My Date With The Artsy Chick

Smooth! Artsy Chick didn’t flake on me, so I must have run some decent game afterall. We met at Starbucks at the appointed hour. We both ordered tea, sat at a table outside, and conversed for 45′. Excellent conversation, topics ranged from travel to art to mountain biking to our respective degrees in Fine Arts. We had a lot in common. I would characterize this stretch as generally flat in attraction, mostly because we sat across from each other, talked, and no kino. We definitely weren’t flirting, it was just a getting to-know-you period. Artsy Chick was a very good conversationalist, easily my equal.

I told 2-3 solid stories, and during one story about me dealing with some funny relationship drama, she leaned way across the table and listened closely. Decent little spike there.

BTW, we had both just come from our respective work places. She looked good, dressed in a white skirt and purple top with a couple of buttons opened. She was also wearing glasses and had this nerdy hot chick look going on. I was getting a stiffy staring at her ta-ta’s.

I, on the other hand, looked like a friggin dirt squirrel. Without revealing exactly what it is I do, I had been working outside for two hours, so I was sweaty and a bit disheveled. I was wearing cargo shorts, a polo shirt (changed in the car en route), and a friggin baseball cap. If she was looking for a laid back meetup partner, I was definitely it. The cool thing is, I didn’t give a fuck! It didn’t even enter my reality that my dress was going to affect anything.

So after 45′ I suggested a bounce. This was planned. There was a sweetass Vietnamese restaurant across the street from the coffee shop, and earlier in the conversation I had brought up the subject of favorite foods. I seeded the conversation by talking about Asiatic cuisine and Vietnamese in particular. So, at the right moment, I suggested we go across the street, sit at the bar, and have a glass of wine and something to eat. She was all for it. The cool thing? I just happened to know the owner and bartender. Pretty slick, huh?

So we sat at the bar of the Vietnamese restaurant, and sure enough, I got a massive social value boost after the owner greeted and hugged me and I introduced him to Artsy Chick. I had the upper hand in the interaction now. I sat next to her and we talked for another 1.5 hours, drank wine, and ate dinner. The food was fucking awesome, and the convo wasn’t bad either. I gave her 3 kino pings (light touches on the knee). She didn’t ping me back, but she gave me positive, open body language and kept her knees right next to mine. Not bad.

End of the date. I walked her to her car, hugged her goodnight. There was some mild attraction there, but nothing to get all excited about.

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Here’s What I Think

Artsy Chick has some good social value; she’s a professional artist and works for a couple of non-profits and galleries. She’s really plugged into the art scene in town. Her last boyfriends were a venture capitalist, pilot, and a pilot. It’s reasonable to assume they all made at least six figures and had bangin’ lifestyles. Oh yeah, she’s also taller than me by several inches (she’s unusually tall). She’s not hot, but she’s cute. My guess is her perspective is that she’s good enough to go out with men of means and won’t readily downgrade. My job doesn’t suck, but I don’t manage a hedge fund either. So I think it’s going to be tough to get her.

Serious playerz would probably say that this is major chump (AFC) thinking. Doesn’t matter how hot or what kind of job you have (or she has), the girl can be gotten. Well, that’s fine and all, but my game isn’t at that level. For me to bridge the social value gap, I’m going to have to pump her buying temperature through the roof and run airtight game.

Haters could say that I’m playing too many little games and should just keep it real. Right. Are you fucking kidding me? Artsy Chick isn’t a silly party girl. She’s a real, unique, successful, cool woman. You can’t be a schmoe off the street and expect to snag her. You either have to be a) naturally attractive and come in with higher social value, or b) generate mad attraction with superior game. If there’s another way, I definitely want to hear it.

With that in mind, my plan is to set up some kind of unstructured “date” where I can kino and flirt like an animal and go for a hookup. A party or a crowded bar, someplace that’s conducive for generating sexual attraction. I’m not interested in a LTR on this one. An FB thing would be great, but that’s getting way ahead of myself. In the meantime, I’ll maintain the connection with email game and look for openings.

