Comments on: A Typical Date With Lance and Why Intimacy Matters on First Dates

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:31:58 +0000

OK, you are right.
And I like to think of dating along the lines of soccer, too. In fact, I have a WONDERFUL game plan for David Beckham …
Kat Wilder´s last blog …Honey, those are fighting words

By: Lance

Lance — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:24:10 +0000

Kat, I don’t disagree with anything you said in your comment. Describing date structures and “game” on paper makes it sound soulless, and I certainly didn’t imbue it with any of the subtle emotion or Zen that you’re talking about. And I know exactly what you’re talking about. My dates do in fact have a lot of soul to them and there’s plenty of opportunity for organic, unexpected intimacy, it’s just not written on the page.

I will say this. I think it’s a mistake to never think about dating and relationships as an activity that is quantifiable or structured. There is and there are, and using that knowledge can only help you. I liken it to playing soccer. You can be a supremely talented soccer player, but in order to play good team ball and win you have to embrace all the X’s and O’s and work within a system. Once you’ve achieved mastery, the system becomes second nature and your individual game shines. Good team soccer then becomes one of the most beautiful activities to behold.
Lance´s last blog …A Typical Date With Lance and Why Intimacy Matters on First Dates

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:55:08 +0000

Lance, while I appreciate the fact that you’ve thought things out as opposed to walking through life obliviously as many of us do, you have left nothing Zen about your approach to the moment. You’re basing “moves” on what you’ve already laid out, instead of being in the moment and deciding what feels good at that particular time and then deciding what’s next (if anything).

And, if there is drinking occurring at place No. 1, 2 and 3, then there’s also a substantial amount of booze happening, too, which flavors people’s actions, reactions and thoughts and is thus potentially troubling.

Intimacy can be created without having to plan for it; in fact, I think the most genuine intimacy is one that happens exactly when it’s unexpected …

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:46:00 +0000

I agree with Lance’s advice to Sara. Women should leave the guy with positive signals on the first date that he should keep pursuing her. Non-verbal gestures are huge.
dadshouse´s last blog …Male and Female Dating Perspectives

By: Lance

Lance — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:10:13 +0000

Honey, your first date with Jake was basically my exact first date structure, down to the hookup at the end. And you’re right, no serious physical action, you guys might never see each other again. That’s the way it goes.

@Sara: If you like the guy, find him attractive, or otherwise have the idea that you’d like to see him again, do some work on the date and FLIRT with him. Remember, it’s a mutual seduction. Let him know he’s cool and give him signals to advance. If you’re dating several guys at once AND looking for a relationship as an end goal, pick one and let the other guys know you’re off the market. That’s the considerate thing to do.
Lance´s last blog …A Typical Date With Lance and Why Intimacy Matters on First Dates

By: ozgirlkim

ozgirlkim — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:39:03 +0000

Amazing how our dates are somewhat parallel at the moment Lance (well your last two post have hit home!).

I went on a date on Saturday night and it was not great at all. And the easiest way to summaries is that he didn’t know your game plan.

He is a good guy (which is why I have agreed to a second date – a tip lock it down at that first date!) but something was missing. That something was exactly what Lance has describe above.

Interestingly he suggested that he cook me dinner for that second date. I said no because that something lacking made me not want to put myself in an awkward situation in his house. But a week ago (before I meet him) I would have said yes..
ozgirlkim´s last blog …Aussie men need to man up!

By: Sara

Sara — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:36:51 +0000

I think this is pretty interesting, not offensive. Do you have any advice for women on what to do for a successful first date in sort of the same vein?

By: Honey

Honey — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:13:55 +0000

Yes – he was cleaning out some old files this weekend and I was sitting with him, and he had probably 50 or more scraps of paper with different women’s phone numbers (mostly people he didn’t even end up calling or remember anything about).

He is, I think, what they call a “natural,” since he has never strategized too much about dating and always seems surprised that so many women find him attractive.
Honey´s last blog …A Typical Date With Lance and Why Intimacy Matters on First Dates

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:51:55 +0000

I love incidental touching, mental stimulation, and emotional connection on a first date – but only if it’s organic. i.e. it arises naturally, and isn’t pre-planned or staged. Granted, I will occasionally remind myself to ramp things up if I’m connecting with a woman and want to help things along. But I much prefer a genuine, solid connection.

I will say, I hate interview dates. So if the touching and connection arise on the first date, go with it! It’s nature taking course.
dadshouse´s last blog …College Application Essay Humor

By: Nicole

Nicole — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:51:27 +0000

Damn! Jake must be a stud!