Do Hot Chicks Actually Have Boyfriends?

So I have this pal, Dan the Douche, who I hang out with and watch a lot of football. We have this one cool sports bar we go to on Saturdays and Sundays and since we’ve been going to this place, Dan the Douche has been chumming it up with one of the hot female bartenders. They’re both Dallas Cowboys fans and so they’ve bonded over that. Dan has had miserable luck with women lately, mostly due to his own lack of game, and he’s slowly been building up a connection with the hot bartender. I’ve been encouraging him to push the interactions and be bold and find a way to ask her out.

So, after several weekends worth of interactions, an extraordinary thing happened. The hot bartender found Dan the Douche’s phone number and texted him that she wanted to hang out for the Cowboys game on Sunday. Dan was thrilled. They met at a different bar during her off hours and hung out and had a good time. I wasn’t present. During their time together, she casually dropped during conversation that she had a boyfriend.

I didn’t think anything of it but Dan the Douche texted me during his quasi-date and was all pissed and crestfallen. It really took the wind out of his sails. I texted back: All hot bartenders have 2-3 boyfriends, just be cool and keep working it.

When Dan the Douche got home I explained it to him that hot chicks are always banging guys and saying they have boyfriends but it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t wiggle your way in there. He didn’t really buy it. In my mind, when I hear that a hot 20-something bartender has a boyfriend, it means next to nothing. It means she’s banging 2-3 guys and she would work you into her rotation provided you have enough value. In this case, having value simply means you’re cool enough, fun enough, good looking enough, and have stable income. It’s not really asking too much.

My take is this. Hot women are never single. When I mean single, I mean single-single. Like not dating someone or sleeping with someone, absolutely unattached. And if they are, it’s for such a short period of time that the odds of you meeting her randomly in a bar are astronomical. The reality of a hot chick in her mid-20′s (who’s also a bartender) is that she has guys throwing themselves at her constantly, she’s fending them off, she has her choice of sex partners, and she’s sleeping with a couple of the higher value guys. If you want to also date the hot bartender, you’ve got to work your way in there, be the alpha dog of the group, and simply wait your turn.

In fact, I think the ONLY way to get the hot bartender is to persevere and just work it. It’s easy to get on Match.com and date the 7s. Dating the smoking hot 10s that everyone wants takes balls and a willingness to ignore the fact that she has boyfriends.

My advice to Dan the Douche: She found your number and texted you. She’s attracted and wants to hang. Stick with it and you’ll be banging her before half the NFL season is done. The fact that she said she has a BF means nothing.

What’s your take on how to date a hot bartender? Would you shy away if she said she had boyfriends?

UPDATE: Dan the Douche hung out with the hot chick again, this time mid-week. Started off as a 1-on-1 impromptu date, but then her BF and a couple of friends showed up. The BF is a douchey 36-year-old lawyer! Like I said above, hot bartender chicks get with the higher value guys. Everyone hung out for the evening and the Lawya picked up the tab, basically pwning Dan the Douche. He was completely bummed. I couldn’t understand why she asked him to hang in the first place, confusion reigns.

UPDATE II: Hot bartender txted Dan the Douche today and apologized for the douchey BF lawyer showing up. Said she wanted to hang out again 1-on-1 for realz this time. So Dan is back in play. My guess? She’s sick of her douchey older lawyer BF and wants to hang with someone young and fun. I can only imagine how painfully douchey and lame the lawyer guy is. Yuck.

If you’re into hot bartenders, try this list at holytaco.com.

  • Honey

    I was definitely never completely single between ages 18-26. I also had a much looser definition of “relationship” during that time, and was highly likely to engage in flirtations or physical encounters even if I was dating someone.

    At 31 and living with my boyfriend of 4.5 years, saying “I have a boyfriend” carries a much different connotation. If Dan is around your age, then perhaps part of the reason he is crestfallen is that he wanted some sort of reassurance not only that she was single, but that if she decided to date him that she’d be monogamous. Which, at that age, is asking a lot – as you very correctly point out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/wileyalice Alice

    Lance,

    I’ve been lurking around here for a while but I’m finally commenting because this post just depresses me. I’m pretty sure I’m a hot chick. (My friends all insist that it’s true.) You can check the link and decide for yourself.

    But I AM single. I don’t want to be, I would LOVE to be like the girls you’re talking about, always having guys lined up to date me. But it’s simply not the case. Am I just not socializing enough? Should I just start hanging out in bars and waiting for cool, interesting guys to start hitting on me?

    Sigh. I’d really be curious to get your opinion.

  • http://www.iswirl.info Eathan

    The hot chick is dating the lawyer because of money. He pays, he buys her stuff and takes her places. It’s a fact. But everyone knows that bartenders are one of the least committed professions. Dan can just bang this chick and get better drinks at the bar. Hanging out with a hot chick has benefits for all involved.

