louis, MO. She is a passionate sexplorer when it comes to kinks, fetishes, BDSM, swinging, polyamory and perversion.

She is a sex writer and consultant, as well as a sex worker specializing in fetishes and surrogacy (a sexual surrogate is someone who helps others overcome social and sexual issues through hands on intimacy).

Sweet, huh? TBK kind of freaks me out but I love her schtick and there’s always sometime cool and fun going on at her blog. Also, her commenters *hate* me and think I’m a flaming douchebag, which encourages me to comment even more. If you’ve got the gonads, try one of her recent exploits called An Extraordinary Sunday. It’s uber raunchy and kinky.

There’s also this one story about a hubby and wife named Beowolf and Sunshine that is totally memorable. Beowolf recounts the story where his wifey let’s the cat out of the bag that she fucked a black dude with a huge dong when she was 20, which caused them (Beowolf and Sunshine) to go home and have an epic bang session. I don’t know, something about that was just super steamy.

What Did I Miss?

Where there any great ones out there I missed? Share and describe in comments.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Here’s the tricky part. The commitment is 2 hours every 2 weeks, for an entire year. That’s 4 hours per month spent with your little. You MUST commit to being a mentor for at least year. At first blush that doesn’t seem so bad, but I’m busy and we’re all busy and who can commit to a two hour time slot every fortnight for a year? That means you shouldn’t be moving around or be a flaky mf’er if you’re mentoring an at-risk youth. No one really has the time and resources to do this, but everyone probably should and it’s a good for your soul.

There’s a massive need for male mentors especially, with an average waiting list of 75 boys who needs Bigs. That’s just in my community. Some boys have been on the list for three years.

So I guess it’s put up or shut up. If I get into this I’ll blog about it a bit.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

1. While I was a teenager, still in high school, my family went through some very tough times that I’m sure had a profound impact on every facet of my life. I’ll give a simple example and complicated one.

The simple example is that I rarely had a home cooked meal in high school. It pains me to say that because my mom is an awesome cook and she did the best she could, but the fact was I fended for myself the majority of the meals in a given week. Being a teenager, I had NO IDEA how to balance a diet and eat healthfully. That trend continued until oh pretty much recently. So I ate a lot of  fast food and processed food and didn’t really get enlighted about food until I joined a sports team in college, where you’re forced to evaluate your diet. It would have been very helpful to have a mentor to help me navigate how to eat, how to prepare food, what the nutritional value of certain things were, how to cook, among other things.

By the way, everyone on the planet should watch this video about food, from Chef Jamie Oliver at TED:

Click here to view the embedded video.

The complicated example is that I had poor role models for how long term relationships work. My role models were my parents (bad), my friends (not good), and movies and television (ridiculous). It took me years to figure out intimate relationships even at a basic level.

2. I made some shitty financial decisions in my mid-20’s that I wish I had someone around to help me not do or at least navigate properly. To be totally honest, I could have used a personal finance mentor from the very beginning, like starting at my first job at age 16 to at least graduating from graduate school. This one is huge, and I think EVERYONE needs a personal finance mentor. If it’s not your parents, there MUST be a go-to person to guide you. It’s too risky to be left on your own, even if you’re a sensible type.

Personally, I think it’s criminal that personal finance isn’t compulsory at the high school and college level. And when I say personal finance, I don’t just mean learning to write checks, I mean investing, the in’s and out’s of buying a car or a house, cost analysis, calculating ROI. Or hell, how about just reading and understanding the terms and conditions of a credit card? These tools are vastly more important than most of the subjects taught in school. Mentors need to be teaching these skills to young people right now.

If you’re good at personal finance, volunteer your time and mentor a young person. Figure out a way to advertise this opportunity.

3. Having a social mentor. This is something I can’t over-emphasize enough, and I’ll tell you why. In my professional life, I recently transitioned from being a web developer to the sales side of the business. My ultimate goal is to get into business development and then the executive side. Honestly, I want to learn everything I need to know in order to start, grow, and run a successful business. None of that is possible without having the ability to cultivate relationships with other people. Forming alliances and strategic partnerships and being able to make a connection in order to close a deal is EVERYTHING in business.

