About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

Confession: I can only get off with my vibrator!

I’ve mentioned it before in passing, but decided that the time had finally come to devote an entire blog to the fact that the only orgasms I’ve ever had have come from my vibrator.  Although really, that should be plural because I’ve worn out a few over the years!

First Question: Do You Masturbate “By Hand”?

As soon as my mom gave me the What’s Happening to My Body?  Book For Girls when I was 9 or 10 and I learned what masturbation was, I certainly did it every chance I got.  I thought puberty was awesome (except for the zits) and it was all my mom could do to make sure I didn’t grab my boobs while we were grocery shopping.  I counted pubic hairs and every time I had a stomachache I thought I was going to start my period.

Naturally, when I discovered that I had a clitoris and that my finger could fit inside my vagina, I was totally psyched.  However, I never got wet, never experienced any sort of real sexual excitement.  Once I was in high school I’d get turned on when my boyfriend kissed me, but we never even got into the feel-me-up stage (never even got to a French kiss, actually) so there wasn’t really much to do about it.  If I masturbated after a date, it was nicer because I was slippery, but the turned on feeling went away quickly.  To this day, not only have I not had an orgasm by hand (even now that I know what they’re like), I haven’t even come close to feeling turned on when I try–I can’t even make myself wet.

Second Question: What About Your Early Sex Life?

As I said, my love life in high school was pretty tame.  After my high school boyfriend and I split up, I had a brief fling with a best friend’s cousin–as in, he fingered me one time but it was mostly uncomfortable.  And you’ve all heard my experience losing my virginity, so my first year and a half of sex was pretty miserable.  People often chalk up my inability to have an orgasm in the usual circumstances to this guy’s abuse, but between the fact that I never even came close to having an orgasm before him or in my many supportive relationships since, I have to disagree.

My second college boyfriend was superior in every way to my first one (and I do mean every way).  He’s the one who bought me my first vibrator.  It was a very simple waterproof model with adjustable vibration meant for clitoral stimulation only.  I don’t know what made him get it for me, but after he gave it to me and I was clearly embarrassed, he excused himself to go make a sandwich while I got acquainted with my new toy.  I pressed it up against my clit and turned it on.

I had an orgasm instantly.

And that’s pretty much how it remains today.

Third Question: Is It Really Physical?

To this I answer I don’t think so, although I can’t say for sure.  For whatever reason, I have the quickest results with my vibrator if I use it when I’m not wet or feeling turned on (even if I’m alone).  I frequently use it before, during, or after having sex with the BF, and while those orgasms are far more powerful and longer-lasting than the ones that I have while alone (let’s say on a scale of 1 to 10 the ones I have while alone are a 5 on the length and a 3 on intensity while the ones I have when he’s there are a 6.5 in length and an 8+ in intensity), it is a significantly longer waiting period before I have one.  And, of course, if it was simply a trust issue then I think I’d be able to give it a go by hand when I’m alone.

Fourth Question: What About Sex/Oral Sex?

The BF can get me wet simply by making out with me and using his digits to manipulate me down below.  I get even wetter when he goes down on me, and wettest of all when we have sex.  I am frequently so wet by the mere thought of having sex with him that we don’t need foreplay at all to ease things in, and he’s told me several times that I get wetter than any other girl he’s ever slept with.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I give oral sex a 5 (on a good day) and sex an 8 (on a bad day).  There is a HUGE difference, and oral sex just doesn’t compare.  When the BF goes down on me, I am mostly just impatient for the sex to begin, and I sometimes get very frustrated if he takes a break from sex to go down on me.  I’d rather just have sex forever and forever and forever.  I would rather go down on him than be gone down upon (and my going down on him gets me completely wet, as well).  The closest I’ve ever felt to orgasm has been while having sex, for sure.

Fifth Question (Usually A Statement): It’s Just Because You Haven’t Slept With ME…

If there is one thing on this earth that turned me off quickly and permanently when I was a single gal, it was any guy’s claim that the reason that I hadn’t had an orgasm yet was because he hadn’t used his digits/given me oral/had sex with me.  Please.  There’s a reason that the BF is the only guy I’ve used my vibrator with, and it’s because he’s the only one who, upon hearing that I didn’t get off in the usual ways, simply said, “well, what can we do to make sure you’re satisfied?”

He’s the one who told me it was okay in the beginning of our relationship where not even the vibrator could get me off every time.  He’s the one who experimented with kissing me at various intensities and locations (ears, neck, nipples…) while I was using the vibrator until we found out what works.  He’s the one who never hinted that it was emotional or based in a lack of trust, and as a consequence he’s the only one I ever have trusted.  And he’s the only one that I can easily imagine having an orgasm with, sans vibrator, one of these days.

