About the Author

Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Central Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at life. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.

Apple Should Just Buy Best Buy And Fire All These Assholes

By on Jan 16, 2010 in Life

Best Buy is so douchey. I went in there today to pick up a laptop that the motherboard crapped out on a while back. For one thing, it took them two months figure it out and fix this fucker even though I told them what the problem was because I researched it online, and they didn’t believe me because how should I know anything about computers since I’m not a Geek Squad dork making $9 an hour? Then they returned the thing and said they couldn’t find anything wrong with it and it was probably a software or virus problem, which was total bullshit because I reformatted it like 5 times trying to get Vista off and XP on and then back to Vista because otherwise it voided my service plan. So I returned it after much negotiation and haranguing, they sent it off to the service center in West Hell and held on to it for another month. In the meantime I was using a MacBook Pro that my work gave me which is like getting a blowjob from the hottest blonde in the galaxy in comparison to my laptop.

I go in to pick it up today and I’m waiting in the Geek Squad line for like 45′ minutes while all the blue shirts have their thumbs up their asses and there’s a bunch of dumbasses waiting in front of me. I actually had a dude hold my space in line while I went to the music section and grabed a book about Van Halen which was totally tits but made me look uber gay because of all the shirtless pics of David Lee Roth jumping around like a gazelle. So I finally get my laptop back and now I’m writing this blog on it and it feels like smearing poo on the wall with a shovel compared to the MacBook.

Contrast this to when I went into the Apple Store on CHRISTMAS EVE to get the display on my iPhone replaced. As soon as I walked in, one of the Apple Dorks greeted me and put my name in the queue thing. I surfed the Internet on one of their systems (even checked H&L, hee hee NSFW) for a grand total of ten minutes, got hooked up with a hot nerdy chick at the Genius Bar, and it took her like 60 seconds to replace my display while the whole time I was imagining shooting my load down her shirt with maybe just a little bit on her eyeglasses. I signed one piece of paper and was on my merry way. Apple should just buy Best Buy, keep all the cool shit like Playstations and TV’s, and fire all the Geek Squaders and replace them with hot nerdy Geniuses.

One cool thing did happen in Best Buy, I got to play the new DJ  Hero game and it was totally awesome.

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  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    Apple rocks. I swore off PCs years ago. I love my MacBook.

    Did you know I put the spelling checker into MacDraw II? Way back in the day when I was slumming for Claris. My Apple claim to fame.

    Apple kicks ass.
    .-= dadshouse´s last blog …Craigslist Dating and Hot Tattoos =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Jake refuses to buy or use any Mac/Apple products.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Apple Should Just Buy Best Buy And Fire All These Assholes =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Okay. And why? And what does Honey use?

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Until their code is entirely open source, he thinks the company is unethical and refuses to patronize them. Though he does sometimes use an iPod he got as a gift before he decided that.

    I have an iPod but haven’t turned it on in probably 6-8 months. My desktop is an HP with Vista, which I’m not thrilled with, but honestly don’t do much on the computer at home besides surf the internet and work on Word documents. We also have one other desktop and two laptops, all with XP, but we are probably going to get rid of all those sometime this year and get a laptop to share. But it will definitely be Windows…
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Apple Should Just Buy Best Buy And Fire All These Assholes =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    How is not having open source software unethical? ALL software is not open source, except for the open source stuff, and that’s not that much stuff. Windows is not open source. It’s also not very good.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I may not be using the term right, he means that you cannot play songs or videos that are in the format of their programs on other machines/programs.

    And if you think you can even mention the company’s name to him without triggering a 45 minute lecture/fight, you’re welcome to try and convince him :-)
    .-= Honey´s last blog …How To Destroy Creepiness In Guys – Part 1 =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    My best friend from grad school and her boyfriend stayed with us and tried to sing the praises of their Mac Book. Jake says they’re not allowed to stay with us anymore when they visit because he got so upset…
    .-= Honey´s last blog …How To Destroy Creepiness In Guys – Part 1 =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    Wow.

  • Shannon

    Say what you will about Apple – too expensive, closed, whatnot – but the one thing that sets them apart from the rest is their knack for ease of use and intuitive user/customer experience. Your average Joe or Jane doesn’t care if it’s open/closed or whatnot…they likely don’t even know what that means. All they care about is if it’s easy to use and if they enjoy using it.

    This translates into their store, as you said, and one Microsoft is now trying to copy and not getting the idea “quite” right: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSAXEVXvNz8

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    OMG, there’s something bizarre in a leprotic zombie kind of way about the MS Store employees dancing shittily in their store. Notice how the customers are trying not to look at them? It’s like a Zumba class with a really terrible instructor. Christ. I can’t wait to write a post and make fun of this…

  • Shannon

    Hehe, yeah, the only one looking like they’re actually having fun out there is the female Green Shirt. Male Yellow Shirt (foreground) looks like he wishes he worked at the Best Buy ;)