All of that is rooted in the ability to navigate complex social situations and cultivate relationships. I had no idea what that was until like four years ago when I got into pickup. Back then, I was just a head-down computer geek. Now I’m the guy who talks to CEO’s and VP’s. Would have been good to have a mentor to get me there earlier (although I’m pleased that studying pickup did the trick).

Mentoring I’ve Done

Mentoring I’ve done mostly comes from coaching athletes, which I’ve done for over 11 years. I’ve coached over 1000 athletes, and many of those grew into a mentor-mentee relationships. I’m coached athletes from 8th graders to post grad, guys and girls. I can mentor someone on fitness, general health, reading and writing, relationships and social success (to a certain point). I’ve had the profound pleasure of mentoring dozens of young people through successful college careers, both academically and athletically, and then helped them succeed in the next phase of their lives. One of my athletes made the US National Team in his sport and I consider that a huge success for both of us.

I know that my coaching and mentoring has helped many young people succeed and I sleep well at night because of that despite any mistakes I’ve made in my own life. Mentoring for me makes a life fulfilled.

Consider These Mentoring Programs

If you’re really interested in mentoring and making an positive impact on a young person’s life, consider checking out Big Brother Big Sisters and Mentor. Both offer opportunities for people with life experience to interact with kids who need it. Positive male figures are especially in need.

No, I have not done either program, but after writing this post I think I will. I don’t have the time to put into it, and who does? I’ll make it. I also have no fear of connecting with young people from diverse backgrounds, so there’s no reason for me not to. Again, this is my Lance-ish opinion, but I think if you’re not giving of yourself to help young people in your community, you’re a a major chode and missing out on a huge opportunity for growth. Nuff said there.

Does anyone have any experience with either program? Please share in comments. And I want to strongly urge every reader to offer themselves as a mentor in some way.

This post is part of a roundtable on mentoring initiated by Holly Hoffman at worklovelife.com. Big ups to her for bringing up this important subject and organizing her community to participate.

Spurred by Honey’s comment about anal sex on our guest post, Spanking for Beginners, I thought I would try to address why I like it. I’ve done a ton of thinking on the topic of pooper sex and why it’s such a big deal and why it works and doesn’t work for some people. I’ve debated with multiple (female) rump virgins on the topic, always unsuccessfully, but it’s worth giving it a shot.

Firstly, let me say this. I nailed a girl in the pooper for the first time about two years ago, and prior to that I had thought about and fantasized about it, but never seriously tried it with a chick. Every single girlfriend I had been with up until that point said they wouldn’t do it, so I didn’t bother trying. Prior to doing it for the first time, I definitely went through stretches, especially early on in my sexual career, where I thought it was lame, ridiculous, disgusting, and possibly even disrespectful to women. Rationally, the act is those things. I wanted to try it, but my rational mind easily blocked it.

The second thing I will say is that pooper sex doesn’t feel that great for the guy, either. Some guys may disagree with me here, but it’s no substitute for how a good old-fashioned pussy feels. I’m talking about the physical sensation only. At the risk of getting too graphic, the texture is kinda weird and the tightness doesn’t make that much of a difference. So let’s just get that out in the open.

So why then do it?

The first girl I nailed in the bee-hind was a girl I picked up at bar and had a one-night stand with. We were both drunk as hell and we were both super aggressive and freaky about what we wanted. Simply put, she wanted to be fucked silly and I was ready to unleash my inner beast. We were perfectly in the zone together on the sex. I got crazy dominant and aggressive with her and in addition to tying her up, spanking her, and roughing her up a bit in a loving way, I also stuck it in her butt. I didn’t ask or discuss it with her, although I did warm her up with my fingers. It didn’t physically feel great for either of us…in fact, she found it painful. But we both loved it.