  • http://www.mysecrethobby.blogspot.com kiera

    There must be hot chicks with straight shootin’ morals that have and crave monogamous stable relationships.

    But then again there are lots that don’t. And since she sought him out – she wants him on her roster.
    .-= kiera´s last blog …Turkey! =-.

  • Honey

    Well, a) 36 is YOUNG, and b) lawyers are awesome :-)

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Alice, first off, thanks for reading and commenting. I looked at your FB page, you are undeniably hot. (In fact, you look shockingly like an exe of mine that I really dug).

    What city do you live in and how are you projecting yourself when you go out? The hot bartender in my post is in Orlando, so a decent sized city, and she works at a high volume bar where there are TONS of guys hanging out. She also projects herself as a hot bartender, that is, a lot sexy, a little bit slutty, girly and flirty. A hottie. Combine those factors and you’ve got a parade of dudes.

    If you live in a small town, that drastically cuts down on your dating pool. When you go out, are you projecting a hot/sexy/slutty persona or are you projecting good girl? Good girls get hit on too but not nearly as much as hot bartenders.

    With your features, I would start by changing your look and going-out persona…your goal should be to project that you’re the hottest chick in the bar. With your physical features, that shouldn’t be hard to pull off. Project that you’re inviting, be safe, be social, and I guarantee you’ll see an uptick in your dates.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Some of my best friends are lawyers. When they date 25-year-old bartenders, they’re always douchey. BTW, I would LOVE to date a 25-year-old bartender.

  • Honey

    Ah, so the *real* definition of “douche” is “any guy who is dating a girl you can’t get yourself.”

    I see :-)

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Why wouldn’t I be able to date a hot bartender? Please. Generally speaking, young male lawyers are pretty douchey. They are almost certainly douchey when they are 10 years older then the hot bartender they picked up while she was working…consider what Eathan said above. He’s wielding his money and perceived social value to get chicks. Not that I have a problem with that, I would definitely do the same thing.

  • http://www.girlwithnoname.com Girlwithnoname (Jackie)

    I totally disagree. If I’m hanging with a guy that I’m interested in getting with there’s no way on the planet I’m going to drop the words “my boyfriend” … for the very reason this guy was upset. If I do that, I’m laying down some boundaries, which are specifically: “listen buddy, I like you, you’re cool, but you’re a friend, I have a boyfriend so don’t get any ideas about jumping me”.

    If I WANT to be jumped I’m going to keep the boyfriend a closely guarded secret… (not that I’m THAT kinda chick but just sayin’…)

    He’s got no chance. She set the boundaries: Keep off the grass.
    .-= Girlwithnoname (Jackie)´s last blog …Can Fitness Gadgets Really Help You Reach Your Goals =-.

  • Honey

    Lance, yes, I agree. Any guy who dates a girl 10 years younger than him is douchey ;-)

  • Honey

    Also, clarification – my comment was not about categories of people (so, I was not saying that thirtysomething attorneys in general can date twentysomething bartenders in general but other people can’t).

    I was saying that you and Dan are saying the attorney is douchey because THIS PARTICULAR girl deems THIS PARTICULAR attorney worthy of the label “boyfriend” while Dan is not. Regardless of whether she’s willing to sleep with Dan, she’s saying he’s not worthy of the label boyfriend.

  • http://ashysexykatiedid.blogspot.com Kate

    I kind of agree that if a woman had any ideas of getting it on with him, she wouldn’t have told him outright that she has a bf and let that bf show up and pay for dinner.

    However it wouldn’t hurt to just be honest with her and lay it out … “Hey you’ve been giving me mixed signals here, talking about your bf one minute and saying you want to hang one on one with me the next. I’m more then willing to be a secret sidepiece for awhile if you’re worried about me getting you in trouble with the “bf” but you need to let me know what you’re looking for with me otherwise I’m moving on.”

    Most women will respond well to communication and the threat of losing the companionship of someone they’re trying to befriend/fuck.
    .-= Kate´s last blog …Floggers on Parade =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Kate, the upfront and transparent approach absolutely won’t work in this situation. This has to be a tacit agreement and they both have to back into a hookup…it will also help if there’s a lot of alcohol involved. She’ll have a regular Anti-Slut Defense (ASD) like all chicks and you don’t want to trigger that by bringing up the fact that she’s thinking about “cheating” on her douchey BF.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Honey, that’s silly. The age component doesn’t matter as much the fact that he’s a lawyer and a DOUCHEBAG.

  • Honey

    Ah, yes, I forgot the character flaw is always the property of the person we do NOT want to sleep with…

  • Alice

    Thanks Lance! I actually live in a new town where I don’t know many people… It’s a big city though. I just need girl friends to go out with! I’ll work on it though. :) Thanks again for your suggestions!

  • Jesus Shuttleworth

    you show me a hot chick, i will show you a guy(s) sick of screwing her.