Things I Could Have Done Better

  • Again, I needed way more kino.
  • I noticed several times I was speaking too fast and I had to consciously slow myself down. My tonality and pacing still sucks.
  • I should have done some qualifying (ie “You seem adventurous. Tell me something adventurous about yourself”) and push-pull. Attraction was flattish and I believe I came off as a little too eager.
  • Worn my lifts. Just kidding!
  • http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Hot Alpha Female

    Lance i had no doubt that artsy chick wasn’t going to pull a Houdini on ya.

    Don’t know why you were even contemplating that.

    Seems like the date went pretty well and i think you made a reasonable impression. Enough to get her to give you a thought or two throughout the day.

    I would say if you do want to get closer to a hook up then you are def going to step up the whole attraction factor thing.

    N i think going to the restaurant where you had high social value. Was a brilliant idea. So the next time you take her out …. go to another place like that.

    Hot Alpha Female

    Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..Knowing The Game – Yet Still Getting Gamed

  • http://thedateabledork.typepad.com The Dateable Dork

    Lance, I totally agree with HAF. Going into the restaurant and having the owner hug you was killer – girls find this totally attractive. And just the fact that you spent a few hours with this chick, including dinner, and the conversation was flowing the whole time… all good things. Try not to overthink it. BTW, do all guys think this much about dates???

    The Dateable Dork’s last blog post..Flattery will get you everywhere

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Most guys don’t think about their social interactions, or if they do but they don’t have a structure and vocabulary to do it with. This is a fairly typical “field report” you’d find from any dude who studies social arts. Plus, I’m a Gemini and we over analyze.

    On another note, I think this girl perceives that “she’s out of my league.” I have nothing to base this on but gut instinct and experience. What does anyone think? With that in mind, I’ll have to game the shit out of her to get anywhere.

  • http://cheekiebacktalk.blogspot.com cheekie

    Perhaps she should start playing ‘out of her league’…given her success with the suit-types. I think that’s why she was receptive, but not overly so, maybe she is thinking the same. She also just came off a relationship, a biggie, a week or two ago right?
    She probably just needs a bit more time. It is really soon and she is more than likely wary of getting into the physical realm right now. You know, watching herself carefully. I would.

    Sounds like it went really well for a first date, and it sounds like there is definite potential there!

    and yes, nice touch with the restaurant thing there Lance!

    my question, is it emasculating if a woman does this? I have done exactly what you did, suggested a place that I know the owner/bartender etc., and taken dates to these places…opinion??

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Cheekie, thanks for commenting, as always. You’re right, it likely is WAY too soon for anything to develop with her. I did some thinking about this over the weekend and I may either let this one fizzle or just make her a friend right off the bat. I uncovered a couple more points that I screwed up on our quasi-date, so I’m sure my attraction took a hit.

    For women taking men to places where they have high value I don’t think it’s emasculating…it just bumps up her situational social value and will probably cause the guy to work a little harder. IMO, what a social artist would do in this situation is also befriend the owner and bartenders of your place so that he gets to ride the value. This is classic game you’d run with any large, mixed set of people…you see a girl you like in a group, you open, you befriend everyone in the group thus making yourself look like the man, then you get the girl. Great question.

  • http://cheekiebacktalk.blogspot.com cheekie

    Great answer, and exactly the one I wanted. Thanks!

    As for Artsy Chick, you could probably throw your best at her and she will be unreceptive until she’s ready. So don’t overanalyze your actions.

    You don’t want to fall into ‘friend zone’ though, cause that takes out the FB scenario right quick too.

    My advice, for the whole two cents it’s worth? Keep in touch with her, show her some fun, which is what she needs right now and be flirty so the zone isn’t entered, and chances are she will go for it. Eventually…

    Patience young Jedi….

  • debra

    Just a suggestion, let her decide whether or not she’s ‘out of your league’. This has happened to me several times (though I’m not just dating the six figure types, I’m among them). Though I think I do a pretty good job of keeping this quiet, I’ve had really great guys decide they were ‘not in my league’ and give up. Very frustrating to be judged by someone else’s misguided assumptions of what I want.