The reason is this. Anal sex is one of the most dominant acts a person can do, so if you’re in the D/s zone and living out that fantasy type, it makes perfect sense. You’re right on the edge of “violating” that person, and that knife’s edge risk is a crazy turn-on for two people who have bought into that fantasy. The high you get from being in the D/s fantasy is absolutely incredible, like nothing I’ve felt with anything else, and doing it anal is one of the most effective tools in the toolbox. It is freakin’ intense.

Similarly, spanking, hair pulling, light (and loving) chokes, bondage, and dirty talk are all tools to get you in that zone. I think that anal is one of the more effective tools, roughly equivalent to me giving her the money shot in the mouth after I’ve railed her for a bit.

My last girlfriend, Megan, had never done it anal before until we got drunk one night and I nailed her in the rump. She hated it, at first. It was painful. But she asked me to do it again and again because she loved being absolutely dominated by me and she started falling into this fantasy where I was “punishing” her for being a “bad girl.” I picked up on that quickly and extended the fantasy through dirty talk. Eventually, she asked for it at every single session and it got to the point where I was a little weirded out by it. But that was her fantasy and I was happy to oblige.

Just to take it a few steps further, I think all sex is like this. Everything I’m doing is meant to move towards getting us deeply into the zone, where I’m the big “D” and she’s the little “s” in D/s. Only a fraction of sex is about the physical sensations…those are great, but what I’m looking for is the emotional/psychological intensity. The more intense it is, the greater the release and the greater the fulfillment. Let me repeat that: The sensations are NOTHING compared to the mental component.

Rationally, anal sex makes no sense. Emotionally and psychologically, it can be awesome if both people are looking for that fantasy.

What are your anal sex experiences, thoughts, and opinions? Who here likes it?

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Plot in a nutshell: Two chicks in LA are sick of boyfriends, they pick up two dudes at a bar thinking they are male prostitutes. One thing leads to another, the two chicks end up housing the guys in a tent in their backyard in exchange for sex. One chick is a cold fish in bed and wants her guy to teach her about sex, the other chick wants to have super freaky sex with a hyper masculine asshole. Relationships and hilarity ensue.

I love it. This is the best comedy I’ve seen in the last year, maybe the best movie. I no-shit wept at the end and the only other movie I’ve done that with is Up. The characters are brilliant and the two dudes remind me of me. The sex stuff is exactly what I’m going through right now. Watch this film.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Cooking

It’s actually been almost a year since I actively decided to become more of a hobby cook, and I’ve improved substantially.  I’ve used the new Cuisinart that I got for Christmas and have some more future plans for that (bean dip, homemade salsa, hummus, another attempt at gazpacho, and homemade peanut butter among them).  My most recent cooking adventures included:

• baked apples,
• banana crumble,
• toasted subs with roasted eggplant and topped with goat cheese, sun dried tomatoes, and fresh basil,
• BBQ tofu and carmelized onion stir fry with brown rice, and
• twice-baked sweet potatoes stuffed with goat cheese and stir-fried zucchini

There are some other things I’ve done recently, but those are the biggies.   On deck the rest of this week is four “cheese” vegan macaroni and quinoa with pan-fried corn.  Yum.

Writing

While it hasn’t been bloggy, I’ve been getting more into writing poetry again.  I used to write poetry all the time in high school and college (I was a creative writing major and wanted to be a poet).  My first attempt to get into grad school was applying for MFAs in poetry and when it didn’t work out, I did find another career path that I’ve found extremely rewarding.  Unfortunately, I somehow concluded that since I wasn’t going to make a living as a poet that I wasn’t any good and shouldn’t do it any more.

I realized recently that, well, I still might not be any good, but what does that have to do with not doing it?  I enjoy it immensely and the career-pressure aspect of it is off, so why not?  I decided to kick it off by writing a sonnet a day for a month (I really really like form/structured poetry because it takes some skill, and sonnets are usually love poems so they’ve always been my favorite).  So far I’ve written two about Jake and an ode to one of our cats.  I’m going to do an ode for each of the animals and then see what I want to write about next. 

