About the Author

Honey's main interests are online dating, long distance dating, and long term relationships. She met her boyfriend on MySpace and they have been exclusive since their first date over three years ago. Currently they live in Tempe, Arizona. Honey graduated with her PhD in Composition and Rhetoric in May 2009. You can contact Honey via email here or online here.

A Recent E-mail Exchange: Or, I’ve Become the Cliche

So, as I’ve mentioned before (though not super recently), Jake and I set the date: May 12, 2012.  We’ve already made some decisions:

  • The wedding favors will be M&M’s with our initials
  • Jake’s in charge of the cake

We were discussing engagement rings recently because I’d sent him an article from The Atlantic about how shady and terrible and manipulative the diamond industry is, and and we basically decided that it wasn’t an industry we wanted to support.  Then we had the following e-mail exchange:

E-mail #1: I Take the Plunge


…so after we talked about getting a CZ ring for me I decided to poke around a little.  This one is .75 carats for the center stone, 1 carat total (with the baguettes).  So, basically, my ideal ring (I think anywhere between .75 and 1 ct for the center stone is a good size for my finger).  This one is $741 for platinum and $312 for white gold.


I think it goes well with a wedding band like this, $583.70 for platinum and $245.70 for white gold.


Most of this is the settings, as when I went to the loose stones page a 1 ct emerald cut cz was $65.  I’m open to something like white gold instead of platinum but I do think that even if the stone is “fake,” the band should be “real” – for durability purposes but also because I don’t want the band to tarnish (this is the problem with silver, and the only reason I wouldn’t want that – a new silver band looks the same as white gold or platinum, but if you’re going to leave the ring on while you’re doing things like washing your hands or taking a shower, then it eventually loses its luster and turns a dark, matte gray unless you’re really, really good about getting it cleaned frequently).  I don’t care for yellow gold.

For people like you with knuckles bigger than their fingers, they make hinged rings – it’s pretty neat actually.  According to this website, there are three jewelers within 10 miles of us (in Scottsdale, mostly, which means they’re probably decent quality) that sell them. 

Obviously this isn’t for anytime soon, but I thought that it was all good knowledge to have.

Love, Honey

E-mail #2: He Thinks It’s Cute…Awww

Hi baby, 

You have good taste! I like the ones you sent over. In fact, the first looks great to me (not sure how it would fit on the other band you linked to, but then again, I’m not familiar with how these things are done). I agree that platinum or white gold are the best. Silver has its obvious drawbacks, and yellow gold reminds me of the 80’s.

The prices on these rings are amazing. It’s about 20% of what I had budgeted (take that, De Beers!). If you’re okay with a lab-grown diamond, I am all for it. They look great, and I see no reason to pay five times as much for the joy of knowing that the rock was the product of African slave labor.

What, you don’t like my squeezy-ring idea? Ha ha. I did not know they made such things, but it appears that it would work okay.

No worries, I think its cute that you’re shopping around. We have a plan – 2012 or bust!

Love you much, Jake

Note: We are also considering a gemstone called Moissanite, which is harder than CZ and has more sparkle than a diamond, though we will obviously look at some things in person before making a decision.  Hooray!

If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy these romantic posts:

  • Carlita


    I found this site from a jewelry store in Maine where I got my ring to be helpful in deciding between gold or platinum: http://www.crossjewelers.com/education/precious_metals.asp

    Scroll down to the section on advantages and limitations to see the pros and cons. I went for platinum.

  • http://www.singlemomseeking.com/blog Single Mom Seeking

    So sweet! I’m catching up here. Love how you’re sharing this. And is it just me, or is this the first time we’ve read Jake’s name?…. You two are quite the planners! Here’s to lab-grown diamonds.
    .-= Single Mom Seeking´s last blog …Trusting =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    Well, Lance thought “the BF” was just too weird, so…

    He’s got to pay off the credit card of mine I let him balance transfer $7K to before he can buy me a ring, but we’re on the path!
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Insights from Reading Eat,Pray,Love & 5 Love Languages =-.

  • http://tsquest.blogspot.com T


    I’m happy that things are progressing nicely for you two.

    LOVE the rings!
    .-= T´s last blog …Don’t know nothin’ bout me =-.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Lance

    This post and the concerns about rings are so far outside of my present reality, I can’t connect with it.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    It’s just as surreal if you’re in it, Lance!

