Attending the 21 Convention on Sunday was a bit of a revelation for me in terms of how many young guys there are out there who need to work on a great many things; not just attractiveness to the opposite sex, which is probably the least of their concerns, but on every facet of their lives. As a group, this crowd was probably one of the least “attractive” groups of men I’ve stood shoulder-to-shoulder with in long time. Maybe ever. Don’t mistake this post as me hating on those guys…I”m not. Every person in social artistry knows it’s important to face your flaws with brutal honestly in order to improve. That’s why we publish our fuckups in field reports and why coaches will hammer you on what you’re doing wrong in-field.
Besides the usual suspects–hygiene, fashion, body language, articulation, and fitness–I thought there was one glaring quality that most of those guys really needed to work on. Here it is:
Accomplishing something (exactly what I’ll get into below) goes a long long way towards making you more attractive.
Here’s my thought process. I’m milling around the room at the 21 Convention and sort of getting the vibe of the crowd and doing a little eavesdropping. What I quickly realize is none of the dudes in the crowd are very interesting. They’re not interesting because they haven’t done anything in their lives. Yes, I’m making a huge blanket statement and I’m absolutely certain that if I had poked around I would have found some guys who were cool and who had done cool stuff, but you get the point. If you don’t get the point, the point is this: when you’re a young twenty-something, your first concern should be to get involved in a bunch of challenging endeavors and go about accomplishing those endeavors to the best of your ability. Once you’ve accomplished something, or a handful of somethings, then you have something to talk about and you’re interesting. When you’re interesting, you’re attractive. Bam.
Those endeavors should NOT be getting really good at picking up women in bars. That is not an accomplishment. Accomplishments should be things that are hard to do but regular people talk about.
Here are some accomplishments:
- Getting a graduate degree.
- Completing a stint in the military.
- Winning a state championship in a sport in high school or college.
- Starting and sustaining a professional organization for more than a year.
- Completing a successful, long term creative project. An example would be launching a magazine or a successful website.
- Getting and sticking with a really cool job for more than a year.
- Winning some kind of competition, such as a writing contest or even a Science Fair.
- Traveling the world. Living in other countries.
- Publishing a book.
- Organizing and sustaining a conference for several years.
- Starting and sustaining a business.
That’s a very short list. What else can go on there? By my standards, everything on the list takes Discipline, Training/Preparedness, and Execution (thanks DJ Fuji!). Once you accomplish a bunch of stuff, you’ve got stories to tell and a network of people you’ve interacted with. You’ve experienced life at a high level. You’ve won stuff and done stuff. You’re a person worth talking to and you’ve gone a long way towards making yourself attractive.
You’re more than just a regular 20-year-old dude who can’t get laid. Those dudes are a dime a dozen. If you accomplish a bunch of stuff, now you’re someone who has actually busted their balls and made it happen. You’re someone men and women want to connect with.
Put another way, if you haven’t accomplished anything in your life, why in the heck would a very attractive person want to date, sleep, or otherwise have a relationship with you? Simply because you’re there and you’ve got a few good routines? Hardly. No attractive person wants to settle for mediocrity and neither should you. Get your butt out the door and do something.