And I have every faith that it will happen.  Women don’t reach their sexual peak until their 30s, at which point it’s my understanding that orgasm becomes much easier.  And in the meantime, I’ve got an amazing boyfriend who gives me the best sex of my life…not least because he’s not at all threatened by my ensuring my orgasm by any means necessary!  Thoughts?

If this posting made you want to go give yourself an orgasm by any means necessary, you might also enjoy:

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    We do have a vibrator that slips into a little rubber piece that goes over your finger…so he can rub me with his hand but I get that little something extra! We haven’t used it much lately but now you’ve made me want to dig it out, Brad :-)

    Honey´s last blog post…In Sickness…

  • Ilovedavidhinkle

    I am the exact same way…I’ve always used a vibrator and now I’m not sure I can get off w/o one….I have masterbated myself and gotten SOO close where I’ll squirm all over but can never get over that hump to a full climax :'(

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I enjoy “traditional” masturbation just like I enjoy sex, Ilovedavidhinkle, but like you, it’s not going to push me over the edge.

    I was talking with Jake about this the other day and he said that in his experience (which is a decent amount although I don’t know the number) I am in the 50th percentile as far as how hard it is to get me off.

    So, fully 50% of the women he’s slept with were harder to get off than me. That made me feel good. He also pretty much said any guy who told me different was either insecure, lying, didn’t know an orgasm when it was right in front of them, or some combination of the three. Which, to be honest, I always suspected.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Brooklyn Man Sues Match.com for $5M Because of Fake Profiles =-.

  • http://www.mypleasure.com MyPleasure

    Some women have the opposite issue:
    The Myth of the Vibrator Miracle

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I’m not sure what you mean by “opposite,” but this is VERY interesting, thanks for the link!
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Some New Crap at the Blog =-.

  • Ali

    This post really made me feel better because i can relate to you in many ways. When i was young i started experimenting with touching myself too. I never felt anything at all. As i got older my first real boyfriend fingered me and although it feels good, its nothing close to an orgasm. after a while i just dont want it anymore. I’ve never felt anything at all from oral sex or even regular sex. Although like you said, i get so wet from even just making out or thinking about sex. My boyfriend now got me my first vibrator and just like you, i orgasmed instantly and it was the best feeling in the world. I’ve had it now for about a month and its starting to lose its intensity. like i cant orgasm to it as quickly anymore. I have to put it on the highest speed and its just not as good. I’m going to try to use it with my boyfriend though because you said it feels better that way! thanks for the advice!

  • http://jackrabbitvibrators.org carrie

    hey that was a great read… thanks for sharing.
    I have to agree that I do find it easier to experience an orgasm when my vibrator is involved but quite honestly – I love it when my husband goes down on me while using a small vibrator, you should try that :)
    carrie
    .-= carrie´s last blog …A Quick History of the Vibrator =-.

  • http://vibratorsonline.info emile

    Yes, no need for either or when you can do both. Vibrator + Husband = :)
    .-= emile´s last blog …Dr. Berman’s Guide to Better Sex =-.

  • sleepybird

    So this post is a little old now, but I had to comment! This is like reading my own story word for word! Especially that bit about “I have the quickest results with my vibrator if I use it when I’m not wet or feeling turned on”; I thought that was so weird of me! Nice to know I’m not alone.

    I also feel that one day I will be sans vibrator, but am not gonna waste my time waiting!

    I have a question, can your BF use it on you to orgasm? As I am not quite there yet, and find myself just fidgeting and not properly enjoying it til I get my hand on it myself!

    Thanks for writing this!

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Thanks for the comment, sleepybird! I didn’t know whether my vibrator results were typical or not – nice to know I’m not alone, either.

    We have a finger vibrator that he has used, but he’s not been able to get me to cum that way – part of it is that even though I like particular techniques, they don’t for sure get me there every time, and part of it is because the finger vibrator isn’t strong enough (I have only gotten off with it once or twice even using it myself). But he usually fingers me or uses his mouth on my breasts/nipples while I am using the vibrator, and that works really well for us.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …How Likely Are You To Get Divorced? =-.

  • nancy

    you sound like you have no respect for yourself. like oh sex is soo great! yeah ok maybe to you it really is or you think it is but i dont believe you. kudos on the vib thing! i agree only orgasm with vib or water jet.

  • Nihcol

    I have to use a vibrator to get off. My gf will go down on me, but it takes over 30 minutes so I have to use the vibrator.