I am doing this mostly for me, for the emotional release and the focused mental energy that it requires and provides, so probably not much sharing on this site, but we’ll see what happens!

Meetup

I also joined Meetup, which (for those of you who might not know) lets you join groups of people who live in your area and participate in a variety of planned activities.  First, I went to a beer-lover’s group, which I probably won’t go back to as it turns out that mostly 45 year old men like beer.  They were nice but I’m doing this to find people I have stuff in common with.  Then I met some women my age for a nighttime run on a lit trail near my work.  I went 4.62 miles, which might be the farthest I’ve ever run at once and which I’m totally proud of (even if it took an hour and eight minutes).  The ladies I met were fantastic and I’ll definitely do something with this group again.  This weekend’s pretty booked because of Valentine’s Day, but I think Jake and I are going to go hiking with another group next weekend.

Moving

So, yeah, Jake’s decided that he’s totally miserable working for his current company and wants to transition.  Also, he grew up in the area where we live now and wants to see other places.  So, since he’s the one who pulls in the big bucks at the moment, he’s polished up his resume and contacted some recruiters, and we’ll see where things go (I still have my iron in the fire for the tenure-track thing but the search seems to be stalled at the department level so we didn’t want to wait any longer).  I think the mere fact that he’s doing something about his unhappiness will go a long way toward making him feel better even though it’s likely that nothing will happen for awhile yet.

We’re looking at Santa Monica, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Boston, and NYC as the main prospects.  Secondary prospects include another company here in Phoenix, Seattle, Austin, and Orlando.  I’ve told Jake that while I support his desire to move, if I quit my job to follow him (again), that we have to be able to live off his salary alone until I get a job.  My emergency fund is about $4K, which isn’t much so I don’t want to deplete it, plus I also don’t think that moving to another city when we’ve both got great jobs here qualifies as an emergency   I have some freelance ideas that I can implement as soon as we’re in a new place, and as long as we move to a university-dense area I should be able to find something full-time without too much of a problem (which makes Vegas probably the least desirable of our selected locations, since there isn’t much there besides UNLV and their financial situation kind of blows at the moment).

Other Updates

I bought Jake a porn video the other day called “naughty bookworms 3″ or something like that, which was kind of a joke because my Match handle back in the day was “hot bookworm” and it was part of the throwaway email I used to go back and forth with Jake before he knew my real name.  I also bought this screwdriver-flavored warming lotion that I am now totally addicted to.  OMG, peeps, I was so wet and tingly, it was amazing, and Jake said it tasted exactly like a screwdriver (i.e., much better than the fake strawberry flavors that most companies have).  It also wasn’t sticky at all, which I hate.  We’ve been having a ton of sex lately and it is awesome.

We are going to Fire + Spice: An Arizona Grill for Valentine’s Day and are totally stoked because it looks both delicious and vegetarian-friendly, and also because we have a $25 Restaurant.com coupon to eat there that I only paid $2 for.  Hooray!

A few other brief updates:

• I have been easily maintaining my weight since stopping Weight Watchers (and if you’re listening, WW, it’s hard to interpret your “We miss you!  Rejoin today!” emails as having a subtext of anything other then “We really hope you gained that 15 pounds back”).  I’ve even lost about two and a half more pounds recently and found myself in the 120s for the first time in probably 5 years yesterday.  Awesome! 
• I have decided to break down and buy a bike instead of waiting for a windfall.  I had an extra paycheck in January that I was going to throw towards my credit card but I will take about $200 of that and look for a used bike.  Jake already owns a bike but hasn’t used it in a long time and we’re excited to exercise together. 
• It’s not set in stone yet, but there is a strong possibility that my work is going to send me to Fiji for 8 days this summer.  That’s right, peeps, I said Fiji, the tropical paradise.  I’d be supervising undergrads while there, but it would be all-expenses paid and wouldn’t count against my vacation time.  Rock on!