  • http://www.worklovelife.com Holly Hoffman

    Consider that the relationships with the upper-scale guys didn’t work out. She might be looking to ‘slum’ it with an average joe. She might be tired of keeping up or competing with her men. She might just be looking for a hook-up to get over her string of uber-successful boyfriends with a guy who doesn’t have any hang-ups. Ahem. Sure, I’m still talking about her, not myself.

    I think us successful, attractive women are just looking for someone who isn’t going to be intimidated by us, who will approach as equals. By thinking of her as ‘above’ you, you project that to her. Trust me, we know when a guy thinks we’re out of their league. And when that happens, you can kiss it goodbye. You have something to offer and if you believe it, you’ll exude it. You know that better than anyone, Lance.

    Don’t rule out the FB thing. I think the guys I meet think I must be looking for a relationship with my “credentials.” Sometimes we’re like you – we just want to fool around and go back to concentrating on our lives.

    Holly Hoffman’s last blog post..Fortune Salutes Gen Y

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Holly, you’re crystallizing a central conflict I’m having right now. This is worth bringing up. In my mind, social value is a big illusion, and it’s my job as a social artist to get past all that and get to the heart of the matter, which is pure attraction. I feel fairly confident that I’m not putting her on a pedestal. Of course, this is a common sticking point, and it’s certainly possible that my inner chode is acting up and manifesting this negativity through my outer game.

    Either way, it’s useful for me to take an educated guess at what she perceives her value is relative to mine. My guess is she’s so used to dating moneyed, older men, that it would be a blow to her value system for her to slum it. That’s just a guess, and of course I could be wrong. So, from a tactical standpoint, understanding her perspective is useful, because it let’s me know how hard I have to work. I strongly believe that commonalities and simple physical attraction aren’t enough to get the girl…I’m going to have to arouse her to the point that she blows through the social value gap. Which is exactly what I’m trying to do.

    I did identify a sticking point over the weekend, and I’m pretty sure it fucked me. We talked about our jobs (unavoidable) and I realized, after the fact, that I was soft selling my job. In fact, it was so bad, I was almost apologizing for it, and I certainly wasn’t talking about it with pride or passion. A real killer! Guys, even if you don’t like your job, ALWAYS sell it like it’s your favorite thing in the world and communicate how passionate you are. Find some aspect of it that you love and sell sell sell. Passion is highly attractive, and any job can be made to seem attractive, even if you think it’s tedious.

    I think that’s the key to defeating the social value challenge. Be 100% confident and 100% passionate about whatever your pursuits are and you’ll blow right through it.

    You wanna know what’s ironic here? I’m pretty sure I make more $$$ than her (she’s an artist afterall), but since I bagged on what I do, my social value plummets. Ugh. This won’t happen again.

  • http://cheekiebacktalk.blogspot.com cheekie

    You know what is funnily ironic here?
    I was just chatting with a good male friend of mine. (yes, he and I had ‘one’ date, better as friends than anything else)

    Well, he is going through the exact same thing. Has a date with ‘Hot Dr Chick’ and is feeling a little insecure that he doesn’t quite make the grade.
    He has a respectable, well paying, secure job…but still he feels intimidated to the point of feeling that she won’t be attracted to him.

    And where did I get my advice to give to him?
    Yup. I relayed your scenario, Lance, in not so many words, and basically told him what I have said here, and others.

    Quite frequently assumptions are made against/for women that men feel somewhat intimidated by. Be it the ‘pretty girl sitting at home on Friday night cause every guy thinks she is with someone else’ or ‘the out of my league girl’ that scares/unnerves guys to the point of inaction.

    Just screw it. Go for what you want.
    :)

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Lance, great date! I love the part where you took her to the bar and were welcomed by the owner. Good move.

    For the women reading – I think it is emasculating to the man if you did the same thing and bring him into a place where you have social credentials. It could work, however, if you’re showing him off to your friends, rather than showing him how important/loved you are.

    And no, not all guys think so hard about their dates like this. But Lance is doing us a service making all guys more self aware about their social interactions, so kudos for him putting it all out there.

