Accomplish Something to Become More Attractive

Attending the 21 Convention on Sunday was a bit of a revelation for me in terms of how many young guys there are out there who need to work on a great many things; not just attractiveness to the opposite sex, which is probably the least of their concerns, but on every facet of their lives. As a group, this crowd was probably one of the least “attractive” groups of men I’ve stood shoulder-to-shoulder with in long time. Maybe ever. Don’t mistake this post as me hating on those guys…I”m not. Every person in social artistry knows it’s important to face your flaws with brutal honestly in order to improve. That’s why we publish our fuckups in field reports and why coaches will hammer you on what you’re doing wrong in-field.

Besides the usual suspects–hygiene, fashion, body language, articulation, and fitness–I thought there was one glaring quality that most of those guys really needed to work on. Here it is:

Accomplishing Stuff

Accomplishing something (exactly what I’ll get into below) goes a long long way towards making you more attractive.

Here’s my thought process. I’m milling around the room at the 21 Convention and sort of getting the vibe of the crowd and doing a little eavesdropping. What I quickly realize is none of the dudes in the crowd are very interesting. They’re not interesting because they haven’t done anything in their lives. Yes, I’m making a huge blanket statement and I’m absolutely certain that if I had poked around I would have found some guys who were cool and who had done cool stuff, but you get the point. If you don’t get the point, the point is this: when you’re a young twenty-something, your first concern should be to get involved in a bunch of challenging endeavors and go about accomplishing those endeavors to the best of your ability. Once you’ve accomplished something, or a handful of somethings, then you have something to talk about and you’re interesting. When you’re interesting, you’re attractive. Bam.

Those endeavors should NOT be getting really good at picking up women in bars. That is not an accomplishment. Accomplishments should be things that are hard to do but regular people talk about.

Here are some accomplishments:

  • Getting a graduate degree.
  • Completing a stint in the military.
  • Winning a state championship in a sport in high school or college.
  • Starting and sustaining a professional organization for more than a year.
  • Completing a successful, long term creative project. An example would be launching a magazine or a successful website.
  • Getting and sticking with a really cool job for more than a year.
  • Winning some kind of competition, such as a writing contest or even a Science Fair.
  • Traveling the world. Living in other countries.
  • Publishing a book.
  • Organizing and sustaining a conference for several years.
  • Starting and sustaining a business.

That’s a very short list. What else can go on there? By my standards, everything on the list takes Discipline, Training/Preparedness, and Execution (thanks DJ Fuji!). Once you accomplish a bunch of stuff, you’ve got stories to tell and a network of people you’ve interacted with. You’ve experienced life at a high level. You’ve won stuff and done stuff. You’re a person worth talking to and you’ve gone a long way towards making yourself attractive.

You’re more than just a regular 20-year-old dude who can’t get laid. Those dudes are a dime a dozen. If you accomplish a bunch of stuff, now you’re someone who has actually busted their balls and made it happen. You’re someone men and women want to connect with.

Put another way, if you haven’t accomplished anything in your life, why in the heck would a very attractive person want to date, sleep, or otherwise have a relationship with you? Simply because you’re there and you’ve got a few good routines? Hardly. No attractive person wants to settle for mediocrity and neither should you. Get your butt out the door and do something.

  • Zanther

    Great post. Honest and direct. Good goals for younger people to strive toward.

  • babs

    Seriously, this isn’t just for 20 somethings. This is awesome advice even for us, uh…older than 20 folks! Another fab post, Lance!

  • Jonsi

    The other benefit of accomplishing “something” is that NOT all women will find it compelling. Many will not no matter how you frame it. But that is a positive thing, because you have greater experiences to draw from to determine if someone is compatible with you and can give you value in return. It’s an attraction, but also a filter, as people will quickly disqualify themselves.

  • Girlwithnoname (Jackie)

    How freaking true is THAT, eh? Thanks for putting that out there. Love reading your stuff, always thought provoking stuff.

    Lance, you kinda rock!! Just making sure you know!! :-)

    .-= Girlwithnoname (Jackie)´s last blog …Vancouver Summer =-.

  • Janak

    Best post you’ve done in a while. Double thumbs.
    .-= Janak´s last blog …Mingle2 review =-.

  • Relationship Advice From Penny

    Very good point – to go out there and do something! Make yourself interesting. As you become interesting, people get interested. Also, the other end of the spectrum can be true as well…

    …And that is: Become “interested.” Ask questions, try stuff and expand your horizon. As you become interested in this way, you then also become interesting! :)
    .-= Relationship Advice From Penny´s last blog …Can any 2 people be truly happy in a relationship? =-.

  • Dream

    Thanks for the shout out (almost blushing ha).

    .-= Dream´s last blog …The 21 Convention Gets Claireified with Contiga Broadcasting! =-.

  • Honey

    A couple of things that I would add to the list:

    Moving to a different city and/or state by yourself.

    Making a significant volunteer committment (say, 5-15 hours per week) with a charitable and/or political organization whose mission you care about and sticking with it for at least a year.

    I have done more than half the things on that list, and they were all AMAZING in different ways.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Accomplish Something to Become More Attractive =-.

  • DJ Fuji

    Great stuff, man. Very, very true. Being better with women is about the journey of self improvement and actually BECOMING attractive. Tactics only get your foot in the door. Too many people forget that.

    Discipline, Training, Execution! :)

  • used tires

    So I am currently in college and a Junior, so what I gather from this is, if I don’t get into a serious relationship (marriage type) before I graduate, that’s okay, because my degree will elevate myself! =D

    Till then,


  • Pua Lingo

    This is very true, and applies for confidence as well. Yeah, you can puff yourself up and make yourself feel confident, but really, why should you feel confident when you have nothing to be confident about? Becoming an attractive and confident man starts with building an attractive and confident lifestyle, not something that is fake through tricks and techniques.
    .-= Pua Lingo´s last blog …Resistance =-.

  • Free Reminder

    There are five basic elements to reach any outcome: you, the
    plan, the actions and behaviors, the path and the outcome itself.
    The belief you will develop for each element will form a winning
    belief system that will empower you in achieving anything you
    really want out of life.

  • Mikko Kemppe – Relationship Coach

    Good stuff Lance! I agree.

    “To attract attractive people, you must be attractive. To attract powerful people, you must be powerful. To attract committed people, you must be committed. Instead of going to work on them, you go to work on yourself. If you become, you can attract.”
    –Jim Rohn
    .-= Mikko Kemppe – Relationship Coach´s last blog …Mikko, Can Exes Just Be Friends? =-.