If you enjoyed these updates, you might also enjoy:

• Top 5 Benefits of Monogamous Sex
• Work Your Ass Off and Get the 10s
• Philosophy of Happiness
• Lance’s 2010 Focus: Don’t Be a Douche

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Also be sure to check back later this week when we have Eathan from idatewhite.com kinking it up. Enjoy!

Years ago I had a girlfriend who wanted a riding crop for Christmas, and I thought, “Oh my!” I’ve been to more than one party that featured a flogger where I was just a voyeur, and it looked pretty intense. I wondered what people got out of spanking. I mean, I spent my whole childhood trying to avoid a spanking, why would I want one voluntarily as an adult? I finally decided to get some firsthand experience with the kinky pastime.

I told the guy I’ve been playing with I had submissive tendencies, so he suggested I bend over his knee. I’d been slapped on the ass during sex, but have never “assumed the position” like that. I balked for oh, about negative one second, then decided to give it a try. Oh my gosh it was hot! He spanked me and get me all hot and steamy and wet and then finger fucked me, then spanked me again. I liked feeling his hand leave my ass, which meant it was about to come back down. More than two spanks in a row was deliciously unbearable.

One time we were talking about it, and he said, “I don’t really understand the spanking thing – I mean, it’s fun, I don’t mind doing it, but I’m not sure what it’s all about.” I said, “Dude it was YOUR idea! I’ve been going along with it! … and I LIKE it.”

At first I just used the strong hand of a man, which is one of my favorite ways to get a spanking. I like for the butt to get all nice and glowy pink, not bruised. It’s fun to compare the rosy hot cheeks to the cool white flesh of the thigh. And all that evidence of butt whuppin’ fades after a little while with no problem.

I’ve since graduated to floggers and have even been paddled. THAT was intense. I don’t want to try caning, that’s too much for me. I did try being suspended upside down and beat black and blue once (NSFW) – I felt like I ran a marathon after that session. I was really proud of my body’s endurance and showed off my stormy bruises like a badge of courage.

So why do I like it? I like attention, and I like FEELING. It’s fun incorporating it into a roleplaying fantasy. You can make it playful, mean, scary, or frisky. I also like a challenge. I get riled up, and fear or anger will often get a woman wet. It’s exciting foreplay. Also, it may sting or hurt, but the afterglow of endorphins is quite a rush.

At first my partner didn’t get turned on spanking me, but that changed. As he kept seeing how much I got off on it, he got aroused in turn. He also gets to let off steam, it’s an intelligent outlet for aggression. Plus there’s the thrill of flirting with a taboo subject – a man isn’t supposed to hit a woman. We have to trust each other. It’s a very intimate experience to share.

I’ve even had an orgasm from being spanked – the steady rhythm and hot sensation put me into this sexually charged twilight zone. I was almost hypnotized, in another world, until I finally exploded. Sex is such an interesting combination of pain and pleasure. It’s fun to blur those lines.

PS: Check out this video. Doesn’t it look like such fun? (NSFW)

Click here to view the embedded video.

Do you like to get spanked? You might also like these fine posts:

• We’re Taking Pictures Of Ourselves Having Sex!
• I Have Nice Tits
• The Dirtiest Filthiest Sex Ever
• I Got A World Beating Hummer And Then Pulled A Muscle To My Right Nut

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

(Another pic of Lance)

Okay, who wants to have a totally jacked chest that will have chicks pawing at you? This guy right here does. Ups to Dadshouse who inspired me to write this from his comment in my post on destroying creepiness and improving your life.

Being fit has always given me an edge in dating. I’m in good shape and lean, but I’m not so muscular as to be intimidating. I am however obviously visually fit. Not that I work out for the aesthetics…I focus all of my training and working out to play sports as well as I can. The side benefit is that I look great. I get compliments all the time from chicks about my bod. Yeah, I said it. Boom.