  • http://katwilder.com/ Kat Wilder

    A woman’s hotness doesn’t always mean she’s attached. Many guys are intimidated by a woman’s looks (not saying that from personal experience … ;-) )

    I would shy away from anyone who says he/she has a boy/girlfriend. Just asking for trouble (and, your friend got it)
    .-= Kat Wilder´s last blog …He’s got game — video games- that is =-.

  • Jonsi

    I know many super hot chicks who rarely date, bang, and have boyfriends. However, those women are also commonly high maintenance, have ex issues, and sexual hangups. Those aren’t the kind of women you want to date anyway, and hot flirty bartenders don’t typically fall into that category.

  • http://ashysexykatiedid.blogspot.com Kate

    Sounds like the best way, if honesty isn’t an option, that lotsa lotsa booze would be his best bet. Start out being sensitive and listening, then suggest that they play some games… simple card games or board games… then work it around to being a drinking game. Keep her drinking until her inhibitions are gone…
    .-= Kate´s last blog …My Costume Says Rape Me Or Slutting Around on Halloween =-.

  • terri

    Kate: “Keep her drinking until her inhibitions are gone…”

    Nah, go straight to the roofies. I mean, hell, look at the way she’s dressed.

    Lance: “The age component doesn’t matter as much the fact that he’s a lawyer and a DOUCHEBAG.”

    Lance assumes, ipso facto, that lawyer=douche(bag). I think there maybe some jealousy, here. Lance is an uneducated, body-obsessed, porn-addicted drone. His friend’s bartender’s boyfriend (the douche lawyer) is a professional who, clearly, can buy and sell said friend. And did so. Does that make him a douche? Not in Lance’s.

    Lance is all for guys who have ‘game’, who can score the ‘hot chick’. The scoring move (i think he calls it a ‘play’) may be the recitation of rehearsed lines that have nothing to do with the ‘target’, or it may be (as he has opined elsewhere) the casual pose that juts the player’s ‘package’ to its fullest advantage. How are those lies more commendable than pulling out a wad of 100′s and making the ‘competition’ feel like punters?

    Lance, man up (as you would say). The “douchebag” lawyer bested your friend in the _game_ arena. What’s the prize? A vagina without a brain. Ho hum.

    Actually, the prize _isn’t_ the woman and her vagina. The prize is “proving” that you can “tap that shit” before the next guy.

    Really sounds a bit homoerotic. I’m not accusing Lance of being gay, but I think he (and his fellow “players”) are a lot more interested in what other guys think of him, than he is interested in sex qua sex.

  • terri

    Actually, that’s sort of an interesting point, if I do say so myself.

    There’s a lot of talk, here, about game, alpha dog, porn star moves, wingmen, anti-slut defense, when to move, when to hold back, etc, etc etc…

    What _is_ the point? And I don’t mean that in a disingenuous way. I’ve had guys try to “game” me, and it’s so transparent that it’s…well, I was about to say “it’s funny”, but it’s not.

    I really do think that “men” like Lance really are much less interested in women than they are in men–if Lance fucked a hot chick in the middle of a forest and he couldn’t brag about it later to his buddies…would it count?

    I’m starting to wonder if Lance even _enjoys_ sex beyond the bragging rights.

    So, to put it as lucidly as possible (and as a question to men): What’s the appeal of going to a bar with a “wingman”, picking up a chlamydia-factory, screwing her, and then moving on?

    My money is on the high-fives in the (virtual) locker room the next morning. “You _rule_, dood!”

    Lance and his type are more interested in their “bros” recognition of prowess than they are in sex.

    They’re geeks who want to gain the top score in PacMan.

  • Honey

    @terri, it would explain the fear of monogamy. After all, you can’t show up to happy hour and be like, “I’m STILL banging that!”

  • terri

    Glad you agree. Yes, and the folks in front of whom Lance would have to hang his head were he “still banging that” are his buddies, not his potential date rape victims.

    I saw a tv show awhile back in which a “pickup artist” tried to teach his acolytes how to have “game”. Hidden cameras, instant analysis of the students’ hesitant moves, guffaws at their boners (so to speak). It was fascinating in a train wreck/end of civility sort of way. I’m sure someone can supply the title. The “teacher” wore a ridiculous black furry hat, looked like trent reznor but without any of the cool, and called himself “mystery” or some such. (I actually thought it was a joke when I started watching…that’s ben stiller, right? He’s kidding, right?)

    The point, here, is that the “students” were clearly much more intent on impressing “mystery” than they were on actually picking up women. They regarded him as a god. he could score any vagina…of course, the women he was “picking up” were half-drunk bimbos (and possibly ringers) who had difficulty keeping their boobs in their shirts and walking on high heels at the same time. Real winners.

    Lance’s bluster reminds me of that program. The argot is the same, the emphasis on “technique”, the mindless indiscrimination–if it doesn’t have a penis, it’s fair game.

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