I am not in a very good place right now. Every summer, the BF’s supervisor takes a month-long vacation (must be nice) leaving the BF all his normal work plus all his supervisor’s work for that month. Even though summer is the slowest time in his office, then, he’s always stressed out and overworked. He has yet to find a constructive way to deal with this.
Last year, it was kidney stones. This year, it has been binge drinking.
And then Wednesday night I caught him embracing another woman. Here’s how it went down (times are approximate):
8:30 p.m. He calls and says that he’s at the bar with some friends from work (he’s obviously been there for awhile, and I’m a bit irritated because we had specific dinner plans at home, because he didn’t invite me even though it would have been really easy for me to join him, and because he is trashed and slurring). He says that he’s trying to decide whether to take the light rail home or drive. Then a work friend says he’ll drop the BF off, so we’re good.
8:35 p.m. He calls and says that he’s at the bar with some friends from work. He says he’s trying to decide whether to take the light rail home or drive. When I ask whether friend from work can still drop him off, he doesn’t remember that happening. He also insists that he did NOT call me before this and that this is the first time we’ve spoken this evening. I tell him to take the light rail; he says he’ll call me back when he’s on the train.
9:30 p.m. He hasn’t called, and he’s not picking up his phone. I call his co-worker, who says he got home half an hour ago and has no idea where the BF is. Since the last time the BF got this drunk he didn’t call me but instead got off the light rail and sat on a bench (I was at the station waiting for him and saw him get off, which is how I found him), I go to the light rail station.
10:30 p.m. He picks up his phone (finally). I say I’ve been at the light rail station for an hour waiting for him. He is surprised, since according to him this is the first time we’ve spoken tonight. He says he will call me back.
11 p.m. I start to drive downtown (I’ve been calling him nonstop since about 9 p.m., since every time we speak he says he is pretty sure he can drive, and I’m panicked when he doesn’t pick up because I’m afraid he–best case scenario–is getting a DUI). He finally picks up, and is surprised to hear from me, since according to him this is the first time we’ve spoken tonight. He says he’ll get on the lightrail — I tell him I’m already on the highway to come pick him up. He sounds thrilled and grateful that I would do this (he has no idea I’ve been looking for him for at least 2 hours) and agrees to meet me across the street from the bar after he goes upstairs to his office to get his briefcase (his office is on the same corner as the bar).
11:25 p.m. I get to the pullout across from the bar. I see someone who could be the BF crossing the street and going up the stairs to his office building, but I’m not sure as it’s from behind and there’s a woman with this person. I am calling and calling, he’s not picking up.
12 p.m. I park the car and go up the steps to his office building. I turn the corner and there he is — embracing this girl. She’s against the wall and he’s leaning against her, talking into her neck. Her shoes and jacket are off and on the ground, as is her purse. Neither of them see me. I stare in shock and then tap his shoulder. He turns around, his hair is mussed.
Her: “Who is this?”
Me: “I’m his girlfriend.”
At which point she hugs me, says she’s so excited to meet me, he talks about me all the time. I give a withering stare. She looks at the BF and herself and then starts to apologize, saying it’s not what it looks like, blah blah. I couldn’t respond to this even if I wanted to. She gathers her things and takes off.
The BF says, “I owe you an explanation. She asked me how I got [interested in his profession].”
This is not an explanation. I get him to the car and we drive home – he is surprised that I came to pick him up/knew where he was, since according to him we haven’t spoken all night. We get the dog walked and he goes to bed. I know I’ll be late to work the next morning because he doesn’t have his car and there is *no way* he’s getting up when I do (6:30 a.m.), as it’s after 2 by the time we get to bed. Plus he’s snoring since he’s drunk, so I don’t fall asleep until 3:30.
He is physically ill most of the next morning. I don’t get to work until after 1:30 and he doesn’t get in until about 2 (it takes about half an hour to get to his work from mine on the light rail).
Obviously he’s sorry, and he wasn’t kissing the girl (he may actually have been leaning on her since he couldn’t stand up on his own, though he admits that he remembers that she was hitting on him). She’s a summer intern in any case, so her job’s over in a week and his office isn’t going to hire her next year.
The bigger concern is that this is the 4th or 5th time in the last two months that he’s been this drunk. His original compromise (several weeks ago, after a similar phone exchange about how he COULD TO drive) was to always take the light rail home if he went to that bar after work. New plan: two drinks, MAX, on a weeknight.
What would have happened if I hadn’t shown up? Would he have gone home with her? Fallen asleep drunk in his office or on the stairs to his building, to be found by one of his bosses the next morning? Would he have remembered anything that happened, or even told me if he did?
What would you do? Let me know in the comments below. Then check out these dramatic posts: