Compromise is working out who may do what so the household runs more smoothly. Compromise may be how often you make love, or what time of day / night, because of a work schedule. Compromise may be using less salt because you have high blood pressure, and your partner is worried about you – even though your food tastes like crap without the salt!

Changing your so-called loved one? That’s either direct or indirect methods of encouraging them to give away parts of themselves that matter to them. Or, for example, if I love tennis but loathe baseball, and my man wants me to watch baseball, listen to him ramble about RBI and even go to games with him – it ain’t happening.

If I love modern art museums and he’s bored silly going to them, I’m not going to force him.

Those are easy examples. I’d wreck his time at the ballgame (resentful of time I could spend on things I care about); he’d wreck my good time at the museum.

Harder examples? Let’s say he loves weekends with his buddies doing “guy stuff” – fishing or golfing. Is it right for me to insist he give up his 4 weekends a year he’s always gone away with those same friends? That’s a change I’d never request. Doesn’t seem right to me.

I spend hours of each day researching and writing. If he asked me to write less, or spend less time at the bookstore reading, that would hit me where I live.

In all this – there would have to be some overlap of interests, plenty of shared values, and lots of laughter and chemistry. I’ve dated (and loved) a wide range of types, with varied interests. When it works – it’s because the fundamentals are not pushed for change. When it doesn’t work, it’s because who we are at the core doesn’t mesh, and he expects me to become someone I’m not – and don’t want to be.
BigLittleWolf´s last blog …Chivalry: Here today, gone tomorrow, ALWAYS in fashion

If you’ll recall from Dee Ann’s letter to EMK, she didn’t flat-out say that the guy had a major character issue that had to be changed…we all assumed it was because he flaked out. But, it’s possible he flaked out for more-or-less legit reasons and I think it’s an important detail that they only dated for 1 month before the flake-out. Dude, one month is nothing. During that time period I say anything goes.

On Honey’s point, what if Dee Ann and the dude have a 90%+ compatibility? You could make that conclusion based on how she described their chemistry. That’s super rare and it’s far easier to fix/develop the current relationship versus going back into the wild.

After what happened this summer, Jake now limits himself to two drinks on a weeknight and calls if he’s going to be home from work later than 8 p.m. (that’s his standard time).
Honey´s last blog …How’d You Get That Hickey, Eh?

As for the guy who messed up and stopped called the chick….if he seems genuine now he deserves a second chance but he does need to work at rebuilding trust. You can’t simply slide back into a relationship and forget bad stuff that has happened unless it is somehow resolved.

My friend – I just don’t buy into it. (Thus, I have given you my heroine, , in the link above associated with my name (and hopefully here). It is my hope that she may convince you of the need for us to unite against such shenanigans – if not with her brazen brawn, then with her wise words!!)

People can and do change – dramatically, and gradually. But they need to choose to do so, or be changed by events that occur in their lives. We need to look at ourselves and others realistically, take our time, and ascertain if a potential partner might be good for us and visa versa. Or not.

As for strategies – however creative (and I applaud your creativity) – to test or tweak or transform another to your taste and preferences? I say NO.

There are plenty of gems (even if unpolished) who will suit us as they are, and oh-so-much-fun, to enjoy the treasure hunt!
BigLittleWolf´s last blog …Decision Points: Digital Nation Link

Although, of course, he already is – I had a dream with him in it last night, and in the dream he was naked.

I have some nice memories of that
Honey´s last blog …Creative Strategies For Getting Your GF/BF To Change

Having said that, I think your test #1 is great. After being seriously jilted last year, I made this the test for ALL men. (Except I wasn’t seeing other people at all… but I digress.) Lots of guys asked me out and I told them I wasn’t dating for another three months, but I wouldn’t mind being friends. ::poof:: They vanished.

Except one. He still wanted to hang out. And was totally cool with keeping it platonic. We live together now, and we have the kind of relationship I only dreamt about.

I would like to point out that when I told DD this on her blog, you poo-pooed my idea. The same one you’re advocating here.
Holly Hoffman´s last blog …Recipe for Conformity [Guest Post]