Okay, I had a great little Saturday night. Initially, I invited Kitty Lance to go for dinner at this hot Cuban place (kickass mojitos and ‘ritas), but Kitty was getting over a cold and not quite up for going out. Instead, we grilled at her place and killed a bottle of wine, which was fine because it was a spectacularly nice evening. Umm, what else does this mean? That’s right, pre-extracted, much easier to get my schwervey-schwerve on. Now, if only I could sedate the two dogs who f’ed up my game last time.
The “date” section of the date lasted for what, three hours? Which was totally cool, we had awesome convo about anything and everything. I told probably 8-9 patented Lance stories and they all went over great with the exception of this one Las Vegas story I told where I made out with this skeezy chick at a blackjack table. I sort of threw that one out there just to test her boundaries and see what she would deem funny vs. crass. Well, I took a little hit on that one but easily recovered.
BTW, when you’re on dates 1-3, I totally recommend doing this. Throw some stories out there or make remarks that are a little too edgy and see how the other person responds. You want to know the boundaries of their humor and state of comfort. I think a date that goes too smooth is not desireable…a few wrinkles and rough edges are much more memorable and gives you things to think about. Plus, it suggests that you’re edgy and sexual, and that in fact you are human and you occasionally jackass it up. Importantly, it also suggests that you’re comfortable with the things you’ve done. My test here is the hot tub sex story, which is basically what it sounds like. I’m never sure if she’ll like the Lance-hot-tub-sex story, but I do know that it leaves no doubt about my sexual proclivities.
Here’s a couple of great ways to kill multiple hours on a house date (it’s worth noting we never turned on the television):
- Play with online music. We started out by listening to her Rhapsody account, but I introduced her to the joys of pandora.com and playlist.com. Haven’t used them? I recommend both sites. They’re free and registration takes seconds. On pandora you make your own music channels and on playlist you can search and put together rad music lists and share them. We played this game where we alternated songs for each other and it was totally fun. You can listen to my playlist.com playlist here.
- Update your myspace page. We searched for cool myspace backgrounds and used an editor to change colors and fonts and stuff. Great fun, and now I have a nice looking myspace page. You can kill HOURS doing this.
We had this one great moment when White Snake’s Here We Go Again played and she was like, “This is one of my favorite songs ever,” and I was like, girl, that’s a fucking dealmaker right there because I love this song. So, as you can see, Kitty is pretty damned cool.
Okay, on to the sex!! If you’re a dude and don’t want to hear about me nailing a chick, fuck off.
The physical escalation was pretty standard. I massaged her back and shoulders, worked my way to her ass and boobs, which lead to serious tonsil hockey, which lead to me taking her clothes off and going down on her on the couch. I did this twice and it was quite lovely. She had a rocking body and I got totally into it. Then, I whipped it out and banged her right there on the couch and it was pretty fucking hot. I did this twice. After the first time I spunked all over her chest and we ended up just rolling around in it on the couch. Oh well! Incidentally, it was like two in the morning and the dogs were passed on the floor. Or maybe they weren’t passed out, but they weren’t giving me any grief about me giving it to Kitty.
We moved to the bedroom, ostensibly to sleep. I banged her FOUR more times in pretty much every position that I could think of and had the inclination to manipulate us into. Again, freakin’ hot. I was shooting blanks by the end. You’re probably thinking, Jesus Christ, six times, WTF? Well, I was thinking the same, I never bang a chick six times in one session. This might sound gay, but I think the reason lies with astrological sexual compatibility…Geminis and Leos have absurd orangutan sex and it’s because they’re perfectly sexually matched. I was so pooped I didn’t even want to have sex any more, but my DNA drove me to it. Who am I to deny the stars and the planets?? As I’ve mentioned before, I had this Leo gf and the sex was the same: crazy, lengthy, hot. Interestingly, my Leo ex-gf and Kitty are exactly the same in their flirting and love styles. Precisely. Kitty even does the same dirty talk, like the same lines and all. It’s bizarre.
If you’re not checking your zodiac compatibility, I recommend doing this immediately and then going to find your matches.
Oh yeah, the dogs got pretty riled up at this point (they were in the bedroom, along with Sparkles the black cat), and we kicked and flung them away whenever they got too nosey.
When I woke up, I was sleeping in a Spike, Fluffy, and Kitty sandwich, with Sparkles surveilling us from the corner of the bed. The dogs got riled up again because they needed to be fed and walked, so I woke Kitty up by going down on her and then I banged her one more time just for good measure.
So that was my date. If I don’t play this just right, I’ll end up with a gf, and I don’t want that. Kitty is pretty fucking awesome though…