(I miss you DR!)
As promised, I’m going to (belatedly) share the insights I gleaned from my trip to DR. This was the first major trip I’ve taken since I got into social artistry (two years) and also the only trip I’ve done with other social artists. We talked extensively about game and social psychology, while at the same time observing and interacting in-field. I thought this was an excellent experience and really added to my knowledge base. Here’s day 1, day 2, and day 3 of the trip.
Here we go.
What was the deal with the local chicas we partied with? At first I thought they might be hookers, but twas not the case. They were friends of our local contact, who was friends with Bobby and Mike. The girls were young, enjoyed partying, and for the most part they took advantage of a chance to hang with fun, interesting, and generous gringos. These girls have access to tourists every weekend, but they probably never had access to a place as nice as the Drug Lord Palace. Everyone likes a killer pad.
Money. We had money, and we didn’t mind throwing it around and picking up the tabs. They didn’t pay for anything on the two nights we partied together. Obviously, the ability to pay for things was part of the transaction.
Power. Gecko mentioned this and I’m still on the fence about it, but he suggested that the girls got off on hooking up with a bunch of free spending gringos. It’s like when a chick sleeps with a rock star, she gets to brag about it later to her friends. When the chicas walked into a club with us, their social status boosted because we’re perceived as quasi-celebrities.
It’s worth noting that several of the girls LOVED having dirty, filthy, NSA sex. They enjoyed this aspect of the interaction as much, if not more, than we did.
Is it “bad game” to pick up the tab when partying with girls in another country? A lot of pickup theory says never, EVER, pay for drinks for chicks because you’re devaluing yourself. In this case, it doesn’t apply. Us gringos had plenty of cash and the local girls were poor…that was the reality. Us picking up the tab maintained our value and, more importantly, maintained the spirit of the interaction (fun, party). We were on vacation so it’s expected that we pick up the incidentals.
Why were there so many hookers? Third world country, very few good jobs for women, they don’t have ways to make money. Basically, that’s what the marketplace for women is like in DR. I have no hard evidence to support this, but several of us speculated that MANY young women try prostitution in DR, some on a “casual” level, where casual means asking the guy for some money the next morning even though the transaction was never established the previous night. I think of it as a tip.
BTW, our girls never asked us for money.
What was up with Lola and the mediocre sex? Lola is actually a “good girl” and doesn’t have crazy, bad girl sex, at least with someone she just met. It’s possible she’s also quite religious, although I couldn’t tell because I couldn’t talk to her. A couple of the other girls were “bad girls” and did anything and everything.
Sex with Lola did get better on the second go-around, and I suspect it would have been really good the longer we hung out.
Why did Lola blow me off the second night? I wrangled with this one for awhile and I think there were two reasons. One, she was without her group of friends and wouldn’t consider going back to the Palace alone for safety reasons.
Two, she had a “date” with another Anglo on Friday night. Since we didn’t schedule anything with the girls for Friday, I was out of the picture. Maybe if I spoke Spanish I could have “picked her up” and pulled her back to the house.
Do Men and Women Barter Sex for Services, Money, Fun? Yes, moreso women than men. These chicks were bartering their company, feminine energy, and willingness to have sex for a weekend of partying and merrymaking. This happens all the time, in every country, with everyone. See this CNN.com article for more info (found via brazencareerist.com). Bartering sex for stuff is an ancient economy, probably the oldest economy there is.
Is it possible to have sex without love? Of course!
Is it possible to have sex with someone and be in love with someone else? Good question. I had a crazy weekend with my LDFB, a girl I’m extremely fond of, nay, even love, just the weekend prior. After hooking up with Lola, my feelings for Gina didn’t change at all. In fact, on the way home, I actually missed her more than before I left. If Gina had been waiting for me at home, I would have bonked her silly. So I think the answer, at least for me, is absolutely. Sex and love can be totally separate, and sometimes it should be.
If you hook up in another country, does it count as cheating? It’s not okay if you’re sneaking around on your partner, but at it’s core level, I think international nooky can be good way to get in some sexual variety. No strings attached, adventurous, little chance of accidentally falling in love. An international hookup is easier to compartmentalize. If I had been in an LTR and hooked up with Lola abroad, it wouldn’t have changed my feelings for my SO at all; in fact, I believe it would have refreshed my feelings. Just establish it early on and make sure there are no surprises if you’re going that route.
Would I let my SO hook up in another country if she asked nicely? Yes, I’d be okay with it. There would be ground rules, like don’t bring home the clap, don’t fall in love, don’t get pregnant, etc.
Take Vacations Without Your Partner and Do Same-Sex Bonding
This is what really hit me, but I think it’s super important to take vacations from your significant other and, as David DeAngelo says, give each other the gift of missing one another. If you’re married, travel for a couple of weeks without your SO, and allow yourself to grow as an individual.
For me, the chance to hang out with intelligent, highly motivated men was super invaluable. We shared knowledge and created a temporary mastermind group, which has had the effect of galvanizing me in my personal goals and projects. Do a guys- or girls-only vacation at least once a year and get your mojo in balance. That’s my best advice right now.