About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

A Rough Night

No, not that kind of rough night, though I certainly hoped so at the beginning (and even told Lance that was the plan during an evening IM exchange).  In light of Lance’s awesome video post about how to be a good girlfriend, let’s review the week so far.


The BF left his car at a buddy’s place on Friday night because I was the DD, and we go to pick it up Sunday.  We know the battery’s dead but we had no idea how dead.  It took like 20 minutes of charging off my car before the jump took, and then we drove to the nearest auto parts store.  The battery’s only a year old but he doesn’t have his receipt and doesn’t know what store sold it.  We spend a ton of time trying to track this down, he hasn’t eaten and is getting cranky, ends up just buying a new battery where we were and the helpful staff let him change it himself since he’s a dude.  The day is ruined.


A.M.  I am completely convinced that I’m going to finally be on time to work, but lo and behold when I go to empty the litter box in the spare bedroom my cat has pissed on the bed.  This necessitates immediate removal of the sheet and comforter to the washing machine, throwing away the egg-crate thing underneath, and cleaning the mattress.  The BF is asleep through all of this, though he does start the wash again so it’s gone through the cycle twice by the time I get home that night.

P.M. We’re out of everything so I stop by two grocery stores and the pet store on the way home to pick up all the things that we need.  The BF does put away all the groceries since I bought them all, though I do take out the trash, clean the mattress again with some special deodorizer I bought at the pet store, run the sheets through the washer again and put them in the dryer.


I get home before he does and can’t take the messy house any longer.  I clean the toilets, the tub, the bathroom counter, put the sheets back on the bed in the spare bedroom, vacuum the spare bedroom, the landing, and the stairs.  He does make dinner; I’m in bed by 10.  I suggest that he joins me (wink) and he suggests a raincheck so that we can have morning sex.

This is where it gets ugly.  He comes to bed at midnight, so I kick the cats out of the bedroom (they usually sleep with me until he comes to bed, then it’s just people).  He falls sound asleep immediately (his doctor switched his sleeping pills to Ambien and it works like a charm) but is snoring like a chainsaw.  I shake him awake, which he yells at me for doing, then promptly falls asleep and starts snoring again.

The cat is crying outside the door.

I try to just fall asleep, but one or the other of the two is waking me up every 5-10 minutes so I’m getting no sleep at all.  I try to shake the BF awake again but he’s absolutely dead to the world.  I get up and go downstairs to get the water bottle, spray the cat so he’ll get away from the bedroom door.  I go back to bed.  The BF is now laying diagonally across the bed and no matter how hard I shake him or push, I can’t get him to wake up or to get on his side of the bed again.  The cat cries at the bedroom door; I open the door, spray him in the face, go back to bed.

Repeat until 2:30.

By this time I’m so frustrated I start crying hysterically, which I am kind of hoping will wake up the BF but no dice.  I decide to go sleep in the spare bedroom, and slam the door to the master bedroom as hard as I can, twice, on my way out.  I then cry myself to sleep.  The alarm on my phone goes off at 5:45.

I get ready for work, the BF still blissfully asleep.  By the time I’m ready to leave he’s huddled under a towel by the shower (his typical morning position).  I debate about whether or not to tell him about all this because the stuff that happened last night wasn’t his fault (hell, he wasn’t even conscious for most of it) but I know he’ll want to kiss me goodbye and I’m so mad I can barely look at him, so I tell him what happened (and start crying again).

He apologizes profusely because a) he feels terrible for snoring and hogging the bed, and b) because as an insomniac himself he knows how frustrating it is to not be able to fall asleep when you have to work the next day.  He hugs me (and he’s naked, which cheers me up a little since I get to grab his butt) and then says, “so I guess we’ll have to take a raincheck on morning sex, too, huh?”

Um, we slept in separate beds last night.  I’m going to have to say definitely raincheck on the sex.

