About the Author

Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Central Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at life. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.

Don’t Be A Cheating Douchebag

By on Jul 23, 2008 in Sex

A fellow named Wizard wrote a comment on one of my fuck buddy posts here. I started to write a long winded comment, but decided to blog about it instead because I got really fired up. I’m risking losing a reader, but screw it, we don’t pull punches around this blog. Wizard, you’re going to get roughed up a bit, but suck it up big boy because you’ve got it coming.

Here’s what Wizard wrote:

Initially thought my FB would only last a few weeks… 2 years later its a habbit harder to shake than heroin. We’ve both been through the reasons (I have Wife+Kid / She has Fiance) but we cant seem to shake the whole situation. We both invent random reasons every second day to see each other, although we both know what were after as we have zero interest except for the sex. (I cant say no, and she cant turn down my Size)

I feel like i could keep this rolling for the rest of my life, but its just not practical – suggestions?

Bro, you don’t have a FB, you’ve got a full blown girlfriend and you’ve been fucking over your wife for two years, as opposed to fucking her, which is what you should have been doing. If you’re nailing this other chick every other day, I can’t imagine there’s much in the tank leftover for your betrothed. You sir, are a humongous douchebag. I have four suggestions:

1. Dump your girlfriend immediately. Do not have a talk, don’t even see her, don’t make plans for the future. Do it over text or email and be terse about it. Drop her like she’s hawt. “Sorry, it’s over, I can never see you again.”

2. If your family must stay together, then never tell your wife and go to your grave with this knowledge eating you from the inside. If it eats at your soul, deal with it.

3. If your family can handle it, fess up, begin divorce proceedings, split up. Under no circumstances are you to get together with your little girlfriend afterwards. She’s gone. All parties involved must go through the grind of being single again. The ordeal of post-divorce singleness will begin repairing your soul and hopefully your ex-wife will be able to find a cool guy to copulate and co-habitate with.

4. After you’re single and you get into another LTR, you must establish at the BEGINNING that you can’t be monogamous and you need sexual variety. She must agree wholeheartedly and be allowed the same thing. Then you can go on your merry way fucking other people with a clear conscious. If she doesn’t agree, then keep looking and keep dating. Those are the rules.

I believe sex with other partners in a marriage context is totally possible, but you need to establish it and embrace it early on. No lying or sneaking around. If you really needed to get a bit of trim on the side without the wifey knowing, go see a prostitute, that’s what they’re for.

The length of your cock is irrelevant. The fact that your wife isn’t getting any sex makes you an uber-douche of the highest caliber. Fix this situation immediately.

[tags]fuck buddy, cheating, mistress, unfaithful, sex[/tags]

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  • http://www.smfhilda.blogspot.com Brunhilda

    Ah, well said. Well said indeed.

    My one experience with a FB sucked balls. He gets into a purely sexual thing with me, then gets pissed when I told him I was seeing someone else. He got rather pissed at me for seeing someone else. I thought we had set up a no strings attached thing. He just wouldn’t take no for an answer after I told him I was moving into a serious relationship and couldn’t see him anymore. Oddness. He prided himself on the length of his dick too, quite coincidentally.

    Brunhildas last blog post..Playing Your Fool

  • http://www.cathouseteri.blogspot.com Cathouse Teri

    Totally on the mark, Lance. That spade needed to be called.

    Cathouse Teris last blog post..The Dark Knight!

  • Me Thinks

    I cannot agree more whole-heartedly. And I have to say, I don’t believe “Wizard” is telling a 100% true story – like she can’t find another big-un and only your unit can satisfy her and that is the only reason she keeps banging you? Come on, douchebag, I’m not buying that!

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Sounds like this guy should get a divorce. Then he can have as many FB’s as he wants.

    And speaking of FB’s, I have one I can’t shake. We don’t meet every other day, more like every other week. The sex is great, but there’s not much else there. BUT – at least I’m not screwing her behind someone else’s back.

    In my perfect world, I’d have a great girlfriend/wife who I want to be with, and with whom the sex is friggin’ fantastic!

  • http://thedateabledork.typepad.com The Dateable Dork

    Wow, way to lay the smackdown, Lance! I agree that this guy definitely needs to get a divorce, stat.

    But it makes me wonder… if he’s been fucking this chick every other day for the past two years, how it is possible that his wife doesn’t know something’s up, especially if she’s not getting laid? Even a completely oblivious person couldn’t ignore this for two years. I wonder if she’s already got one foot out the door?

  • http://www.lovingforyourheart.blogspot.com Loving Annie

    What makes you think this douchebag isn’t ALSO screwing his wife in the physical sense ???

    Good for you for calling him what he is – a user/jerk/liar without conscience.

  • http://diaryofadisillusioneddater.blogspot.com Marc F.

    I gotta agree with the Dateable Dork. No way he’s banging his FB that often and still has enough juice to pleasure his wife on a regular basis. His wife has to know something’s up. I’d wager she just doesn’t care, and that there’s more to the story than this dude is sharing.

    Marc F.s last blog post..The Texting Party

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    The BF and I just discussed this over dinner, and we agreed that there’s no good way out of such a scenario, because whether the other people know it or not yet, he’s hurt them all. This is NOT an FB situation, it’s an affair.

    And, Brunhilda and MeThinks, I don’t buy the size argument either. Most guys are all pretty similar, and I’ve never known a bigger guy (whether I slept with him or not) for him his size was a positive. Perhaps his size is superior to her fiance’s, but that’s an individual thing, not a general “big penises are better” thing.

    Personally, I think the girlfriend is pretty dispicable, too. Neither of them are cut out to be with the people they are “officially” with, since they are so clearly incapable of being with them in a monogamous way. Like Lance says, if they want to have multiple partners that’s fine, but it has to be made clear from the beginning, and it’s far too late to go back and set those parameters with their “actual” significant others.

    My original recommendation for therapy stands.

    Honeys last blog post..Don’t Be A Cheating Douchebag

  • Jonsi

    If not made clear from the beginning, at the very least you need to approach it as an intellectual conversation — “do you think monogamy is an outdated concept in modern society?” — without it sounding like you are planning to cheat. Most people desire monogamous relationships. They are not for everybody. Like Lance says, make sure from the beginning you put your values out there.

    Let’s face the music: withholding significant information from your partner that could allow them choice in being with you, is manipulative by definition. Choices are to come clean, or end it. Anything else is continuous manipulation.

  • http://cheekiebacktalk.blogspot.com cheekie

    Pretty bastardly situation all around, holy crap.
    That’s not an FB, it’s a Mistress.

    It isn’t heroin. It’s freebasing, and you are about to get blown up ala Mr Pryor.

    If you fuck around on your spouse, you’re a dick. If you fuck around with someone fucking around on their spouse, you are lacking some morals. If you fuck around with someone fucking around on their spouse whilst you are fucking around on yours, well that’s just plain fucked up.

    Lance, dead spot on.

    Big probs here, and his cock isn’t one of them.
    Big cock? so what. Dime a dozen.
    She’s fucking you because it’s easy dude. And vice versa.

    I love being able to say fuck a lot, it’s cathartic.

  • http://ipitw.blogspot.com/ TentCamper

    Don’t pay it n mind bro. None of his concern.
    I am not one for cheating, but that is YOUR thing not mind. I do understand why people do and in no way judge it. I do think that honesty is always best and if you want to be with more than one person…find people that are ok with that.

    Anyway…Ihate people that insert themselves into your issues. That guy has most likely been cheated on and is on some sort of rampage

    TentCampers last blog post..Racist Kids And The Chameleon – 2