Add Randomness To Your Life To Meet People

(Gemma Atkinson…Sweet Jesus!)

This post was inspired after reading Three Great Places to Meet Women on the Dad’s House blog. DM suggested three places that are, on paper, supposed to be goldmines for meeting singles (especially for guys): yoga, cooking class, and wine tasting class. He goes on to say that he struck out at all three times.

I think he’s on to something and I want to expand on it. I’ve done classes (yoga), groups (sports, writing), and other social functions with the express purpose of creating more opportunities to meet chicks. This has rarely worked out for me. Wow, how is that? I mean, hell, I even wrote a post about unique places to meet women, and some of these places were on the list.

The thing is, I think you’re setting yourself up for failure by taking a yoga class for the purpose of meeting girls. Take a yoga class because you like yoga. I love yoga, and I will continue to do it, but not to meet women. If a hottie happens to be in the class, then I’ll do my thing, but I’m not rocking up to the class looking for it. The universe kind of works that way. It’s stingy when you’re really looking for something and it’s generous when you least expect it.

Three points:

1. Always do stuff because you’re out to have fun and to have good experiences FIRST, meet girls second.

2. Just because you didn’t get a date doesn’t mean that you can’t socialize and make friends. I think this trips up a lot of guys looking for dates. They consider it a failure when they don’t get the number or a date out of it. Just make friends. Just be cool with everyone you come across, guys or girls. Extend your network. The bigger your network is, the more social opportunities come your way. You’re making an investment, and that investment will pay dividends eventually.

3. Add randomness to your life, or to put it another way, go to places you don’t normally go to and have no agenda and let the game come to you. Run your errands in the evening and stop by 2-3 places for the hell of it. Look for crowds and places that look energetic. Accept invitations to go out with groups that you don’t regularly hang with. Go to bars with friends even though you hate bars. Randomness happens in bars every hour of every night. That’s what you want.

Don’t sweat it if you don’t get the date, just keep going out and plugging away and eventually it will happen.

If you’ve ever been to a yoga class and struck out, you might also like these posts:

  • The Virgin

    That is pretty funny how that is. I have done all the suggested activities and places (grocery stores, cooking classes, improv, etc) and there are either few women, they’re teenagers/elderly or they’re taken/married. I guess things are different for some people out on the east/west coasts versus the midwest. 😉

    The Virgin´s last blog post…Everyone’s an expert

  • Honey

    I think the point is to always be open to new things and to be social wherever you are. Eventually it starts to pay off…but if you have a negative attitude (desperate, jaded, whatever) then it doesn’t work.

    Honey´s last blog post…In Sickness…

  • Dr. Leah

    Isn’t it interesting how the universe comes to you when you are just open to the experience. Best advice I ever got . . avoid “singles events” and simply live your own best life to the fullest.

    Dr. Leah´s last blog post…Does this make you run like hell, too?

  • lisaq

    Nicely said. I think you definitely have to do things because you enjoy them and not for the express purpose of meeting someone. And I love the whole randomness thing. Lord knows I need some randomness in my life!

    lisaq´s last blog post…Mortal Danger

  • Holly Hoffman

    I think this applies for both men and women. Really great advice, Lance. I read that post also and thought, well if you went to the class all the time you might find a single girl. But going just once with that purpose? Doomed for failure.

    The best advice I’ve ever gotten was just to go out and live my life, doing the things I enjoy best, and really get out there socially. But if I’m golfing to find a guy (still a sure-fire bet in my book), he’s probably not going to be impressed with me if I stop golfing when we start dating. Or if I’m not that into my swing, or whatever.

    The odds of me finding someone like me is to just do what I love doing and I’ll meet him there. Although, my therapist has recently recommended I do some volunteer work to meet guys. Haha. He’s says those are the kinds of guys I want.

    I start volunteering in February. 😉

    Holly Hoffman´s last blog post…How I Found Our Voices

  • dadshouse

    Love the part you wrote about making an investment in friends and social networks. I have a buddy who thinks that way, and he is never lacking for things to do!

    Holly – regarding those yoga/cooking/wine-tasting classes I took, only the cooking class was a one-shot deal. The wine tasting and yoga classes were things I did for 10 weeks.

    And I won’t be doing again!

    dadshouse´s last blog post…Old Home Remedies

  • Lance

    Sweet, you want to save the world? We have more stuff in common.

    Lance´s last blog post…In Sickness…

  • The Dateable Dork

    You know, I never believed that whole “you’ll find a guy when you stop looking” crap until I tried it and it actually worked… kind of. I’ve noticed that when I’m out at bars looking for guys, I never have any luck. But when I ignore them all and just chill with my girls, I have skeezy bar monkeys hanging all over me. Granted, these are not the kind of guys that I’m looking for, but whatever. It proves a point. : )

    P.S. – Note to skeezy bar monkeys: you’re gross and please get your tongue out of my ear. Eww!

    The Dateable Dork´s last blog post…Groundbreaking news from MSNBC!

  • NewWrldYankee

    I have to agree with DD here, the more you put yourself first, the better life will become. You will get what you want – when you’re ready. Life is good, folks – if you let it be.

    Virgin – YES on midwest v. east coast. Ohio was totally diff than NY for me. Culture is diff – yoga classes don’t work. I guess they dont work in San Fran either, DH?

    NewWrldYankee´s last blog post…Are you it? Tagged in 5 Things Meme by DeboHobo

  • Infinity

    Like, Lance said, it’s important to go out and do things that YOU love. For a silly example, if you love video games and joined a club or a group, you will have so many people you can connect with because you have things in common.

    If you suck at cooking and don’t really like it, you’re not going to connect with someone who does, even if you fake it.

    I met a guy the other day that loves to rock climb and he joined a group that goes several times a week and he says that guys go there and meet women who like it too and it’s pretty easy to get dates.

    When you’re out having fun, doing what YOU wanna do, things naturally tend to happen and the people gravitate towards you.

    Infinity´s last blog post…Huge Announcement [Video]

  • Mama Dharma

    Cannot agree more with this post. The more I study about the law of attraction, and see the consequences in my life, the more I realize that you will never meet someone when you are out to meet someone. It is a cliche, I know, but so damn true!

    So now, when I am pondering whether or not to do X activity, I ask myself if I would do it if hooking up was not a motivation. If I would – cool! If it’s purely to hook up, I pass on it. This has been a tough lesson to learn, but a worthwhile one, and I’m so much happier for it :)

    Mama Dharma´s last blog post…Making friends with what is.