If this post made you want to cry and slam doors, too, you might enjoy:

  • http://www.worklovelife.com Holly Hoffman

    Maybe you could spray the BF in the face when he behaves badly too!

    I feel your pain; I totally, totally do. I’ve been there. Mine didn’t end pretty – we were both sleeping in separate bedrooms by the end of it. As long as he’s in a chemically-induced sleep, he’ll snore. If you want to stay in the same bed, you’re going to have to explore remedies. We tried nasal strips and throat spray. The bastard was too cheap to buy the good ones, and the good ones are the only ones that work. The throat spray worked, but not through the night.

    It’s amazing that there are these little things that make it hard to live with someone on a daily basis, whether it’s snoring, not sharing the same eating palate, or tolerance for messiness.

    And in regards to Lance’s post, I would say: Ask not what your girlfriend can do for you, but what you can do for your girlfriend. That’s where I’m at lately.

    Holly Hoffman´s last blog post..A schedule monger no longer

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I should point out that the BF does do things all the time…he makes the bed and straightens the living room every morning, and in the days immediately prior to my post he cooked me dinner twice, gave my diabetic cat her shot two days in a row, did all the dishes, the laundry, and some other major chore I am forgetting. I just had a rough couple of days.

    Honey´s last blog post..Raffaella Fico: Yay! More Absurdly Expensive Virgins!

  • http://www.yankeeinnewworld.com NewWrldYankee

    Sometimes you just need to vent. We’re here to listen. Just because you guys have a great relationship, doesn’t mean everything goes as planned. I am glad you told him how you felt, bc otherwise it’ll eat you up all day and still be frustrated when you come back home.

    NewWrldYankee´s last blog post..Top 5 Cheap Airline Ticket Finder Series #3 – Airline Consolidator

  • http://20-forty.com/ lisaq

    Oh girl. We all have those days. They suck. But NewWrldYankee is right. We’re here to listen. We’ve all been there and can completely empathize. Hope things are going better now.

    lisaq´s last blog post..Hooray For Support Systems!

  • Me Thinks

    Well, I have some experience with this. My ex had insomnia, took Ambien and that stuff can be wicked, he would snore, roll around, talk, yell!, sit up and have a half-conversation and be totally asleep. I think that shit is dangerous. And you cannot drink AT ALL when you take it.

    If the effect is that powerful on him, he should call his doc and check into one of the milder sleep aids like Sonata or something. If he has tried stuff like that before, he might need to try it again, your body changes and the effects of the meds can differ over time.

    Bigger problem is this disconnect you are feeling. I’m not totally convinced its just coming from the outside (car, ambien, etc). Maybe you two can take a weekend and go someplace, even if its a cheap trip like a cabin for one night? Just get away from your every day and take a day for you (a sexcation?).

    Oh, and maybe its time for kitty to be an outside cat? :) Like “go play on the highway kitty”…

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Good advice, MeThinks! The BF was saying last night that we should take a weekend and go somewhere cheap (Mexico, maybe, or camping, as both are cheap and nearby).

    I myself have taken the day off work tomorrow and am going to visit 3 of my aunts who only live an hour away.

    I have never had a “real” job before and think that this is part of what’s going on. The stress adds up a little more than you think it will!

    Honey´s last blog post..Raffaella Fico: Yay! More Absurdly Expensive Virgins!

  • http://honeyandlance.com/contact Lance

    This is really damn funny…except for the crying part, that’s not funny. As you know, I have plenty of experience with pets killing my game. See here:

    Lance’s last blog post…A Rough Night

  • http://dadshouseblog.com dadshouse

    I think you need a trip, too. One that encourages tons of sex. And no grocery shopping.

    Meanwhile, try to be happy and grateful for the good parts of your relationship! Clearly that’s not the house cleaning or grocery shopping. Sucks how life gets in the way sometimes.

    dadshouse’s last blog post…Dating Sexy Single Moms Gets Sirius