There’s a huge kerfuffle going on in the social arts community over last week’s Dr. Phil episode, which featured Nick and Scott from The Mystery Method and Ross Jefferies, the founder of Speed Seduction. It’s WELL WORTH WATCHING. Interestingly, Dr. Phil maintains a fairly even keel and doesn’t diss the community as hard as you might expect. He asks pointed questions and pretty much lets the guy represent themselves. Nick and Scott do a fair job of presenting pickup in a positive light, and at one point they’ve won over the majority of the audience, as shown by Dr. Phil asking for a show of hands. Nick and Scott get in a tiff with Ross over their various methods and Ross comes off as a major douchebag. The TMM guys refer to him as “creepy,” and it’s hard to argue with that. No fists or chairs are thrown.
(credit Blacklabelseduction for the video.)The big fubar with the Dr. Phil episode is the con artist piece that is shown after the studio stuff, which has absolutely nothing to do with pickup or the community. Don’t even bother watching it. There’s a good review on The Reality Method blog. Nick also does an interview here with reflections on the show. Insightful stuff.
Couple of takeaways:
- Most marketing for pickup companies come off as massive hype or sleazy. Sex sells, and guys will buy into it. Including me. An image makeover would probably do wonders for acceptance towards a mainstream audience, but is that something we want? A thought for another post.
- Dr. Phil’s unexpected balanced presentation makes me wonder if he’s read or viewed any pickup-related products, and if so, if he thinks it’s a good thing.
What’s the best part of the whole deal? It’s this: the female author of Marie’s Maine blog posted her scathing response to the seduction guys after watching the show, which Donovan at Seduction Chronicles discovered and responded to. Please note, his response is super professional and well thought out. The thing is, Seduction Chronicles has a ton of readers, so Marie’s blog then got hit with an assload of bent-out-of-shape PUA’s who left their comments on her post. Absolutely titillating stuff. I read every single comment, of which there are currently 51 57 (including mine), and it’s pretty clear that these guys are super passionate about pickup, and further, they have a need to set folks straight about the reality of pickup and it being a positive thing. I know I rant about it all the time.
I have to quote a comment, from SmoothCall, in it’s entirety, because it nearly moved me to tears. It’s long as fuck, but you should just suck it up and read it:
I have struggled my entire life with social anxiety and depression and I know many others who have also. While I mostly disagree with what you are saying, I’ve studied NLP and will let you know that I do agree that NLP is mostly manipulation.
However, as to the rest of what you have written, I would like to voice my strong disagreement.
I would suggest you consider that many of us have found that the “thousands of qualified therapists in the U.S. to help people . . .” generally like to give us drugs. They don’t teach us social skills. Many of them ignore the cutting edge research that is beginning to indicate that perhaps we can change our brain chemistry and neuro-structures through meditations and getting out into the real world and interacting with others over and over.
I’ve had many painful times in my life when I stood in the corner of a room full of people, even people that I knew, and was afraid to talk to them. Inside I was crying. Outside, I covered it with a veneer of being an unfriendly grouch. People called me cranky, nerdy, aloof, arrogant, and standoffish. Really, I was dying inside. I often had panic attacks. Taking drugs stopped the panic attacks, but never taught me social skills.
I was very fortunate with women because I was good looking in my younger days, women would approach me. But the attractive, sane, well-adjusted ones would often quickly excuse themselves because they could tell I was “off”. So, I the women I had relationships with were those who were attracted to my looks, chose me, and settled for my personality. You have no idea how emasculating that is to a man — I couldn’t have a woman I wanted — only those that wanted me. My relationships were lousy because they were with people who were as damaged as I was.
I was bitter and angry at the world and myself. It made no sense to me that a tall, fit, handsome man with a six figure income couldn’t talk to women and had the utmost difficulty even making friends.
So, I made it a goal to fix the problem. I’ve spent years studying books by some of the people you rail against, and many others, including Daniel Goleman, Robert Greene, The Dalai Lama, R.Don Steele, Liel Lowndes, Nathanial Bradin, David Deida, Eckhart Tolle, Neil Strauss, John Sarno, M.D., Dossie Easton, Cathrine Liszt, and many many others (I just looked at the books on my close bookshelf — there are dozens more downstairs).
I have incorporated many things they write about and teach into daily meditations and into my daily actions. And guess what? Now I can say hello to a stranger for no reason other than to say hello. Sometimes (on a good day) I can walk into a party, conference, bar, grocery store, mall, or other public place and actually “pick up” a woman. I’m guessing you wouldn’t want the details of how I walked into a bar last year alone and walked out with two women who came home with me — so, I’ll spare you. But like I said, some days are better than others. (smile)
But besides “women” I am really good now at introducing myself to both men and women in business settings and conferences and so forth. I could never do that before. I actually seem to like most people now. I used to hate them all.
What I find surprising is that you seem to misunderstand the television’s show depiction of the playful banter that occurs between some men and women. You call it insulting. We call it flirting. Sometimes it is testing and qualifying. It is part of a necessary screening process for men and women who have many demands made on their time.
Men and women who have many demands made on their time by others must have a screening process to establish who is worthy of their time. This is necessary — as humans, we each only have 24 hours each day. When it comes to men, women, and sex — I can assure you that very few attractive women would have enough time to accommodate all the men who want to have sex with them. Therefore, they must screen.
The first type of man these women almost always eliminate are those who they do not consider their “equals” (read an old book called “The Passion Paradox” for insight on this — but there are also plenty of evolutionary theories to explain this). Playful banter, mild putdowns, back handed compliments, carrot and stick, push-pull are all things that have been used for thousands of years to screen out the unworthy. If you can take it as well as you give it, that is, if you understand how the game is played, you are one step closer to being “in”.
There are other tests and screening devices. The higher a value society puts on that person as a whole, the tougher the screening devices and tests. The modern day pick up artists did not invent this game. But they have broken down the rules and taught them to those of us who are socially retarded nerds. The game is being played — with or without you and me — if we want to join, we must know the rules and possess the skills.
And I want to join. I understand that you don’t. It appears that you are happy with your husband and life and that is of course a wonderful thing. That should be enough for any of us, right? To be happy with the lives we have had the good fortune to build.
As I said, I want to join “the game” and hang out with the popular and beautiful people. And to a limited degree I have — I’ve “dated” my share of the so-called “beautiful people” — including some very minor movie starlets. I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this next politically incorrect statement, and most people will say I am shallow: But my experience has been that the socially savvy, pretty, popular, cheerful, successful, funny, smart people are usually way more fun than “regular” people.
Finally, there’s one more point I want to make right now: The kind of women that “the game” makes angry are generally the kind of women we don’t want. So, really, we are in a perfect world, because the kind of women we make angry don’t want us. See, so there’s nothing to fight about. (smile)
Nevertheless, this blog has attracted some minor attention in the PU community. Thus, I have written this post to give heart and encouragement to my brothers, those former frustrated chumps, who no longer view “the game” from the sidelines, wishing to be able to play. Sarge On!
If you ever wanted to know why real dudes get into the game, this is it.