Lance,

As others have commented below, the job thing is definitely bad news. I don’t care if you’re a construction worker or a lawyer, if you aren’t passionate about your job then I can’t handle it. Perhaps that has to do with my value system. I am A-1 dedicated and passionate about my business, and I can’t understand people who are not. And besides, it’s not like you can tell her what your true passion is - working on your game and sharing it with people on your site. So, yes, fluff yourself up and make it at least seem like a stepping stone to something you are passionate about. I work in a cafe part-time - it’s not a dream to work with a bunch of kids 10 years your junior - but owning my own cafe is.

I think ’slum’ was the wrong word to choose here. For myself, I can say that I’m just looking for something easy. Something that won’t take up a lot of time or require a lot of effort on my part. That’s what I meant.

Either way, I think you’ve got this one if you’ll just not let yourself get in your own way.

BTW, thanks for the comments on my site. I left replies to both here and here. Oh, and I thought you might enjoy this, my first crack at running a little game.
Holly Hoffman’s last blog post..Fortune Salutes Gen Y

Hmmm…hot, rambunctious, unattached sex….my fave.
God I sound like such a coug right now, but screw it.
(btw, as a fellow ‘artsy chick’ how do you know she isn’t familiar with this concept already and has a few things to show you…lol)

I am actually quite intrigued by this whole thing as well. Your over-analysing has got ME over-analysing. Which says something.
I can spin the crap out of a smile.

I love this, getting inside the head of the guy thing.
It’s really fascinating!

My big question though, have you made the ‘3 day phone call’ yet?
Any contact since?

(I feel like I am living vicariously through you right now, so please, details)

Gemini’s over analyse. Shite i was wondering where i got that from!!

Well u said on a gut level you think that she is out of your league.

Well that sounds to me that its an internal thing that you need to get over. Rather than something to do with her.

But if you feel like she is too good for you. Then subconsciously your going to start self sabotaging and communicating that across to her.

Don’t let the whole sophistication thing wreck your game.

Remember your da man .. and any chick is lucky to be spending time with ya.

You know … just think something along those lines *winks

HAF

Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..Knowing The Game - Yet Still Getting Gamed

Natalie, thanks for stopping by. If by blowing hot and cold you mean unsure of where the date was going, you’re probably right. I didn’t have much of a strategy other than just meet the girl, but my future strategy, if I can get her to meet me again, is to hook up with her. I feel like it’s my duty to introduce her to the splendors of hot, rambunctious, unattached sex.

I was riveted by this post. It doesn’t make me want to go and study pick-up but this was one seriously intelligent analysis of a date! The only thing I thought was that you seemed to be blowing a little hot and cold - she seemed interested, you seemed interested, and then it all tailed off. Or is this all part of your strategy?

NML’s last blog post..Coping with break up drama in the workplace

I have to agree with Holly, dadhouse and others. People are often intimidated by my “career” because I’m getting a PhD and totally ignore the fact that I currently make $15,000 a year and can only expect a starting salary of $45,000 or so! It’s all a matter of perspective.

That said, NEVER apologize (or seem to!) for your job. I know how passionate you are about what you do, and even if you’re currently a little jaded, that should NOT come through on a first date.

I think you can pretty easily bounce back from it, though. Ask her what she loves about what she does first, and then share some things that make you passionate about what you do. That way it’ll be couched in interest in her (rather than coming out of the blue) and you can bond over the fact that you’re both passionate, even if it’s not about the same thing.

Looking forward to hearing more!

Honey’s last blog post..Lilly’s Diet and Fitness

Lance, great date! I love the part where you took her to the bar and were welcomed by the owner. Good move.

For the women reading - I think it is emasculating to the man if you did the same thing and bring him into a place where you have social credentials. It could work, however, if you’re showing him off to your friends, rather than showing him how important/loved you are.

And no, not all guys think so hard about their dates like this. But Lance is doing us a service making all guys more self aware about their social interactions, so kudos for him putting it all out there.

Date her again. Don’t pre-judge who’s in who’s league. Who knows, maybe she’ll just be a friend, but maybe she has a hottie artsy girlfriend to hook you up with. You never know.

dadshouse’s last blog post..Will Smith, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt - Bringing the Heat

You know what is funnily ironic here?
I was just chatting with a good male friend of mine. (yes, he and I had ‘one’ date, better as friends than anything else)

Well, he is going through the exact same thing. Has a date with ‘Hot Dr Chick’ and is feeling a little insecure that he doesn’t quite make the grade.
He has a respectable, well paying, secure job…but still he feels intimidated to the point of feeling that she won’t be attracted to him.

And where did I get my advice to give to him?
Yup. I relayed your scenario, Lance, in not so many words, and basically told him what I have said here, and others.

Quite frequently assumptions are made against/for women that men feel somewhat intimidated by. Be it the ‘pretty girl sitting at home on Friday night cause every guy thinks she is with someone else’ or ‘the out of my league girl’ that scares/unnerves guys to the point of inaction.

Just screw it. Go for what you want.

Holly, you’re crystallizing a central conflict I’m having right now. This is worth bringing up. In my mind, social value is a big illusion, and it’s my job as a social artist to get past all that and get to the heart of the matter, which is pure attraction. I feel fairly confident that I’m not putting her on a pedestal. Of course, this is a common sticking point, and it’s certainly possible that my inner chode is acting up and manifesting this negativity through my outer game.

Either way, it’s useful for me to take an educated guess at what she perceives her value is relative to mine. My guess is she’s so used to dating moneyed, older men, that it would be a blow to her value system for her to slum it. That’s just a guess, and of course I could be wrong. So, from a tactical standpoint, understanding her perspective is useful, because it let’s me know how hard I have to work. I strongly believe that commonalities and simple physical attraction aren’t enough to get the girl…I’m going to have to arouse her to the point that she blows through the social value gap. Which is exactly what I’m trying to do.

I did identify a sticking point over the weekend, and I’m pretty sure it fucked me. We talked about our jobs (unavoidable) and I realized, after the fact, that I was soft selling my job. In fact, it was so bad, I was almost apologizing for it, and I certainly wasn’t talking about it with pride or passion. A real killer! Guys, even if you don’t like your job, ALWAYS sell it like it’s your favorite thing in the world and communicate how passionate you are. Find some aspect of it that you love and sell sell sell. Passion is highly attractive, and any job can be made to seem attractive, even if you think it’s tedious.

I think that’s the key to defeating the social value challenge. Be 100% confident and 100% passionate about whatever your pursuits are and you’ll blow right through it.

You wanna know what’s ironic here? I’m pretty sure I make more $$$ than her (she’s an artist afterall), but since I bagged on what I do, my social value plummets. Ugh. This won’t happen again.

Consider that the relationships with the upper-scale guys didn’t work out. She might be looking to ’slum’ it with an average joe. She might be tired of keeping up or competing with her men. She might just be looking for a hook-up to get over her string of uber-successful boyfriends with a guy who doesn’t have any hang-ups. Ahem. Sure, I’m still talking about her, not myself.

I think us successful, attractive women are just looking for someone who isn’t going to be intimidated by us, who will approach as equals. By thinking of her as ‘above’ you, you project that to her. Trust me, we know when a guy thinks we’re out of their league. And when that happens, you can kiss it goodbye. You have something to offer and if you believe it, you’ll exude it. You know that better than anyone, Lance.

Don’t rule out the FB thing. I think the guys I meet think I must be looking for a relationship with my “credentials.” Sometimes we’re like you - we just want to fool around and go back to concentrating on our lives.

Holly Hoffman’s last blog post..Fortune Salutes Gen Y