    Date her again. Don’t pre-judge who’s in who’s league. Who knows, maybe she’ll just be a friend, but maybe she has a hottie artsy girlfriend to hook you up with. You never know.

    dadshouse’s last blog post..Will Smith, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt – Bringing the Heat

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I have to agree with Holly, dadhouse and others. People are often intimidated by my “career” because I’m getting a PhD and totally ignore the fact that I currently make $15,000 a year and can only expect a starting salary of $45,000 or so! It’s all a matter of perspective.

    That said, NEVER apologize (or seem to!) for your job. I know how passionate you are about what you do, and even if you’re currently a little jaded, that should NOT come through on a first date.

    I think you can pretty easily bounce back from it, though. Ask her what she loves about what she does first, and then share some things that make you passionate about what you do. That way it’ll be couched in interest in her (rather than coming out of the blue) and you can bond over the fact that you’re both passionate, even if it’s not about the same thing.

    Looking forward to hearing more!

    Honey’s last blog post..Lilly’s Diet and Fitness

  • http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk NML

    I was riveted by this post. It doesn’t make me want to go and study pick-up but this was one seriously intelligent analysis of a date! The only thing I thought was that you seemed to be blowing a little hot and cold – she seemed interested, you seemed interested, and then it all tailed off. Or is this all part of your strategy?

    NML’s last blog post..Coping with break up drama in the workplace

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    Natalie, thanks for stopping by. If by blowing hot and cold you mean unsure of where the date was going, you’re probably right. I didn’t have much of a strategy other than just meet the girl, but my future strategy, if I can get her to meet me again, is to hook up with her. I feel like it’s my duty to introduce her to the splendors of hot, rambunctious, unattached sex.

  • http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Hot Alpha Female

    Gemini’s over analyse. Shite i was wondering where i got that from!!

    Well u said on a gut level you think that she is out of your league.

    Well that sounds to me that its an internal thing that you need to get over. Rather than something to do with her.

    But if you feel like she is too good for you. Then subconsciously your going to start self sabotaging and communicating that across to her.

    Don’t let the whole sophistication thing wreck your game.

    Remember your da man .. and any chick is lucky to be spending time with ya.

    You know … just think something along those lines *winks

    HAF

    Hot Alpha Female’s last blog post..Knowing The Game – Yet Still Getting Gamed

  • http://cheekiebacktalk.blogspot.com cheekie

    Hmmm…hot, rambunctious, unattached sex….my fave.
    God I sound like such a coug right now, but screw it.
    (btw, as a fellow ‘artsy chick’ how do you know she isn’t familiar with this concept already and has a few things to show you…lol)

    I am actually quite intrigued by this whole thing as well. Your over-analysing has got ME over-analysing. Which says something.
    I can spin the crap out of a smile.

    I love this, getting inside the head of the guy thing.
    It’s really fascinating!

    My big question though, have you made the ’3 day phone call’ yet?
    Any contact since?

    (I feel like I am living vicariously through you right now, so please, details)

    :)

  • http://www.worklovelife.com Holly Hoffman

    Lance,

    As others have commented below, the job thing is definitely bad news. I don’t care if you’re a construction worker or a lawyer, if you aren’t passionate about your job then I can’t handle it. Perhaps that has to do with my value system. I am A-1 dedicated and passionate about my business, and I can’t understand people who are not. And besides, it’s not like you can tell her what your true passion is – working on your game and sharing it with people on your site. So, yes, fluff yourself up and make it at least seem like a stepping stone to something you are passionate about. I work in a cafe part-time – it’s not a dream to work with a bunch of kids 10 years your junior – but owning my own cafe is.

    I think ‘slum’ was the wrong word to choose here. For myself, I can say that I’m just looking for something easy. Something that won’t take up a lot of time or require a lot of effort on my part. That’s what I meant.

    Either way, I think you’ve got this one if you’ll just not let yourself get in your own way.

    BTW, thanks for the comments on my site. I left replies to both here and here. Oh, and I thought you might enjoy this, my first crack at running a little game. ;)

    Holly Hoffman’s last blog post..Fortune Salutes Gen Y

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