Author Archive for Lance

This is a simple concept but one I’ve found that is adding a lot of value to my life. In the last year or so I’ve been consciously surrounding myself with men and women that I consider high character. At the same time I’ve been shedding my low character relationships. This is creating more opportunity and bringing a lot more love and value to my life. It’s presenting professional opportunities and options for growth. If you’re not already doing this, I recommend starting on this project now.

One of the sports clubs I belong to is filled with hundreds of high character people. This includes firefighters, law enforcement, ex-military, business owners, family men and women, and people from many walks of life. One pattern that sticks out from this tribe is that almost everyone is high character. Because it’s a sports club and we’re constantly on stage during competition, our character is revealed to each other. This makes it easy to identify. Being absorbed into this group I’ve noticed is improving my life and improving my happiness.

What really turned me onto this concept was when I worked out with an ex-Navy Seal about a year ago. The guy radiated charisma and it was painfully obvious that he was a man of unimpeachable character. Just being around the guy made me rethink my priorities and what it meant to be a solid dude. Since then I’ve been trying to be a better guy and surround myself with high character individuals.

I’ve been doing some experimenting with my relationships recently and one thing I’ve found is that straight up communication isn’t that effective. When I say communication, I mean sitting down and talking face-to-face. Talking is useful and has it’s place, but more is needed.

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Over the holidays, while watching The Nutcracker live on TV, I had an epiphany.

Here it is: Performance and the act of performing is critical to the human experience.

What spurred that thought was watching interviews with several of the kids who played major characters in the production. Even at a young age, children are very much aware that they’re on stage, performing, being judged for their performance, and growing as a result of the experience.

I look back on my life and recall the most vivid, most memorable experiences are ones where I’m performing, especially at a high level. For me, most of these are sports and adventure related. Without these experiences, I can honestly say that my life would be pretty boring. Perhaps even meaningless.

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Here is what game for guys in their 30′s (and beyond) should look like.

Guys in their 30′s should be successful professionals and have lots of money. At least enough money to sustain a good lifestyle and a family (if you’re into the family thing). You’re either a working professional with a cool career or a small business owner, or both. Either way, you’re driven, ambitious, creative, and a badass.

If you’re single, it’s by choice, and you can always get girlfriends. Even if you live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, you have options. It is preferred to live in an area where there are plenty of intelligent men and women…I recommend cities on coasts.

You should not spend all your time running game in bars and clubs. That’s a hassle and you’re past all that. You do go out on special occasions, but the primary purpose of that should be the occasion itself.

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I found Juliet Jeske’s post, Dating After Divorce In a City of Sluts, via the Evan Marc Katz blog. Jeske is a divorced comedian and artist in New York City. She’s starting over in the NYC dating scene and frustrated with how fast things move in the dating world. Her complaint is a common one, that sex happens too fast and guys want to get laid on the first date.

I’m a big believer in fast sex, before any kind of gf-bf relationshop has been established. There are good reasons for this, which I will address in a followup post. For now, let’s go with the assumption that guys want to have sex early and women get pissed when we do. What should Jeske do?

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After having had several LTR’s the past few years, I’ve got it figured out how a relationship works. Here it is.

Firstly, my simple model of evaluating a relationship is spot on. There are two components, Companionship and Sex, and I rate them on a scale of 1-10. For me, the sex has to be at least a 9 and the companionship a 6. If I have those two things at those levels I’m pretty much set. I don’t bother overthinking all the stuff that goes into a relationship (communication, commonalities, pets, religion, etc) because those are details and the details are malleable.

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