Lance

Holy balls, on Friday I the best sex of my life. I debated writing this post because it’s simply too damned durty, but screw it there is some good stuff there. Plus, all of my blogging friends are getting laid–here, here, and here–so what the hell.

Obviously, you’ll want to watch this video first:

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I was inspired to ask this question after reading the responses to my post about letting your children know if you’re getting nooky. Basically, if you’re a parent, do you teach your kid(s) about sex, and if so, at what age does this happen and to what degree? Before I rip into it, watch this funny Mad TV clip:

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I remember one of the first standup comics I ever saw was George Carlin. I was with my parents watching HBO in our first house in Florida. I was probably 9 or 10. I distinctly remember his seven dirty words routine. Yes, my parents let me watch the whole thing, even though it’s distinctly R-rated material, but it may have had something to do with the fact that my dad was laughing his ass off the entire time. Rarely have I seen my dad laugh so hard. I believe his own humor was very much in the same vein as Carlin’s. I didn’t understand everything Carlin was talking about at the time (”Dad, what’s a twat?”), but I remember I was blown away by how raw and powerful Carlin was. This was an awakening for me.

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My roommate and I threw a party at our place on Saturday night. Party was a hit. We grilled homemade pizzas (have you ever done this?), which friggin rocked, and drank a bunch of booze. The popular drinks were mojitos and Vodka-tonics. Oh, I have to mention this. I found out the hard way that I’m allergic to apples by eating a Gala apple. I’ve eaten a million apples in my life and never had an allergic reaction, but this time I did. The reaction is that the inside of your mouth and throat swells up, and in fact my throat swolled up to the point I couldn’t swallow solids for like thirty minutes. I looked around on the ‘net for treatments for the apple allergy, but couldn’t find anything. So I pounded a Benadryl and a Claritan just to see if it would help. It didn’t, but the Benadryl did make me feel funny, and combined with the vodka-tonics I got drunk in like 3 seconds. It sucked.

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So I’ve been reading a buttload of single parent blogs lately and got inspired to ask this question: Should single parents let their kids know they have sex? If so, to what degree would you discuss your sex life with your children, and at what age is this appropriate? Obviously, since I’m not a parent, I don’t have to worry about this any time soon, but I thought it was an interesting query. The REASON I thought it was interesting was because I struggle with how much to project myself as a sexual being to friends and family. I also think parental advice on sex is generally FUCKING TERRIBLE, and this is a problem. I know my parents didn’t teach me about the birds and bees and I had to learn via trial and error.

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Okay, this is a combo field report and weekly roundup. This post is a little late since I was doing Lance stuff over the weekend.

First off, I had to “next” Knockers, the 24-year-old hottie I made out with several weeks ago. What does nexting mean? Here it is. I met her and Fatty of Doom at Chillers on Saturday night. Knockers wasn’t giving me shit in the way of IOI’s and I was purposely giving her the cold vibe to see if she would respond. I had already come into the interaction with low expectations because of FOD, who had cockblocked me twice before. Anyway, we met at the bar at 10:00. At midnight they announced suddenly that they had to go home. This was the final straw for me, so I literally stood up, back turned, and walked out of the bar…no goodbye, no hug, nothing. I heard FOD say goodbye to my back but I didn’t respond. Sometimes it’s better to cut and run and this was one of those situations. These two girls were just too lame for me to hang out with. I hooked up with some friends after that and hung out until the wee hours.

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Happy Father’s Day, punkz!

Have you seen this? Mayor Margarita Martinez of Escobedo, a small town in northern Mexico, is giving away free Viagra and condoms to elderly men on Father’s Day. About 100 lucky fellows qualified for the giveway. She may have gotten the idea here, when Chilean Mayor Gonzalo Navarette Munoz instituted a free Viagra program in the suburb of Lo Prado. Munoz is in the midst of a re-election campaign and it’s been suggested that the Viagra giveaway is a ploy to get him re-elected. Hey, sounds good to me. That guy would get my vote. There are some happy fathers (and mothers) in those towns.

(Time for a breather, pal. Don’t wanna have a heart attack under there.)

This one’s for the fellas…a little pre-Father’s Day gift, if you will.

There’s a recent run on nerdy hotties around these parts, spurred by my geek and nerd bashing post here. Hey, we’re bloggers…that pretty much means we’re all dorks on some level, right? Uber-Dork/Cutie Holly Hoffman forwarded me a link to this article about the Nerd Girls, a group of sexy chick engineers at Tufts University. That’s cool…but I’m not getting 100% wood. My theory is that these girls are your standard government issue hotties who happened to become engineers. Plus, Tufts girls? C’mon.

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Props to Evil Woobie for turning me on to this. A blogger in the Philippines asked a blogger chick out on a date. She insisted he pay 10,000 Entrecard credits for the date. No shit, you just read that correctly. I don’t even know where to start with this one. The date never happened because the guy posted about the potential date on the Entrecard forums here, she found out about it, got her panties in a twist and dropped the guy. Via SMS. I love it. Geek dating. And you people bitch about going to bars and clubs?

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Marrieds, listen up!! See this article here, where Doug and Annie Brown had sex for 101 days straight. Yeah, that’s right, every single day for over three months. Hell, that puts me to shame. Big time. The couple have been married for 14 years, have two kids, and predictably enough their sex life sucked ass until they embarked on their carnal experiment. Then they wrote a book about it.

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