Kat Wilder thought I was super douchey for pushing looks and fitness and I have to pooh-pooh that. People, please! When women stop showing off their boobs when they go out, I’ll stop showing off my pecs. Actually, I won’t, because I’m a dude and dudes like women with awesome racks. I like looking good when I go out and I want my dates to look hot also. So let’s just set that straight.

You know what’s really cool about have a good upper body? Chicks will come over and feel you up. Totally true. I have female friends and chicks I just meet randomly paw my chest all the time. It’s kind of weird. What’s really cool is that if they get a little bit drunk, they’ll brush their boobs against your arms and side of your chest. It’s freakin’ weird but totally nice. My current girlfriend is constantly brushing her boobs against me and I love it. That in itself is worth all the work. Having good fitness also translates to better body language and of course better health, which also helps with attraction.

So here is how I get jacked. This probably isn’t the best or most efficient way to get ripped like Jesus, but it works for me.

I work out a shitload, literally every day except for 2-3 days off per month. That’s a mix of weight lifting, running, rowing, and crossfit. The crossfit has had a huge impact on my fitness the last 6 months because it’s super intense and gets you jacked in hurry. I’m like the worst athlete at my crossfit gym and some of the veteran cross fitters look like warriors from the movie 300. No joke. They have ridiculous bodies that even I’m a little scared of.

To get a raging upper body that chicks will love to rub up against, focus on your chest, shoulders, upper back (lats), and upper arms. Caveat: work out your whole body, especially your core. I work all body parts and muscle groups to stay balanced and I can’t over emphasize the importance of that. It would be weird to  have big pecs, a fat gut, and tiny arms. So do everything.

Here are sample lifts I do per upper body part:

Chest: Bench press, chest fly, and tons of pushups. More than anythiny, the pushups really puff me up. I’ll do 100 pushups at the drop of a hat and sometimes 200 – 250 in a day. Yesterday I did 100 pushups and 35 pullups on my lunch break.

My max on bench is 225, which is decent for a guy who weighs 150. At the gym I might do 4 x 10 on bench @ 155, twice per week, on top of the everyday pushups and other stuff. I also do minor lifts that focus on the chest just to mix it up. My whole goal with my chest is to keep it strong to counter my back, which is also really strong.

Back: I row regularly so my back is crazy jacked, but you won’t be able to do that unless you’re a rowing stud like me. I also do lat pull downs and one-armed bench pulls with 45 lbs. Try those along with upright rows to strengthen your back.

Shoulders: Push press (95 – 135 lbs), military press, and pullups. Pullups are my secret weapon. I’m nothing special at them, say 10-12 from a dead hang, but I’ve taught myself to do kipping pullups and workouts where 100+ pullups are the norm. Doing 100 pullups in a day is completely ridiculous. Have you ever tried this? I have crossfit to thank for getting to that point. Last Saturday I did 150 pullups in one workout and I couldn’t lift my arms for 2 days. It was retarded, but it’s super effective and you get smokingly ripped.

Arms: Pushups and pullups are great for your arms. I also do tricep extensions, hammer curls, and bicep curls. I don’t care that much about biceps because I think biceps look kind of douchey AND I don’t need them to row, so I don’t crush them like some other guys. The look I’m going for is more triathlete and not NFL running back.

Misc: Core core and more core. I’m always doing situps, crunches, back extensions, and other stuff. I also run and do other aerobic activities to stay lean.

Looking for a structured program that’s well organized, will get great results, and has a terrific diet component? I do recommend the Adonis Effect system. I sampled the program a year ago and it’s terrific. Some really excellent, really fun workouts that are intense but still doable, and it works. Well worth the money.

So that’s basically it. I work my ass off in the gym and playing sports and chicks love it. What do you do to stay in shape? Do you think guys with rockin’ pecs are douchey? Opine freely.

If you want to get ripped like Jesus, you might also enjoy these fine posts:

• Lilly’s Diet and Fitness
• Rocking the Paleo Diet with Hammer
• Get Fit and Improve your Dating Prospects
• Barack Obama Is Totally Jacked And That Is A Good Thing

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.