If there is one thing that gets under my skin when guys say it, it very well could be the uttering of “can I buy you a drink?” or one of it’s variants.
Jesus, is there any other way you can connote less value or make her feel like you’re just not good enough for her?
Let’s look a these in a bit more detail:
What you say: “Can I buy you a drink?”
What she hears: “Can I buy you a drink? I mean, please? Would you honor me with the privilege of spending $5 so that you can enjoy an alcoholic beverage and possibly get more intoxicated so that you actually find me interesting? I realize that you’re far too good to actually talk to me, however, if you actually allowed me to spend money on you it would bring me great pleasure.”
What you say: “Can I take you out to dinner sometime?”
What she hears: “Oh man, I know you wouldn’t actually like to spend any more time with me, however I would like to humbly ask your permission to be able to purchase a meal of food for you. Nothing would make me happier than doing so and even though you probably don’t want to… I’d thought I’d give it a shot and ask anyway.”
What you say: “Can I call you sometime?”
What she hears: “Talking to me just now wasn’t that exciting. With that in mind, I know that speaking with me again is not something that would be high on your to do list. Because of that, I feel it is necessary to get your authorization before attempting such a bold move that is normally way outside of the things that I am confident enough to do on my own… and I have a small penis.”
Ok, you get the idea. Asking her permission to do something completely gives her all the power and lets her know that you really don’t think you’re good enough for her. You’re taking yourself out of the game before it even starts.
What thoughts should be going through your mind then? Some examples are: “She is having a great time talking to me. Nothing would make her happier than to see me again. I am the most interesting person at the bar. She actually should be buying me a drink for the privilege of my time. She’s going to be wondering if I’ll actually call her again after tonight. I don’t need permission to see her again since I already know there’s nothing she’d like to do more.”
Now I’m not saying be a cocky dick. I simply over-did my “what to think” list just a bit to prove a point. Have some self confidence man. Even if you don’t actually think you’re the most interesting person at the bar, tell yourself you are, act as if you are, and after a while you’ll actually believe it and your subconscious will control your body language so that this is demonstrated to people you talk to. It’s amazing what a little positive thinking can do.
If you ever find yourself remotely close to saying anything like this, stop, go to the bathroom, splash some cold water on your face, and get your head in the game. If you have the right mindset then asking permission for her company should never cross your mind. If you convey confidence strong enough, it will be her asking you if she can buy you a drink.
And by the way, a gin and tonic would be delicious.