Blueprint for a Man’s Life

I dug Penelope Trunk’s post, Blueprint for a Woman’s Life. She brought it strong and as usual her stuff was controversial, which I like. I didn’t agree with all of her points–most actually–but it’s worth checking out. I decided to write my own blueprint for guys. I’ve been blogging about relationships/sex/dating on Honey and Lance for 3.5 years (!!!) and I can recommend how a man’s life should go, at least through his mid-30’s. I’d love to see other male and female bloggers write into action him up similar posts and give their perspectives.

Step 1 – Embrace Your Inner Warrior

I’m going to interchange the term warrior and athlete here. We’re all born athletes and have the capacity for strength and endurance. It’s ridiculous to live a life without honoring your physical self and maximizing your body. Men especially are born warriors and need to act like it. Get your asses in the gym and get strong. Benefits: Looking great, health, longer life, great sex.

This the first thing a man should embrace.

“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training…what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” – Socrates

 Step 2 – Get with the “In” Crowd

This starts in high school. Being part of the “in” crowd is important because it gives you opportunities. And let’s face it, the in crowd has more fun.

The easiest way to get in is to be good looking, rich, or cool. Barring those, I recommend being a sports star. Even being a star in a fringe sport (Lacrosse, rowing, whatever) is helpful. This gives you a solid social circle and gives you cache because you’re really good at something.

Besides opportunities, being in is good training for being socially attractive. Social attraction skills pay huge dividends for the rest of your life.

If you’re totally uncool in high school (I was) it gets much easier to get with an in crowd post-college. You simply have to have a good job, be cool, and be successful at a few things. Limitations like looks become less of a barrier.

Step 3 – Find 2-3 Things to be Badass At

At minimum, be awesome at one thing that you can spin into a career and make tons of money at, like business. My 3 things are technologysports, and writing, not necessarily in that order. I need to follow my own advice and turn one of those into a super moneymaker, but I at least can always have a solid career in technology if I maintain the status quo.

Start on this one early, like in high school, and work on it hard in your 20’s. You want to be a badass at a couple of things by the time you’re 30. If you’re not, you’ll miss out on a ton of opportunities.

If you’re not a badass at a couple of things in our life, you’re not a real man. Get with the program.

Step 4 – Commit to Being Cool

It took me years to figure out what being cool even meant. I knew what it looked and sounded like, but I couldn’t figure out how to be cool. My proposed solution here is to read up on pickup arts and peripheral literature, work on your body language, dress well, be in shape physically, and converse with a lot of people while trying to be witty and cool. Pickup arts are all about becoming cool. It’s a long process and something all men should commit to.

My favorite cool television character is Roger Sterling on Mad Men. He has great lines, excellent body language, and always dresses sharply. Try to emulate him.

For reading, I recommend The Game, Double Your Dating, and anything by Vin DiCarlo for starters. There are dozens of books you could read, but those three got me pointed in the right direction.

Step 5 – Pickup Lots of Chicks

I sucked with women for my entire teens and 20’s. If you also suck, spend your 20s learning how to approach and attract women. This has numerous benefits, but a few of the important ones are 1) it gives you practice being cool, 2) you’ll be less needy and insecure, 3) you learn how to treat women properly, and 4) you learn what you like in women and who you’re compatible with.

You also get way better at sex, which is important. By the time you’re 30, I recommend having been with at least 20 women, 30 or more would be better.

Step 6 – Have a Variety of Partners and Explore Sex

Great sex is key to relationships. This is under emphasized in mainstream dating and relationship advice. You don’t get good at sex until you’ve had a good number of partners, sampled a variety of styles, experimented, and gotten laid a bunch. Ignore mainstream literature on the subject because it’s counter productive. Part of the male experience is being with women, so embrace this and be with as many as you can.

I’ve found that I’m learning so much more now about good sex than I did 10 or even 5 years ago because I’ve got a foundation of knowledge and I’m capable of thinking critically about the activity. If I had gotten married in my 20’s, my sexual game would have plateaued and me and my partner would now be having married-people-sex, that is hardly at all. Fuck that.

Here’s something I learned recently. I bought my first pair of restraints and used them on my partner the same day. It was a smashing success. I was inspired to do so by reading this Black and Blue post. I didn’t even know I liked bondage a year ago. Now I think it’s incredibly erotic and releasing. There is a level of communication going on there with my partner that is impossible to achieve via regular conversation. I’ve had plenty of partners who were repelled or squeamish on the idea of bondage, so I’m glad I kept experimenting.

Step 7 – Watch Lots of Porn

Porn is free, it helps you determine what your kinks are, and it gives you ideas in the bedroom. Don’t pooh-pooh porn. If you’re not mentally creating movies of interesting and exciting sexual sessions in your head (ie fantasizing), then you’re not good in the sack. Watch more porn to fix this.

Step 8 – Decide if College is Worth the Expense

Knowledge is getting easier and less expensive to obtain and the economics of a college education are making less sense. Many of the men I work with in technology didn’t graduate from college and most of them have inexpensive degrees. They’re hireable because they’re talented coders and that’s all that matters.

