About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

Dating Beautiful

So in this article on Dating Ugly, I try to unravel the mysteries behind why gorgeous women would date guys who are significantly less good-looking than they are.  While I came down on the side of insecurity as the driving force behind such pairings, what if you’re totally, utterly secure in your fabulous good looks?  Previously there was only HotOrNot.com, a free way to not only judge your little heart out, but get judged and maybe find love.  The BF met his ex on that site, actually. However, such undergrad (and free) pursuits are now behind us, because we now have BeautifulPeople.net (only supported by IE, annoyingly enough for Firefox devotees like me).

This article on NationalPost.com explains that with a 1-in-10 acceptance rate, this site has stirred up controversy wherever it goes.  The pragmatist in me has to point out that, according to conventional wisdom at least, everyone ends up with someone within 2 points of themselves on a 1-10 scale anyway (unless you have some mad social proof or monster insecurity pushing the scales unduly in one direction or the other).  So a site like this doesn’t change how attractive you are (or aren’t), it merely cuts out the riffraff for the already attractive and lets them find that special someone without weeding through all the normal people (or the ugly ones).

(Greg Plitt from Season 3 of Work Out on Bravo, and the guy I thought of in my Dating Ugly post when I said I’d blow out someone too good-looking for me)

The bitter ravings of those who have been turned down for the site remind me a little bit of the people who try out for American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance? when they know for a fact that they are completely talent-less and would never qualify.  I mean, who wants to use sites like Ugly People Dating or Marry An Ugly Millionaire?  (Although I have to say that I think both of those sites are cruel jokes.) I always wondered why anyone would want to be formally judged by their “peers” when we are so obviously judged by our peers every day.  What do you guys think?

  • http://www.cathouseteri.blogspot.com Cathouse Teri

    We are of a society that is utterly peer dependent. This, in my mind, not being a very good thing.

    I have no preference as to the physical attraction of the person I date. Although, on the first date with my current boyfriend, I said to him, “I don’t usually date men who are prettier than I am.” (And he is.)

    Here’s my favorite quote of the day:
    You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
    – Ray Bradbury

    Cathouse Teris last blog post..See Then That You Walk Circumspectly

  • http://diaryofadisillusioneddater.blogspot.com/ marc

    My theory is that people prefer to be judged by others so that they have someone to blame when the truth about themselves is revealed. It’s easier than looking yourself in the mirror, and saying, “Maybe I can’t sing, or maybe I need a makeover, or need to hit the gym, etc.”

    marcs last blog post..My Best Date All Year

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    That’s ingenius marketing right there. People are going to apply just to see if they make the cut.

    I’ll bet you can use standard online profile game to increase your chances of getting in:
    1. Take excellent, professional looking pictures.
    2. Wear killer threads.
    3. Show yourself in a cool house and driving a cool car.
    4. Increasing social value by appearing in social settings.
    5. Displaying yourself as pre-selected by hot women and cool dudes.

    My theory is that you can actually have average looks but HIGH perceived value and get in.

    I’m going to make this my little project. I’ll spend a couple of weeks getting the right photos together, apply, and report back. Thanks for turning me on to this!

    Lances last blog post..Dating Beautiful

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    I don’t know if it’s wanting to be judged, or simply the status of being a member of an elite group.

    Lance, you may be onto something. I bet you can make it work. Hope to hear about it with a pointed to your smiling mug inside their site.

    dadshouses last blog post..Calling All Matchmakers

  • http://hammer86blog.com Hammer

    I’m a member of beautifulpeople.com. I haven’t really tried to email on it, but from searches that I’ve done, it seems like just another fringe dating site with a very small membership.

    I used a picture that was highly rated on HotOrNot.com, but I have to say that I didn’t look very good in it. I still for the life of me can’t figure out what women look for in profile pictures, so rather than speculating I just throw them up on HotOrNot.com and see what comes back.
    .-= Hammer´s last blog …2010 New Years Resolutions =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I’ve never used Hot or Not (either to put my own photos up or to judge other people) but I think the whole idea is awesome/hysterical :-)
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Beautifulpeople.com gives 5000 Fatties the Boot =-.

  • starthrower68

    Thank you Lance for the comments about fat women having no value whatsoever to the opposite sex (on the hot women/ugly men blog). That means my excuse for not dating is not an excuse anymore. It’s now a legitimate reason to opt out. I won’t grow old alone; I’ll just grow old single.