life

I try to live my life by the idea that happiness is a decision you make, not something you wait to happen to you.  With that in mind, I’ve made all sorts of decisions that, apparently, are difficult for many people.  Moving across the country to get a PhD in something I’d basically never heard of.  Starting a relationship/sex blog.  Most recently, quitting my job as a teaching assistant at the U and moving to another city to live with my boyfriend–without even having a job.

My best friend often says that my ability to pursue the path I think is right for me regardless of whether it’s easy or not is one of the qualities she admires the most about me.  However, I have to admit that this move has been fucking tough. I could really relate when I read Holly Hoffman’s post on Introducing a New Person Into Your Life, but I couldn’t help but think–what about when you’re the new person?  Because although we’ve been together over two years, I haven’t been trying to incorporate my man into an existing routine.  I’ve completely changed everything about my life and have been trying to build a new routine–in some ways an easier thing, but in other ways much harder. Continued

So in this article on Dating Ugly, I try to unravel the mysteries behind why gorgeous women would date guys who are significantly less good-looking than they are.  While I came down on the side of insecurity as the driving force behind such pairings, what if you’re totally, utterly secure in your fabulous good looks?  Previously there was only HotOrNot.com, a free way to not only judge your little heart out, but get judged and maybe find love.  The BF met his ex on that site, actually. However, such undergrad (and free) pursuits are now behind us, because we now have BeautifulPeople.net (only supported by IE, annoyingly enough for Firefox devotees like me).

Continued

I remember one of the first standup comics I ever saw was George Carlin. I was with my parents watching HBO in our first house in Florida. I was probably 9 or 10. I distinctly remember his seven dirty words routine. Yes, my parents let me watch the whole thing, even though it’s distinctly R-rated material, but it may have had something to do with the fact that my dad was laughing his ass off the entire time. Rarely have I seen my dad laugh so hard. I believe his own humor was very much in the same vein as Carlin’s. I didn’t understand everything Carlin was talking about at the time (”Dad, what’s a twat?”), but I remember I was blown away by how raw and powerful Carlin was. This was an awakening for me.

Continued

To add to the discussion about what’s great about monogamy versus some of the other systems out there, my interest was peaked when I came across this article called “Let’s Chat About Cheating.” Author Steve Penner not only references the Sex and the City movie and TV series (one of the most accurate commentaries on relationships EVER), he gives his perspective on AshleyMadison.com, a “dating” site for people who are…um, married, and interested in having an affair(s).  In fact, one of their slogans is, “Life is short.  Have an affair.”

(His life’ll be short all right, when his wife sees that collar…) Continued

Lance shot me this link from The Huffington Post, which attempts to explain why women are so much more likely than men to date people who are significantly less good-looking than they are (and sometimes, apparently, not good looking by any standard):

(I think he’s got a little stiffy, and why not?) Continued

The BF has been overworked lately–lots of projects due, it’s his first year at the company so he’s everyone’s bitch, etc. He had recently apologized for this and vowed to spend the weekend relaxing with me, especially after he came home at 8:30 p.m. on Thursday and fell straight asleep (I had been walking the dog, usually his job, for several days). Unfortunately, it was not to be.

Friday he came home, again after 8 p.m., and fell asleep. He woke up much later and we walked the dog together, but by then it was after midnight and I was ready for bed (he’s an insomniac normally so with his nap he was wide awake). I was getting irritated because this was the second night in a row I’d been watching tv by myself downstairs (thanks to no friends in New City) while he slept, and then going to bed alone (no sex!) while he watched tv till the early hours.

Then he woke me up at 5:30 a.m. Saturday morning and asked me to take him to the Emergency Room. Continued

As Lance says here, the perfect date is indeed a blog-worthy subject. I’ve been on many first dates myself (in fact, that was practically all I used to go on) and while I have to agree with Dadshouse that most online daters aren’t terribly original when it comes to first dates, I thought I’d put in my two cents as part of my entry for his First-Date Contest.

I have to agree with Lance that what makes a first date stand out isn’t typically the venue, it’s something electrifying about the company that you’re with. However, it’s hard to be electrified if you don’t craft the scenario at least a little bit to your liking. The anticipation begins before the date. Obviously my best first date in theory was with the BF, since it led to our fantastic relationship. And there were good things and bad things about it–so here I’ll list the good things and the bad, thereby serving as an object lesson in what to do and what not to do, simultaneously. Continued

Fact: you have friends–which means that the person you’re dating needs to see you interact with those friends. Fact: you also have to charm the friends of the person you’re dating. PLUS, you’ve gotta be able to interact with colleagues, bosses, underlings, clients, because sometimes you have to bring your date along to work events (or you’re invited to be a date to someone else’s work event). Conclusion: if you can’t talk to a wide variety of people about a wide variety of subjects, you are going to look like a total douchebag.

Whoa! I know what you’re thinking–a lot of pressure! But it doesn’t have to be. With a little legwork, you can be prepared for almost any conversational circumstance. Lance gives some suggestions on being a conversational whiz here. He’s mostly talking about how to be witty on a date. My post focuses on topics you can use when conversing with people you don’t know well–whether that’s a date you met online, someone you’re picking up at a club, or a horrible work cocktail party or company picnic.

Here are some subjects near and dear to my own heart that almost anyone can learn about with a minimum of effort: Continued

Okay, so I don’t know if there’s anything that can really be done about this, but a) I figure you all will let me know if you can think of something, and b) at least this way I get to vent. The BF has a friend that I’m not crazy about. We’ll call him Dick. We’ve hung out with Dick and his girlfriend, Jane, at their house a couple of times. We’ve also hung out with just Dick (significant, as I’ll mention later) publicly–restaurants, beer fests, that sort of thing. Dick is fun enough, though you can tell that he thinks a lot more of himself than any other reasonable person would. But he’s done/said some smarmy things that make me kinda uncomfortable. Continued

So I was reading on the LA Times Online about a new company called ScientificMatch that, for a mere $995 and a swab of your spit, will help you find your true love via genetic compatibility. The LA Times article talks a lot about smell–apparently, we are attracted to people who smell differently from us because they have different immune systems, and a child resulting from such a union has a greater chance at survival. Choosing a mate according to the criteria used by ScientificMatch means more sex, less cheating, and (for women at least) more orgasms. Continued