In other fields, you must have at least a bachelors degree. Put some thought into a career and what you need education-wise to make it happen. Graduate school is definitely a big question mark…my graduate degree was expensive and hasn’t given me any ROI yet, so I’m of the mind that it wasn’t worth it. I would rather have spent the time traveling, reading, and exploring. I could have redirected tens of thousands of dollars had I done that.

On the other hand, college gives you a lot of social training and opportunities, and those can’t be discounted. I could also never take away my undergraduate education because of the psychic and spiritual benefits it’s given me…I love being a graduate of the University of Florida and the psychic benefit is worth the premium.

 Step 9 – Decide What Relationships Mean To You

The past two years I’ve been grappling with what kind of relationships are right for me. I know I don’t want kids and I’m on the fence big-time about marriage. For other guys, being married and monogamous with kids is right. For others, monogamy isn’t right, nor is marriage. Explore and be true to yourself.

I also don’t recommend that guys get married until at least age 30 and instead focus their energy on business/career and learning about relationships. The cool thing is we can always get married to younger women after age 30, so it’s no biggee to wait. Women have an entirely different agenda here so you have to be careful not to get pinned down. Unless that’s what you want. If you read Penelope’s post she’s all about women getting married early on and protecting the family, which often conflicts with the male destiny.

 Step 10 – Figure Out Your Destiny

Every man has a gift and is good at something. Figure out what that is and pursue it with passion and determination. This is part of your destiny. Everything else is secondary. A man who doesn’t pursue his destiny is not a man at all.


  • Christina

    I love this kind of stuff! It seems that far too many young people just drift aimlessly and then wonder why they’re not getting any of the good stuff from life. I especially like #3- it’s a great confidence-builder to know you’re great at something, and leads to being great at other things as well.

  • Donna

    I’m pretty sure I disagree with everything, every SINGLE thing, Penelope wrote in her blog post. And as a mother, lover, and company director, I don’t look for any of the characteristics she lauds, in a family member, lover or employee. I like your blueprint much better, and i think it applies to both men and women.

  • Honey

    I guess you can’t make a blueprint until you know where you want to end up. Like, I don’t want kids, so Penelope Trunk’s blueprint is totally antithetical to the life I want to live. Though if you want the things she wants (financial stability, a family) then she does out line an effective (if mercenary and possibly unethical) way to get them.

  • Lance

    I don’t know a single chick that’s done botox…that’s obviously thrown in there for shock value. What I want to know is does Penelope actually agree and believe in all of these points or are they on there because she found a bunch of controversial articles and thought it would make good blog fodder? It seems disingenuous. Would she honestly recommend all of the same to her daughter? Anyway, I’m contrarian by nature and I liked the effort. It was provocative at least.

  • Lance

    Donna, thanks for the reading and commenting as always. I believe in my blueprint.

  • Honey

    I would TOTALLY do Botox someday when I need it. And get a boob lift.

  • U

    This may be part of “committing to be cool,” but I would add – Get Your Mental Game Together. I’ve been out with lots of women who’ve complained about all the neurotic, whiny dudes they’ve been out with. Even a short, fat, bald guy is more attractive to a woman than a good looking, anxious, nervous mess.

  • Brian Drolet

    I’m 23 and I’m sooo glad I just read this. What a badass post dude. This is massive, more guys need to read this.

  • Lifestyles365

    Step 5,6 and 8 are right up my alley.

    The question I always ask Long-Termers (Guys in Long term relationships): What if one day you wake up being 30 and you’re like shit, I’ve only been with 2-4 women and the last one I’ve been with for 10 years..There’s no such thing as a new person learning new tricks, just a different person.

    8 is good. Don’t just go through the motions and assume college is for everyone. Accumulating smart debt maybe for everyone, but accumulating dumb debt SHOULD not be for everyone.

  • Lea G

    Yeap, I agree with the post . This is really very interactive on how to start the relationship and make blueprint.It really helps them to know what are the inputs and the necessaries required for this purpose. I like the way they have tried to explain.

  • Sher Chives

    I know there are a lot of guys who wanted to read this post…I like it..

  • Lenny

    I have 4 brothers and I am looking forward to let them read this…

  • sam

    solid tips here. definitely agree with the need to get good at approaching ladies. something every man should work on… in my humble opinion.

  • Anjieline

    WOW…Awesome ideas for all men…This should be shared to all people especially to men…

  • Andy

    Good post. A lot of the ideas remind me of a very simple piece of advice I heard about how to get women: be awesome at your job.

    If you have a job that you enjoy and care about, and one where you know that you’re doing important work consistently well, you’ll have an innate sense of confidence in your life. Even if you’re working as a garbagemen, if you know that you’re doing your job perfectly everyday, and improving the success of the organization and the life of those around you while also working towards reaching new goals, you’ll have a much greater happiness and confidence than an executive stuck in a job he doesn’t like, where he slacks off every day, is treated like crap by his coworkers, and isn’t trying to get his life in a better place.

    That confidence will flow naturally into interacting with women. Women hate guys that are needy. Any guy who isn’t fulfilled with his work is ultimately going to be needy. So get a job, be awesome at it, and all aspects of your life will improve.

  • Dan

    Yeah, this isn’t me and won’t ever be. Being with 20 women by the time I’m 30? How can anyone do that and be okay with themselves?

  • Shella

    i must share this to my guy friends 😉 or better yet make a printout and hand it to them just for a simple reminder. thanks for sharing!