    Interestingly, I think that our real friends can know the rings are fake and we don’t care (we’re well known liberals and know lots of other people who are opposed to the diamond industry).

    However, I think that for his work contacts and my sorority alum club contacts, we’re just not going to correct anyone’s assumptions that they’re real.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Insights from Reading Eat,Pray,Love & 5 Love Languages =-.

  • Mr_Right

    Well, first, never buy anything from Tiffanys.

    Next, go for the diamond, not the CZ. :p

    Next, never ever buy anything from a jewelry store. The markup that a jewelry store charges is 49%, while the markup that a online jewelry store charges is 22%. The online stores are cheaper because they have less overhead costs and don’t have to run a brick and morter store.

    Next, if you do decide to get a diamond, go to http://www.pricescope.com , they have great deals.

    I got my girl a 1.05 modified round brilliant F VS2 from GoodOldGold, and it sparkles like mad. Seriously. Even more than the Hearts on Fire diamonds. :p

    Oh yeah, she said yes too. :)

  • Mr_Right

    And get M&Ms from M&M world in NYC. :)

  • Ozgirl

    This has caused a conundrum with me.

    Whilst I don’t agree with the slaughter that goes on with diamonds, I also agree that if we didn’t buy diamonds Africa would be in an even worst state than what it is without diamond exporting.

    I spoke to a UN worker about this once who totally agreed with me (much to the horror of the mutual friend who had introduced us when I brought it up).

    Society is to blame for making these stones so desirable and it is up to us to fix it as it is wrong on so many levels, but how to do this I am not sure.

  • Ozgirl

    Also (and i have done no reseach on this at all) but is gold any better than diamonds?

    At least we can buy conflict free diamonds and are educated about it. But gold (and other precious metals) is potential just as bad.


  • Ozgirl

    And sorry not trying to hijack your post just brought something up that had been in the back of my mind.

    Oh and I am a diamond owner. I brought them in africa direct and made sure they were conflict free, so I am bad I suppose ….. :-)

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    These are good points, Ozgirl, and something we may take into consideration. It’s very tough to wrestle with all the ethical dilemmas out there…

    Jake and I are veggie, partly because we can’t stand the cruelty of the meat industry. But we eat fish, and who knows what they suffer?

    The egg industry grinds up newly hatched male chicks ALIVE because only females are needed to lay eggs.

    Male calves are murdered for veal, and their stomach linings, called rennet, are used to make cheese, so even if you’re vegetarian, if you eat cheese you’re still supporting the VEAL industry, of all things.

    There are children dying of starvation all over the world, and we still think it’s acceptable to have our own biological children.

    Republicans and the insurance industry oppose healthcare reform so the rich can stay rich and the mind-boggling, sickening amounts of xenophobia, racism, and classism of their constituency continue to be indulged, no, are ENCOURAGED, in our society…

    We make the best choices we can, but ultimately we live in the world – and so many unethical decisions have been systematically established or serve as the foundations for the options we have today that it’s nearly impossible to make a different choice or change the trajectory society’s on (it’s called path dependency).

    It makes me very, very sad, but you make the choices most important to you (we have chosen vegetarianism and pet adoption) as your causes and try to live with the rest. At least, that’s what I do. I can’t speak for others.
    .-= Honey´s last blog …Insights from Reading Eat,Pray,Love & 5 Love Languages =-.

  • Ozgirl

    Yep it is hard to know where to draw the line and it is something that I struggle with everyday which is why I took an interest in this post.

    It is also something as simple as fruit and vegtables. In australia there is a big debate about only buying australian fruit and veg. Problem is we export more of this than australians consume and if we stopped importing then they wouldn’t take our exports… so a lot of peoples livleyhoods would reduce.

    Which is right?

    Again it is conundrum…

    And I want to reinterate I am not against your choice at all. Hence why I said I was bad for owning a diamond.

  • http://honeyandlance.com Honey

    I didn’t take offense at all, Ozgirl – I am with you wholeheartedly that there are so many times where everything is so intertwined as to make things difficult. I’m as guilty of it as everyone else, obviously – most of the things on the list I posted in my comment I eat or do :-(

    I think it’s a great point, and I’m glad that you were inspired to comment :-)
    .-= Honey´s last blog …So I Was Driving Home And Heard This Friggin’ Awesome PJ Song… =-.